HOME MUSIC BEETLES OTHER STUFF SIGN GUESTBOOK VIEW GUESTBOOK
What you need for a classic kitchen party
The variety of alcoholic drinks that have been consumed during the many kitchen parties is far too large to print, this is just a list of some of the most classic bottles and the cocktails we used to mix.
Spirits: one bottle of Finlandia vodka, one bottlle of Omega tequila, one bottle of Beefeater gin, and one bottle of Lamb's old navy rum. These are the four notorious bottles purchased at the Tawam booze shack that started it all.
The beers: (1) Oranjeboom, (2) Kaiser, (3) Amstel, (4) XXXX or Fosters, (5) Heineken, (6) Skol, (7) Tiger beer, (8) Bavaria, (9) Stella, (10) anything pinched from the Hash (aka this week's guest beer).
Wine: One 5 litre box of cheap Australian white (Stanley or Lindermans), any red wine you can find.
Others: Whisky, Cointreau, Brandy, Calvados, Bailey's, Kahlua, Triple Sec...in fact, any alcoholic beverage.
Good for cocktails: Amaretto & Galliano liqueurs (...as traded from Sean), Angustura bitters, grenadine.
Don't forget: Plenty of Ice, lemons and limes, and of course mixers (cokes, sprite, OJ, etc...) and sugar. Your favourite chips are also essential, I recommend those fake pringles (light BBQ flavour).
The greatest kitchen party cocktails
These cocktails were scientifically developed to determine the exact limits of human alcohol tolerance. The kitchen crew carried out extensive controlled trials as guinea pigs and sacrificed their kidneys & livers so that others (esp. students) would never have to suffer a similar fate.
1) Bluff's punch - For this you will need a large glass bowl and several pint glasses.
Fill the bowl with 1 part gin to 3 parts cheap Australian white wine (Stanley is recommended), give it a good stir and refrigerate (chopped fruit on top is optional). Pour yourself a pint and enjoy.
How to drink: Drink within 15 minutes, but never as the first drink of the night.
Effects: I can never remember.
Last drunk: This cocktail is still regularly attempted at parties, often with the addition of Martini.
2) Kitchen party Black Russian - For this you will need a pint glass.
Fill your glass with 3 parts vodka, 2 part Kahlua.
How to drink: Never drink in conjunction with cocktail no.1
Effects: Guaranteed projectile barf, you will be bent in half for the rest of the night.
Last drunk: Late 1994 in some nurse's hut, Tawam compound.
3) Nirvana - Use a highball.
In your glass crush half a sliced lemon with a teaspoon of sugar and ice, add vodka to taste and top with sprite.
How to drink: If you get this one right you can drink smoothly until you pass out!!!
4) Jamaican Molotov Cocktail - Preferably the smallest glass in the kitchen, or a bottle top.
This one is really simple, one shot of "Lemonheart - Red label" Jamaican rum (151 proof) with or without your favourite mixer.
Warning: Do not smoke for several minutes after drinking this one. Highly flammable.
Last drunk: At some shit house party prior to selling 1/3 of the bottle (for a killing) to some other poor unsuspecting underage drinkers. You know who you are!
5) Kitchen party Long Island Ice Tea - Any reasonably hygienic glass left.
Again this one is quite simple, 1 part of all spirits available plus a splash of flat coca cola.
When to drink: This one is usually saved for the end of the evening when all mixers have finished or when its time to leave to catch happy hour at one of the hotel bars.
Next day: "Hey guys, who the F*CK ate sweetcorn last night?.......".
6) The desperate one - Only worthy of plastic cups.
2 parts Indian brandy (Monarch) to 3 parts OJ. Indian brandy can be substituted for any other Monarch product.
When to drink: This cocktail was only drunk during very dry seasons.
Effects: "Where's the toilet.....garden....sink...any..burghhhhhhh".
Last drunk: During that short drought back in early 1995 when Goat's dad (the infamous Jean-Marie) locked the drinks cabinet with a padlock. It took us all of two minutes to get a screwdriver and take down the doors by the hinges. Once inside we performed the infamous alcohol heist, were we removed all the white spirits into masafi bottles and replaced it with tap water. We also took the bottle of Indian brandy which had been sitting in the back of the cabinet since the dawn of kitchen parties.
7) Mikko's Rocket fuel - You will need an empty 500ml masafi bottle.
Fill the bottle with any available spirit combination, carry it around for 2 or more hours until a party is found, drink warm.
Effects: Most often associated with a loss of neural-muscular communication, leading to uncoordinated violent spasms and spastic convulsions on an area of the house party known as "the dance floor". Other symptoms include waking up with miniature road workers fixing the runway of a small airport that has been situated just behind your eyes.
Last drunk: On the roof of some crap rap house party back in early 1994.
If you can remember any other information concerning Al-Ain kitchen parties please send me an email.
HOME MUSIC BEETLES OTHER STUFF SIGN GUESTBOOK VIEW GUESTBOOK
