I love a girl called Maria
Her name is Maria
They call her Mari, Mari
Mari, Mari, Maria
She loves a guy who's a Maori
A New Zealand Maori
Yes, he's a Maori, Maori,
Maori, Maori, Maori
They sailed a kayak down the Murry
A kayak down the Murry
Down the Murray
Murray, Murray, Murray
They docked their boat at the marina
They docked at the marina
At the mari, mari
Mari, mari, marina
They love pasta marinara
Pasta marinara
They love their mari
Mari, mari, marinara
They skipped through a field of marigold
Though a field of marigolds
A field of mari,
Mari, mari, marigolds
They said one they would marry
One day they would marry
Yes, they'd marry,
Marry, marry, marry, marry
Sadly they died this afternoon
Cha - cha - cha.
Warsong
With a downward blast
From his doughy arse
Like a lance of fire
He shot up the mast
As he mumbled blasphemous epitaphs
"I am the sailor!"
And the captian cried with a mighty heave-ho,
"Enemy sighted on the starboard bow
Load your cannons let 'em go
For God
Is on out side boys"
In the dust and sand
Of a foreign land
With hands afire
He buried his friend
He beat his brow
And cursing foul he said
"I am the solider"
And the private laughed as he reached the bluff
His gun barrel smoking and enough's enough
"We've done more damage than Old MacDuff
And God
Is on our side boys"
He flew through the flak
On the first attack
The bomb bay open
On a missile's back
"Here's the pay load"
He crudely spat
"I am the airman"
And the general sighed "This is our last stand
Let every man say 'amen'
For we'll not see daylight again
And God
Is on our side boys"
Well the airman plunged into the pine
And the sailor drowned in the briny brine
And the soldiers in haste put his foot on a mine
And it comes to all in time boys
For on the day they died boys
God
Was on the other side boys.
When I get famous there'll be so many people want to know me
So if you want to know me right now
You'd better make some kind of an effort
When I get famous there'll be so many people
Clambering to touch my hands
I don't care if your love ain't real
I just want to know that feel
I want someone to love me
I want someone to love me
Because you rejected me
You rejected me
But when I get famous there'll be so many people want to know me.
I'll just be able to pick and choose
You'll just be one is a line
When I get famous there'll be so many people
clambering to touch my finger tips
I don't care if your love ain't real
I just want to know that feel
I want someone to love me
I want someone to love me
Because you rejected me
You rejected me
But when I get famous there'll be so many people want to know me!
Lust crazed and underaged in a teenage rampage
A purgatory sex orgy
For bible-bashing whorship tory
Public virtue - private vice
Animal sacrifice
Maimed stoned Muslim terror
Horror in the and and
Kylie is an alien.
Transvestite in the House of Commons
Margret Thatcher witches coven
I journeyed through Hell
Through a virgin blood bath
tie me up, and tease me,
Rubber please, says specialist
Athlete fails drug test - trio in a love nest
Kylie is a brussel sprout.
Reform girls castrated cockerspaniel
Minister in panty-raid
Schoolgirl scandle
pervert vandal impaled on the handle
'Bug-eyed fruit loops'
we are at war with evil (ah gotch).
Here comes the sun.
The Guardian and the Truth
The Hearld, The Times
Delivered to me and you -
I read it all in letters 10ft tall
The muse of the newspapers
Writing on the toilet walls
Simese twins in incest torture chamber
Herbal remedy fot terminal cancer
Midget doctor-caesarian catastrophy
Test tube-baby turns to black tar algae
I didn't mean to hurt her,
the bastards forced me.
Acupunture proved to be a cure for haemophelia
And Kylie has a sister.
Quiet student real life panty hose serial killer
Vile sex crimes and a cannibal dinner
Dwarf and giant in a dirty sex video.
Man dies of rust after eating auto
Poligamy for lager lout whose
Bestfriend is a brussel sprout and
Kylie is a poofter.
And Jason is a a hetero!
Boy 5, gives birth to a deformed older brother
Maltese girl, 13, now great great grandmother
Sewerage system feeds
2-headed monster, medal of honour
For an armless butcher.
Here comes the sun, day sport
The news of the world
My page 3 lady is
A big- big girl
I read it all, in letters 10ft tall
The muse of the newspapers,
Smwaring shit down toilet walls
Through the halls, across the floor
Smearing the shit over us all -
Ah, gotcha!
The Middle Class
Ba doom, ba doom
Ba doom, ba doom.
Your heart feel so right
Your eyes swim in the beer
Where the bar room lights are hung
With your friend Jo-jo
With your friend Pierre
You drink a toast to being young.
Jo-jo thinks he's Voltar
Pierre, he's Cassonova,
And me, I proudly do not care
Me! Me! I'm Natratilova!
And at midnight
We watch the sales men pass
Coming out of hotels that have real class
We show them our good manners
And we show them our arse
And oh, how we sang
The middle class
Are just like pigs
The older they get
The fatter they get
The middle class
Are just like pigs
The fatter they get
The less they regret.
Ba doom, ba doom
Ba doom, ba doom.
Your heart feel so right
Your eyes swim in the beer
Where the bar room lights are hung
With your friend Jo-jo
With your friend Pierre
Holding on to being young.
Voltar danced like a vicar
But Casonova was too stout
And me, I proudly do not care
And Paul stank til we passed out.
We watch the sales men pass
Coming out of hotels that have real class
We show them our good manners
And we show them our arse
And oh, how we sang
The middle class
Are just like pigs
The older they get
The fatter they get
The middle class
Are just like pigs
The fatter they get
The less they regret.
Ba doom, ba doom
Ba doom, ba doom.
But now your heart slows down
Your eyes do not flash
The hotel bartender sings our praise
Now! Jo-jo is no clown
Pierre pays in cash
Amoung the book keepers we spend our days
Now Jo-jo just speaks of Voltar
And Casonova is just a book on the shelf
And Me!
Me! Me! Ish! Moi! Je! Me!
I speak only of myself
(Yeah, yeah, Tim, Tim, Tim, all the time,
Me, me, me. Ego maniac.)
And everybody knows
That we've got real class
There is not a night that we can't pass
Those lousy little kids
Always showing their arse - Hmmm, not bad
Oh god how they sing
The middle class
Are just like pigs
The older they get
The fatter they get
The middle class
Are just like pigs
The fatter they get
The less they regret!
Touch Me You Fool
You've been flirting like crazy
Since I walked in through the door
You were so damn obvious
I almost licked the floor
And though your not attractive
There is still something that appeals
Like a baby seal with its head caved in
Or eating jellied eels.
Please don't turn away now
You know exactly who you are.
Is it just that you smell the scent
Of a minor mega-star
Nows your chance
Let's not dance
Let's really get in on
And touch me you fool (touch him you fool)
And touch me you fool (touch him you fool)
I know (I know) your shy
Forget (forget) that guy
And touch me! (touch him!)
You play fair, you're Mayfair
Your hotels on Park Lane
Your waterworks are wonderful
Oh how can I explain
That to me your more than cute
Your no trivial pursuit
Your the one I'd go to jail for
The one that I'd post bail for
I wont pass go if you say no
Give me the chance to play for -
Kiss me you fool, kiss me you fool
Your not cupid,
Just kiss me stupid!
Kiss me!
Come on and kiss me you fool
Come on and kiss me you fool
Come on and kiss me you fool
Come on and kiss me you fool
For you I'd scale the Gandees
I'd swin the Piranese
I'd wade through vats of leeches
In the nude, just as a tease.
I'd open up my heart for you
And various other things
Your eyes are most inviting
Your lips are so exciting
C'mon let's play,
Don't run away
I need you so, it's frightening!
Feel me you fool (feel me you fool)
Feel me you fool (feel me you fool)
Oh it (it would) be bliss
Get a grip ( a grip) on this!
And feel me! (and feel me!)
C'mon and feel me, touch me, squeeze me, tease me,
Bump me, pump me, hump me, jump me
Root me, poop me, hoop me, scoop me,
Hurt me, squirt me,
Belch me, felch me,
Whip me....
Just fuck me!
Jack
What are your hands Jack.
Black from the coal.
What is your back Jack.
Snapped and cracked from
Diggin' it, diggin' it what's that
Soul.
Failed the test
Need to rest
I all caught up in a twisted wreck.
Failed the test
Need to rest
I all caught up in a twisted wreck.
My Baby's Gone to Jail
My baby's gone to jail, she won't be out for quite a while
My baby's gone to jail, cause she set fire to my child
You know what she did, she charcoal grilled the kid
Then got a butane lighter to ignite the little shit!
All I'm saying is I think she's a psychopath
She threw a radiator into my sister's bath and
I'm just praying, must I paint a picture
All I'm hoping is that they wont convict her.
My baby's gone to jail.
She reads books to me
By the Marquis De Sade
I'd like to repremand her
But it's always hard.
And she's a sado-masochist
An anochistic arsonist
Manic Depressive Dalinist
And she gets worse when she gets premenstrual.
All I'm saying is she needs psychiatric care
She swallowed razor blades in truth or dare and
All I'm saying is hey! Give her a break.
You all know that we've all made mistakes
So What! So What!
So What! So What!
If they use the noose
They'll crack her pretty neck
They'll singe her hair
If she goes to the chair
And although she cut
My Ovaltine with crack
I want her back!
My baby's gone to jail, she may be doing life.
She took a twelve inch shotgun and blew away my wife
I'll beg the judge to join her in a six foot cell,
Cause cruising singles bars is worse than hell.
All I'm saying is
She's got this jealous streak
Saw my woman and
Man she really freaked
Took that chainsaw of love
To say we're through
Cut off my wedding ring
And took my finger too.
My baby's gone to jail
My baby's gone
My baby's gone to jail
My baby's gone
My baby's gone to jail
My baby's gone
My baby's gone to jail
My baby's gone
So what!
I met her at the 'Sailor Arms'
A bar down by the docks
Full of prostitutes and deviants
And fellows wearing frocks
Went there to drown my sorrow
My misery and paaaiiiiaaaiiiiaan
With fourteen multicoloured pills
And a pint of heavy ale
And I saw this girl across the way
Who was smiling through the wine
So I begged her come on over
Come on over, spend some time
And I spilled my life before her
And she seemed to understand
Although she was a girl
We were talking man to man
For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in the Sailors Arms
At twenty-five past three
There's something strange about her
I can't put my finger on
But I wanna tell the world
That she's the one
I wanna tell the world
That she's the one.
The strolled up to the toilets
She strolled into the Gents
I asked her why she did it
Why she'd gone to pay the rent
We arm-wrestled and I lost
She beat me with a spike
Told me filthy jokes
That were quite unlady-like
It was four in the morning
And through the smokey haze
I could've been mistaken
But she needed to shave
For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in the Sailors Arms
With a better man than me
Her husky voice seduced me
My heart was in a mess
I sat upon her knee
As something twitched beneath her dress
There's something more than knees beneath her dress
You've got nice eyes says I
Oh Sir, I am suprised
What large hands I said
All the better to touch you with
God, you arms look strong
A woman's work is never
done
Your legs are quite hirsuite
Aren't you the saucy one!
I was feeling less than stable
When she said her name was Ken
Well if I had suspicions
Lord I should've had 'em then
She cried as she told me
How she was so confused
One more visit to the doctor
She'd have nothing left to lose
I ran my fingers through her wig
She lightly stroked my hair
She said she was a man
I told her I don't care
For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in a hopper bin
With my trousers 'round my knees
There's something strange about her
I just put my finger on
And I want to tell the world
That she's the one (he's the one)
I want to tell the world
That its the one!
Tell Laura I Love Her
Tommy and Laura were lovers
He wanted to give her everything
Flowers, presents
But most of all, a wedding ring.
He saw a sign for a stock car race
Thousand dollars prize it read
So he gets Laura on the phone
So to her Mother Tommy said
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I may be late
There's something I must do that cannot wait
He drove his car to the racing ground
He was the youngest driver there
The crowd roared as they started to race
Round the track they went, at a deadly pace
No-one knows what happened that day
How his car overturned in flames
But as they pulled his body from the twisted wreck
With his dying breath they heard him say
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
There's something I must do and that is die
Now in the chapel where Laura prayed
For her Tommy who passes away
It was for her he lived and died
Alone in the chapel, she hears him cry
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura not to cry
My love for her will never die.
World's Best Kisser
I'm wet and I'm moist
So come on let's rejoice
In the birds, the bees, the fillies and the colts
And the fact that we are all young adults
And lie back in your couch
After this there'll be no doubt
I don't care if your a Miss or a Missus
You done been kissed by the worlds best kisser.
Ho ho sit up and straight and pout
I'll suck your face until I pull your mollars
out
A tongue so long you'll call me more than frienD
One kiss from this you'll never bruch your teeth
again.
Go back to your husband now
Tell him you done break your vow
Stand proud and say, Hey Mister,
I've just been kissed by the worlds best kisser.
Ho ho sit up straight and pout
I'll suck your face until I pull your wisdoms
out
A tongue so long, it really grows and grows
Put it in your mouth and it'll clean out your
nose
I've only kissed on girl before
My Grandma on the kitchen floor
She dribbled and grinned and said, Hey Kid,
You taught me things your Grandpa never did
She added there'd be hell to pay
If Ma found out we'd gone astray
So hurry boy, go and get some sleep
You've finally got some skills to teach.... the
sheep
Hey hey - calm down and pucker up
These lips are strong enough to stop a truck,
A tongue so long it really packs a punch,
One kiss from this
And I'll know what you had for lunch,
One kiss from this
And I'll know what you had for lunch...