Title: By Myself
Author: Jami Lynn 
Chapter: 1
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the wrestlers used in this story, 'cause if I did, I'd be busy with them right now *grin*. But I do own Jami. Tasha owns herself. Heaven help whoever would try to claim us. The song belongs to Linkin' Park. And the address to the stories is at the bottom of this email. And don't bother suing me...all you'd get is a half eaten ham sandwich and a bag of chips from 2 years ago. 
Distribution: Ask me if you can use it, more than likely I will say yes. 
Rating: So far, it's a PG-13 
Content: Nothing bad as of yet, probably won't be anything to bad either....maybe some cussing. 
Spoilers: Um...anything can happen and I'm just writing as I go, so I don't know yet *L*. 
Summary: What can make the pain go away?
Feedback: I need feedback like I need air! So give it to me, babee! I have been suffocating lately....so please, send in the feedback.
Email: [email protected]


Jami woke up the next morning, her head throbbing, Adam laying beside her on the floor, deep in sleep. She sat up and watched him sleep. She admired his chisled jaw, the way his wavy blonde hair fell across his face, and the way his fingers looked long against his solid chest. 

She struggled to recall the events of the night before, but all she knew was that Adam had found her drunk. And from the looks of the room, she had only gotten drunker as the night wore on. 

Finally Jami hauled herself to her feet and left the hotel room. She roamed the vaccant hallways, not knowing what she was looking for. Only knowing that she was looking for something. Something that would hold the answers. 

Finally Jami stumbled into the hotel lobby, which was also vaccant. She threw herself down in one of the overstuffed chairs, not really feeling it. She was so confused. She didn't know who to believe anymore. 
***
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams 
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust no one and live in loneliness?

***
Jami held her aching head in her hands, struggling to sort through her thoughts. Tasha was her best friend. Or so she thought. But then Jeff had been the love of her life. That's what she had thought at the time. But she had been wrong about that. Only she hadn't realized that until she had fallen for Adam.

What was to say that she was wrong about Adam. What was to say she wasn't wrong about Tasha. Everything was such a jumbled up mess in her mind. Everyone was saying the other side was lying. But how was she to know the truth. 

She couldn't trust her gut instinct. Not with all the mistakes she had made in the past. She couldn't stand to be wrong again. She didn't know if she could survive being wrong on something so important.
***

'Cause I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but i'm lost within.
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up gettin' hurt again 

BY MYSELF [MYSELF!]
I ask why [but in my mind I find]
I can't rely on myself [MYSELF!]
I ask why [but in my mind I find]
I can't rely on myself [MYSELF!]

***
Jami knew that she had to figure out the answers to all her questions. She couldn't just let this all go on. She couldn't just keep walking blindly through the world, waiting for the truth to reveal itself. 

But she knew that if she searched out the truth, it would only hide further inside. She couldn't win. No matter what she chose, she would never win. She was going to lose someone close to her no matter what she chose. And if she chose wrong...well, then she'd lose everyone. 
***

If I turn my back I'm defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
They'll take from me until everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
I'll be buried in the silence of the answer BY MYSELF!

[MYSELF!] I ask why
[But in my mind i find] I can't rely on myself
[MYSELF!] I ask why
[But in my mind I find] I can't rely on myself



***
How was she suppose to know who to believe. All of them were in the entertainment business, they acted out human emotions everyday. how were you suppose to know when someone wasn't acting anymore. You didn't know, not until they told you. And she couldn't expect them to tell her, not this time. Not with all that was at stake. 

She couldn't stand to fail. Not at this. Not now. But now she was failing. In the wrost way. She was failing by letting the decison go. If she chose, at least she'd have an active part in her demise. But not now. Not this way.

Jami closed her eyes, sleep making her eyes feel heavy. She looked so still and peaceful on the outside, but on the inside a battle raged.

***

I can't hold on
[To what I want when I'm stretched so thin]
I can't hold on
[To anything watching everything spin]
With thoughts of failure sinking in

How do you think...I've lost so much?
I'm so afraid...I'm out of touch..
How do you expect...I'll know what to do..
When all I know...is what you tell me to!!

Don't you [KNOW!?!?!]
I can't tell you how to make it [GO!!!!!]
No matter what I do or how hard I [TRY!!!]
I can't seem to convince myself [WHY!!!!!!!!!]
I'm stuck on the outside

***
Jami let her eyes stay closed as she battled herself on the inside. Fear running through her veins. She never noticed the shadowy figure standing in the enterance of the lobby. But the green eyes watched her. Studied her face, her hands, her body. 

Jeff sighed as he slowly crept towards her.
***

I can't hold on [to what I want when I'm stretched so thin]
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on [to anything watching everything spin]
With thoughts of failure sinking in

I can't hold on [to what I want when I'm stretched so thin]
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on [to anything watching everything spin]
With thoughts of failure sinking...

Page maintained by Charity Lynn. All fan fiction stories � Jami Lynn. All wrestlers are owned by their respective organizations, mostly WWF. This site is not in any way affiliated with any wrestler and/or wrestling federation or promotion. All stories on this site are fiction. Any similarities to real events are purely coincidental.

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