Black Bitch
James JAM Jokes

Don't shoot the messenger
White Bitch
Man playing by himself on a gorgeous clear morning, thinking he wouldn't be dead for quids. After parring the first two holes, he lines up on the third, a 400 metre par four, and hits a screamer down the middle. He lines up his second with a 3-iron, but shanks it. It hits a tree, ricochets back, hits him between the eyes and he drops dead on the fairway.

His spirit floats up to the Pearly Gates. "Who are you? says St. Peter.

"Bill Anderson," says Bill Anderson.

St Peter looks at his clipboard and scratches his head. "I've got no record of you being due; what are you here for?"

"Two."
A guy comes home really late from his day at the course. His tee-time was 1:04 and he was supposed to be home at 6:00 for supper with his wife and kids. His wife greets him at the door at 11:30 and says, "Where the hell have you been?"

He quickly replies, "Well, I finished my round with the boys and I played really well and won all the cash. So I decided to buy the guys a few drinks. After a couple each they had to leave. However the waitress over heard about my great round so then she buys me a few shots. We made some small talk and then out of the blue she invites me back to her place. Next thing you know we get back to her place, she starts pulling of my clothes, kissing me passionately and we end up making love to each other for a couple of hours and now here I am!"

His wife looks him square in the eye and says, "You lying bastard, you played another 18 didn't ya!!!!"
Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10 so all in all I think it's pretty good. By the way, how's the golf?"

Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I'm not winning as much as I used to, but I'm still making a bit of money. I've had some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."

Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it,
then the next time I play it seems to be all right."

Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf?"

Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

And Nicklaus says: "But ... you're blind, how can you play golf if you're blind?"

Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But how do you putt?", asks Nicklaus.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Nicklaus asks: "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says "Well, I play off scratch."

Nicklaus is incredulous and he says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime."

Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and actually I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."

Nicklaus thinks about it and says "OK. I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"

Stevie says "Pick a night..."
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