Title: Baby Steps
Author: Jami Lynn
Chapter: 19
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the wrestlers used in this story, 'cause if I
did, I'd be busy with them right now *grin*. But I do own Jami, for she is me.
Tasha owns herself. (Heaven help the person who tries to claim he/she owns
either of us). This is the sequel to "Take That Step" , "One Step
Back" and "one Step Forward" you'll find the addresses to those
stories in my signature at the bottom of this email. And I use the wrestlers
wrestling names in the story, JUST DEAL WIT IT! And don't bother suing me...all
you'd get is a half eaten ham sandwich and a bag of chips from 2 years ago.
Distribution: Ask me if you can use it, more than likely I will say yes.
Rating: So far, it's a PG-13
Content: Nothing bad as of yet, probably won't be anything to bad
either....maybe some cussing.
Spoilers: Um...anything can happen and I'm just writing as I go, so I don't know
yet *L*.
Summary:Jami's ran off, and no one knows where she went....has she completely
lost her mind? Will Jeff lose his along with her?
Feedback: I need feedback like I need air! So give it to me, babee!
Email: [email protected]
Pay attention to the ~....~ stuff, it's flashback crap, and it's important. You
are soooooo going to kill me....*runs gleefully around the room in freedom
before Tasha reads this chapter*
Jami stared at her cell phone like at any moment it might come alive and bite
her. It was near three in the afternoon, and she knew that she had to call Jeff.
He'd left her a message on her voice mail once every hour. Each one sounded more
and more desperate.
She had woken up at noon and drove to a small shop in the town she was in. When
she had rushed out of the house the night before, she had left with nothing but
her purse and the clothes on her back. So, she had bought herself a weeks worth
of clothes, plus other necessaties.
Now she knew she had to call him. Jami lowered her head and took a few shaky
breaths. Would Jeff ever forgive her for running away? She knew that she'd never
forgive herself. But she felt she had had no choice. If she stayed, she would
have crumbled eventually. She'd only hurt Jeff more. This was the only way. She
had to collect herself before she could go back. Before she could face Jeff.
Finally she reached out and her fingers wrapped around the cell phone. They
dialed Jeff's cell phone and it rang only once before Jeff's voice answered.
"Jami, where are you?" he asked, and Jami could hear the worry in his
voice. "Jeff, I'm okay." Jami answered quickly.
"Where are you? Why'd you wait so long to call? Why'd you run?" Jeff
questioned, the worry slowly being replaced with anger. "I'm in a hotel,
somewhere. I'm not sure where. I just drove until I got tired and I ended up
here. I don't know why I waited so long to call. Fear I guess. Fear you'd never
forgive me for running. Fear you'd tell me to stay away. I ran
because....because that's all I could do. That's all I know how to do. I'm so
sorry." Jami softly cried into the phone.
Jeff felt so confused. Part of him was so furious but another part of him cried
with her. "When are you coming back?" he finally asked. Jami wiped the
tears from her face and sniffled loudly. "I don't know. Probably in a week.
I need time to be by myself."
"Jami, that's what got us here in the first place! This isn't something you
have to do alone! Yet you insist on going at it alone." Jeff cried out in
frustration. "Jeff...I have to be alone." Jami started to tell him but
he cut her off.
"No you don't, damnit! You just insist on doing it to destroy yourself! You
are not helping anyone by doing this!" Jeff yelled, anger overtaking him.
"Jeff, please....don't yell." Jami whispered, crying again.
"I will yell Jami! I can't take this. I want you with me, but I want all of
you. Not just whatever you are willing to not hide. But if you don't want to be
with me, then don't be. It's your choice. I can't make it for you. You know I
love you." and with that, he hung up.
Jami carefully laid her phone on the bedside table. Then she curled up into a
tight ball on the bed and sobbed.
***
Jeff slowly laid back on his bed. It felt so big suddenly, and he knew it was
Jami's absence that made it feel that way. He closed his eyes and a memory
overtook him. He saw it in his head like it was a movie and he was the star. It
was after Jami had run off soon after he had met her. He had overheard her
talking to Edge, and she had spilled part of her secret to Edge. Jeff had told
Christian, Matt and Lita, out of shock. Jami had accused Edge of telling her
secret, but when she found out it was really Jeff who had told, she had taken
off for a week, hurt. On the night she had returned, he had asked her to take a
walk around the hotel so they could talk. Their conversation rang through his
head.
~"It's not you, it's me. I know you think that's just a line, but it's
not...I just refuse to hurt you." Jami had confessed. "Jami, you
aren't going to hurt me by letting yourself love me, or by letting me love you.
THe only way you'll hurt me is if you refuse your feelings." he said,
stopping and grabbing her shoulders. "Jeff, I can't promise you forever...I
can't even promise you a maybe on tomorrow. You need someone who can. You
deserve better than me." Jami struggled to keep tears from falling from her
eyes. "Jami, I deserve you because I want to be with you. I know you're
scared, and it's okay to be scared. But please, trust me. I want to be with you,
and only you. Please, just give me a chance." he pleaded with her. Jami had
looked up into his eyes and he saw her gaze soften. "Jeff, I'm going to be
perfectly honest with you. I really care for you, more than I could ever
believe...and I am really scared. But I want to give you a chance. Actually, I
want to give myself a chance...."~
Jeff could still see how she had looked at that very moment. He slowly drifted
off to sleep, wondering if she'd give herself another chance.
***
Jami's sobs slowly quieted. This wasn't the first time that she and Jeff had
fought over her trying to hide her feelings. The memory of when he had first
told her that he loved her flashed into her head. She had freaked out and
slammed the door in his face. They hadn't spoken to each other the next day,
until Jami had pulled him aside outside their hotel. They had sat on the side of
a huge stone fountain. Jami could still remember their conversation.
~They sat next to each other and Jami leaned her elbows on her knees, clasping
her hands in front of her. "Jeff, I'm sorry for how I acted last night. I
wasn't angry at you. But, I was extremely scared. I did the first thing that
popped into my head and I ran." Jeff watched her carefully. "I'm sorry
you were scared. I didn't mean to freak you out, but I wanted you to know how I
feel." "I know, and I'm glad you did. I was just scared. Let's just
pretend that it never happened." Jami suggested. Jeff jumped up and turned
to face her. "NO! I dont' want to forget it. Don't you get it? I told you
that I loved you and I don't want to take it back! Jami, I'm not Tim and I'm not
Austin! Stop treating me like I am!" with that he had turned and stalked
back into the hotel. Jami had stood on teh edge of the fountain. She had
groaned, closed her eyes and let herself fall into the water.~
Jami felt the tears falling from her eyes again. She felt so empty. She closed
her eyes and slept.
***
Lita sat with Matt in his locker room before the show that night. Both of them
were deep in thought over Jami and Jeff. Traci had called them and told them
what she knew.
"Do you think they'll be okay?" Lita asked. "Of course. They've
been through this before. You don't remember but I do." Matt told her.
"Actually, I do have a memory of when Jami and Jeff fought when Jeff first
told Jami he loved her." Lita confided. "You do? What do you
remember?" Matt asked her, raising an eyebrow in suprise.
"Well, Jami came to our hotel room soaking wet right after their fight. I
don't remember a lot of the conversation, but one thing she said to me does
stick out in my mind." Lita confessed. "What did Jami say?" Matt
urged her to tell him.
"Well, I told her that Jeff was being the perfect guy and I couldn't blame
him for being so upset. She said, 'I know that! I don't know what my problem is.
Maybe I'm just self destructive, I'm always trying to destroy myself, so I
figured everyone else is to....'." Lita said.
"Well, it certainly seems like that's what she's doing now." Matt
commented. "yeah, I know. But I can't help but feel bad for her. She didn't
know that when she self-destructed this time she was going to take us all with
her." Lita sighed.
***
Jami woke up and noticed tht it was dark outside. She sighed and went to take a
shower. As the water fell on her, another memory came back to her in a rush. IT
hit her so hard she crumbled to the floor of the shower stall. She curled
herself into a ball and tried to force it from her mind. But it refused to
leave. It was of another fight she had had with Jeff, the same night of the
fountain fight.
~"Jami, I do still love you." Jeff told her simply. Jami looked up at
him in suprise. "Jeff, how do you know we should be together?" she
asked. Jeff thought for a second, "I just know." he told her. Jami
sighed, "Jeff...if I'm this scared....maybe....it's not right." she
told him. Jeff looked at her for a moment. He could see her eyes welling with
tears. "Maybe you're right." he sighed. Her eyes widened in suprise.
"What? You aren't going to try to convince me otherwise?" she asked.
Jeff looked at her, a look of frustration on his face. "No. Don't you get
it? You either love me or you don't. I am not going to beg you to love me! You
know I love you and I think I've proven it to you. But if you don't love me then
I can't make you. And I'm not going to force myself on you. There are no maybe's
in love, Jami. If you don't understand that, then you never will." Jeff
said, before turning and walking out of the room, leaving Jami alone. ~
Jami let her tears mingle with the shower spray. She knew what she had to do.
***
Tasha and Edge sat in her locker room, packing up their gear from the show
earlier that night. Both were in rather somber moods, both were worried about
their friends.
"Tash, do you think Jami's going to come back?" Edge asked. "Yep,
I do. I know she will." Tasha replied confidently. "How do you
know?" Edge asked, hoping for enough reassurement that he'd believe it too.
"well, after Jami and Jeff had a fight, I ran into her in the hotel
hallway. We went to my room and talked. She and Jeff had fought about her not
being sure if she loved him, or being able to say for sure she loved him. I
listened to her like the good friend I am, then I gave her advice to let him
have time alone for awhile. I even went and talked to him that night to give him
some insight about something I knew that he didn't. But, that's besides the
point. When we were talking in my hotel room, she said something to me about
Jeff that gives me complete confidence that she'll be back." Tasha
explained. "And she said...." Edge trailed off.
"She said, 'Oh Tasha, I love him so much it hurts! I don't think I can live
without him.'." Tasha explained. Edge nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, that
does make it sound like she'll be back."
***
Jeff slowly opened his eyes but wish he hadn't when the sunlight streamed
through the window and onto the half empty bed. In his head he heard Jami's
voice from when she had first told him she loved him. He had asked her if she
was still scared.
~"Truthfully, yes. But I realized that I'm more scared of losing you. Of
waking up and you not being there. I'm more scared of losing your love."
she had said.~
He wondered if she would wake up this morning and miss him. Or if she was happy
he wasn't beside her. He groaned as he got out of his bed. He was going to work
tomorrow, for SMACKDOWN. If he was going to be there in time, he'd have to get
started that afternoon, find a hotel for the night, and leave again in the
morning.
Again, he wondered if Jami would miss him when she woke up that morning. But
what he didn't know was that Jami wasn't planning on waking up at all that
morning.
Chapter 20
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