It all began when Junior’s mom, Jill, moved to Chicago. She
was just a junior in high school and didn’t know anybody. After her
first day, she had made only one friend in her last class, biology.
Jill: Is anyone sitting here?
A mushroom: Oh no. Sit. I’m Shirley.
Jill: I’m Jill.
Shirley: You must be new.
Jill: Yeah. I don’t really know anybody.
Shirley: Well you know me. And soon, you’ll know some more people.
After a few weeks, Jill did meet some other veggies, but none were as
nice to her as Shirley. But what was making Jill nervous was that
no one shared her lunch period. Shirley had first lunch and Jill
had third, so Jill had to eat by herself and often in a different place
every few days. If it weren’t for Shirley, Jill would have been miserable.
Then, it was homecoming season.
Shirley: You are going to homecoming aren’t you?
Jill: I don’t think so. I’d feel all alone. This school
is so large.
Shirley: Well, I wish I could help, but I’m going with my boyfriend.
Jill: Oh yeah. Isn’t his name Carmine?
Shirley: Yeah. I have an idea. Would you mind going on
a blind date?
Jill: For homecoming?
Shirley: Oh no. Just an ordinary blind date.
Jill: I don’t know…
Shirley: Aw come on. Carmine has a friend who’s kinda like you.
He’s into religion and church and stuff.
Jill: I’m not sure.
Shirley: It’d be great. Carmine can set you up. You could
go out Friday.
Jill: Well…
Shirley: I’ll ask Carmine about it `k?
Jill: Oh, alright.
The next day, Carmine sits with his friends for lunch at the senior table. They include Leonard the Carrot, Squiggy Pea, and Jack Asparagus.
Carmine: Hey Jack. You going to homecoming?
Jack: Nah. I have a church function that night.
Carmine: Oh yeah. Bummer. I wish I could go to it, but
I promised Shirley.
Leonard: I’ll be there Jack.
Squiggy: I’ll be at homecoming. I got set up with Laverne again.
Carmine: That reminds me, Shirley has a friend she wants to set up
on a blind date.
Squiggy: Is she cute?
Carmine: I dunno. Never met her. I think Shirley wanted
her to go out with Jack.
Jack: (spits out milk) Me?!
Carmine: Hey. She say’s the girl’s a Christian. You might
like it.
Squggy: Yeah Jack. You’ve never even had a girlfriend.
Jack: (wipes up milk) I’ve never even been on a date!
Leonard: Take her bowling. You’d have no problem with that.
Jack: What if she hates bowling?
Squiggy: Then she’s NOT the girl for you.
Jack: Good point.
Carmine: Shirley says this girl’s new and doesn’t know a lot of people.
You could at least be friends with her.
Jack: Well…if she doesn’t know anyone.
Carmine: Great. You can take her out Friday.
Jack: Well, okay.
Jill: Friday?
Shirley: Yep.
Jill: Oh my. I guess I have a while.
Shirley: You’ll love it. He’s a really nice guy.
Jill: Okay. I’ll go.
When Friday comes Jill thinks nothing of it, but by 7:30, she’s terrified. She waits for her date and thinks of what he’ll look like.
Jill: I’ve got a blind date waiting to call on me. With my luck, he’ll be on time. I’m so nervous. I can’t back out of it now. What if he’s ugly? If he’s so nice, why doesn’t Shirley go with him herself? Cuz Shirley has a boyfriend that’s why. She’s an idiot. I can’t do this. I’m too shy. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. Shirley is an idiot. No I’M the idiot for being talked into this. I know! I’ll hide! If I hide when he gets here, he’ll think I stood him up. Yeah. And I’ll tell Shirley I changed my mind. Uh oh. Here he comes.
Jill conceals herself in the closet as Jack rings the doorbell.
Jack: I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I’m too nervous. Stop shaking. What if she’s ugly? What if she doesn’t like bowling? What if she doesn’t like ME? Why doesn’t she answer? Oh no! She probably saw me through the window and thought I was too ugly! There doesn’t even seem to be anyone inside. She stood me up. I’ll bet she took one look at me and decided to stand me up.
Jack scowls and throws the flowers into the bush in front of the window. He turns and walks back to his car.
Jack: You idiot! You threw your keys into the bush!
Jill peeks out of the closet and figures he’s gone. She at least wants to see what he looked like so she peeks out the window.
Jack rummages through the bush and finds his keys, but when he stands up he finds himself looking through the window again.
Jack: There you are!
Jill: Oh my! I’m so embarassed.
Jack retrieves the flowers and Jill opens the door.
Jill: I’m sorry. I was so nervous. I’m so embarassed.
Jack: That’s okay. I was nervous too. If I had known you’d
be so pretty, I’d have been even more nervous. But let’s just start
over. I’m Jack.
Jill: (blushing) I’m Jill.
Jack: (handing her the flowers) I’m sorry if they’re messed up.
Jill: They’re lovely. I’ll put them in some water.
Jack: (thinking) God must have really wanted me to go out with her
tonight. He made me go back for my keys.
Jill: (thinking) Why didn’t Shirley tell me it would be an asparagus?
Jack: Shall we go?
Jill: Alright.
They laugh together as Jack walks Jill to her door.
Jill: I never said I was good at bowling.
Jack: So long as you had fun. You’ll get better.
Jill: I’ll never be as good as you are. You bowled a 150.
Jack: Well…My church is having a music group perform tomorrow night.
Would you like to come?
Jill: It depends. Where is your church?
Jack: It’s pretty much on the other side of Chicago. But it does
have a partnership with your church.
Jill: I guess so. Call me and I’ll tell you if I can go.
Jill’s parents consent to it, seeing as it is a church function and after the concert…
Jill: That was a lot of fun. Your friend Lenny is really nice.
Jack: Oh he is. We’ve been friends for years. I wish you
could have met Carmine and Squiggy, but they went to Homecoming.
Jill: I’ve heard of Carmine. Shirley talks about him a lot.
Jack: I can imagine. They’re all great guys. Oh, before
I forget, what lunch do you have?
Jill: Third.
Jack: Really? So do I. I don’t suppose you’d mind eating
with me on Monday would you?
Jill: I’d love to! I mean…I usually eat by myself.
Jack: Not anymore. Meet me by the soda machine on Monday and
I can show you where. One can get lost in that huge cafeteria.
Jill: I have before. I’m not used to such a large school.
Jack: I guess I’m used to it. Well, here we are. I’ll walk
you to your door.
Jill: Thanks Jack. I had a great time.
Jack: Me too.
Jill: I’ll see you Monday.
On Monday, Jack mentions to his friends that he’s bringing a new friend to sit with them. Leonard, having met Jill at the concert, snickers. Jack and Jill meet, get their trays and Jack introduces her to the guys.
Carmine: Hey Jack. You didn’t say that your friend was a girl.
Squiggy: Especially a girl asparagus.
Leonard: Hi Jill.
Jack: Guys, this is Jill. She’s the one you set me up with Friday.
Carmine: Shirley didn’t tell me she was an asparagus.
Leonard: Did you like the concert?
Jill: It was great.
Squiggy: More importantly, do you like bowling?
Jill: I love bowling.
Jack: That’s what we did after the movie.
Squiggy: Wow. What was your score Jill?
Jill: Seventy-four. I never said I was good at it.
Leonard: If you’re friends with Jack, you’ll get better pretty quick.
How `bout you Jack.
Jack: I got a 150.
Squiggy: Oh, a low game huh?
Jill: You think 150 is low?
Leonard: For Jack it is.
Squiggy: He usually goes above 200.
Jill: (looks at Jack) Oh really. You didn’t tell me that.
Jack: (blushing) Well…I don’t like to brag.
Carmine: Ha. You should see him during League season.
And so on. Jack and Jill date a few times during the year, including prom, but nothing incredibly romantic. They always somehow wound up at a bowling alley. By May, Jill was scoring 100. Then it was graduation. Jack had offers to many colleges but he and Leonard both decided on Pugslyville University. Squiggy, Carmine and Shirley moved to Milwaukee with Shirley’s friend Lavergne. Squiggy roomed with an old friend of his named Lenny. Carmine and Shirley did get married as did Squiggy’s friend Lenny and Lavergne. Squiggy was the last to marry, but when he did, he eventually had a son. He was named Percy.
Jill missed Jack terribly when she didn’t see him all summer. She was a bright student and took her required classes during June and July. By August, she had already aquired enough credits to graduate. Jill’s mom had a cousin who worked at Pugslyville University and called to see if Jill could transfer down there. To her surprise, her cousin had disappeared some time ago along with her husband. The only one left in Pugslyville was their son, Archibald.
Archibald was pleased to have his second cousin, once removed, come to Pugslyville. He got her enrolled in a few classes and even got her a job as a waitress. Jill had waitressed before and was happily employed by Mr. Nezzer.
Jill: There’s not a lot of business tonight, is there sir?
Mr. Nezzer: Don’t you worry about that. It’s Tuesday. The
bowling league will be here any minute. I hope they had a good game.
They lose their appetites if they don’t do well.
Jill: (thinking) Bowling league? That means Jack! Hee hee.
He doesn’t even know I’m here yet. I’ll just surprise him.
Mr. Nezzer: Here they come now.
The bowling league came in and it did indeed include Jack and also Leonard the Carrot. The others were new to Jill, but she remains indescreet until they are all seated.
Jack: That was the best game we’ve had all season!
Leonard: Especially you. You bowled a 250 man!
Jack: Aw shucks guys.
Mr. Nezzer: I’m glad you guys had a good game.
Leonard: I’m hungry.
Jill: (coming out) I’ll take your orders now. (looks at Jack)
A 250 game. Pretty good Jack.
Leonard: Jill?
Jack: JILL!??!
Jack falls out of his chair and scrambles to get back into it. Leonard laughs.
Jack: What are YOU doing here?
Jill: Going to college.
Jack: But you’re still in high school!
Jill: Not anymore. I got my credits earned over the summer.
I’m going to college here now.
Leonard: Enough with the touching reunion. I’ll have a burger.
Everyone orders but Jack, who suddenly lost his appetite at the sight of Jill.
Mr. Nezzer: I’m glad you got to see some of your old friends.
Jill: It was nice seeing them again.
Mr. Nezzer: Jack left you a pretty hefty tip too.
Jill: With a note. He wants to meet me in the gazebo tomorrow.
Mr. Nezzer: Oooh la la. That gazebo’s a pretty popular place
for couples.
Jill blushes.
And so they meet. After Jill explains how she got there, Jack gets a little nervous. He didn’t realize she was related to Archibald, his roommate. They date for a while and Archibald gets suspicious everytime Jack comes in late. Their sophomore year they decide to go steady. Their junior year, they have their first kiss…in the gazebo. Finally, their senior year Jack goes on a mission trip.
Jill: But does it have to be to Haiti?
Jack: God will protect us.
Jill: Be careful.
Jack: I will. I have something important to tell you when I get
back.
Jill: Oh…Alright.
Of course if you’ve read The Prodigal Cucumber, you know what happens. A government uprising in Haiti puts the mission team in danger and Larry the Cucumber calls his Aunt Ruth to save them. On the helicopter going back to the states, Bob, the leader of the mission team, calls Larry on Aunt Ruth’s cell phone to tell him that everyone is alright. Larry is by then, the owner of the restaurant where Jill works and she is busy praying at the time. Larry hands the phone to Jill and Bob hands his phone to Jack.
Jill: Hello?
Jack: Jill!
Jill: JACK! YOU’RE ALIVE!
Jack: It’s alright. Larry sent his aunt down here to get us out.
It was a miricle.
Jill: I was so worried. I prayed so hard.
Jack: And Larry answered it. Jill, I have to tell you something.
Jill: What?
Jack: I did a lot of thinking down here and…Jill, will you marry me?
Of course she said yes. Once the mission team landed at the airport, Jack and Jill were inseperatable and they were married a short time later. And of course we know, they eventually had a son and named him after his dad, but so no one would be confused, they call him Junior.