SAVE GOURD HALL!
Larry and Bob were sitting in the dining hall of Pugslyville University.
The dining hall was very cramped. It wasn't orginally designed to
be a dining hall at all, in fact it was going to be the art gallery, but
unfortunate cicurcumstances had forced the University to remodel the building.
The result was a very cramped, unattractive place for the students to gather
and eat. But Larry wasn't thinking about any of that. Larry
wasn't even a student at Pugslyville. He had moved into town after
running away from home. For some strange reason his Aunt Ruth had
convinced him to come here after he went to her for money.
Larry didn't know whether to be more grateful to his Aunt Ruth or to
his new friend Bob. Bob had helped him through some very tough times
when he had first come to town. Bob also helped Larry after he lost
all his money and could only survive by feeding animals at the Pugslyville
Zoo. But most importantly of all, Bob had taken Larry to a Billy
Graham Crusade and introduced him to Jesus Christ. Larry was a new
cucumber now. He had just returned from visiting his family and he
knew he had a lot to be thankful for now. But something was still
troubling him.
Jimmy and Jerry were also sitting at the same table with Bob and Larry.
They were students in the same class as Bob. They noticed that Larry
seemed kind of down--and that he wasn't eating his food.
Jimmy: "Aren't you going to eat anything? The food's not
that bad"
Jerry: "Yeah, not that bad"
Larry: "Oh, well I guess I don't feel that hungry"
Jimmy: "Can I have your dessert than?"
Jerry: "What about those fries?"
Bob kind of glares at the Gourds as they take Larry's food and then
asks his friend:
"What's wrong? We told you that we've forgiven you for losing
all that money and ruining the reception. We don't have any hard
feelings about that--do we...(looks at the gourds)"
Jimmy: "Oh yeah, we've forgotten all about that, don't worry about
it."
Jerry: "Yeah, forgotten about it. You gonna eat that cheeseburger?"
Larry sighs, "No."
Bob looks at his friend and is going to ask him what's wrong again
but Larry begins to speak:
"It's just that. Well, I really like you guys and I really like
this school and I can't help thinking that it would be really neat if I
could go here"
Bob replies: "Well, why don't you apply and see if you can..."
He stops when he sees the sad look on Larry's face.
Larry: "I just can't figure out how I can. I don't have any money
of my own--you know that I lost everything in my trust fund. I didn't
get very good grades in High School cause I always goofed off. It's
hopeless."
Bob glares at his new friend: "It's NOT hopeless. Remember that
you're a Christian now and you're never without hope. If it's
in God's plan for you to go to this school then HE will find a way for
you to go."
Larry: "Hmmm. I guess you could be right. I've been praying
about it, but I guess I still have a lot to learn about trusting God. .
. . What are you guys whispering about?"
Jimmy and Jerry have been whispering at the other end of the table.
Larry: "You don't want my milk too, do you?"
Jimmy: "No, we were just trying to remember...What did you say your
aunt's name was?"
Larry: "Aunt Ruth?"
Jerry: "Um, she isn't the same Aunt Ruth, I mean the same..
Jimmy: "Was she married to Boaz Cucumber?"
Larry: "Yes!, How'd you know that? He died before I was even picked."
Jimmy: "Well, we remembered that when you told us her name it seemed
awful familiar. Then we were going over our notes for this scholarship
test we have to take.
Jerry: Yeah, test, for the Founder's Scholarship.
Bob: Founder's Scholarship?
Jimmy: "Yeah, if you're related to one of the founders of this University
you can get a scholarship. That's how we both were able to come here.
Jerry: Yeah, mom and dad only had enough money to send one of us.
The only way both of us could come here at the same time was if we got
a scholarship.
Jimmy: And I didn't want want to come here without my brother!
Jerry: Yeah, me too!
Jimmy: So we applyed for the founders scholarship. Our grandfather
helpled found this University.
Jerry: Yeah, Thaddeus T. Gourd.
Larry: Let me guess...the one Gourd Hall is named after?
Jimmy and Jerry: "Yeah!, Save Gourd Hall!!!!"
Bob and Larry look at each other and sigh. Gourd Hall is the
oldest building on campus and, unfortunately, it is condemned. The
foundation is crumbling and it has a slight lean to one side. Occasionally
bricks even fall from it's castle-like tower. Jimmy and Jerry are
constantly asking the students, faculty, and anyone who will listen to
contribute money to their fund to save Gourd Hall.
Bob: Before you guys get started, how does this relate to Larry?
Jimmy: Well, if his Aunt is the same Ruth Cucumber who helped found
Puglsyville U, than he could apply for the scholarship too. You don't
have to have good grades, you just have to memorize a bunch of facts about
how the University got started and take a test over them
Jerry: Yeah, take at test and give a speech.
Larry: A speech?
Jimmy: Oh yeah, you have to make up speech about some aspect of the
colleges history. We made up ours about.
Bob: Let me guess...
Bob, Larry, Jimmy and Jerry: Gourd Hall!
Jimmy and Jerry then relate the following poem/song:
THE BALLAD OF PUGSLYVILLE UNIVERSITY
BY JIMMY AND JERRY GOURD
Well it was 19 hundred and 52
Some veggies were sitting and feeling blue
They knew some kids with lots of pluck
But schools were scarce so they were out of luck
“We could send them back East,” suggested Paul Pickle
“But the schools out there are really quite fickle.”
“I quite agree,” said Ruth Cucumber
whose husband Boaz was a hard working plumber.
He suggested a plan that caused them to think
As he tightened the pipes under Mr. Gourd’s sink.
“We could start our own school,” he said with a grunt.
“Do you think it would work?” asked J.P. Lunt.
“I’d be willing to teach,” said Al Asparagus
“And you know that for science you can always get Gus.”
“But what about money?” asked Gus the carrot.
“We’d have to borrow from all who would share it.”
“With God’s help,” said Ruth. “I’m sure we can do it.
With enough faith in God, He will help us through it.”
So they started to build on a plot of land
Where Boaz’s factory was going to stand.
“That’s okay,” said the plumber as he made water glurg
“I got a better offer in Bumblyburg.”
Later Bumblyburg would become well known
For the plungers it made for one of it's own.
Thaddeus T. Gourd was our grandfather Thad
He started to work right away and collected all that they had
to build the very first building called Gourd Hall
And twenty years later they completed them all.
The first was finished in `52
And five years later there was Carrot College too.
The next year B&R Cucumber Dorm. was done
And Asparagus Track was in `81.
Many other buildings and colleges followed
But everyone knows that the greatest of all
Was the first one built which was Gourd Hall
With it’s towering bell in the tower so new
But the best part of all was of course…THE FOOD!
The Dining Hall served three meals a day
With beef, veal and pork, ice cream and sorbet
Tacos and nachos and pintos and cheese
Hot dogs and fries and burgers in grease
Chicken on Thursdays or Mystery Meat
Pizza on Friday as an after school treat.
There’s a lot more food to include in this song
But if we named them all it’d be ten miles long.
This great school has grown to this very day
And now Gourd Hall is wasting away.
So now in conclusion we are asking you all
Leave your change in the cans that say SAVE GOURD HALL.
Bob and Larry smile condenscendingly.
Bob: That was very nice, guys.
Larry: I think God may have just answered my prayer. Where do
you go to apply for that scholarship?
Jimmy and Jerry: We'll show you. If we help you study and you
pass the test and get the scholarship, then we won't have to take it again
to get the scholarship for next year.
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