Quotes from JAG: Capitol Crime

(First aired January 8, 2002)

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Provided by Pat of [email protected]

Scene 1: Between Harm and Sturgis.  Harm is returning Sturgis's call…

Sturgis: Buddy I need your help

Harm: Name it

Sturgis: How do you deal with her?

[Harm knows at once to whom he's referring]

Harm: Use a firm hand [and he laughs]

Sturgis: Are you screwing with me?

Harm: What did Mac do? [Patient tone, like a father talking to his wife]

Sturgis: She's having visions.  She's trying to solve the case with them.

Harm: Is it working?

Sturgis: It's making me crazy.  She's immune to logic and reason.

Harm: Try agreeing with her.  It throws her off stride.

Sturgis: Come to think of it, why am I asking you.  You don't have any more luck than I do

Harm: Hey Sturgis, she saved my life with those visions.  You can't get any luckier than that.

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Provided by Pat of [email protected]

Scene 2:  Mac's office.  Sturgis is in the doorway.

Sturgis: I want to aploligze for the things I said before.

Harm: I'm good at making you do that.

Sturgis: What--saying the wrong thing or apologizing?

Harm: Both

Sturgis: I never feel on solid ground with you.  The ground always seems to be shifting

Harm: That's because my life is an earthquake... you see I actually think we make a good tem.  You're a 
little cerebral and detail oriented, and I'm neither one of those things. It kind of works in a Laurel 
and Hardy sort of way.

Sturgis does a Laurel & Hardy imitation.

Mac: So I’m the fat one?

Sturgis: This is your problem.  You don’t do this any better with Harm.

Mac: No that's different.

Sturgis: In what way?!

Mac: It just is…

Sturgis: There seems to be a certain tension with you two.

Mac: Some

Sturgis: A lot.

Mac: You're missing the point.

Sturgis: Come on Mac.

Mac: I never slept with him!

Sturgis: Is that the problem?

Mac: There is no problem.

Sturgis: Then why don't you just get over it and move on?

Mac: It wouldn't work.

Sturgis: Why?

(She’s closing the office door)

Mac: Because I'm in love with him.

[Sturgis doesn't know what to say--whatever he thought she was going to say, that was not it!  And she 
simply looks shocked beyond reason that she let that out]

Mac: Did I say that?  You have to keep that to yourself.

Sturgis: OK

Mac: I mean it Sturgis

Sturgis: So do I.

And she kind of smiles and her lip trembles like she could almost cry at the same time.

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Epilogue

Provided by Ajoshu of [email protected]

Mac: We also have an agreement of our own don't forget concerning a little secret I let slip
Sturgis: Oh, my lips are sealed. Of course I can't control any telepathic messages I might let fly
Mac: You starting to believe in 'hokum' Sturgis?
Sturgis: Hey, just covering my six, Mac.
Mac: Well you let fly our secret you won't have a six.
Sturgis: So, this is what it's like being friends with you?
Mac: This is just the beginning

 

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Other Scenes provided by FlyOnTheWall and Spoiler King oh so long ago that now make sense.

 

Capt. Ingles: Last I saw you, you looked like a prune.
Harm: I felt like one, Sir

 

+          +          +

 

Capt Ingles: Answered like a lawyer…
Harm: That’s what I am, Sir…
Capt Ingles: Except when you’re dumping my F-Fourteens into the drink.

 

+          +          +

 

Turner: Why wear a watch?
Mac: It usually saves me from having to answer... ‘How do you do that?’

 

+          +          +

 

Turner: You look a little tired. Are you all right?
Mac: (dismissing it) Had a rough night. Weird dream.
Turner: 'Scary' weird or naked-in-front-of-the-Marine- Corps-Band-weird?
Mac: (amused) Commander, I learn something new about you every day.

 

+          +          +

 

 

Turner (talking about his car): Still can’t believe it. One minute she’s fine, next minute she’s dead by the side of the road.

 

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Turner: You’re right about Tiner’s coffee...tastes like battery acid.
Mac: Should’ve tried it back before he knew the pot required a filter.

 

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On Board the USS Patrick Henry
Harm (to Junior colleague): You’re a fine lawyer, Lieutenant. But you lack experience.

 

+          +          +

 

Sergei stands in a long-sleeved lycra bike jersey and tights, towel around his neck.

Sergei: In Russia, we wear our uniforms much looser.
Singer: I see you’re not in Russia anymore.

 

Thanks to all who take the time to write these transcripts up… I’d be lost without you.

Rinsing Sun…