AT THE RIVERFRONT      11-1-2001

i'm alone
on a quay on the river 
totally absorbed in a timeless 
quiet/ an absorbing peace/ 
on the fringe of the city immersed 
in its own animated chaos 
somewhere now in the distance

twilight and a time to reflect 
for myself and for myself only 
struggling to formulate some 
strategy of life's direction 
that will work 
a desperate searching of mind and soul 
to justify an existence 
bitter-sweet but in the end 
an overwhelming success in spite 
of years of the trial and tribulation 
of mental illness that flares 
unpredictably
challenging all of my resources to 
see the seizure through

and then a time to catch my breath 
and say for the thousandth time 
" oh no not again " 
is there no end to this incessant 
madness that takes turns with periods 
of high productivity and lucidness?

i do not want to leave this quay on 
the riverfront but want more time 
to reflect upon more than a decade 
of deadly battle with this malaise 
which in spite of the best efforts 
of medicine and mental therapy has 
resisted all efforts to bring it 
under control

and the seige goes on /
doctor after doctor amazed that 
it didn't already kill me as it has 
many others

where does the determination and strength 
come from?
is it that i possess some cosmical 
protector that allows life to affirm its 
loyalty to itself?

through it all i have succeeded in 
creating an incomparably superb life 
a total and absolute success 
i am ready for an extraterrestrial salvation 
that i have earned the right to have 
and want to claim

this river flows gently 
silently
being here is a rare moment of respite 
think carefully now of final escape 
and make no error

this is the moment granted you as sweet 
amid life's turmoil that in truth 
was bitter-sweet...