As Opposed To

I want to stay up late at night
writing sad poems about you.
I want to get drunk and call you
so I can tell you how badly I want to see you again.
I want to be the kind of girl who keeps a diary
so I can pull it out when I'm lonely for you
and wonder in ink about the how and why
of the distance from me to you.
I want to make you understand
how I love your smile your mind
your face your wit your touch.
I want to talk about you with everyone I know.
But mostly I want to hold you against me
until I'm so sure of you
that I can fall asleep smiling.