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After a long day of teaching junior highers that there was going to be an election in November and not an erection, I needed some R&R. So a bunch of the teachers decided to head to the local snack bar (see the pictures page) which was right around the corner from my apartment. When I arrived at the snack I saw the usual scene for teachers on a Friday night. One person was passed out on the couch trying to use their blazer as a blanket, there was a bottle Shochu (Japan's native liquor which seems awfully like vodka to me) on the table, and the teachers were hittin' the Karaoke full force. Now the great thing about this snack, besides the fact that its name is "White Love" and I'm the only white person in town, is that they have a special karaoke machine. This machine judges your karaoke singing ability and gives you a score at the end. I am assuming this machine has adopted the same points system as the BCS, since Japanese people regularly score higher than me when singing "Country Roads" by John Denver, my in-a-pinch go-to karaoke tune. As if giving a score to the banchee wailing that we all attempted wasn't bad enough, this machine makes it worse by incorporating a pornographic incentive into the matter. That's right, the higher your karaoke score the more the computer will reveal of a picture of a naked woman, just like the truck stop poker machines, only thank god those truckers aren't trying to sing karaoke. Now, not only am I depressed at my low score, but everyone else is now angry because they wanted to see a breast or two, but all they got was an elbow or an ear. Mind you, snacks are not just for men and there are plenty of women in the place who can score high enough for a breast, and they are just as excited as the men when they reveal one. Well, I thought porn combined with karaoke was about as weird as it was gonna get. I was wrong.
Later that night someone who appeared to know most of the teachers showed up. He sat down had some drinks and got into the karaoke line up. Right away you could tell that he was a karaoke enthusiast. About three hours and quite a few bottles of Shochu into the night, this guy was in the middle of an intense song (I am only assuming it was intense since I couldn't understand it). Well, without warning he justs rips off his shirt. I thought to myself, that's a bit strange. Just as I am about to ask my fellow teacher if this guy has all his marbles he takes his pants off too. At this point I was really hoping not to find out anything more about this guy's marbles. I was shocked and hoping that the last layer of decency this man had on was going to stay where it was. Despite my shock, I had to give this man due credit for his ability to shed articles of clothing without missing a beat of the song. I then wondered if that would factor into the BCS rankings. Before I could figure it all out, the teachers let out a huge roar, not of shock, not of disgust, but of encouragement and a job well done to the man who was singing buck necked. I soon found out the reason everyone knew him was that his daughter was indeed a student. When I see her in the halls I can't help but think of that crazy night and I can't help but smile. I later found out from other foreigners that naked karaoke is a phenomenon like the Northern Lights. It's always happening somewhere, but few ever actually witness it and are never the same once they do. Well my friends I can surely vouch for that. -Jamie |
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