Apples and Oranges
By Meta Christopherson
One day Baby Stewie was hungry. He’d been crawling for hours and still couldn’t find a decent snack. He might not have been old, but he knew if he didn’t eat soon that things were going to get bad. Baby Stewie was stuck in his apartment building. People passed him by, but never thought to stop to ask if he was hungry. He could smell dogs and cats, but he figured their owners kept them locked up. Especially since he hadn’t seen a one. I wonder where the dogs go poo, Baby Stewie wondered to himself.
An older lady walked by with a brown sack from the grocery store in her arms. Stewie tried to crawl to her to get her attention, but he was too slow. She was in her apartment before he traveled even a foot. He sat down on his bum and felt his diaper squish between his legs. Baby Stewie sighed. But then something red caught his eye. The old lady must’ve dropped this apple, it was right outside her door and he knew it wasn’t there five minutes ago.
Baby Stewie crawled towards her door again with renewed strength. He reached the apple and picked it up with his chubby little hands. He brought it to his mouth, then realized there was no way he was going to be able to eat the shiny red orb. So Baby Stewie got smart. He bumped his head against the old lady’s door, head butting it until she came.
“Well hello there, little one. I see you’ve found my apple. Thank you for returning it.” The old lady crouched and got on Baby Stewie’s eye level. “You must be hungry, huh? And I’m sure there’s no way you can gum your way through an apple.” She scooped him up in her arms and turned to go back into her apartment. “I’ll have to find your mommy and daddy, but let’s get you a clean diaper and some food first.” Baby Stewie just gurgled at her.
The old lady turned to go back into her apartment. She hitched Baby Stewie up higher on her side. Just as she went to close the door, Baby Stewie nestled in the crook of her neck and snuffled her skin. The old lady giggled. “Well aren’t you a little tease?” she laughed. When she reached the kitchen, Baby Stewie pulled his head back and his fangs unsheathed themselves. He bit her neck and slurped over her screams; eventually she stopped. It wasn’t long before Baby Stewie had sucked her dry. He licked his lips and crawled back to her door. He needed to find another snack.