It was a sobering story that shook me up.

When I was in Cluj Romania back in 2002, I remembered we visited a Gypsy camp on a former city dump site. All of the houses seemed to be made out of material you figured was thrown away previously, and the odor coming from this place was almost unbearable. We entered a building there that a local church built; and it was the only one that looked professionally made, and it had electricity. I had a young lady with me as we engaged in a conversation with a resident of the camp; he was a young boy no older than fifteen at the time, and he told me one of the most disturbing stories I have ever heard. It is unclear were he is originally from, but he wasn�t from Romania that I did know. He would start off his story in Germany with his Family that consisted of his mother, and his little sister, who was eight at the time. They reached a financial breaking point that caused his mother to resort to desperate measures; being that she sold her little daughter into child prostitution for what amounted into twenty dollars US currency. There was a sobering expression that came across his face, as he paused and looked away after telling us this much. There has to be information left out from that time, until there arrival in Romania� being that he immediately started at his entrance into that country after telling of his sister�s ill fate. He then told us briefly of his nomadic time in Romania with his mother, until they ended up in Cluj; and that is where he has been since. All was going well� until he woke up, and realized that his mother was no longer there. The first thought I conjured up was possible foul play, but he would quickly dismissed this belief by saying she just simply left. How was this possible; especially since he looked so optimistic about life? I guess it was just the way of life for him; and perhaps there was no point in taking it personal in his mind? I really never understood the reason for his demeanor, and I would never get to ask why; because the young lady that was with me broke down around this time. I comforted her, and tried my best to shine some light on a matter� that even I couldn�t understand. It has been five years since that day; and even still� that story haunts me as if I am hearing it for the first time. I never realized how good I had it until I was put among people that didn�t know the struggles of barely making it. Even sadder to me was that they would gladly trade me their nothing, for my petty struggles. You know the weirdest thing about that day was that I didn�t see that young man after that conversation; but despite that, I know his role in my life was achieved. Indeed it was very sobering to say it at best.

It was the trip that has affected me until this day.

That trip back in 2002 to Romania has left one of the longest lasting marks on me; and when I think on it, I find myself getting emotional still. It�s funny because I never thought much of the place, and to be honest� I really didn�t want to go there. There was one time when I thought of this place, I thought of the mythical Dracula, and their gymnastics; but nothing more then that. I have been back since that trip, and ever time I go, I find that deep fascination within me strengthening for the country. I can�t understand what it did to me, much less describe it; but I do know that it has changed my entire outlook on life. In 2002, it was the first time I have ever been in an orphanage, but I must say� after that visit I was sure it wasn�t going to be my last. To hold those little kids in your arms is an experience that is beyond description. I had never felt so alive like I did that day, and I knew at that point what was important to me. That day I walked out of that building and I wanted to share with my love ones actually what I was feeling; but then it dawned on me that such a privilege that I desired to do� most of those kids will never experience. I tried my hardest to hold it together after realizing that; and for the first time in my life� I was moved to want to make a change. You have to understand that I am a kid who never thought I could make a difference in anyone�s life; or even more figure that I could get past my own insecurities to help� myself. I was never given much reason to believe in myself; but I thought despite this personal feeling, I could help another. I was eager to experience an orphanage and brighten the day of a few kids; but I know now that it was the kids who helped me in my outlook on life. I am forever moved by the images and memories of that trip, and the outcome is always the same� lots and lots of tears.

This is my ultimate desire.

Do I write for myself? I would like to think so� but it is not my principal motivation that drives me. At one time I wrote to prove to myself that I am a good writer; but I know that I am an able writer and there is no need in doing this. Do I write for fortune and fame? I would be lying if I said I do not desire these things; but if I never achieved it� I know I would continue writing. It is my passion, it is the thing I love to do the most in life; and if I can inspire and motivate another� then I feel that I have did my job. I remember a pact I made with God some years ago following the 2002 trip; and yet I know that I am not the best of examples� I did say that if I am ever able to make a huge impact in the lives of the less fortunate, than it shall be done. I know that is why I write, I know this; and all that is in me desires to fulfill a promise to God. I have found a positive streak in me that came about from one trip; and year by year I found my insecurity being put to the test, and it has lost every battle. I no longer believe that things are impossible in life, and the only thing that keeps you from success is yourself. I have fought through the never ending criticism whether it is spoken or not� and found myself always achieving what I have set out to do, all because I believed in myself. I know that I couldn�t have achieved a lot of things in life if it wasn�t for an eye opening trip, and I one day would like to return my churning thankfulness to the source of my happiness. Perhaps in the near future my heart�s desire will be fulfilled; but until then, I shall continue my trail of purpose.

James ToDerrick Kinard