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Background on the Author:
Another day, another silly author born. Well this is one of them. A normal looking student just like everybody else but acts so eerie....so different from the rest. It like she's an alien from another galaxy that had made herself human to abduct them. Haha. I'm just kidding. Nic-Aiken is as simple and normal as everybody else, except for the fact that she can't help but have a multi-marriage with multi-millionaires. Ya...you heard me, she's so normal yet so weird at the same time. Well I guess that's what you get sometimes. But no regrets here because from this freakish creature comes a story that will just boggle your minds and tingle with laughter all at the same time. Guess enough's enough so let's get one with the story, shall we?
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Have I ever told you about the story of how my family had almost been abducted by aliens? No kidding!
by: Nic Maguire
Have I ever told you about the story of how my family had almost been abducted by aliens? No kidding! Come on! Would you honestly think I�d make up something just for you to talk or even just listen to me? Okay, so maybe I would, but no, not this time. It all happened one December morning�.
�John!� Mother was shrieking from downstairs. �Get down here or you�ll miss the bus!�
�John you twerp!� Rob�s voice echoed from the bathroom. �Use your own comb!�
�Darn it John, you didn�t shovel the snow!� father roared.
�Johnnn!� An unbelievably high-pitched voice screamed! �Get your filthy, filthy hamster out of my room!�
You may be wondering why everyone is shouting my name. Well, you can�t help it if you�re really wanted at home. Really wanted�in a bad way. I�m John. John Newman. I�m fifteen. And this? This is my story. First of all I would like to introduce you to my family. Rob, my brother, a good son, goes fishing with dad every week and the school�s quarterback. Dain, my dad, he�s a great father. Seldom drinks, doesn�t smoke and East Side�s top broker. Jill, a loving mother. Bakes cookies for her children and won �best garden in the community� for three straight years. Brenda, she�s just the sweetest thing. Helps mother in washing the dishes, doesn�t really bug anyone if she gets what she wants and of course, captain of the cheerleading squad. And, there�s me. Got my first glasses at age 7, won spelling bee ever since time immemorial. Won interschool essay writing contest for five years in a row. Won every contest in the English/math department. And every other geeky contest on school campus.. But not the science fair. Oh no, not the science fair. The only thing I really wanted to triumph over every since I was 7.
I went to school sulking about not having �Napoleon�s Flume�. What is that, you ask? It�s the only withstanding, most powerful scientifically formed tube on earth! ( plus it comes in blue and silver). But then it costs $2500 dollars so that is the reason why I am dragging myself to my table. With my head buried in the book I counted the minutes before the bell would ring. I couldn�t think of anything else except for that shiny metal tube. With that, I could assemble my greatest invention. The Time Machine! It�s every man�s dream to be the one to invent it but its really sad for them because I am the one who�s destined to build it. Yes, me, John Newman, child prodigy. I was thinking of the other parts when the bell rang and I snapped back to reality. Everyone was collecting their books and fixing their bags while the teacher was giving last minute reminders. �And don�t forget our final history exam tomorrow!� The teacher called out. My world stopped. �What exam?� I called out, surprised. �Our finals in History, Mr. Newman. And you better do well. I don�t know what you�ve been up to these past few weeks but your grades are falling, not just slipping.� I couldn�t say anything because I knew he was right.
I went straight to my room when I got home and began to study, because if I fail this test I, I fail the subject, then I fail the school and if I�m not a student of that school, how the heck am I going to participate in the science fair?
Time went fast on me. It was already 2:00am and I�m still not finished. The good part is that I�m finished with 3/4s part of the book and I have only � to go. I was on page 432 when I heard a breaking sound - like someone climbing up my window. �Oh man! Wrong window!� he cursed. �Abraham Lincoln?� I asked in amazement. �What? Look earthling, I need a favor.� Abraham Lincoln said. I looked at him for a while. �Mr. Lincoln can you help me in my test tomorrow?� �What?� he said again. �He has a particularly high voice for a president� I thought. He stood in front of me and shook me. It wasn�t Mr. Lincoln before me- it was a three-fingered� thing that had a hat that looks like a mushroom and it looked strangely like the LGM from Disney�s �Toy Story�.
�Look you earthling,� He dropped his alien accent and rolled his.. her.. its eyes. �This �oh-my-god-I�ve-seen-an-alien� part is getting boring. I�m giving it to you straight. I need your ��family� to work as slaves in our planet. Except for you, because you�re an ibadalibot.� �What?� I asked sleepily. �It�s what you humans call�a �loser�.� I�ve been called �loser� in 51 languages but never have I been called a loser in an alien language (I guess there is a first time for everything). �Look I need your family to work for us.� �What?� I asked, again my voice shaking. �Oh, great robotic malfunction! I hate my job.� The alien placed its three-fingered hand on its head. �Can-you-understand-me?� it said slowly. I didn�t answer. How the heck was I to react to an alien who was trying to communicate with me? �My dad told me to learn all my machines and review all the stars so I can get a good position in this dumb galaxy, but noooo� what do I get? Bring earthlings, who are far dumber than the scums in my planet, to be slaves. Look, kid, I know you can understand me, I have mastered your language when I was only 24 light-years old. How do you want me to say this to you? �bonjour, i'am un �tranger et moi veulent que votre famille travaille comme esclaves� or do you prefer �hola, i'am un extranjero y yo quisiera que su familia trabajara como esclavos� or better yet �hallo, i'am w�nschen ein Ausl�nder und ich Ihre Familie als Sklaven arbeiten� take your pick.� I really didn�t know what to say. So there I was, awake at 2:00am, trying to fit the whole history book in my head and communicating with an alien. I looked dumbly at the clock on the wall that clearly says what time it is and it says that I�m hallucinating due to lack of sleep. I closed my book and tried the best thing there is to make my hallucination disappear - by poking it. �You are not real�� I said, poking it in the face, not really looking at it because my eyelids couldn�t hold themselves up anymore. �Wake up!� it shouted. �You listen to me and you listen to me good. I have no time to play your silly games. I have a date at 094 hectohours and that is like 67 decihours from now!� There was a hint of annoyance in its voice. �You�re not an illusion.� I whispered. �HELLO!! EARTH TO YOU! I�ve been trying to talk to you this whole time and you were half awake?� The alien sighed. �You puny earthling - you have left me with no choice.� It brought its hand into a mystery pocket in its pants. My eyes widened with fear as events from Mars Attack flashed through my brain. It took out something and raised it into my eyes. I was about to shout when it revealed the thing it was holding. A slender silver tube. My eyes widened some more but this time with amusement. It smiled revealing perfectly straight teeth. ( perfect for an alien' s POV ) �Napoleon�s Flume. It�s only the most powerful, most withstanding scientifically formed tube on earth! Plus it comes in blue and silver. You want it? I�m willing to trade this, for your family.� It said with a hint of happiness in his voice. �I�ll make you a little deal. I�ll trade you this, for your family.� I didn�t know what to do, on one hand there was �Napoleon�s Flume� and the other, my family. It was a though decision but it only took me half a minute to decide. I stretched my hand out. �You have a deal.�
I left the alien upstairs where it was freezing my family and putting them into glass cubes. I took the flume and brought it to the garage where my workplace is. I was so excited I couldn�t wait for tomorrow. I was calculating to where the flume would go when I heard a thump. I ran upstairs to see that it was moving Rob inside the glass but he was too heavy for it so Rob fell stiffly on the floor. I looked at it. It was really pathetic how it has to carry Rob, who was 3 times bigger than it, to a glass box. But I wasn�t about to help it. �Just be careful.� I said, then I headed back downstairs. I studied my calculations more and at last I was ready to make it. I was looking for my screwdriver but it wasn�t anywhere to be found. I gave up looking for it so I moved to my father�s workplace and tried to look for his. I�ve never actually touched anything in his table but since he�s on his way to Bablahblah or whatever that alien�s planet was, I might as well play with all of his tools. I opened all the drawers and messed with all the tools that was neatly placed in order. When I opened the last one it has no tools but rather something else. Something papery. I picked it up. It was a cardboard frame I made when I was six. And in it was a picture of a six year old me with him near the fireplace. My handwriting was distinct and in the middle childish scribbles �TO DAD� were found. And something else was inside the drawer. A blue print of the medal room, where they hang all of Rob�s and Brenda�s medals on the wall. The next page was how it was going to be expanded and below it written in pencil, was the number of all my medals and the sum it would cost him. I sat down thinking. Then I heard a second thud. I went back upstairs with the cardboard frame in my hand. This time Brenda was on the floor. �The deals off, take it back.� I stretched my hand out, offering the tube back. �What do you mean the deal�s off?� it whined. �The deal�s off, take your tube and unfreeze my family.� I said calmly. �Your �FAMILY�? They don�t even like you for Jupiter�s sake! And I�m quite positive that you don�t like them either.� It said. �Well�� I didn�t know what to say. Its true that they�re not that visible in showing that they care for me, let alone respect me. So why the heck would I trade my life long dream for them? But then I suddenly remembered the cardboard picture frame in my hand. �Look,� I finally said. �It doesn�t really matter if you like them or not, they�re family and you�re suppose to help them. You�re supposed to stick with each other whether you like it or not. �What do you mean-� it tried to reason out but I�ve made my mind.
�Take it back,� I said. �Dumb earthling, I don�t even have to reason out with you! I could just freeze you and take you back with me to Bablagooba and turn you into a P500 robot!� it reached out for the freezing gun.
I ran for my life. Beams were firing all over the place and everything was turning into white. I was headed towards the front door when it bolted open revealing two men � in black. One was holding this super cool gun and the other was holding an incredibly small toy-like gun. And both firearms were pointed at me. �Freeze!� they both shouted. �Watch out, watch out!!� I ran past them and jumped behind the couch. A laser almost blasted one of them. They finally got my message, they, too, jumped behind the couch.� �I�m Agent K and this is Agent J.� He held out an id. �Men in Black?� I said raising an eyebrow. Agent K raised his gun towards me. �Okay, how did you know? Are you a spy?� �What? The movie! Men in Black! There�s even a second installment!� I reasoned out, preventing my head from being a target point.
�Those darned Hollywood directors think everything is a joke.� Agent J said, aiming his gun towards the alien. �Yeah, but they got my character all serious.� Agent K agreed, he too was aiming for the alien. �Stay back, kid.� Agent J warned me. Then he signaled his partner. �On the count of three. One, two, three.�
ZAP! Rays of white lighted zapped across the room and went through the alien, spurting green ooze all over us. The alien was fried and it burst all over the place.
�You did the right thing kid.� Agent K said, patting me on the back. He called headquarters for a clean-up crew. Agent J was looking around for information. I looked around. There was green ooze everywhere. If mother saw this she�ll have a fit. Oh no, mom! I suddenly remembered that they were still frozen.
�Hey! What about my family!� I asked them. �We�ll revive them later.� Agent K said. I asked them why the alien was still asking for my permission when it can just erase my memory but they explained that the Bablagoobans can only stop time, which it did. And told me to get some rest later.
When everything was cleaned they revived my family but before they left they made me look into those flashing things that wipe away memories. I didn�t look at the flashy thing. I wasn�t stupid. When they headed out I pretended I forgot everything and when Agent K walked passed me I pulled something from his pant pocket.
So that�s my story. It�s not exactly the life of a prom king or a drama queen but I think that�s enough of an adventure for a loser like me. Now if you please look here. I can gladly show you what �Napoleon�s Flume� looks like.
*FLASH*
Oh, and did I tell you that what I�ve just told you is a top-secret file? What? You can�t remember? Oh, I�m sorry. By the way, have I told you about the time my family had almost been abducted by aliens? No kidding!!
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