RED DWARF:THE ROLEPLAYING GAME
XPG system
Red Dwarf in all its forms is owned by Grant Naylor Productions, LTD and The Red Dwarf RPG is a copyright of Deep7 at www.Deep7.com. . Copyrighted 2003.Any pictures used on this or any companion page are not meant to infringe on any copyrights.
This module is more of a world setting than a liner Adventure.
This setting takes place in a fictional Series 9. After Rimmer kicks Death in his happy zone (aka Joy department) Ace Rimmer then rescues him (the lucky git). Ace releases an anti-virus which saves Red Dwarf then he & the living Rimmer follow the rest of the gang to the Mirror Universe in Ace's dimension Jumping Starfighter. After a series of misadventures the Boyz from the Dwarf steal Starbug Mark X & return to their native universe. Ace then goes on his merry way "Smoke me a Kipper. I'll be back for breakfast".
CALL OF THE CTHULHU VINDALOO
Planet Azathoth IV in the Past
The Planet Azathoth Four was discovered around the year 3797 AD. This world was Terraformed around the year 3855 AD & the process was completed by the year 3904 AD. Azathoth IV was a lush green agricultural world dedicated to producing Indian food for other Interstellar Colonies. Now for some ancient history: As early as the 22nd century traditional animal husbandry was done away with after the rise of genetic cloning technology. That is animals were no longer raised & slaughtered for food. Instead the specific tasty organs of animals could be grown separately in special cell vats. These were called Faux Flesh Vats. You didn't have to raise a whole animal & kill it in order to eat meat. You could for example have one vat of cloned chicken muscle which could be wrapped around a synthetic bone cooked & BOOM instant drumstick undetectable from the standard slaughtered variety. The social impact of this was significant, since eating meat no longer contributed to animal cruelty much of society became a bunch of bunny hugging animal rights people. Still, the up side was extremist Vegetarian persons declined because their chief justification for Vegetarianism disappeared overnight.
Where were we? Ah yes!...Azathoth IV was the chief supplier of Chicken & Mutton Vindaloo tissue for hundreds of Planets in the Galaxy. Even back on Old Earth at that time, the Nation State of India was undergoing radical social change (abandoning Kebabs & Curry as the national food & switching to Chinese) Azathoth IV remained a rock solid beacon for Vindaloo lovers across the stars.
Planetary Governor Dr. Howard Philip West
Genetic Scientist & Statesmen, Doctor West ran the finest curry producing planet in the Galaxy. He also helped design many special labor GELFs to assist in the running of the Planet. But Doctor West had an unusual hobby. He liked to study ancient Science Fiction texts, especially the writings of one H.P. Lovecraft! Well, it WAS unusual considering it was the year 4075AD and the human race had started to colonize the Galaxy. Add to that the fact that nobody had been able to discover the existence of extraterrestrial alien life. Science Fiction had pretty much lost its appeal. Indeed, soap operas & experimental theater had become the rage (granted, Lovecraft might be considered more Horror than the Sci-Fi genre. But I'm not here to quibble). The point is, Doctor West was quite interested in Lovecraft. Some might even say to the point of obsession.
O.K. let be honest here. Doctor West was a flaming nut ball who started to believe Lovecraft's writings were real. He really believed there were such things as THE GREAT OLD ONES, Cthulhu, Haster, Yog Sothoth and the whole fiendish crew! He even got a hold of an ancient dime store copy of the Necronomicon which everybody with the exception of loony conspiracy theorists and dorks who still live in their parents' basements knows is a forgery. West started performing the weird, silly rituals outlined in the book.
Things however went down hill one day when His personnel secretary caught him in flagrante delicto with a large yak! A surprised Dr. West stammered "The Stars are Right! Now is the return of the Great Old Ones! You must let me finish the ritual!" Of course, Planetary Security arrested Him without a second thought. Dr. West was removed as Planetary Governor & the colonists locked him up and prepared to send him to a Psychiatric Space Station. Dr. West then escaped and fled to the mountains of the planet Azathoth IV, which he named (I know, it's so freakin obvious but I can't help myself) THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS!
Dr. West in his mental illness had come to believe he was really Nyarlathotep the Crawling Chaos! It was his job to bring back the Great Old Ones! Even if he had to create them from scratch and since he couldn't even find scratch he would use cell vats of Chicken and Mutton Vindaloo! Nobody knows what unspeakable criminal genetic experiments he originally performed. But the Planet Azathoth IV had to eventually be evacuated & curry production in that corner of the Galaxy was set back for over a thousand years. Could that have contributed to the final extinction of the Human race? No, not really be serious! But it would have been a bitch if Dave Lister had lived in that area of space during that time period! He would have been up smeg creek without a paddle!
Planet Azathoth IV three million years later
The grassy plains of modern day Azathoth IV are inhabited by Chicken & Mutton Vindaloo beasts, various mutants at various levels of intelligent, plus a small colony of Fluffy Bunny People and of course the "Old Ones". There are three large continents and the oceans of this world are in effect made of a watery curry sauce with fresh water lakes on the main continent. The whole planet smells like a huge Indian restaurant.
THE OCEAN OF SAND
On the First Continent, we come to the Ocean of Sand in the center of which lies THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS. This seemingly endless desert covers much of the south-central continent and at first appears deceptively empty of life. Where lava meets sand, and an ecological community of curry based life-forms dwells. These creatures take
good advantage of their environment, and have relatively sophisticated survival capabilities for these times, building nests out in the desert and extracting food minerals from the lava for Chemosythesis . Despite these abilities, their knowledge is rather crude and their weaponry primitive, and they are easily intimidated by superior technology. Further into the desert, we find rag-tag nomadic bands of mutant descent. Octopodial in nature they ride flying jet bikes in the driest, most desolate areas.
There is unique devastation on the eastern seaboard of the first continent which mirrors the western, with most areas in ruins and fraught with radiation, bio-curry fallout and dangerous nanotech. Along the southern peninsula, a great problem is growing. Whether some medical kit was damaged long ago and altered from its original design, or more likely horrible fallout from Dr. West's unnatural curry experiments we shall probably never know. Whatever the source, something causes large patches of skin to grow in many areas. The blight begins, no doubt, as a few cells or perhaps some bio-nanounits blown or carried from some source location. These spores quickly convert some organic substances into skin cells at a very basic level, while merely coating others; no one we questioned was able to determine any pattern in the choices. Thus, some areas have been converted to plains of skin, while others are grotesque skin forests or even skin-streaked buildings. The only things that stop the grotesque conversion are broad swaths of inorganic material, and fire. In one location, Fluffy Bunny People scouts have reported humanoid forms moving around on the skin with no apparent ill effects.
THE FLUFFY BUNNY INHABITANTS
In the southern part of the first continent there is a great oasis where there dwells a colony of cute Fluffy Bunny Parahumans (descendants of humans who spiced Rabbit DNA into their base genetic structure) settlers from off world. These creatures are similar in many respects to Lapis Sapiens but properly classified as Homo Sapiens Lapis). They have Advanced Technology that can be detected by scans from orbit. They seem to run a very orderly, egalitarian, and peaceful society dedicated to vegetarianism.
If your player characters make first contact, the Fluffy Bunny People will beg them for help. No doubt your smegheads being very selfless & heroic will be willing to help (for a small fee). Anyway the Fluffy Bunny People will claim they are being threatened by the return of the "Great Old Ones". Demonic beings spoken of in the ancient tome of the Necronomicon who will one day break free of their extra-dimensional prison and reclaim the Earth they once ruled. Of course since no one living today knows where Old Earth is the Old Ones will no doubt claim the closest inhabited world! This would certainly spell doom for the Fluffy Bunny People. If the player characters agree to help them the Fluffy Bunny People will make all sorts of fantastic promises of reward for their trouble (the sky is the limit). Attractive Fluffy Bunny People of the opposite sex will also try to persuade them to help and make full use of their seductive powers. Females will especially play up the damsel in distress routine. All the player characters have to do is accept a mission to travel to the Mountains of Madness and drop an "Eldar Sign" into a volcano & that will prevent the Old Ones from breaking into our dimension. What is so difficult about that? Player characters will have to travel by use of a land vehicle since the minions of the Old Ones will shoot them down with their evil preternatural powers should they attempt to fly or land on the Mountains of Madness from orbit.
If the player characters need further convincing have some unknown parties steal an important component of their ship & have the Bunnies conveniently blame it on the Old Ones. The Fluffy Bunny People will claim the player characters can only retrieve this vital part from the Mountains of Madness.
THE GREAT OLD ONES & THE TRUTH ABOUT THE BUNNIES
So is this story on the up and up? HELLZ NO! The Fluffy Bunny People are full of smeg big time!!!! This is the deal. First of all the so called "GREAT OLD ONES" are merely the GELF descendants of Dr. West's weird genetic experiments. They are similar in nature to Mutton and or Chicken Vindaloo beasts. For the most part they are harmless. Granted they strongly resemble the monsters from H.P. Lovecraft's mythology and thus are hideously horrible looking in general. But hey! They are really a nice bunk of bloaks! Cthulhu Nugent their leader is a heck of a regular guy (if you can see past the octopus head).
You see these particular Fluffy Bunny People are a bunch of hyper-fanatical militant vegetarians. They not only believe it is wrong to hunt animals and to eat meat (the Old Ones are omnivores & Cthulhu Nugent is a master big game hunter who likes to stalk Mutton & Chicken Vidaloo beasts) but that it is their mission in life to exterminate all meat eaters across the galaxy. Should the player characters succeed in wiping out the "Old Ones" these Fluffy Bunny People will have them killed as well accepting they might be vegetarians too.
The "Elder Sign" contains a bio-nano plague that transforms cells of Vidaloo based GELFs into triple strength Dutch Larger which we all know from watching the series is fatal to curry based lifeforms. At the base of the Volcano among the mountains of madness lives the Mother with a Thousand Young Mrs. Shub-Niggurath Johnson. Her death would mean the extinction of the Old Ones & allow the Fluffy Bunny People to take over the planet & start a genocidal war against all the carnivores and omnivores in the galaxy. Anyone happens to like a Chicken McNuggets or Chicken Vindalo will not be safe.
Will the player characters realize they are being duped? Will they save the Old Ones? Will they take revenge on those stuck up bunny people? Will Cthulhu Nugent think they are cool or a bunch of commie pinko Smegheaded Wankers?
Well that is up to you this is the RED DWARF RPG.
THE SOMEWHAT GREAT OLD ONES
The "Old Ones" are curry based food lifeforms & thus are near invulnerable to most conventional attacks (you need to score twice the Shrug to get one wound level). However direct contact with Larger is near fatal to them. Cthulhu has been known to hunt Mutton Vindaloo beasts with paint ball guns that have Larger filled pellets. They do WR 6 worth of damage to all Curry based lifeforms with a Damage Bonus +3 per hit.
Cthulhu Nugent
AGL: 3 DEX: 6 STR: 7 PER: 3 INT: 3 WIL: 6
INIT: 6 SHRUG: 7 SAVE: 13
skills: Firearms 6, pilot(hover-bike) 4, intimidation 6, resist 6, hunting 9, guitar 6,
Strength feat 3.
The big guy likes to toss back a few cold root beers while hunting for the wild Mutton & Chicken Vidaloo beasts on the desert plains of Azathoth IV. He lives by the code of the environmentally conscious hunter, you only kill what you eat and you NEVER hunt game out of season! Cthulhu has a common law wife named Idh-yaa who is the mother of some of his mutant offspring. Nugent can reproduce sexually or asexually (but that is hardly any fun now is it?) but he only does so to keep up the membership in his hover-bike gang and heavy metal rock group the STARSPAWN ANGELS.
Mrs. Shub-Niggurath Chambers Johnson
In case you have not guessed by now Shub-Niggurath is the product of Dr. West's horrible genetic experiments on curry from over three million years ago. She broke lose from his lab & ran amok eating everything in sight and sampling DNA from all the living things she consumed. Eventually Shub-Niggurath calmed down and took up residence at the base of a dead volcano amongst the Mountains of Madness. There Shub-Niggurath spawned all the curry based life-forms on the planet. She is a lake sized mass of gelatinous curry sauce that constantly sprouts forth eyes, mouths, tentacles, little creatures and of course mutton & chicken vidaloo beasts. She is also the mother of the Cthulhu creatures & pretty much every other weird thing on the planet. Giving Momma Shub Stats would be pointless. No weapon your Smegheads carry could even remotely do her harm. The one exception is the "Elder Sign" given to them by the Rabbits since it contains a nano-tech virus that transforms curry into Larger. Using the Elder Sign would be fatal to her. Shub-Niggurath can instantly clone any life form she consumes. She can also choose not to digest any smeghead she merely tastes. She can absorb then spit you out if she so desires. Shub-Niggurath instantly knows the thoughts of any being she envelops in her protoplasm. If she consumes a PC she will instantly know of the Rabbit's treachery and duplicity upon which she will spit out the clueless smeghead & try to correct them by producing talking clone who will explain her side of the story. She will only kill the players as a last resort. She is civilized that way.
Yog Sothoth "Two Sheds" Johnson
Yog Sothoth spends his day frolicking on the skin plains sneaking up behind people
(especially fluffy bunny people) and shouting BOO! Should the player characters encounter Yog & their first instinct is to attack him, their weapons will be useless. Yog will simply say to them in the moronic voice of a big dum cartoon bear "Your funny George!". He will then ask the players "Will you be my friend?" and then proceed to put his disgusting pseudopodia all over them in an attempt to "hug". If any Heavy Weapons are used against him it will not hurt him (you would need a small lake's worth of Larger to mortally wound him FYI) but it will cause him pain & make him cry. Yog will then beat a hasty retreat bawling pathetically "I'M TELLING MY MUMMY ON YOU"! Yog Sothoth has been given the nick name "Two Sheds" by Cthulhu because he owns two sheds (my how original!). In one shed Yog keeps his X-Box hologame player in the other shed he keeps his Barbie dolls.
Minions of the Old Ones
These creatures are for all intensive purposes glorified vindaloo beasts who just happen to have been genetically engineered to look like creatures from the Cthulhu mythos by the experiments of the late Dr. West. (see page 95 of the main Red Dwarf RPG book for information on food beasts).
Kthanid Nugent
This is Cthulhu's goody two-shoes twin brother who refuses to eat meat or hunt big game but spends his time disco dancing at a lounge found at the base of the Mountains of Madness. He has the same stats as his brother, looks almost the same except they obviously dress differently & Kthanid has golden colored eyes. As for skills Kthanid has: vegetarian cooking 6, disco dancing 6, Firearms 6, pilot(hover-bike) 4, intimidation 6, resist 6, hair gel 2, and Strength feat 3.
Mrs. Idh-yaa Nugent
This is Cthulhu's really hot mutant common law wife (hot that is if you can get past the fact she has a lobster-head & claws). She mostly spends her time in the oceans looking after the children she bore Cthulhu (perhaps "bore" is not a proper term? More like spawned in a fashion most unholy & unnatural). She occasionally comes to dry land to do some modeling work. Her stats are as follows: AGL: 2 DEX: 2 STR: 3 PER: 6 INT: 3 WIL: 6 INIT: 8 SHRUG: 5 SAVE: 9 Skills: Seafood 4, self-defense 3, firearms 3, resist 4, seduction 3 Hastur Nugent (He who must not be addressed by his first name) 
This fellow is literally Cthulhu's half-brother. That is one day Shub-Niggurath got really pissed off at Cthulhu & cut him in half down the middle with a powerful tentacle swipe. Naturally Cthulhu's right half survived the blow & he regenerated his left side. Meanwhile his original left side that fell off, mutated and formed Haster. Haster really HATES his name since he wanted to be called Froddrick but big Momma Shub-Niggurath would insist...The "Doesn't Like His Name" One has the same stats & skills as his half-brother. Relations between the brothers are strained.
Ming-Go (Mutant Fungas From Yuggoth)
T
he outermost planet in the Azathoth system was named Yuggoth by the ancient human explorers. This world is roughly the distance from it's sun that Pluto is from Sol. On this dark planet live creatures that are a genetic cross between the DNA of fungus, and Lobster DNA enhanced with cyber-nanotech. The Ming-Go evolved from cans of mushrooms that fell into lobster tanks that had been infected by rogue nanobots from a malfunctioning Mechanoid 4000 in a large storage warehouse in a domed city that had been long abandoned by humanity. Got that? The Ming-go are about the size of a JMC Starfighter and can fly threw outer space. Their nanobods had created little anti-gravity reactionless space drives within their bodies. The creatures communicate with each other via radio-waves and are naturally vacuum adapted life forms. They are intelligent but have little respect for other lifeforms. The Ming-go have been known to attack GELF spaceships that might pass threw the Azathoth System.Because of their nature they are given space stats rather than conventional creature stats.
SPD: 5
MAN: 4
SHIELDS: 1
HULL: 12
Weapons: Bite WR 7