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Typos and grammar slips
"Suspected to graduate early next year."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981."
"After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work."
"Accounting cleric."
"As indicted, I have over five years of experience analysing investments."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details."
"Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
More resume blunders
"Fired because I fought for lower pay."
"Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5"."
"Please disregard the enclosed resume - it is terribly out of date."
"Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."
"Qualifications: No education or experience."
"I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."
"My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
"Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the Tax office, Police and Government."
"Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near."
"Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.'
I prefer to elaborate privately."
Bad humour
"Title: Another resume from the 'Profiles in Excellence' series."
"Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house."
"Also known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr. Fix-it."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job'- and I like your company in
particular."
"Trustworthy references available upon request - if I give them a few bucks."
"Let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience."
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