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i remember the drinks
somehow someway making there way into my hands. but never quite remember the face that went with the hand or the drink
i just remember wanting to forget who i was for the evening.. happy to be out of the house i suppose. not having to be in charge, or responsible, not having to have a plan, or think about what i was doing. blessed release
just to forget who i was for even just one nite
wanting to think i could be like everyone else
wanting to feel loved
wanting to feel pretty wanting to feel special
and then i remember laughing forever...
but nothing was really funny
and then i remember him on top of me as i woke up and i remember thinking "god, it's cold in here" and that i was laying on someone's keys
i remember feeling nothing; just empty
then i realized in one horrible moment where i was and what had happened
but i don't remember saying no
and i don't remember being asked
and i don't remember him
i remember being so numb
and i remember the faces afterwards
almost to clearly i remember them
i remember my 'friends' who thought it was funny
i remember his friends who thought i was a party girl asking for their turn
and i remember their faces in particular the faces of my 'best friends' with that 'how could you look' & then they turned away back to their conversations...
i remember asking for my coat & no one would answer me
they were to busy whispering and laughing b/c i was half dressed
someone handed me another drink & i accepted it, while trying to button my shirt the rest of the way.. why ruin an already tarnished reputation
but what i remember most about that nite was being so lonely amongst all those people and being so numb that i was freezing.. if i would have cared more i probably would have left but at least the 'party girl' is someone...
you came to me
all at once
chipping away at my resistance
not letting my heart breath
but your eyes decieved you
as my heart pleaded with you
begging to be let in; to breath
and you told me
and you told me that you loved me
and that you needed me
promising that forever
really would mean forever
this time
the pain would let me escape
this time
but somehow
i lost you
and
your promise of forever
came within a heartbeat
and then you were gone
and with you... the pain
found me again
like an old
friend.....
