Rating: PG-13
Category: Lance/JC, but not at first, Justin/Chris
Summary: Lance�s boyfriend dies and JC is there to help and Justin reminisces about his old boyfriend�s death and funeral.
Disclaimer: Don�t own them
~*~
�Hey Lance! Get out of your bunk and get out here!� Justin called.
�What is it, Justin? Is Chris tickling you to death again?� Lance smirked as he walked out.
�Nope. Phone call.� He handed the phone to his friend. Lance took the phone and shushed Chris and Joey. They paused their game so Lance could talk. JC was sitting on the couch writing. Justin sat next to JC.
�Hello?� Lance waited a moment with a smile on his face then it slowly faded. �Mallory, what is it? You�re crying.�
The guys looked at him. They all watched as Lance struggled to stay standing.
�No. No, he can�t be, I just talked to him. No. You�re lying, you�re lying!� Lance dropped the phone and ran away.
Justin jumped up and grabbed the phone. �Mallory? Oh God. Yeah, we�ll be there in a few days.� Justin hung up. He looked up at the guys with huge eyes. �Michael was murdered last night.�
�Oh my God.� Chris put a hand to his mouth. Justin sat down in a daze. Joey and JC looked at each other.
JC got up and went to see Lance. He opened the bunk and saw Lance crying. Lance looked at him.
�It can�t be true, C, it can�t.�
JC opened his arms. Lance got down and JC grabbed him in a tight hug before he could fall to the ground. Lance sobbed in his shirt. JC let him and didn�t say anything. He felt that words would be too much.
~*~
The next day, JC walked out to the kitchen area and sat down.
�How�s he doing?� Joey asked and flinched at the stupid question.
JC looked at him. �He had a bad nightmare. I had to stay with him, he couldn�t sleep. He�s sleeping now.�
�How could this happen? He just called us.� Justin tried to fight back tears and Chris got up to hug him. Michael was a close friend and Lance�s boyfriend.
�How did it happen?� Chris asked stroking Justin�s back.
JC looked to see if Lance was listening before sighing. �Um, he was going to the bank when three guys jumped him. They took his wallet and half of his clothing. Then they shot him. The security camera caught everything. Maybe we shouldn�t talk about this.� He shook his head.
�Was it hate related?�
JC shrugged. �Might have been.�
They heard a noise and saw Lance staring at them.
�Lance.�
�You don�t think that do you, Joe?� He asked in a shaky voice.
Justin pulled away from Chris and went to hug his friend. �Come on.� He took Lance to the front so the two youngest ones could talk.
Chris sat down.
�They relate.� Joey said softly.
�Huh?� Chris asked.
�Oh, that�s right Justin doesn�t talk about it. Um�when he was 14, right before *NSYNC started, before you called him, he had a boyfriend. They were still together but secretly. When he was 16, he got a call while he was with Lance in their room that someone had shot his boyfriend and stomped on him. Justin was so broken over it that Lance ended up making Lou, his mom and Justin�s mom, take him back to the states for a while. Lance and I went to the funeral with him. It was open casket and to this day, I don�t know what his parents were thinking. I had to practically carry Justin everywhere.� JC sighed. �All you know is that his boyfriend died but you have no clue what happened.�
Chris nodded. �How is he about it now?�
�Sometimes he still has problems but you are always there.� JC smiled slightly.
�That�s right, Chris liked Justin for a while.� Joey knocked his head.
Chris nodded. �Yeah. But he was jailbait and had lost his boyfriend. He made the move when he was 19.�
�I didn�t think he was ready.� JC shook his head and drank his coffee. �Neither did Lance. �Now, two years later.�
�Lance loses his boyfriend.� Chris sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Chris and Joey suddenly looked at each other then at JC.
JC wrinkled his eyebrows. �What?�
�JC, you have a crush on Lance.�
�So? I�m not going to jeopardize our friendship for that and besides, I don�t really think he needs a relationship right now you overprotective lunatics.�
Joey raised his hands in surrender.
Chris nodded. �We�re just saying that we don�t want you to accidentally let on your feelings and get hurt. I was good at it.�
�He was jailbait.� JC pointed out.
�Yeah, so I covered it up. But just be there for Lance like we were all there for Justin.�
JC nodded. �Definitely.�
In the other room, Lance had his head in Justin�s lap and was letting Justin run his hands through his hair.
�It doesn�t make sense. He didn�t deserve to die, he was only 24.�
Justin nodded.
�Justin, when Robert died, how did you do it? I never realized how you kept your chin up. You had to do so many performances and you would cry when we got into the van.�
Justin sighed. �You guys. You guys didn�t say anything. You didn�t try to make me believe you understood and you didn�t make anything up. Britney came to the funeral so that made me a little happy. I don�t even know how she knew.�
�JC called her up and told her you needed a girl friend around.�
Justin nodded. �Anyway, I really don�t know. I just know one night I woke up in our hotel room with Joey, Chris and JC lying on the bed with me with you on the floor because you couldn�t fit. I crawled over Joey, got out of bed and went outside. I looked up at the night sky and a breeze flew in my face. But to me it seemed like he was trying to tell me to move on and to be successful at what I do. I promised him there would be a part of my heart that was his forever. JC came out and heard me talking but didn�t say anything. I knew he was there, though. I still think about him though. He�ll always be there but I have you guys and Chris.� Lance sighed.
�Well now I understand, Justin, now I do.�
�So do I.�
Lance looked at him. Justin nodded. A few minutes later, Joey, Chris and JC walked over. Lance sat up and went over to JC. JC raised his arm and let Lance cuddle close to him and cry softly. Joey raised his eyebrow and JC glared. Justin looked confused then his eyes widened. Chris put a hand to his mouth and he nodded.
A few days later, JC stood on the porch ringing the doorbell. Justin stood next to him, biting his lip hard. Chris was behind them and Joey was next to him. Lance was next to JC.
The door opened and a young woman stood there, wiping her eyes.
�Guys, thanks for coming. Oh Lance.�
Lance moved up and hugged Mallory. All the guys were next. Justin gave her a half hug as he was holding something in his hands.
�When we stopped to get dressed, my mom gave me this pasta salad to give your mother.�
�Oh, thank you. Where is she?�
�She�ll be here soon.� Justin followed the rest of the guys.
JC looked over at Lance and saw that he was looking at a picture of him and Michael sadly. He gently hugged Lance and went to talk to Michael�s mother. Lance watched him before turning to Justin. �Why is it so hard?�
�You can�t let go, that�s why.� He gently pushed Lance away.
JC walked over to Michael�s mom. �Mrs. Miller?�
�Oh hi, JC.�
He hugged her. �I�m so sorry. I wish I knew what to say.�
�It�s all right, honey. How�s Lance?�
JC looked over at his friend. �I wish I knew. He doesn�t really talk to anyone but Justin.�
She nodded and Lance walked over.
�Hi ma�am.� He didn�t know what to call her anymore. He always was allowed to call her by her first name. Now it sounded cold.
She hugged him and Lance hugged her back. JC looked over at Justin and saw that he was reminiscing. �I�ll be right back.� He walked over to Justin. �Hey.�
Justin looked at him. �How do I do it, JC? How do I comfort Lance when it haunts me?�
JC wrapped an arm around him and walked him over to Joey and Chris.
~*~
�They want us to sing.�
JC sighed. �Do they by any chance know Lance isn�t going to sing and that�s final? If he doesn�t sing, we don�t.�
Justin shrugged. �They said it would help.�
�Who?� Joey asked.
�Not us.� Chris said, secretly running a hand over Justin�s hand. Justin leaned into the touch.
�I can do it.� Lance spoke softly
JC looked up from his seat. �You don�t have to Lance.�
�I did it when I was sick, I can do it now. Justin did, why shouldn�t I?�
�Lance, I was forced to.� Justin stood up. �Lance, Lou forced me to sing. You guys fought him but they made me. We fought him when he made you. We�re not going to force you to sing for Michael if you can�t.�
�You sang.� He said. �You sang at his funeral.�
�By myself. You and JC said no but I made myself. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.�
Lance looked at his friends. �I want to.� He looked into JC�s eyes.
JC gulped. �All right. But if you break down, we�re stopping, got it?�
Lance nodded and wiped away a few tears. �What do we sing?�
�That�s When I�ll Stop Loving You, God Must Have Spent, or whatever you want.� Joey said.
�What did you sing, Justin?�
�One Sweet Day.� He said.
�Can we sing that?� Lance asked.
Justin looked at Lance and them. �Fine, it�s okay. I don�t mind.�
Lance hugged his friend. Chris rubbed Justin�s shoulder. Lance sighed and collapsed next to JC.
�Is it normal to want to die?�
Justin looked at him. �Yeah. Wanting and doing two separate things so don�t even think about it.�
Lance nodded.
A little bit later, Justin gulped standing up at the podium, microphone in hand. He looked at Lance standing next to him. Lance was looking towards the coffin.
�Lance, it�s open casket! Oh God, I can�t recognize him!�
Lance wrapped his arm around Justin before he could fall.
Justin and JC looked at each other then at the other two.
�JC, get Justin!� Lance yelled through the church building.
JC caught Justin before he could hit the ground after seeing his dead boyfriend�s coffin.
Joey and Chris gulped.
<I>�Justin, come here buddy.� Chris hugged him. �We�re here for you.�
Justin didn�t say anything. Joey clapped Chris on the back and hugged Justin and Chris along with Lance and JC.</I>
Justin sighed. �This song is dedicated to Michael. May he find better happiness wherever he is now.�
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
Now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Darling I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
Took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Although the sun will shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray
And I know you're shining on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'd be together
One sweet day
And I know you're shining on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'd be together
One sweet day
Sorry I never told you
Together
All I wanted to say
Lance walked over to the casket and stared at the peacefulness of his boyfriend. He put a hand to his. It was ice cold. Lance�s eyes rolled back into his head.
�Joey, get Lance!� He barely heard Justin say as he felt someone catch him before he could fall.
~*~
Lance opened his eyes and saw his friends standing over him.
�He�s awake.�
�Lance are you all right?�
�Honey?� His mom showed in his view.
�What happened?� He asked sitting up.
�You fainted. I barely caught you.� JC said.
�He was faster than me.� Joey said.
Lance smiled slightly. �Oh God, I can�t believe I fainted in there. Are they mad?�
�Confused, but not mad.� Justin said.
�I think I want to go home soon. But I�m hungry.�
�We can go to the reception for a bit then go back to the bus.�
�Would you feel better if we canceled a few shows?� JC asked.
Lance shook his head. �I�d feel too guilty. We can perform. I don�t mind.�
�Promise? You�re not going to get mad?�
�Promise, Chris. I promise.�
~*~
Lance popped a chip into his mouth and looked over at Justin pacing. �It�s going to be a good show Justin, calm down.�
�I know. But, I got a call from Robert�s mom.�
Lance looked at him and dropped his book. �What?�
�She said Robert hid something for me and she hasn�t been in his room in years and she went in and saw this box and�Lance, I don�t know. All these memories are rushing back and��
Lance stood up and put his hands on Justin�s shoulders. �Okay. Justin, look straight at me. Michael did the same thing.�
�What?�
He sighed. �Mallory called me and said that she was cleaning his room when she saw a box and it had my name on it. She said she�d bring it after the show. Why don�t we open the boxes together? Would that help?�
�I think so.�
Lance sighed. �I�m trying to be strong, Justin. I want you to be too. You got over this.�
�I know. But when I think about him, I go nuts all over again.�
�Okay. Justin, promise me something. When we�re on that stage, and we sing a sad song like Gone�oh God, help me, we need to stay strong. If you can�t do it, look straight at me. Turn around and look at me or Chris or JC. Joey too, duh. We�ll keep looking at you. Yes, we may start a weird slashy thing with the slashers out there but who cares? We need to be strong. They�d want us to be.�
Justin sighed and smiled. �He�s been gone for a week, how do you do this?�
�Easy. I remember how we help you. You guys keep your mouths shut when I need it.�
Justin hugged his friend. �What are you thinking about?�
�JC.�
Justin pulled away. �Yeah? Why?�
�I don�t know. Ever since this happened, I�ve been thinking about how he is always looking at me. Like he�� Lance stopped. His eyes widened. �Justin.�
�He�s not telling you because of this.�
�How long?� Lance looked around.
�Since�well, since you got sick. He was so worried and he had all these feelings.�
�Oh no. He never said anything. Not even when Michael and I would fight.�
�Lance, remember when Chris fell for me?�
�Yeah.�
�He pushed away to keep from being a rebound.�
Lance sighed. �Does JC think that?�
�I don�t know.�
Lance buried his face in his hands. �Great, what do I do now?�
�Easy. Don�t lead him on. You�re heart�s broken. It�s mending right now.�
Lance looked back at him. �Who the hell are you and what did you do with Justin?�
Justin smiled. �I grew up and you�re going through what I did.�
�Go blow your boyfriend, Timberlake.�
Justin grinned and ran off.
Lance looked at him in shock. �Justin, I didn�t mean literally!� He growled and ran after Justin.
~*~
JC backed up when Justin ran by. �Can�t talk, got 10 minutes to blow Chris.�
JC looked at him with wide eyes. He saw a flash of blonde and green and noticed it was Lance.
�Justin, we don�t have time!�
JC looked at Joey. �I don�t want to know and I won�t even ask.� He grabbed Joey�s arm and they went after Lance. Lance stopped at the closed door and shut his eyes.
�What?�
�Sh.� Lance put a hand to his mouth. �He�s busy.�
JC nodded.
~*~
During Gone, both Justin and Lance were in tears. When they went backstage, they had to wipe their eyes and let the other guys hold them for five minutes.
After the show, Justin stood at the door waiting. A woman walked in and Justin went to her.
�Justin.� She hugged him and he hugged her back. �How are you?�
�I�m okay.�
�Did you write Gone for�?� She stopped.
�Yeah, yeah I did.�
She nodded. �Here. I found this.� She handed him a tattered old box. �I think he�d want you to have it. I�m sorry I found it so late.�
�It�s all right.�
She smiled and hugged him again before leaving. Justin looked at the box before rushing off to his dressing room. Chris went after him.
Lance gulped and got his box before leading Joey and JC to Justin�s room.
Lance sat down next to Justin and they looked at each other.
�Ready?�
Justin nodded and they both opened the boxes.
In Justin�s box was a diary, pictures and love letters. In Lance�s were CDs, pictures, diaries, letters and little notes. Lance was in tears and sobbing by the time he finished.
JC stood up and put the box down before holding Lance close to him. Chris wrapped his arms around Justin and Justin closed his eyes.
�Don�t leave me, ever, Chris.�
�Never.�
On the bus that night, Lance was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. He heard movement in the front room and looked out to see JC pacing the floor, notebook in hand. He looked at his watch and got out of bed. He saw that Justin was in Chris�s bunk and Joey was snoring away and went to JC.
�What are you doing up?�
JC jumped and looked at Lance. �Oh. I just got a sudden inspiration to write�now I lost it.�
�I�m sorry.�
�Go back to sleep, Lance, you need rest.�
�Wait, JC, I need to talk to you.�
He sat JC down on the couch.
�Justin um�Justin told me, how you felt about me.�
JC froze. �Lance, I didn�t want you to know.�
�I know. You didn�t want to be a rebound or anything. JC, in the back, I always had a crush on you. But I pushed it away, thinking you could never love me back. Then I met Michael and I was happy. Did he know, how you felt about me?�
�No. I don�t think he did.�
�JC, I still love you�a lot. But I need time.�
�I know, Lance, I know and I am willing to wait forever. Until you�re ready.�
Lance smiled. �Thank you.� He leaned over and hugged JC. He pulled away and gave JC a soft kiss on the lips before getting up and going back to bed. JC touched his lips, savoring the kiss.
~*~
One year later, exactly.
Lance stood at the gravesite and smiled. �It�s been a year since you left. I miss you, Michael and I will always love you. I�m moving on now, I know you would want me to. JC is really great. I think you knew he loved me but you didn�t want him to know. Thank you. I�m just glad I got to spend time with you.� Lance let a tear fall down his eye before walking back to the bus. Justin was leaning against the door.
�You going to be okay?�
Lance smiled and nodded. �Yeah. How�s Chris?�
�Still a bit sick but his fever broke. Damn flu. I haven�t gotten any in a week.�
�Justin!� Lance blushed.
Justin pushed Lance into the bus and looked out into the cemetery before sighing and shutting the door.
Lance sat down next to JC and let JC hold him.
�Thank you.�
�For what?� JC asked softly.
Lance looked at him. �For being there for me.�
JC smiled and kissed him. �I love you.�
�I love you too. I�ve finally moved on.�
Before he could answer, Chris let out a pitiful moan and they looked over as Justin put a cold rag on his forehead. Joey sighed dramatically.
�I�m surrounded by lovebirds. I need to call Kelly.�
JC and Lance looked at each other and shook their heads.