Aeris is nicely settling into her her very own house in the Lifestream (she's dead, remember?) and is pottering around the flowers outside. Suddenly, she turns and sees the cause of her death close by.
Well, they were both dead, weren't they? And they were both adults. So, she decides to have a nice long talk to Sephiroth about the real reason he killed her.
(She has an inkling, but she wants to be sure.)
"Sephiroth!" she exclaims, hopping up to stand just behind him.
He turns. "Why... the little interfering pink thing from the Forgotten City. How have you been?"
She fumes a little for a while, then says, "very fine. Even though I'm dead. Thanks to YOU."
He thinks about the sulkiness in her voice for a bit, then says, "Were you expecting me to say something?"
She looks at him, wide-eyed and flabbergasted. "You KILLED me!! Aren't you going to, like, apologize??"
"You sure wear an awful lot of pink."
"Not EVERYTHING I wear is pink," she grits. "My vest is RED."
"Are you sure? What else ISN'T pink, then?" he asks dryly.
"My underwe- it's none of your damned business!! And don't change the topic!!" she shouts.
"What topic?"
Her eyes narrow. "I HATE you!" she exclaims spitefully.
"No, dear," Kefka interjects. "You aren't getting it right. It's like this : I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE-"
"SHUT UP!" Aeris screams at him, running off.
"Thanks," Sephiroth says to Kefka.
"No problem. I always like helping a fellow villain."
"Did I just see a fashion disaster go by?" Kuja asks, rubbing his eyes. "PINK?? Who wears PINK?"
"You?" Kefka says.
"I'm wearing purple, you colour-blind clown."
"Shaddup, female."
"Yes, she IS a sort of fashion disaster, isn't she?" Sephiroth says thoughtfully, unmindful of the fact that the two other dead villains (whatever gender they are) are close to having a catfight. "Why don't we go fix her wardrobe?"
Kuja ponders this over. "Sounds feasible."
Kefka snickers (or whatever you think sounds more evil). "Shall we??"
LATER.....
"Are you SURE we ought to be doing this?" Kuja asks,
raising an elegant (and MAJOR FEMININE) eyebrow.
"Who cares?" Kefka asks, opening a drawer. "OOoh! Frilly thingies!"
"It's not a matter of 'ought to', Kuja," Sephiroth corrects, opening the closet. "It's a matter of - oh GOD - JUSTICE IN THE NAME OF DECENT WEAR!" He winces and slams the closet door shut. "DID you SEE THAT?"
Kefka grunts. "It's hard to miss such bright colours. D'you think we're blind?"
"She DOES have some interesting.... interior decoration, though," Kuja murmurs, holding up some frilly little material delicately between two well-manicured fingersnails.
"Well, it's too damn frilly," Sephiroth retorts, walking up to the drawer and gathering the entire bunch of underwear with both hands.
Sounds from the stairs draw their attention.
"Oh, damn! What're we gonna do??" Kefka hisses.
"Hide these." Sephiroth prepares to shove a few items of underwear into Kefka's hands.
"I'm not touching any of those silly looking things!" the clown almost shrieks.
"Come now, Kefka," Kuja says urbanely. "We've all handled female undergarments before, I'm sure."
Kefka looks at Kuja's thong pointedly. "Yeah... sure."
The door begins to open. Aeris comes in the exact moment Sephiroth decides to toss her underwear out the window to cover up.
Her green eyes narrow suspiciously. "Hmmmm... what do we have here...? One... two... no, THREE villains in my room! And what, may I ask, are you doing HERE?"
Sephiroth glances out the window. "Nice work with the flower beds, Aeris."
Kuja and Kefka walk over to the window to look down. "Yeah... really nice... yeah, Aeris, nice flowerbeds..." they both murmur.
"They haven't bloomed yet, you bloody idiots," she snaps. "Will you answer my question??"
But the three of them are still looking down at Sephiroth's handiwork. "That was a nice improvement, Seph... good work.... thanks... thought it was pretty nice myself...." they're all murmuring. Kuja and Kefka pat Sephiroth on the back.
"WHAT IMPROVEMENT??" Aeris screams frustratedly, stomping over to see what they're all looking at. She glances down, and her eyes widen in horror, swinging to her open drawer devoid of her underwear. She looks back down.
"Spring is beautiful to behold," Kuja says extravagantly. "Wouldn't you agree, my dear flower?"
Kefka's brows furrow a little. "Y'know, you could've aimed that one more off to the side..."
"Yes, the splashes of red looks too heavy on one side."
All three villains fall silent waiting for Aeris' next words, since she's still standing at the window looking down at her underwear-covered flowerbed.
"IIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
Comments I got on this work :
hey thats good!i havent read a funny fic in ages....its nice to laugh again!
...lynzydee...
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LMAO!
That was good! Very funny! A lot better than my attempt at a funny fic (which, if you're interested, is at http://www.fortunecity.com/rivendell/redguard/1109/shortstory/)
Good story!
Pegasus
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heh heh...that was really funny!! Nice and lighthearted, and well written =)
Have 2 Gil. - Elena of the Turks