Authors’ Notes: For further information on Alcoholism
you can visit:
http://www.webhealthcentre.com/general/da_phase.asp
http://www.webtree.ca/sjas1/chemdep/developmentalphasesofrecovery.htm
Info on Red Rock, Arizona available at:
http://www.heartsongproductions.com/sedona.html
==========================================
Part Thirty-One by Lissa ([email protected] ) ***AN: Before you flame me, read the entire thing.*** ========================================== HOTEL ROOMUNKNOWN LOCATION Mac looked around the foreign room wondering half-heartedly how she came to be there. She didn't remember ever leaving her
office, but somehow, she was in a hotel room like those that could be found almost everywhere. A window with dark brown
curtains, a queen size bed covered in a maroon quilt, an old wooden dresser and mirror, a chair situated in the corner...Just like
every hotel room that she had ever stayed in. Well the good ones anyway. She began to explore the room hoping to get some clue as to where she was. The thought of looking out the window came to
mind for a second, but it quickly went away for some unknown reason. She approached the mirror hesitantly and looked up at
her reflection. What she saw shocked her. "Harm?" she turned around quickly. "What are you doing here?" "I wanted to see you. We really need to talk," Harm told her sitting down on the bed with a soft smile on his lips. "We do." With a smile on her lips in return, she went to sit with him. What happened before..." "Yeah?" "It shouldn't happen again." He looked straight into her eyes as he said that. Her smile faded. "What?" "It was a heat of the moment type thing. I don't think we should put much stock into it." "Thing!?" her high pitched voice shrieked. "This is exactly why I didn't want to have to do this." Harm shook his head and stood up. He walked over to the dresser and
leaned up against it looking at her again. "What is 'this'?" Tears were beginning to come to her eyes. "I just wanted to say that what we did...It wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. I don't want it to happened again." Against her will, tears began to run down Mac's cheeks. She couldn't be hearing this. "What?" Her voice was barely a whisper.
"I still want us to be friends. Just friends." With that, he walked out of the room. The click of the door echoed through the room
with a stony sense of finality. Mac fell to the bed unable to keep her sobs within herself. She cried out Harm's name to lessen the pain that had claimed her
soul. *** MAC'S OFFICE "Harm!" Mac's scream echoed in her office as her head came up from its position on her desk. A dream. It was just a dream.
No...It was a nightmare. Harm would never say those things. But why hadn't he called?
==========================================
Part Thirty-Two by Audrey ([email protected]
)
Rated: PG
==========================================
AUGUST 1986 Mac's life was turned upside down. She had spent hours upon hours after the accident being quizzed on the events by everyone from police to paramedics. She'd
had to spend a night in the hospital, where doctors quizzed her. Well-meaning friends, neighbors and teachers stopped by to
visit. They wanted to know what had happened. Her father had wanted to know. She couldn't remember. Upon release from the hospital, Mac had moved back in with her father. He didn't play the role of the concerned parent, though.
Instead, he yelled at her. Asked her how she could be so stupid. Eddie was dead, he said, and it was her fault. Her fault. She spent days in the house, not daring to venture out. But she finally had to escape her father. Not that she got much escape
though. Everywhere she went she was confronted with people wanting to know how she was, if she remembered anything.
She'd go home again, hide in her room. She drank. Oh, how she drank. She missed Eddie terribly. Chris never entered her
thoughts. Her life was an endless hell. And then her savior arrived in the form of her Uncle Matt. He packed her a few things and they left. Never again would Sarah
Mackenzie see that house. + + + AUGUST 1986RABB HOUSEHOLD1900 LOCAL Ring! Trish grabbed a dishtowel to dry her hands, quickly moving to answer the phone. "Hello?" "Hey Mom!" "Harm!" Trish's face lit up. "How are you doing?" "Great." Harm replied. Trish could hear voices in the background. "I'm making some dinner for a couple of the guys. Their
culinary skills are severely lacking." Trish laughed. "That's wonderful, dear." "Mom? Did Mac move again?" Harm inquired. "I've tried calling her but I can't get through." He doesn't know. Trish had thought that her son would have found out about the accident by now. Did her son and Sarah
Mackenzie really not talk all that much anymore? "Harm," She began slowly. "Mac was in an accident." Harm instantly feared the worst. "No! When? Is she all right? What happened?" "A week or so ago. She was shaken up pretty badly." Trish replied. "I visited her in the hospital. She had cuts, bruises..." She
paused. "Her friend Eddie was killed." "Oh no." Harm breathed. Mac must be crushed! He knew that she and Eddie were close friends, and he'd even been jealous
of the younger boy a time or two. Dead..."Where is she? I'd like to talk to her. I can probably get a flight out there in a few..."
"Harm." Trish interrupted. "Mac's Uncle came and got her. I don't know where he took her." "Is she coming back?" Trish sighed. "From what I've heard...I don't think so." There was a long silence on the other end of the line. When Harm finally spoke, his voice was soft. "I..uh..I gotta go, Mom. I'll
talk to you later. If you hear anything..." "I'll call." Trish promised. "Yeah." She heard him sigh. "Tell Frank I said hi." He said. "And… I'll call you later. Bye, Mom." "Bye, sweetie." Trish heard the line go dead and slowly pulled the phone from her ear. Poor Harm. Shaking her head sadly, she hung up the
phone and returned to washing the dishes. + + + RED ROCK MESA, AZSEPTEMBER 1986 "You're an alcoholic." Mac reacted with a blank stare. They'd been down this road before during the week. She shook her head, instantly denying it.
"No." Her father, HE was an alcoholic. Perhaps she drank now and again but she wasn't an alcoholic! Matt fixed her with a steady gaze. "Sarah, as much as I hate it to be true..." "It's NOT true!" Mac shot back, fixing an angry glare on him. Why did he keep coming back to this? All week he had been
lecturing her and she'd had about enough of it. She needed a drink badly. She was irritable, stressed and on-edge. And the
craving was killing her. Matt's voice was calm and steady as he spoke. "All right." He said, watching Mac perch on a nearby rock. He moved over to
her, taking her shoulders in his hands and staring right into her eyes. "You look me in the eyes and you tell me that you're not.
Tell me that you weren't drunk the night of the prom." Eddie. Mac's version blurred with sudden tears - tears that had refused to come earlier in the week. She had fought Uncle Matt
all week on the alcohol subject. She would have run by now if there had been a place to run to. But there wasn't. So she had
argued with him, cursed him and ignored him. But not now. With a sob, she collapsed into his arms. "I didn't mean to kill him!" Mac sobbed. Matt hugged her in return. "Of course not, Sarah." He assured her. "It was an accident. Sadly, yes, it cost Eddie his life. But if
he had been the one driving what would have happened? Would it have been you that died? Mac had no answer, save for a choked sob. What was happening to her? She missed the days of her childhood when, besides
her angry father, her biggest troubles could be solved with an ice cream cone. But now...? Her drunken ignorance had cost her
close friend his life. It had cost her own life as well, albeit in a different way. "I don't know what to do, Uncle Matt." She whispered finally, a bit frightened of what her future held. How could she make a
living? Who would hire an alcoholic? Surely the Marines or the Navy wouldn't want her now. Matt's arms squeezed her gently before he pulled back from her, staring into her eyes. "It'll be alright, Sarah." He promised.
"But you have to stop drinking. Alcohol kills. You know that now. Alcoholics need to hit a "rock bottom" before they realize that
what they've got - alcoholism – is a disease. Perhaps Eddie's death..." "...Is my rock bottom." Mac finished softly. She sighed, wiping a few stray tears from her cheeks. She turned her gaze towards
the slowly setting sun. The Arizona sky was a brilliant array of reds, oranges and yellows, with pinks and lavender's beginning to
take over. She would never get Eddie back. From behind her, Matt's voice broke the silence that had begun to stretch between them. "It's not going to be easy at first."
He said. "You're already having the cravings. But you learn to fight them. To ignore those cravings." That would be hard. The cravings already seemed to want to consume her. But she would fight. For Eddie, she would fight it. "I'm ready." She announced, standing up and turning to face her uncle. And so it began.
==========================================
Part Thirty-Three by Rising Sun ([email protected] )
==========================================
TWO DAY”S LATER
RED ROCK MESA - ARIZONA
Matt O’Hara had warned her that she was about face
the bowel of hell, the bottom of the pit as it were. That this was the end of the road. If she did not stop her
alcohol consumption she’d get mentally ill or die a slow, painful death.
Mac didn’t need to be told twice. Faced with Eddie’s death, and Chris’
abandonment she was ready to change.
Matt had not exaggerated the next two months would
make or break her. She’d either walk out of the mesa on her own steam or die
with the effort. By the time Matt got
her up into the mountains and settled into a cave the battle was already
raging. Mac had been drinking on and
off for over ten years and constantly for the last three. Her dependence on the liquid was complete
and without the crutch she was collapsing. She was in no condition to
appreciate the result of three hundred and fifty million years of tireless
erosion that had produced the dramatic rock formations of canyons, buttes and
spires that towered at almost one thousand feet above sea level. She was barely aware of the world around
her.
She had entered what was called the stabilization
period of recovery where she was detoxifying brought on by the abstinence. As painful as it was Matt drove her. “You need to eat Mac.”
She shook her head, licked her lips. “I need a
drink Uncle Mat!”
“Why honey? Why?”
His heart went out to her.
“Think Mac focus why do you need that drink? Go past the need of your body. Why do you need that prop?”
The bead of sweat on her brow intensified. She swallowed hard. “I need it!”
“WHY MAC!”
“BECAUSE!”
“NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” He roared that more gently “Not
good enough. Now why do you need that drink?”
“Mom left.” She sobbed. “Harm left. Chris and Eddie left.” The crying turned into a wail “People leave me Uncle Matt!!!”
“I’m here sweet pea and I’m not leaving. When I do
you will walk away with me. Come you
need to eat.” And so it continued with
Matt holding up a mirror to Mac’s soul and she having to face it.
+ + +
The day finally came that she was able to keep food
down. She’d been vomiting everything that she had swallowed.
“There has to be a better way.” She groaned.
“You think?” Matt asked. “That was only the first hurdle.”
Mac was sitting on the floor of the cave with her
back against the wall. “Uncle Matt?”
“Yes Mac?”
“I’m an alcoholic.” She confessed simply.
“Yes you are.” Came his just as simple response.
“It took Eddie’s death for it to hit home. Thanks for coming to get me.”
“You are welcome. I love you kiddo and I’d do it
all again.” He assured her.
“I think I can do this.”
“I know you can.”
+ + +
Matt returned from gathering firewood and knew
something was wrong. Mac was out cold
on the cave floor.
He kneeled by her side “Mac?” He shook her.
“MAC!!!”
She groaned and the whiff of alcohol hit him. This
time he groaned. He checked his bag.
“Damn it!!” He cursed. He’d brought rubbing alcohol as part of the first
aid kit and Mac had drunk it!
He held her close and rocked her. “Oh Mac!” He
sighed “How bad you were I didn’t realize!”
They had to start all over again.
+ + +
Over the weeks the two had struggled with Mac’s
demons and Mac was finally human enough to be aware of the grandeur that
surrounded her. This day the two were
at Cathedral Rock.
“Makes you think doesn’t it.” She said as she
watched the works of God.
“About?”
“That there is life out there. That for every action there is a reaction
that I must accept that from this time forward I can no longer drink... That sort of stuff.”
“Profound.”
“Well when faced with the handiwork of God.” She
waived her hand outward. “That tends to happen.”
“I’m proud of you Mac.” Her Uncle said.
She smiled with embarrassment. “I realized what you have been saying is
true. I heard you but it really hit
home when I drank the rubbing alcohol.
The consequences of my continued drinking will become more severe until
I accepted that my drinking is not normal.
After that episode I couldn’t hide anymore.”
“That’s my girl.
Matt put his arm around her and they sat still enjoying the simple
pleasure of being together.
+ + +
The drying out was almost complete. Matt had one more item on his agenda. In true Marine mode he tackled it head
on. “Come sit with me Mac.”
“Sure what’s up?”
“We’ll be leaving soon.” He informed her.
“Already? We’re done?” She was shocked.
“It’s been almost two months and you’ll never be
done.” He corrected.
“I know.” She sighed.
“What are your plans Mac?” He asked.
The question took her by surprise. “Plans?”
“Yes.” He grinned. “Now that your be all and end
all is no longer in a bottle you will be nineteen soon what are you going to do
with the rest of your life?”
“Weeel.” She paused.
“Well?” He prompted.
“I once had a dream to join the Marine Corps. Harm
in the NAVY me in the Marines.”
“Harm.” He echoed. “You called on him more than God
as you dried out. What gives?”
“Friends.” She replied promptly. “I hope...”
“Nothing more?” He was suspicious.
“I’m married Uncle Matt!!”
He snorted and let it slide. “The Marines is a good
idea. I’m in and I love it. You should
pull that idea out of the cobwebs and seriously consider it. Got the grades?”
“Barely.” She confessed.
“SARAH!”
“What can I say Uncle Matt. You of all people should know what my
ambitions were!!! Two months ago I was ready to prostitute myself for a drink,
now I’m here with you talking about a life in the military!”
“You are quite right.” He apologized. “I’m a man of action, but if you want I can
get you into a program.”
“Let me think about it.” She asked.
“You do that.”
==========================================
Part Thirty-Four by Melissa ([email protected] ) Pat actually
==========================================
Sarah Catherine Mackenzie had fled. Clean and sober, she fled her former
life. Not bothering to even tell Chris where she was going, she marched
into Marine Recruiting one fine day and applied for Officer Candidate
School. For the two months it took them to make their decision she
supported herself
waiting tables and working on remaining dry.
She stayed in touch with Harm with casual letters and the occasional phone call
but kept totally secret--pleading with Uncle Matt to do the same--what she was
doing, and where she was she never revealed.
OCS was long and grueling. Her D.I. singled her out for attention, not
because he hated her, but because he saw the potential in her to become a fine
officer. He took her weaknesses and laid waste to them. Many nights
she sobbed softly into her pillow, wanting a drink, wanting Eddie, wanting...
wanting Harm. She had never stopped loving him, and never would.
Thirteen weeks later--graduation. Uncle Matt stood proudly in the
audience while the bars of 2nd Lieutenant were placed upon his niece. A
past life was done, and a new one begun.
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Part Thirty-Five by Pat ([email protected]
)
==========================================
From Parris Island to Bosnia with stops in between,
Mac's Marine career forged ahead. She was selected for OCS, and along the
way completed a college degree. Okinawa came, and with it Col. John
Farrow and her growing desire to go to law school. With that behind her,
she became a Naval Investigator and finally was recruited by Clayton Webb to
JAG.
And in the midst of all that, came Harm's crash and his own pursuit of a law
degree and a JAG assignment. They stayed in touch afterward and saw each
other occasionally. Her marriage to Christopher Ragle was not mentioned
again, and Harm assumed she had divorced the jerk long ago.
Then came one unusually warm day in January. A newly appointed Lieutenant
Commander was in the White House Rose Garden to receive a commendation from the
Commander in Chief. Afterwards as he walked back to the car with Admiral
Chegwidden, a Marine in full class A uniform approached them, stopping to
salute the Admiral.
"Major Mackenzie," he smiled, making the appropriate
introductions. Harm could do nothing but stare in amazement.
"Have you two met?" AJ frowned.
"Yes. . .no. . .sir." they both spoke at once.
“I’m sorry Major of course I don’t know you.” He
knew he was in trouble Mac had disavowed him. He felt like an agent in the TV
Show Mission Impossible. He gave a weak smile even as the Admiral spoke.
AJ gave them what would be the first in a long line of perplexed looks as they
shook hands. "Just don't get too close. You're going to work
together."
THE END