My parents were both smokers. My mother still is, though my father finally quit after having had emphysema for several years. Now, he can barely do normal activities, such as going to the bathroom, without getting severely out of breath. My parents were the biggest influence on me not to smoke.
That is a statement that many children of smokers cannot make.
While bowling last night, I saw a man who was there with his daughter. He lit a cigarette and, almost immediately, the toddler was begging for it. He kept holding it out of her reach and telling her "no." It wasn't until he had finally finished it and put it out that she stopped asking for that cigarette.
At that moment, I realized that parents have more influence on their children than anybody. I know that this should be common sense and, indeed, I have heard many people say this over the years. But it really struck a chord with me last night, as I watched that little girl, who couldn't have been much older than three years of age, begging for that cancer stick.
As many of my readers may know, my wife is pregnant with a little girl. As she is due on February 9, there are less than two weeks left before the child could actually be born without having to be put on any form of life-support. The past eight months have been a strain on us . . . Both physically and financially . . . but that only makes us love that child all the more. We would willingly walk through anything for our baby. And we want to be the best parents that we can be.
I love my parents. I can never say otherwise. My mother was the affectionate one who held me when I skinned my knee and "kissed it to make it better." My father was the one who assumed the responsibility of taking care of us. He taught me that hard work is a wonderful thing that builds character and respect. The most important thing, though, was that they both admonished that I not make the same mistakes that they did. One of the biggest? Smoking.
Would it be safe for me to assume that my parents' insistance that they had made a mistake was one of the contributing factors to me not smoking? I definitely think so. I've heard the statistics. I don't doubt that parents who talk to their children about drugs are less likely to have children who use them. The main problem with this is the flip side of the coin. If parents smoke in front of their children, but never admit to their children that it was a mistake for them to become addicted, then they are, in a sense, giving the act their seal of approval.
This is also true when dealing with your children's relationship with God. I have a very high opinion of my wife's sister's husband, Jeff Schulte. When their second daughter was born . . . And their first daughter was old enough to understand what was going on around her . . . Jeff and Terry (my sister-in-law) decided that they wanted to take their spiritual responsibility for their children seriously. And they have. Amber and Ashley are in church, learning about the love of Jesus, every Sunday. Their favorite television shows include Veggietales and 3-2-1 Penguins. They pray before every meal. Amber started Kindergarten in a Christian school this year. And the children are incredibly well-behaved.
So I have a number of role-models to look to when becoming a daddy. I hope to have my mother's affection, my father's sense of responsibility and Jeff's spiritual sense. But, most importantly, I hope to have God's sense of self-sacrifice. He died for many. Would I do the same for one?
January 2, 2004