The Prodigal Cucumber
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Manuel: Larry!, What are you doing here.
Larry: Oh, Hi Manuel. I ummm, I'm just walking around.
Manuel: At 3 in the morning! What is the matter, something must
be bothering you for you to be out this late...alone.
Larry: Well, I'm, I mean, I've decided to...
Manuel notices Larry's bag and fills in the blanks.
Manuel: Larry, are you leaving home.
Larry: Yeah, that's it, I've decided to leave home.
Manuel: Well, it looks like you don't have a place to stay...at least
for tonight. Why don't you come in?
Larry: Well, I don't really need too...
Manuel: I'll give you some leftover cheesecake from dinner.
Larry: OK, just for the night. .I have to leave in the morning.
Manuel comes out of the gatehouse and unlocks the gate. He and
Larry go up the private drive to Cucumber Manor, where Larry's Aunt Ruth
lives. Larry accepts Manuel's offer of a midnight snack and falls
into an exhausted sleep in one of the guest rooms.
By the time Larry wakes up the next day it is almost
time for lunch. He hurriedly starts to leave, because he knows the
first thing his family will do when they realize he is missing is call
Aunt Ruth. He often vistas her and asks for her advice. Just
as he is about to slip out the back door, a familiar voice calls to him.
Aunt Ruth: Larry! I didn't know you were here!
Larry: Um, hi Aunt Ruth. (He thinks to himself, I guess no one has
called her yet).
Aunt Ruth: What a surprise! I got in early this morning from
my condo in Florida. I was going to come over and see how you were
doing. Hmmmm, are you going somewhere?
Larry: Oh! Um, yeah, I was leaving for...
Aunt Ruth: Oh!, have you finally decided on a school?
Larry: Well, not exactly, I was just going to...
Aunt Ruth senses that something is wrong. Larry, what is the
matter, you look so....lost.
Larry: Huh? I'm not lost. I know exactly what I'm doing.
I'm leaving home and...and...
Aunt Ruth: Oh, I see,
Larry: No you don't! I just can't stay there anymore! I'm
just in the way! I don't want to go to school either...it was hard
enough graduating from High School! I just wish everyone would leave
me alone! He picks up his bags and starts to leave, but Aunt Ruth's
gentle voice causes him to stop.
Aunt Ruth: Hold on dear. Maybe I can help...not everyone is cut
out for school. And you're certainly old enough to leave home if
you want to. But let me give you something first.
Larry is still a little suspicious of her motives, but he replies:
Give me something? Like what.
Aunt Ruth sighs. Well, as you know I inherited quite a bit of
money when your Uncle Boaz, bless his soul, passed away.
Larry: Yeah, so.
Aunt Ruth: So part of that money is set aside in a trust fund for my
descendants.
Larry: Yeah, so what does that have to do with me?
Aunt Ruth: Larry, YOU'RE one of my descendants.
Larry: Oh. Wait a minute, you mean you're going to just GIVE
me the money in my trust fund?
Aunt Ruth: Well, if you were going to college I would give it to you
to use for your expenses. But since you have definitely decided NOT
to go to college...and you have decided that, haven't you Dearie?
Larry: Um, Yeah I guess so. I'm definitely not staying around
here.
Aunt Ruth: Well if you're determined to go I'll give you this money
as a going away gift to use as you like, but there's one condition.
Larry: I knew there'd be a catch.
Aunt Ruth: You must keep in touch with me and let me tell your mother
that you're O.K.
Larry: Well.......I guess I can agree to that.
Aunt Ruth: all right then, Manuel?
Manuel: Yes, Senora?
Aunt Ruth: Get the car, Larry and I need to take a trip to the Veggie
Bank before he leaves.
Larry: Um, I don't want to be rude, but how..
Aunt Ruth: Oh how silly of me, of course you need to know how much
you will be getting. (She whispers an amount in Larry's ear).
Larry: I must not have heard you right, your beard was tickling me.
I thought you said $21,000.
Aunt Ruth: That's right, Dearie.
So Aunt Ruth give him his trust fund early and send him to Pugslyville, hoping he would become interested in the university there.
After they go to the bank, Manuel drives them to the train station.
Aunt Ruth: Well here we are. I suppose you'll be getting your
ticket and leaving so I'll just say good-bye.
Larry: Yeah, um, Aunt Ruth?
Aunt Ruth: Yes?
Larry: I have no idea where to go. Do you have any suggestions?
Aunt Ruth: Oh, well, lets see. If I was a young person just starting
out I would go to......hmmmm. I think you would like....yes that's
it......very nice this time of year....should have no trouble finding....
Larry: Just tell me already!
Aunt Ruth: Oh! Sorry, I mean Pugslyville of course.
Larry: Pugslyville.....why does that sound familiar.
Aunt Ruth: Well, they do have a college there.
Larry gives her a dirty look.
Aunt Ruth: But there are lots of young people your age. And there
are lots of clubs, restaurants, you know, places where they like to hang
out. I'm sure you would like it there, and you would have no trouble
finding a job.
Larry is hesitant at first, but then he sees his families station wagon
approaching the train station.
Larry: Well, I guess it's a place to start.
Larry makes up his mind when he sees that a train to Pugslyville is
leaving in 10 minutes. He says good-bye to Aunt Ruth and Manuel and
tells them to tell his family he's OK, but not to tell them where he is.
At first he kind of ruins the place with a lot of loud music, but then the manager sees how much money he has and offers to sell it. Larry accepts and renames it THE PRODUCE AISLE . Larry becomes popular with the students from the college, but one in particular catches his attention.
Larry: Why is it that tomato always leaves these things on the table.
Waitress: He probably hopes you'll read them.
Larry ignores the religious tract and walks off. The waitress
sighs. Jill Asparagus knows how much her friend Bob wants to witness
to her boss.
Larry eventually talks to Bob and learns a lot from him, but isn't
really interested in God. He's more interested in what Bob is always
doing in the restaurant.
Larry: It's a what?
Bob: A script. I'm writing it for my theater class.
Larry: What's it about?
Bob: Well, its based on the story of Daniel…
Larry helps Bob with a lot of his scripts, being somewhat interested in film himself. Bob always invites Larry to church, but Larry turns him down. Church always bored him when he was a kid. Bob then comes up with something Larry would be interested in.
Bob: Well, If you aren't interested in church, do you like movies?
Larry: Of course I like movies.
Bob: Have you ever seen Attack of the Killer Tomatoes ?
Larry: Oh yeah! That's a classic. I never knew tomatoes
could be scary.
Bob: Well, I have an uncle who was an extra in it. Hess visiting
next week and they're gonna show it at the college along with some stuff
the film students made. Would you like to come to that?
Larry: Well…
Bob: There's gonna be a party afterwards.
Larry: (Now Interested) Really? What kind of party?
Bob: A polka party!
Larry: oh (no longer interested) I dunno Bob.
Larry only decides to go to the movie showing after he finds his restaurant
empty on that night. This decision would lead to another that
would determine his own future in show biz.
Larry sits next to Bob at the movie showing. First, a short
film called Frankencelery was shown. Bob explained how senior Phil
Winklestein made it. Larry sees Phil and is surprised he still has
bolts in his neck. Bob explains that the costume department couldn't
get them off.
After a few more films, the movie is played. Bob points out his uncle as one of the henchmen for the top killer tomato.
Larry: I never saw a tomato with pointy teeth before.
By the end of the movie, everyone is willing to go to the polka party to settle their nerves. Bob turns out to be a great polka dancer, but Larry just thinks he looks silly. Now, Bob was the popular one and Larry grows jealous. Finally Larry comes up with a plan.
Larry: Nice party Bob.
Bob: Yeah, too bad Uncle Louie had to leave.
Larry: He really didn't have that big of a part.
Bob: No, he didn't. But he's really proud of what he did get
to do.
Larry: Well, I have a relative in show biz too.
Bob: Really? Who?
Larry: Steven Speilcuke.
Bob: The one who made Mesezoic Park? And E.T.B. The Extraterrestrial
Beet ?
Larry: Yep. He's kind of a distant relative.
Of course Larry isn't really related to Steven Speilcuke, but he does fool a lot of the college kids and becomes popular again. Bob believes him too and wants Larry to give his famous relative one of his scripts. Of course Larry tells him he never really met the producer and his relative probably wouldn't have time to look at them. Bob is disappointed but nonetheless, he decides to make a test video. And he wants Larry in it.
Larry met Bob in the film lab and he also met someone new, Archibald
Asparagus. Bob shows Larry a complicated camera.
Larry: So you want to do what?
Bob: Make a short film. That I can show to…(whispers) humans.
Larry: Oh wow. Then why do you need me?
Bob: You're gonna be in it.
Larry: You're not gonna be in your own video?
Bob: I have to run the camera.
Archibald: (passing by) Besides, the camera does add ten pounds you
know.
Bob: Are you talking to me?
Archibald: Just be careful with that thing. Its very expensive
and there's not much film in it.
Bob growls and turns to the camera. Larry looks at the set. It consists of a countertop with a salad bowl on it. Bob explains how one of the film students wanted to make a horror film about a salad shooter, but it was censored. Larry looks into the bowl of fake lettuce and jumps in just as Bob says, “Action!” Larry peeks out of the bowl, jumps out, and looks around.
Bob: Cut!
Larry: (holding a knife) Cut? Cut what?
Bob: Good grief! Put that thing away! Cut means to stop
acting. There's no more film.
Larry: Oh. (throws knife back into bowl) When was I acting?
Bob: Here, I’ll play it back.
The camera shows 12 seconds of Larry peeking out of the bowl, jumping
out, and looking around. Bob rewinds it and puts it in the case.
The Title blank is fairly short so Bob writes: Mr. Cuke’s Screen Test.
Bob closes it and hands it to Larry.
Bob: Well, If you ever do meet Steven Speilcuke, do you think you can
give this to him too?
Larry: Well…If I ever do. But I'm not promising anything.
Bob: That's all I'm asking.
Larry simply puts the film and script in his safe at the restaurant thinking, Bob doesn't have to know. This small act of dishonesty would lead to Bob and Larry's future career with Big Idea and the human world.
Some time after the filming of Mr. Cuke, Spring Break begins.
Bob leaves for a mission trip to Haiti along with Archibald, Jack Asparagus
and two gourds. Larry misses Bob and notices business dwindling.
Then one day, Jill runs in with a newspaper.
Jill: Larry! Larry!
Larry: What is it?
Jill: Look!
The headline reads: Senator Dole Makes Appeal to the House.
Larry: Isn't Senator Dole a banana?
Jill: Not that! This.
Larry: So there's another government uprising in Haiti. So?
Jill: The mission team is there!
Larry: Oh no! Bob! And that geeky guy!
Jill: Archibald! And Jack!
Larry: Oh yeah, your boyfriend. But what can we do?
Jill: I donut know about you, but I'm going to pray.
As Jill starts praying, Larry thinks about how good a friend Bob was
to him. If only I had a helicopter Larry thinks. I don't
have a helicopter…But I know someone who does!
Larry then gets on the phone to his Aunt Ruth.
Meanwhile, the mission team is in a hut surrounded by American hating revolutionaries when a hole is blown through the roof.
Aunt Ruth: Is there a Bob Tomato here?
Archibald: Why…It’s a miracle!
Bob: Yes! I'm here! Get us out!
A ladder is dropped and they all climb aboard. Bob calls Larry on Aunt Ruth's cell phone and tells him they're all right. After letting Jack talk to a surprised Jill for a while, Bob speaks with Larry again.
Bob: Thanks again for sending your aunt down here. You saved our
lives man!
Larry: Gee Bob. I had to do something.
Bob: Well thanks a lot. And Larry…
Larry: Yeah Bob.
Bob: I love you man!
Larry: Bob, If you're gonna get mushy on me, I'm hanging up.
Larry does. The helicopter is flown to the Pugslyville Airport where Larry is waiting with Jill, who runs to Jack as soon as she sees him.
Bob: Wow Larry. You practically saved our lives.
Larry: Well, I had to do something. Hi Aunt Ruth.
Aunt Ruth: I knew you'd amount to some good Larry. I must go
know. Manuel’s waiting. Bye Larry.
Larry: Bye!
Bob: Um…Not to be rude or anything…but…
A Gourd: Is it my imagination, or does Aunt Ruth have a beard?
Larry: Yeah, she does. It's not uncommon on that side of the
family.
Bob: By the way, this is Jimmy and Jerry Gourd.
J&J: Hi.
Larry: I think I've seen you before.
Jimmy: We eat at your place all the time.
Jerry: Yeah, You have great slushies. Who was the guy with the
hands?
Larry: That's Manuel. He's Aunt Ruth's personal pilot.
Jimmy: He was nice.
Jerry: So was Aunt Ruth. Save Gourd Hall!
Larry: Save what?
Bob: Donut get them started.
Jack: Hey everybody! There's gonna be a wedding!
Archibald: Really? I was wondering when you two were going to
get married.
Jill: Soon. Very soon. I was praying that Jack would be
safe and now I donut want to be away from him any more.
Bob: And Larry was the answer to that prayer.
Larry: Gee. I never thought of it that way.
Everyone goes home happy and they all get ready for the wedding coming up. A date is set and it happens to be a week before a Billy Graham Crusade. Bob again invites Larry, who agrees to go only because its shown on human T.V., which is very rare. They didn't know it at the time, but that week would become what tied Bob and Larry together for life.
Larry: Oh no! I had the tickets to Tahiti in my safe! And all my money too!
Larry files a report with Officer Scooter.
Scooter: What kind of insurance do you have?
Larry: Insurance? What's insurance?
The wedding guests take up a collection to send the bride and groom to the neighboring town of Dinkletown for their honeymoon. It wasn't Tahiti, but they didn't mind. They would settle down in Dinkletown and it would be where they would raise their first son, Junior.
Meanwhile, Larry vanished. Most at the college didn't care for the cucumber much, but Bob became worried, so he and Archibald went out to find him. But after a week, they became discouraged.
Bob: Well, we looked everywhere.
Archibald: The bridge went out right after the happy couple left, so
he has to be in town somewhere.
Bob: He lost everything. Those tickets put him in debt and The
Produce Aisle was foreclosed. At least we know he didn't leave by
plane either. He couldn't afford it.
Archibald: But where haven't we looked?
Bob: The Zoo!
Archibald: How can you think of fun at a time like this?
Bob: We didn't check the zoo! It just opened!
Bob and Archibald purchase tickets and search the zoo, but are disappointed.
Archibald: I could have sworn that was him brushing the water buffalos.
Bob: I know, but he ran off. Hey! Are those penguins?
We haven't checked there yet.
Bob and Archibald notice a forlorn cucumber feeding fish to the penguins.
Larry: Man. I am a mess. I'm so hungry, even this fish looks
good.
Bob: Larry!
Larry: (turns) Bob? (falls into water)
Bob: Get him up here!
Larry scrambles to the fence and comes out.
Larry: Oh Bob. I'm such a mess.
Bob: Its okay Larry. Come on.
Larry: Huh? Where are we going?
Bob: To get you cleaned up.
Archibald: I suppose wed better feed him. Hess a thin as a scallion.
Bob: Then we can get to the Crusade.
After Larry is cleaned and fed, he sits tearfully as he watches Billy Graham on the screen. The campus minister, Pastor Squash, comes up and gives the invitation. Larry is moved to go up there.
Larry: Oh Bob. I want to go up. But I cant.
Bob: Ill go with you if you're nervous.
Larry: Its not that. Someone spilled something on this seat.
I'm stuck!
Bob smiles and pulls Larry out of the seat, flinging him to the stage.
Pastor Squash: Um. Are you coming forward young man?
Larry: Uh…Yeah. I think God really wanted me up here.
Larry prays with Pastor Squash and Bob runs up.
Bob: I'm here Larry.
Larry: Great! I just asked for Jesus to be in my heart.
Bob: (disappointed) Oh.
Pastor Squash: You know Bob. He does need someone to baptize
him.
Bob baptizes Larry the next day at church. After the service, they are invited to eat at the Squash's. On the way back to the college, Larry confesses to Bob about his lying. Bob forgives him, even though the film and script were stolen with everything else. He just hopes they will fall into the right hands.
Four years later, as Archibald is working on his experiments of communicating
with humans, he finds this message being broadcast to him from the human
world:
We are looking for Mr. Cuke
Note: We named Junior's parents Jack and Jill simply so it would be easier to write about them. Only those at Big Idea know what their names really are. We have no idea.