Title: When I'm Gone

Author: Jami Lynn

Chapter: 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Jeff Hardy or any other wrestler in this story. I am not implying that the actual people think this way, only what the musi demand that I say they think that way. The song belongs to 3 Doors Down. Used without permission. And the address to the stories is at the bottom of this email. And don't bother suing me...all you'd get is a half eaten ham sandwich and a bag of chips from 2 years ago.

Distribution: Ask me if you can use it, more than likely I will say yes.

Rating: R

Content: Nothing bad as of yet, probably won't be anything to bad either....maybe some cussing and implied mature themes

Spoilers: Jeff Hardy quitting the WWE. And if you don't know that, then you've been living under a rock.

Summary: Jeff thinks about his leaving the WWE

Feedback: I need feedback like I need air! So give it to me, babee! I have been suffocating lately....so please, send in the feedback.

Email:[email protected]

 

 

You don't see me. Not the real me. You see the me that gets painted up in blacklight paint every Monday night. The me that dances and thrusts to the music as I appear before your eyes. The me that risks his body every night so that you can see the Swanton Bomb. But that's not the real me.

 

That's a PART of me. But not all of me. Since you only see that, you cannot see the real me. Oh yeah, you sometimes think you see all of me. You see a poem I wrote, and suddenly you are all knowing on the subject of Jeff Hardy. You understand me. But you don't. I don't even understand me, so how can you?

 

I'm a WWE Superstar. Sometimes I'm dead inside. Don't you understand that? I can't be confined into one specific character mode. I'm more than that.

 

***

There's another world inside of me

That you may never see

There's secrets in this life

That I can't hide

Somewhere in this darkness

There's a light that I can't find

maybe it's to far away

Maybe I'm just blind

 

Maybe I'm just blind

***

 

Maybe I went about this all the wrong way? Maybe I should have just sucked it up and did my job like Matt had said too. Or maybe I should have just pushed everything else out of my life and focused on nothing but the WWE like Jim Ross and Vince McMahon said. Or maybe I should have just run away. Disappeared. Let everyone mourn my loss.

 

There are people out there mourning my loss now. Mourning like I'm dead. But I'm not dead. Not yet. I'm finally alive. I can finally breathe. I can finally enjoy my life. MY LIFE. I like the sound of that.

 

I'm not gone. Not forever. I'll always be here. Just as much as I was before. Only now you can't simply turn on your TV to find me. You have to slide a tape into the VCR. Maybe one of those blackmarket OMEGA tapes that I know you are out there buying. Or flip through an older magazine. Or wait a year until my band's CD comes out. I'm still here.

 

***

So hold me when I'm here

Love me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am

And everything you need

I'll also be the one

You wanted me to be

I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Love me when I'm wrong

You can hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love when I'm gone

***

 

You think you know exactly what is going on. "He just needs time away from wrestling." "He's on drugs, just look at him, you can tell." "He's lost his passion. He's just not as dedicated." You think you saw through everything. Well you didn't. You didn't even scratch the surface.

 

I have been wondering around alone for so long. I've been lost. I've hated who I was the last few months. I became someone I didn't even know. But now I've been found. I've been released from my prison. I've been allowed out beyond the walls.

 

You pretend to be concerned for my well-being. You slide up next to me and ask if I'm alright. All the while you want to know if I'm on drugs. Just so you can run and tell your friends. What? Are you hoping that I'm going to suddenly break down and confess all my sins to you? Some of my fans care. But some...some want nothing more than to break the story.

 

I tried fighting the inevitable. Tried to keep myself from walking out. From quitting. From being fired. But as you know...I'm already gone. I was gone a long time ago.

 

***

When your education x-ray

Can not see under my skin

I won't tell you a damn thing

That I could not tell my friends

Roaming through this darkness

I'm alive but I'm alone

Part of me is fighting this

But part of me is gone

***

 

I really did try. I wish I could make it. Be the Jeff Hardy you all want me to be. I gave up everything in an effort to be that man. But I failed. I cannot be him. Hell, I was never Jeff Hardy. Jeff Hardy was never Jeff Hardy. I am not sure who he is or was.

 

I hope you enjoyed my time here. I 'hope you loved watching me. I love performing for you. You may not believe that now, but it's the truth. I'll never forget you. I hope you never forget me.

 

***

So hold me when I'm here

Love me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am

And everything you need

I'll also be the one

You wanted me to be

I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Love me when I'm wrong

You can hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love when I'm gone

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