XPG system

Any pictures used on this or any companion page are not meant to infringe on any copyrights.

This module is more of a world setting than a liner Adventure.

This setting takes place in a fictional Series 9. After Rimmer kicks Death in his happy zone (aka Joy department) Ace Rimmer then rescues him (the lucky git). Ace releases an anti-virus which saves Red Dwarf then he & the living Rimmer follow the rest of the gang to the Mirror Universe in Ace’s dimension Jumping Starfighter. After a series of misadventures the Boyz from the Dwarf steal Starbug Mark X & return to their native universe. Ace then goes on his merry way "Smoke me a Kipper. I’ll be back for breakfast".  

Source Materials needed: The Red Dwarf Roleplaying Book, The Red Dwarf AI Screen, Rifts Chaos Earth Sourcebook One: Creatures of Chaos will provide the AI with a good deal of inspiration, also paper, pencils, friends, & two six sided dice or one twelve sided is needed.

DARK TERROR ON TERRA

by Darth Jim Scott 4^th

While traveling on Starbug Mark X the crew finds their food supplies rather low (because they were ripped off). The long range scanners picks up what appears to be an Earth like planet orbiting a yellow dwarf star. Believing they might find food there the crew sets a course for the mysterious world. What they find is an alternate Earth from a parallel Universe that has been deposited in our Universe due to a freakish trans-dimension temporal experiment gone wrong. This experiment has caused an apocalyptical worldwide holocaust that has demolished human civilization & hideously mutated all normal Animal & Human life in a vile & most unnatural fashion. These horrors (the victims of a mysterious form of quantum trans-dimensional radiation) have mutated into what can only be described as Demons! Creatures of pure hate & chaos who seek to annihilate all wholesome forms of life & replace it with their own warped kind!

The crew must aid the last Remnant of Quasi-Humanity (a green skinned, genetically altered race of plant humans the last "descendants" of mankind) in their struggle for survival by finding & activating a legendary Machine Army of Killer Bugs Bunny Androids to fight against the Mutant Demon Hordes. The reward for success is the Boyz from the Dwarf will be heroes, legends & be given a lifetime supply of Curry! The reward for defeat is shame, extinction, genocide & no smegging curry! On the other hand they might accidentally turn the extremely evil mutant Demon army into mildly naughty pink eyed purple sheep & transmute the World’s oceans into cheese wiz, then call it a draw! Who the smeg knows? It’s up to you.

A HISTORY OF THIS PARTICULAR ALTERNATE EARTH

Well in most respects this Earth is pretty much the same as Our Earth only with a few petty differences. For example the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco is purple in this world & not red. The Dodgers never left Brooklyn. An Orange Traffic light means STOP & a Blue Traffic light means GO. People in general don’t use the word "Earth" to refer to Earth. They instead say "Terra" or "Geos". In this world the Beatles never broke up, Elvis lived to be ninety years old & Lemmy Kilmister left the speed metal band MOTORHEAD to become an international Shakespearian actor. He was replaced as lead singer by Patrick Steward. MOTORHEAD’S new Metal Album RIKER YOU ARE A FUZZY BEARDED MAN-WHORE GIT! went Triple Platinum!

FRANK RIMMER (aka The Anti-Christ)

Terra was pretty much as normal as Our Earth & would have continued to be so were it not for the evil obsession & petty vengeance of one man, a man whose name will forever be a curse. A swear word used only by the profoundly vulgar. Dr. Frank Rimmer (boo hiss!) PhD is the name of this man! Dr. Rimmer was a genus in quantum mechanics, Nuclear Physics & a Noble Prize winner. Yet ironically he hated Physics & Science. He saw it as just a way to make a quick buck. Secretly in his dark heart Dr. Rimmer longed to be a professional Morris Dancer like his three younger brothers John, Howard & Arnold.

Back in the day as young men the four Rimmer brothers ran away from their home on Io to travel to Glasgow Scotland on Terra. In the Twenty-Third century, Glasgow was the center of the latest music & dance craze. Morris Dancing Rock & Roll boy bands! The boys formed a group called THE FOUR RIMMERS & they had trouble getting gigs. You see although Frank’s younger Brothers were very, very talented. Frank however sucked out loud as a Morris Dancer! It wasn’t until he had a really big blow out with Arnold over artistic differences that he left the Group in a huff. Not long after THE FOUR RIMMERS (they replaced Frank with a fellow named Ralph Dickenson a direct descendant of Bruce Dickenson of Iron Maiden fame) had landed a twenty million dollar pounds video/concert deal. Frank has been bitter ever since.

So Frank applied to the Wales School of Physics & was granted a full scholarship based on his entrance exams. Not long after, he got his Ph.D. & wrote a paper on Quantum Trans-dimension Theory that won him a Noble Prize. Yet it meant nothing to him. He still hated his brothers & wanted to get back at them. So Dr. Rimmer hatched a diabolical plan. Using his theories on Quantum Trans-dimensionally he would construct a Machine capable of generating "Gates" or "Temporal breeches" in time/space. This would in turn allow for instantaneous teleportation to anywhere in a radius three million light years. He would sell the device for a Trillion Dollar Pounds & then bribe the members of the World Governing Council into outlawing Morris Dancing! This would be his revenge against his brothers! What a petty minded modo Smeghead!

Now, as Frank built the Quantum Trans-dimensional Machine he cut a lot of corners because, well, he was a cheap bastard! The Machine had substandard wiring & out of date computer chips thus when he finally turned on the damn thing it caused a Power surge! Then the world went to hell pretty much literally!

HELL ON EARTH

All over Terra that night Quantum Trans-dimension temporal breeches formed randomly all across the planet as a result of turning on the machine. Over three Billion people died in the first twenty-four hours from the strange radiation that poured out of the Temporal breeches. Those who did not die mutated into unspeakable abominations. The Quantum Trans-dimension Radiation had some unusual properties. It absorbed negative emotions such as anger, hate, lust, perversion & rage etc. This affected the mutants by turning them into what can only be described as Demons! Yet oddly enough plants, fish & GELFs were not effected by this unusual radiation.

Knowing the human race was doomed unless it adapted. A group of genetic engineers living in a protected underground complex created a successor race to human kind. Humans mixed with Plant DNA. Green Skinned humans! Vegamans! They were Resistant to the Radiation of the Quantum Trans-dimension Temporal breeches due to their plant nature. It wasn’t until about twenty-five years later a Massive Temporal breech Sucked Terra & the Moon into a Parallel Universe. Our Universe! Normal Humans have virtually died out by now replaced by Vegamans.

Now 155 years later (Terra Time) this planet is orbiting a completely different Sun & is being approached by a small green space craft with gray warp nacelles in search of Curry!

The Setup

The Crew has just been robbed by a marauding band of Space Flies! The Flies dropped their cloaking device teleported on board & stole all the food in cargo bay (INCLUDING ALL THE SMEGGING CURRY!) & drained the septic tank to boot (at least that was kind of convenient it saves the crew the trouble of trying to get rid of it). Then those annoying bugs disabled STARBUG X’s engines. The boyz from the Dwarf will never catch them now! There is even some worst news. The Space Fly Pirates did leave a three-day supply of Pop-Noodles (I guess even excrement/curry eating Space Flies have culinary standards too).

The Crew will have to affect repairs to the engines & then set out on a quest to look for more food supplies before they starve to death or worst, be forced to eat the Pop-Noodles!

While they are half way through the repairs a ROGUE SIMULANT Battle Cruiser appears off the Starboard bow! The AI should note to himself/herself these AREN’T Rogue Simulants attacking. These are BUGS BUNNY BATTLE ANDROIDS. They are programmed not harm humans or humanoids. But Mutants, GELF’S & other Robots/Mechanoids are fair game for them.

The BBBA’s won’t use visual communication. Try & get the crew to make the mistake of thinking they are Rogue Simulants if only to make them sweat & because it’s a laugh right? The BBBA will open communications, a voice which sounds a bit squeaky with a some what thick Brooklyn Accent asks "Nah, What’s up Green Bug Boyz? Youz gots any Hummies on your ship?"

If the crew responds "no" then have the BBBA respond "Aw! Dat’s to bad Cecil. We have dis here cargo of six months worth of Chicken Vindaloo & Chicken Cordon Blue. Wez don’t need it & want to unload for free. After all it not like it’s a bunch of nuclear power cells or carrots. See ya Doc!" The communications signal will be abruptly halted & the ship will start to move a way at a modest speed toward a Solar System with two planets & one of them has an S-3 atmosphere. If the crew for some reason says "Yes we have humans feed us!" or whatever have the BBBA on the blower say something like "What’s dat Doc? I can’ts hears ya! Talk a little louder." Anyway the BBBA will claim not to hear the Boyz regardless of what they say. Otherwise it will disclose the contents of their cargo & then head off to the S-3 planet without incident.

Of course this is just a sample introduction on how you might bring the Dark Planet Terra into your Red Dwarf RPG campaign.

DARK TERRA: The present.

Upon encountering the planet’s orbit the AI may have to decide when if ever he/she will let the player characters know this is not their Earth early on or at a later time. If one of the PC’s makes a successful Theoretical Physics skill check +1 minimum (the AI may raise this no higher than +3 with a successful preparation) they will note that the Planet in question has a different subspace quantum signature (or whatever Star Trek like crap you can think up) than the "Original" Earth. Also some characters may wonder why Big Ben over in Great Britain is called Big Clive? Why the Washington Monument is called the Really Naughty Monument For Those With Filthy Minds & so forth. Or the AI could just say "Ya know what chaps? I don’t think this es our Earth. No sir not at T’all".

The Final Temporal Breech sucked this Earth & the Moon into Our Time & Our Universe. The surface of the planet is an apocalyptic holocaust like something out of a Mad Max film. Cities lie in ruins! Pretty much all of them are inhabited by Demon Mutants who only come out at night. Almost all-remaining animal life is twisted, violent & totally inedible to normal humans, humanoids & GELFs. Most plant life is edible but the danger of lurking Demon Mutants is always near if one wants to go foraging.

THE VEGAMANS

Living underneath London in a special scientific complex the last Remnant of "humanity" tries to survive this world gone to hell. The Vegamans, humans mixed with plant DNA. There are only a messily three thousand, five hundred of them against the millions of Demon Mutants that now stalk the Planet. The complex is called New Sub-London & is very rich in food supplies. They have underground gardens, genetically modified Chickens, plant food (for themselves) & enough curry sauce to last them for centuries. There are also sun-tanning rooms so the Vegamans can do a little photosynthesis for two hours a day. No, starvation is not a big threat to the Vegamans. It’s the fact that they are running out of Weapons & Ammo that has become a growing problem. Did we mention that they are hopelessly outnumbered? Yes, I think we did.

This underground complex was originally built by multibillionaire Charlie Crag as a place to have it off with his mistress behind his wife’s back. You see it was purely by coincidence the multi-phase energy shield Mr. Crag installed could bloc out the Radiation from the Quantum Trans-dimension temporal breeches. Mr. Crag only put it in to keep his wife’s private detectives from getting a holo-video of him going to town with his mistress Tiffany, her roommate & a herd of goats.

In order to keep up appearances that he was funding a scientific research faculty & not an underground rendezvous, Mr. Crag invited some of the greatest scientists in the world to do genetic experiments in his underground complex. The scientists jumped at the chance. Also they were very discreet about why there was a hottub in almost every room of the complex. After the Quantum holocaust caused by Frank Rimmer the genetic scientists soon learned plants were resistant to the devastating Radiation that poured out of the breaches. So they resolved to create a Race of Plant Humans from their own DNA & some geraniums lying around that could survive in this new deadly world. Thus the Human Race was succeeded by the Vegaman Race.

Vegamans require at least two hours of direct sunlight (or the equivalent under a plant light) during a twenty-four hour period or they will begin to take a wound level per hour until death.

The stats of the Vegamans are the same as that of standard humans. In full natural sunlight (due to photosynthesis) Vegamans receive +2 for all their dice roles. In normal indoor light they have normal dice roles. In dim light they role dice at –1 & -2 in total darkness. The penalties are in addition to all standard penalties non-Vegaman characters receive under the same circumstances. Female Vegamens sometimes have flowers growing out of their hair.

THE DEMON MUTANTS

These vile creatures are the twisted Hell spawned remnants of life on Earth. The strange radiation that poured forth from the Quantum Trans-dimension temporal breaches has created living monsters like something straight out of a Clive Barker or H.P. Lovecraft inspired nightmare! These Demon Mutants come in many shall we say colorful but hideous forms. They have one shared characteristic; the Demon Mutants all have malevolent glowing red eyes & sharp teeth. They are a twisted parody of life. They could have five arms, or a large mouth or two located on their chests. Some look like Great Cthulhu inspired nightmares straight out of one of Lovecraft’s novellas. Even one Demon mutant was reported to look exactly like Twentieth Century President of the USA, Bill Clinton, except for the glowing red eyes, pasty gray skin & an octopus tentacle instead of a right arm. This particular Demon mutant for some reason has been known to pull down his pants before attacking an opponent. Though there is a deadly poison in his tentacle the pants around his ankles give the Clinton Demon a -2 in Agility skills.

Some examples of Demon Mutants:

The psychology of these abominations is intriguing. They are creatures driven purely by the most extreme negative emotions & passions. They are arrogant, sadistic, hateful, petty, cowardly, jealous, lustful, & they lack a true sense of humor. They also adore Doug McClure (I know what the readers are thinking "ABOMINATIONS!")!

Demon Mutants hate beauty, courage, really funny jokes, unselfishness, True Love & Curry! For some additional insight into their behavior & for some inspiration for the AI to really flesh these monsters out I truly recommend reading Rifts Chaos Earth Sourcebook One: Creatures of Chaos.

These creatures are the living embodiment of all that was worst in the human psyche. They are the devils & demons that are inside all of us. This of course explains their unholy love for Doug McClure.

WARNER’S SPACE STATION

In orbit around Alternate Terra is the last hope of all Life on Earth. When the Quantum Trans-dimension temporal breaches first appeared the other Planetary governments in the Solar System declared Earth a disaster area. No Space ship according to the newly enacted Solar Marshal Law was allowed any closer to Terra than the orbit of the Moon.

But one space station WARNER’S SPACE STATION which was still in low orbit, has vowed to drive back the night & save the Planet Terra once & for all! Three silly children. The Warner Siblings consisting of the two brothers named Wako, Jako & their sister Dot (she was the cute one) have drawn a line in the sand! They have created the means to take back the Planet once & for all!

Back in the day while on a school field trip to an Orbiting Pot Noodle space factory the three Warner Siblings escaped from their teacher & ran amok. Five minutes later Dr. Rimmer turned on His infamous Machine & the space station had to be evacuated due to the world wide disaster. The Warner’s who where left behind (most likely on purpose) had the run of the place. They survived because the staff of the Space Station had an emergency supply of McDonalds (like they were REALLY going to eat the Pot Noodles). They would eat Big Macs every day & watch Bugs Bunny Cartoons.

After about a year or two of this they got bored! "What should we do now?" asked Jako. "This is getting boring", replied Wake. "I know! Let’s build an army of cybernetic android war machines & take back the World!" So the over the next five years they transformed the Pot Noodle manufacturing Space Station into a War Machine Factory by simply re-programming the Station’s AI. They build the Bugs Bunny Mark X War Androids also known as BUGS BUNNY BATTLE ANDROIDS. After twenty-five years of labor a cruel twist of fate intervened, before they could send their new army to Terra (an army of about 350,000 units) the brave & profoundly silly threesome got sucked into Final Quantum Trans-dimension temporal breech. The STATION & the Androids survived. But the Warner Siblings have not been seen since.

THE BUGS BUNNY BATTLE ANDROIDS

The ultimate in comedy War Androids! It’s one thing to crush your enemies, see them driven before you & hear the lamentations of their women. It’s quite another thing to do all that & drop an anvil on their heads while simultaneously throwing blueberry pies in their faces! That sums up the fighting style of the BUGS BUNNY BATTLE ANDROIDS.

These combat droids are a combination of the most advanced cybernetic war androids of the twenty-third century & a humorous cartoon Rabbit of the early twentieth century. The BBBA has been built with a Rabbit humanoid shaped endoskeleton at its core, but its exterior is a shape shifting mimetic poly-alloy (liquid metal like the T-1000 in T2) that can assume a few preprogrammed forms. It can withstand hundreds of small weapons rounds and a whole lotta shotgun blasts and a number of missile hits, and in a moment or two, reform its liquid metal exterior so its grey white Rabbit fur will look brand new. However a BBBA is vulnerable to laser fire which degrades the mimetic poly-alloy.

The Battle tactics of the BBBA are a terrible sight to behold. Not to mention rib tickling hysterically funny. Tactic One, The BBBA will shape shift into a Bugs Bunny delivery boy outfit & deliver a package to the enemy that contains a bomb that explodes upon opening it. Tactic Two, The BBBA will morph into a female Bugs Bunny & beguile the foe with "her" charms then either stuff a bomb down the victim’s pants or bash them in the head with a mallet instead of giving them a kiss.

Tactic Three, The BBBA will give his foe a sloppy wet kiss while in "male" form, thus inspiring the angry enemy to chase the BBBA who will lead them into a trap or off a large cliff.

Tactic Four, The BBBA will morph it’s right arm into a bazookoid & just shoot it’s foe in the head. This last tactic is admittedly not all that funny. These War Androids are formidable enemies & a laugh riot to boot.

On the field of Battle the BBBA army will employ a CPWF generator as part of their battle strategy.

The only thing that prevents the BUNNY BATTLE ANDROIDS from descending upon the surface of Terra like a Legion of Fuzzy Avenging Angels is the AI Computer on the Warner’s Station hasn’t received the Final attack code. The BBBA’s programming prohibits them from trying to override it. Some intrepid heroes are needed to bravely & gallantly find a way to override the AI Computer, issue the attack order, save the Vegamen Race & finally get some smegging Curry. Unfortunately Ace Rimmer is too busy & the only people available are the Smegheads & losers from Starbug X. Oh what an unjust universe!

CARTOON PHYSICS WARP FIELD GENERATOR

This device was invented by the Warner Siblings based on their extrapolations of Dr. Frank Rimmer’s published Quantum Trans-dimensional equations. It is an orange carrot shaped device that in a given area warps the normal Laws of Physics into what can only be described as Cartoon Physics.

A brief summery of Cartoon Physics would be at the following;

The Cartoon Laws of Physics

(Originally "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", Esquire, 6/80)

QUOTE:

I: Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.

Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.

(Exception: This does not apply to cool characters who've never studied law.)

I: Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.

Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

III: Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.

IV: The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.

V: All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.

VI: As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.

A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

VII: Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot.

This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.

The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

(Corollary: Portable holes work.)

VIII: Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.

Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

(Corollary 2: Cartoons cats have the uncanny ability to emit piano sounds when their teeth are transformed into piano keys after having a piano dropped on them.)

IX: Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Examples too numerous to mention from the Roadrunner cartoons.

X: For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead. END QUOTE

Additional; A CPWF generator must be brought into any battle situation in order for a BBBA to use battle tactics 1 to 3. The WARNER’S SPACE STATION is equipped with a giant CPWF generator. However it is not advisable for any Player Characters to activate it as it would turn the World’s Oceans into cheese whiz & all the extremely evil red eyed Demon Mutants into mildly naughty purple mutant sheep with glowing pink eyes.

Plot Hooks

A) Whatever happened to Dr. Rimmer? Did he die 155 years ago or did he mutate into some unspeakable horror which makes his brother’s Self Loathing Beast look like Father Christmas? Is he controlling the Demon Mutants? Just remember using the Dancing skill against Dr. Rimmer gives you a +1 advantage in all attacks. Using the specialty Morris Dancing gives a +2.

B) Whatever happened to the WARNER siblings? Are they still alive? Are they trapped in some strange inter-dimensional limbo? Must the Crew try & rescue them (from either the Demon Mutants or Dr. Rimmer) in order to get the final code?

C) Maybe Dr. Rimmer now feels so incredibly guilty for what he has done he wants to break the code & launch the BBBA army on the Demon hordes. But the Warner Siblings want to get back to the Space Station & activate the Giant CARTOON PHYSICS WARP FIELD GENERATOR! Just for kicks!

D) Maybe the Crew can find some way to trick the BBBA into landing on Terra anyway? Let them be creative.

E) Last resort, find a huge cashe of carrots & offer it to the BBBA Army. Their desire for carrots will be so great it will overide the Attack Code Protocol.

BUGS BUNNY BATTLE ANDROIDS

AGL 7

Self Defense 6

Stealth 3

DEX 4

Firearms 6

Tunneling 4

Demolitions 4

STR 7

PER 4

Con 7

Seduction 4

INT 3

Cartoon Physics 5

Theoretical Physics 4

WIL 3

Resist 4

Cool 6

INIT 11

SHRUG 5

SAVE 10

Note: I would recomend one raid the Arrowflight Beastiary for stats on the Demon Mutants.