I am the oldest of four children, born in 1960. I can remember as far back as 5 or 6 that something was different about me. As I got older, I began to understand what it was I felt. I knew I was a girl, but my mind always thought as a boy. I did many things at a young age that little boys would do. Such as play with army men, trucks, and football with my childhood friends. I know I hated putting on a dress, and was glad when the day came that I could basicaly wear what I liked. As I entered puberty, I noticed things happening to my body that at times, would bring me to tears because there was no way I could stop it from happening. I always wore my shirts larger to hide my chest. I made sure I bought the tightest bra I could wear just to compress what I had. I thank God I wasn't blessed with a large chest, He gave that to my sister. I won't even go into how much I hated that monthy thing that would come and haunt me. As a young adult in my early twenties, I identified as a stone butch, and carried on a few relationships with lesbians, none of which lasted, for other reasons not related to being trans. In my thirties, I got a really good job working in north Jersey, making good money and was even in a large union. That job gave me the opportunity to buy a house and live comfortably.
My job knew I was a "lesbian" and had no problem with that. It wasn't until my 40th birthday when I made the decision to transition. The timing was right, I had the money to do so and I had given enough thought to it and educated myself on the process. I let my union president know of my plans and also informed the company HR department so that they were aware of the changes when they happened, i.e. name change and effects of the hormones. But as fate may have it, they found a loop hole for me to fall through, and I was fired. My union didn't fight hard enough to get my job back. I figured that they just didn't want to have to deal with some freak in their circle so they just let me hang myself. I guess it was ok as long as I was a lesbian, but to change my sex was too much for them to handle. Needless to say, I went from rags to riches to rags. I had to figure out what I was gonna do with my life or I would lose my house. So, while I was on unemployment, I went to tractor trailer driving school and got my CDL license so I could drive a truck. Thats what I do now and my company has no idea of my past.
Even though it may sound like a sad story, it isn't. I am thankful for all the people I have in my life right now that support what I am doing. I didn't let losing my job be the end of me. I am a firm believer that you can do anything you put your mind to, and failing is not an option. I have no regrets and I would do it all over again if I had to. Would I change a few things? Damn right I would.
