- an Interview with KK -
KK: Cadbury, of course. Artificial yolk and refined sugar are part of my water sign. Did I really have to go over that again?
JE: [screams piercingly] Why do you cry so easily! Do tears fade the color of a stitching! Can you assure your audience that the vibrant colors of these stitching will not fade in the wash!
KK: The only one who can assure anything is the baby Jesus, the big G. The only time I've cried was from boredom, and, oh...wait, can you see this? I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW! (fake sniffles)
JE: What is your favorite television commercial jingle? Do you know Jingles? I know it's hard to see his eyes, but has he ever looked at you? Why don't you like Jingles?
KK: I thought I couldn't see because I was blind? Am I the only one following logic and insinuations here? (sigh) I tend to prefer late-night infomercials for starving children in Tamberia, you know, the ones covered in flies and feces, drinking from a large vat of moldy rice water. I am skeptical of any capitalist who advertises death and despair.
JE: Is it strange being a female Junior? Why did your mother give you the same name as her? Has this affected your ability as an artist?
KK: Not as an artist, but as a teenager, yes. There was nothing more humbling then having the boy you liked call you at home to have whoever answered respond, "Big Kathleen or Little Kathleen?" There was always a pause because, well, like I said, I've always been a little chubby. To clear up the pause, the telephone-answerer would then impatiently ask, "Mother or Daughter?" By that point, the mood had died.
JE: You say you were a dork in high school but I don't believe you. Is it true that you are a lush?
KK: Yes, I was a dork by choice because Pisces have strong intuition, even psychic abilities. I mean, just look at your nightly news! Who is in control now? The dorks! Somehow, after I graduated high school, the dorks became armed rebels. While perhaps my years of prepubescence were slightly more humbled then today's D&D wack jobs, (much to do with situations outlined in previous question), my lack of popularity is what encouraged me to pursue alternative outlets of "fun". I am not a lush, no. Not as of the past three weeks anyway.
JE: I just wanted to say that the flaming skull towel you gave me at my bridal shower is among my most cherished possessions. Can you assure me that you will somehow separate that particular stitching from the rest of your orders in a way that would keep it more special?
KK: Most definitely. No two replications are ever the same. Each one of my pieces are made-to-order...only at random. Depends on the vibe I get from the customer's name, street address, etc. For instance, someone with the last name "Berry" will receive a smiling skull on a pink towel. Someone with the surname "Heller" will receive a flaming bloody skull with teeth of snakes on a black towel. Maybe even a towel with a stain.
JE: I hear you like rodeo riding. Is it true that your hymen was broken at an early age because of this? Was the embarrassment from that ordeal what led you into the old lady hobby of stitchery?
KK: This is true, yes, I cannot have children.
JE: Consider your audience. Can you offer a mother-to-be a flaming skull baby blanket for her precious little one? Or a flaming skull knit cap for the newborn soft skull?
KK: Well, again, I hope to be dealing with an audience who has a sense of humor. Hence the terms "weird" in Was'af? That baby needs to be strong from birth, a rebel from conception. If more babies were born into comedic irony or symbolic hilarity, then perhaps we can control the rate of those spawning stupidity.
This interview was conducted by both Sunday Smith and Jess Emmons on 7/10/03