How Laura’s Parents Met

Leonard: Just as I thought.  No one’s here.  Wait a sec…Who’s this?

Irish_Carrot: Hello?

Leonard was glad to have someone to talk to.  He wasn’t as shy on computer as he was in person.  So he replied.

CanadaCarrot: Hi.
Irish_Carrot: How R U?
CanadaCarrot: Fine.  U?
Irish_Carrot: Alright I guess.  R U really from Canada?
CanadaCarrot: Yes.  It’s nighttime here.  I couldn’t sleep.
Irish_Carrot: It’s 3 pm here.  I’m just bored.
CanadaCarrot: UR in Ireland?
Irish_Carrot: Yes.
CanadaCarrot: Is it nice there?
Irish_Carrot: Lovely.  It’s all green this time of year.

And so on.  Leonard was glad to have a friend.  It was the first time he actually came in contact with anyone over the internet.  He and Irish_Carrot e-mailed each other frequently and became rather close.  But they never talked about personal things, just general topics, so Leonard never knew Irish_Carrot’s real name and Irish_Carrot didn’t know his.  This went on for about two years.  Then, Irish_Carrot got a different kind of e-mail.

Irish_Carrot
I’ve just been informed that I will be moving to Chicago Illinois in the US so I won’t be e-mailing for a while.  Once I get my computer set up again, I’ll contact you okay?
CanadaCarrot
P.S. Don’t worry.  I’m not changing my screen name.

Leonard e-mailed less frequently once he moved to Chicago.  He had made new friends including Jack Asparagus, Carmine Mushroom, and Squiggy Pea.  He met them while bowling.  But Irish_Carrot was glad Leonard was making new friends.  He often discussed them in his e-mail, without mentioning names.  This went on for another two years.  Then, Leonard had to go to college.

Irish_Carrot
I’ll be going to college soon with one of my friends.  I’ll be e-mailing from Pugslyville University.  It may take a while, but I am taking my computer with me.
Talk to you soon.
CanadaCarrot

What surprised Leonard was the e-mail he got in return.  This message arrived shortly after he moved into his dorm at Pugslyville.

CanadaCarrot
I find it very interesting that you’re going to Pugslyville University.  My father has an old friend there named Scooter.  You’ll recognize him since he’s Scottish.  I think he teaches Biology and works with the campus police.  My parents are even talking of sending ME there to go to school.  I’m trying to convince them to anyway.  If I do, maybe I can actually meet you in person.
Irish_Carrot.

This troubled Leonard greatly.  In Chicago, many of the students made fun of his heavy accent.  This is why he was so shy.  He was always comfortable talking on the computer but in person?  And Prof. Scooter?  Leonard never was that great in Biology.  The old carrot scared him sometimes.  He tried not to think of it until the day Scooter introduced a new student.

Scooter: Class, I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine, Moira.  She’s here all the way from Ireland.
Moira: Hello.
Scooter: Everybody be nice to her or I’ll flunk you all.
Moira: Mr. Scooter!
Scooter: I’m just jokin’.
Leonard: (thinking) MOIRA!  IRISH_CARROT IS A GIRL!???

Leonard sinks down in his chair and watches as Moira exits.  She hadn’t officially been enrolled yet and was just visiting that one class.  As a habit, Leonard goes online once he’s back in his dorm room and he finds an instant message.

Irish_Carrot: Hello.  I thought you’d be here.
CanadaCarrot: I do go to school here.  How do you like Pugslyville?
Irish_Carrot: I like it fine.  How did you know I was in Pugslyville?

Leonard: You dope!  Why did you have to type that!  Now she knows I know she’s here!

CanadaCarrot: I uh…saw you today.  At least I think it was you.
Irish_Carrot: The only place I went to today was Scooter’s Biology class.  Were you there?
CanadaCarrot: yes.  Your name is Morah?  Sorry.  I don’t know how to spell it.
Irish_Carrot: Moira.  That’s me.  Surprised?
CanadaCarrot: I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize you were…female.
Irish_Carrot: Is that a problem?
CanadaCarrot: OH no no no.  It just surprised me.  That’s all.
Irish_Carrot: Well I’m assuming you’re a guy.
CanadaCarrot: Yeah.  How did you know that?
Irish_Carrot: There were only three carrots in Scooter’s class.  And all of them were guys.  I suppose one was you.
CanadaCarrot: Uh…yeah.
Irish_Carrot: Do you think we should meet?

Leonard went into a panic and turned off the computer.  He realized this was rude but what else could he do?  Not only was his friend here, she was female.  And a good looking female at that.  Leonard was alright around guys, but girls terrified him.  Especially girl carrots.  He would never be able to get up enough courage to actually talk to Moira in person.  Even if he did, she’d laugh at his accent.  Leonard sighed and figured he’d have to keep his identity a secret.

Meanwhile, Moira had moved into a dorm with Jill Asparagus.

Moira: I don’t get it.  All I did was ask him if we should meet.
Jill: Maybe he’s shy.
Moira: Not with me.  Maybe it’s cuz I’m a girl.
Jill: A mystery.  I bet you could find out who he is.
Moira: How?
Jill: The campus directory.  What do you know about this guy?
Moira: Not much.  He’s a carrot.
Jill: There’s lots of carrots.
Moira: He’s male.
Jill: All of the carrots here a male.
Moira: I’m not.
Jill: Besides you.  Anything unique about him that could single him out?
Moira: I know!  He’s Canadian!
Jill: That doesn’t help much.  None of the hometowns in this directory are in Canada.
Moira: Oh.  He was in Scooter’s class today.
Jill: Which one?
Moira: It was at 3 pm.
Jill: Jack is in that class!
Moira: You’re boyfriend?
Jill: I’ll just call him. (dials phone)
Jack: (picks up phone) Hello?
Jill: Jack honey?
Jack: What do you want now?
Jill: What carrots are in your biology class with Professor Scooter?
Jack: Um…Joe…Biff…and Leonard.  Why?
Jill: Thanks hon. (hangs up)
Jack: Girls are so weird.
Jill:  Joe, Biff, and Leonard.  That slims it down considerably.  Joe is from Milwaukee.
Moira: No.  Not Milwaukee.
Jill: Biff is from Kansas City.
Moira: No.
Jill: I know Leonard.  He went to high school with me and Jack.
Moira: And where was that?
Jill: Chicago.
Moira: That’s it!  He moved to Chicago for two years!  That must be him!
Jill: No wonder he didn’t want to meet you.
Moira: What do you mean?
Jill: Leonard has the thing about talking to girls.  He’s terribly shy.  He can barely talk to me.  Who knows what would happen if he tried talking to you.
Moira: Poor Leonard.  Is he cute?
Jill: I don’t know.  I guess so…for a carrot.
Moira: But how will I know which one is him?
Jill: I know!  It’s Tuesday.  Bowling night!
Moira: He did mention a strange sport called bowling.
Jill: I’ll show him to you at the bowling alley.

Jill takes Moira to the bowling alley but the girls remain hidden from the league.  Jill had a habit of distracting Jack.

Jill: See?  That’s my boyfriend Jack.
Moira: He knocked down all the pins.
Jill: That’s called a strike.  And the one going up is Leonard.
Moira: Oh my.  I remember him.  He IS cute!
Jill: Oh no.  He got a split.
Moira: Is that what that’s called?
Jill: Yeah.  It’s really hard to knock down two pins when they’re on opposite sides.
Moira: He did it!  That pin flew into the other one!
Jill: Wow!  Leonard got a seven ten split!
Moira: What’s that they’re doing now?
Jill: Some guy thing.  I don’t understand it either.

Once the game ends, the guys head to the restaurant where Jill normally works on Tuesday nights.

Jack: What do you mean she took off tonight?
Mr. Nezzer: She said she had to do something.  But she also mentioned stopping by while you guys were here.
Jill: (coming in from behind Jack) Hi honey.  That was a good game.
Jack: There you are.  You saw it?
Jill: I know how much I distract you.  It was great how you got that split Leonard.
Leonard: Thanks.
Jill: I would have been working tonight, but I wanted to show Moira the fine art of bowling.
Jack: Moira?  Isn’t that the carrot from Ireland.
Jill: Yes.  She’s right here.
Moira: Hello.  Bowling is a very interesting game.
Jack: Hello there.  I remember you.  You were Scooter’s friend.
Moira: He’s a friend of my father’s.  He got me a scolarship to go to school here.
Jill: Well, we have to go now.  Bye guys.

Moira and Jill leave and Leonard lets out his breath.  She had looked right at him!

Moira: Why did we have to leave so soon?
Jill: If you didn’t notice, Leonard was holding his breath.  We had to leave before he passed out.
Moira: I thought he looked funny.  I don’t want to scare him away.  But how can I get him to talk to me?
Jill: I think I can get Jack to help you there.

Irish_Carrot: A friend of mine showed me bowling yesterday.
CanadaCarrot: Did you like it?
Irish_Carrot: Oh yes.  One of the bowlers managed to knock down two pins when they were on opposite sides of the alley.  The ball hit one and it flew into the other one.  It was pretty impressive how he could do that.

Leonard: (thinking) She saw that?  Does this mean she knows?

CanadaCarrot: It’s a lucky move when that happens.

Leonard pauses, types, and pauses again.
Jack: Go on.  Just hit “enter”.
Leonard flinches and hits the button.

CanadaCarrot: Do you still want to meet?
Irish_Carrot: Of course.  Just say where and when and I’ll be there.

Moira pauses before adding.

Irish_Carrot: But if you’re still nervous about it, we don’t have to.

Leonard: See?  She says we don’t have to.
Jack: But she wants to.  And you brought it up so you want to too.  Now type.

Leonard types.

Jack: Now hit enter.
Leonard: Does it have to be in the gazebo?
Jack: It’s probably the only place she knows about.  I’ll chase the other couples away for you.

CanadaCarrot: I’m still nervous, but you can meet me in the gazebo at noon tomorrow and we’ll have lunch.  You know where that is right?
Irish_Carrot: Of course.  I’ll be there.

Leonard turns off the computer before hitting his head on the keyboard.  The next day, he waits in the gazebo.  Jack patrols around and tells the other couples it’s being used.  Leonard tries to keep from shaking as Moira approaches.

Moira: Hello Leonard.
Leonard: (sheepishly) Hi.  Wait a minute.  How did you know my name?
Moira: Jill told me.
Leonard: Oh.
Moira: I’m glad I finally get to meet you.
Leonard: Yeah.  I am too.
Moira: You have a nice accent.
Leonard: You think so?
Moira: Yes.  I was nervous about my accent when I came here, but you have one too.  It kind of gives us something we have in common.
Leonard: Gee.  I guess it does.
Moira: So shall we go to lunch?
Leonard: Yes let’s.

And so they meet, again.  Leonard and Moira still talked over the net, mostly after curfew.  They told each other about their countries and what happened during the day.  Once, Moira found this message.

I got bored today so here’s a virtual rose.  Would you mind if we started going steady?
Leonard.

Of course this made Moira ecstatic and she returned the favor.

It’s not very good, but it’s supposed to be a virtual heart.  The real one is already yours.
Moira

And when they met the next day.

Moira: I liked the rose.
Leonard: I would have gotten you a real one, but I’m broke.
Moira: That’s alright.
Leonard: I’m glad I got a real heart from you.
Moira: The nice thing about hearts is they don’t cost anything.

And so on.  They go steady for some time.  Like any couple, they have fights, break up, make up, and go steady again.  Traditionally, they carved their initials into the wooden gazebo and also the nearby “lover’s tree”.  One night, not long before graduation, Leonard takes Moira to a very nice dinner.  It’s the nicest date she’s ever been on but afterwards, she gets a message from Leonard again.

CanadaCarrot: I had fun tonight.
Irish_Carrot: So did I.
CanadaCarrot: I meant to do something tonight, but I was too nervous and my mouth wouldn’t work.
Irish_Carrot: I wondered why you were so quiet.  What was it?
CanadaCarrot: I need to ask you something.
Irish_Carrot: Oh. What is it?

Leonard paused, typed in the message, and stuggled to make himself hit the
“enter” key.

CanadaCarrot: Moira…Will you marry me?

Moira gasped.  She hadn’t expected this.  The thought a while before typing.  And paused a while longer before hitting “enter”.

Irish_Carrot: yes
CanadaCarrot: Moira, you’ve just made me the happiest carrot in the world.
Irish_Carrot: Leonard, you are the most amazing guy I ever met.  I love you.  Good night.
CanadaCarrot: I love you too.  Good night.

And that night, Moira talked with Lovey, the RA, and Asparagus Hall had the “Circle of Candles” ritual where all the girls in the dormatory sit in a circle and pass around the candle.  Each anxiously awaited to see who was the one who was now engaged.  The candle was passed to Moira and she blew it out.  Then she told the girls how she became Leonard’s fiancee’.

Of course guys have no such ritual, Leonard simply went to all the rooms to tell everybody.

The next day, as usual, Leonard and Moira met in the gazebo at noon.

Leonard: Was it a dream?  Or did you really say yes?
Moira: I almost thought I was dreaming, but I did say yes.

And after graduation, they were married.  They then moved to Dinkletown, where their old friends Jack and Jill moved after they were married the year before.  Both couples became parents about the same time.  Jack and Jill had a son, Junior, and Leonard and Moira had a daughter, Laura.  The Carrots went on to have two more children, Lenny, named after his dad, and baby Lou.
 

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