(in no particular order)
2. The NHL Collective Bargaining Agreement. Now I'm not gonna be like the thousands of people out there who say "If the NHL goes on strike, I will never go back to the sport." Please, all of you just shut the fuck up. If you're truely a hockey fan, you'll be back. If you don't, piss off and stay away. As for the players, if you strike over a fucking salary cap, FUCK YOU!!! IF the owners strike because of a luxary tax, FUCK YOU!!! Please just agree so i can have hockey to keep me entertained this winter.
3. The French. Stop trying to act like you're always leading good causes.
(Disclaimer: This is for fun. All cases are exaggerations.)
Exhibit A- World War II
"Hey Adolf, why are your tanks within our borders"
"Zey are simply drrying. Ve vashed zem and ze sun hea is much betta here zan in Deutchland."
"Oh ok. Care for a crasaunt?"
"Sure, I'll take one and the keys to Paris."
"Here you go"
Exhibit B -Vietnam
"We're here to keep the peace and we dont need anyone's help"
Flash foward a year or two
"America!!! Please Save us!!!!!"
"Ok But dont put that airbase in that valley, there's VC all over and you'll be slaughtered. we're warning you, dont do it."
"Dont worry, we're the mighty french empire. nothing bad will happen to us"
America laughs too hard and subsequently loses focus on the war after learning the French airbase was reduced to nothing more then frog guts. Unfortunately not too many people are aware that this is the real factor which ended the war.
Exhibit C - Afganistan
"America is nothing but a bully. They want to kill those poor terrorists in Afganistan. For what? because they lost two buildings and a part of one? What a bunch of bullies!!!"
This one just pissed me off way too much. I cant even begin to make a sarcastic joke about France based on this. Jeff Daniels in 'Dumb and Dumber' put it best: "The French are assholes!"
4. Steroids. Has the sports world fallen that far out of the spotlight that they need to resort to bringing back a once dead controversy? Christ. First baseball, then football, now the damn Olympics? Ok, granted steroids/performance enhancers are a common topic around the Olympics, but this time, it starts months before hand. And if Barry Bonds used a performance enhancer which wasn't banned when he took it, why should he be scrutianized now when the MLB decides it gives players an edge. "Oh wait Barry, you took some pills [x #] of years ago. Now go back in time and dont take them." Lets be realistic here folks. He cant change the past, just like the rest of us. Let it go. Please!. And as for the Olympics. Ok, yeah, its crap if you need the drugs to get better. Its a test of true athletisism and since its in Athens, lets keep to tradition and simply kill those who are better/faster/stronger than us. The Olympics leads me to point #5
5. Olympic Saftey Paranoia err...... Concerns. Case in point: The "Dream Team." To each and every single one of you who declined their invites because of safety concerns, GROW A PAIR OF BALLS YOU OVERPAID PUSSIES!!!! HOLY SHIT! There will be thousands of other athletes who are going to participate in the games, dont you find it kind of funny that you are the only few who are pissing themselves over this? "No I dont want the honor to represent America because I'm too afraid!" Umm... correct me if I'm wrong (there's a link on the main page to my e-mail and the guest book if you truely disagree with me) but isnt it kind of an American tradition to act like nothing can hurt us, to show the world that we are not afraid. You're supposed to be American icons and yet you are the first to run home with your tails between your legs. So bulid a fort with all the money in your contracts, watch USA win gold while you're protected by an inpenatrable fort made of money. BITCHES!!!
For now thats all the shit that i can think of thats pissing me off. But dont worry, there will be more to come.
