Author- Yali
Email- [email protected]
Title- Goodbye
Rating- PG-13
Category- Best Tear-Jerker; Best Harm/Other Romance; Best Mac/Other Romance
**********
June 9, 2003
2105 EST
Mac’s apartment
Georgetown Apartments
The ringing of the phone startled Mac. She must have been falling
asleep on the sofa. And didn’t expect anyone to call her; Bud and
Harriet and Harm and Mariangie were at the movies (different cinemas,
different movies; Finding Nemo for ones, X-Men 2 for the latter). And
if it was the Admiral, he would have called to her cellphone first.
Oops, she was charging it.
The muted television set flashed images of a new reality show
(-‘Another one for the collection.’-she mumbled). Mac raised her
body almost in slow motion to reach the cordless unit by the coffee
table before the answering machine clicked on. Perhaps it was
Jennifer Coates wanting to chat a bit. After she returned from
Paraguay, the doctors at Bethesda ordered (not recommended) her to
rest for a month in order to recover from the wounds she had. No
cases, no work, no hard exercises. She had to comply, if she wanted
to go back to the action as soon as possible. Even if it meant
becoming more of a couch potato (staying in bed made her feel
constricted).
Between antibiotics, painkiller pills and ointments she spent most of
her days, and thanks God for delivery and to her friends for the
helping hand. From those visits she intuited that Jen wanted to talk
more privately with her. Way before she left for Paraguay, Mac
noticed the increasing attraction between she and Tiner, and she
liked the idea of them being a couple. But then, there were the
fraternization rules… Oh, how she was aware of it. She could advise
Jennifer on that subject, yeah.
The phone’s screen flashed an ‘Incoming Call’. Mac thought it was a
little strange, because Jen’s number was not a private one.
-Good evening.-
-Good evening. Am I speaking to Lt. Col. Sarah Mackenzie?-a polite
masculine voice asked in a heavy British accent.
Mac glanced at her phone in puzzlement. Whoever the person was, he
knew her name and military rank-and most important, her phone number.
–Yes, I am. How can I help you?-
-Colonel Mackenzie, this is Commander Paul Fourquet, from the Family
Affairs Office of the Royal Australian Navy.-Mac opened her eyes in
surprise,-I know it’s late at night in America right now, and I’m
deeply sorry to interrupt you at this time, but I must inform you of
the situation.-
A chilling sensation crawled up to Mac’s chest. –What’s going on,
Commander?-
Mac sat very still on the sofa as she talked with the officer.
-Yes sir, I know him. True, we had a romantic relationship and got
engaged and were about to marry two years ago. The wedding was
called off-hey! What am I giving you this kind of information? What
kind of authority you have for this?-the exaltation made Mac wince in
pain because of her ribs,-Yes, I know you are from the Family Affairs
Office, you told me so. So wha-okay, I’ll listen.-she sighed in
exasperation and rubbed the left side of her ribcage.
Slowly, Mac’s condescending expression turned into disbelieving, then
into shock.
-Wha-what? No…no, it can’t be…-she shook her head,-How can it be?
Are-are you sure of it?-she covered her mouth with the free hand and
blinked,-How, when, why? Oh, God.-Mac cleared her throat and paused
before talking again,-Why did you contact me?-
The answer made Mac to close her eyes and press her lips tightly
together. Tears began to roll down her face. With a choked voice she
thanked the officer and clicked off the phone.
**********
2133 EST
Metropolitan Cineplex
Washington, D.C.
Harm was waiting for Mariangie outside the restroom entrance when felt
a buzzing inside his jacket pocket.
-Huh? Ah, yeah, I changed the mode when the movie began.-he
remembered,-Rabb.-
-Harm?-
-Hello? Mac?-at first he didn’t recognize the forlorn voice on the
other end of the wireless line,-Mac? What’s wrong?-
-Harm…-she broke down crying,-He’s dead! He’s dead!-
-Who’s dead? Who? Is it Jingo?-
For all answer she continued crying. It wasn’t hysterical or frantic
sobs but sorrowful ones. Harm grew very worried.
At that moment, Mariangie stepped outside the restroom checking her
cell unit.
-Hey, darling, seems that Mac tried to call me during the movie.
What’s wrong?-she asked when meeting his disconcerted glance.
-I don’t know. Mac is calling me and she’s crying.-
-Crying? Oh, God, what happened?-
-I don’t know. All she told me is that a ‘he’ died, but won’t tell
me whom.-
-Oh God… Please pass me the phone…take mine, thanks. Mac? Mac?-
-Mariangie?-
-Yes, it’s me. What’s wrong? Are you all right?-
-He’s dead. He’s dead! -it was all she could say between
sniffles. Whatever it was, it sure shattered her.
-But who is ‘he’?-Mariangie scratched her head,-Hello, so far, I’m not
Jean Grey.-from that phrase, Harm could tell that Mac was not telling
her either.
Perhaps Mariangie didn’t resemble the movie’s telekinetic character,
but with one shared glance they both knew what the other was thinking,
and it was the same.-Hold on, Mac. We’re going to your place.-
**********
2215 EST
Mac’s apartment
Georgetown Apartments
Mac emptied a second box of Kleenex when she took the last tissue for
wiping her nose. Across her, Mariangie and Harm were on the sofa. He
was dumbfounded and pressed the bridge of the nose. She crumpled the
tissue in her hands to wipe her tears.
When the couple arrived at 2155 EST, Mac opened the door with swollen
eyes, red nose and a hoarse voice. Jingo was lying by the TV set and
wagged his tail when seeing the newcomers, so it wasn’t he for sure.
-Hey, guys.-Mac cleared her throat,-Nice to see you here.-
-You worried us with that call. We had to be here; that’s what
friends are for.-Harm gently squeezed her shoulder.
-And here we brought you a little treat to sweeten.-Mariangie showed
her a Baskin-Robbins bag,-Your choice of a Wolverine Sundae or a
Chocolate Vortex.-
Mac just had to chuckle. –You guys are a serious issue.-and she
examined the bag,-But there are two Wolverines here.-
-And you better keep your hands off one of them.-Mariangie laughed.
-Hands off, I promise.-she laughed too,-Put this on the freezer, then.
How it was the movie?-
-Great! At least for me.-Mariangie answered from the kitchen,-Lots
of action and great special effects. The acting was good, too.-
-The movie was alright, yes.-Harm shrugged.
-Yeah, just ‘alright’. As if you weren’t drooling when Mystique
appeared every time on the screen.-and he got nudged by his fiancée.
-And as if you didn’t sigh like a teenager whenever Wolverine showed
up!-Harm teased back, eliciting a mocking dreamy sigh and an eyelash
flutter from Mariangie.
-But I know for sure your favorite character was Nightcrawler.-she
said in a throaty voice.
-Heh, heh, heh…you bet.-he grinned mischievously.
Mac had to sit down to laugh at the X-menistic banter of her friends.
-You are a pain in the side…literally.-she rubbed her ribcage,-Let me
guess… With that name, it has to be a creepy mutant or one of the bad
guys that scared the heck out of you and made you cling to Harm’s neck.-
-Hey, were you there?-Harm chuckled,-And everything was fine in my
world until the Wolverine showed up.-he playfully twitched his
lips,-Practically right after Nightcrawler! Perhaps I need to paint
myself blue or glue Swiss Army knives on my knuckles…-and Mariangie
clung to his shoulder, chuckling and pretending to ‘wring’ his neck.
-Lady Deathstrike, anyone?-
-No, thank you, I’ll pass it.-he grinned.
-This actor that plays Wolverine looks familiar to me… Wasn’t he the
one from Swordfish?-
-Hugh Jackman…yeah, I think so. I don’t remember very well.-
-Because the only thing you remember from Swordfish is
Halle Berry.-Mariangie chuckled, and even Mac had to laugh at Harm’s
blushing,-Yes Mac, Hugh Jackman was on Swordfish and is now on
X-Men 2. I’ve read that he’s from Australia.-
Mac looked up in surprise. –Australia?- Her eyes crystallized and
she covered her mouth with both hands.
The couple shared a worried glance. –Mac…-
-Harm… Mariangie…-she cleared her throat,-Sit down, please.-she
pointed to the sofa,-I need to tell this to someone…and to whom better
than to you…-
And to her intrigued audience, Mac broke down the news of the death of
Mic Brumby, due to an allergic reaction to the medication he was
taking for a throat infection. He was on duty aboard a RAN carrier
when he got sick and was prescribed an antibiotic and two other kinds
of medication.
-Apparently, he took the antibiotic along with the cough suppressant,
and the combination triggered a reaction that blocked his air passages.
He was found lying on the floor when he tried to get to sickbay. They
tried to help him, with CPR and all that stuff…but it was too late.-
She paused to blow her nose. Then she closed her eyes and rested her
forehead onto the free hand. She really felt the pain of what had
happened to her former fiancée.
-Mac…I’m really sorry to hear that.-Harm said softly.
-This is terrible…-Mariangie made the sign of the cross and fished
her purse for a tissue; Harm gave her a napkin he found in his
jacket.-When it happened?-
-Last Saturday, Comdr. Fourquet told me. Which will probably be Friday
for us.—
-Was his death…-Harm searched for the correct word,-…immediate?-
She nodded. –He was pronounced dead upon arrival to the sickbay.
Comdr. Fourquet told me that the autopsy revealed that the mixture of
penicillin and Aquatab was potentially mortal and also that Mic was
allergic to penicillin.-
-But if he was allergic to such, it was supposed to appear on his
medical record.-Harm reasoned.
-Mic never took any penicillin or penicillin-related drug.-Mac
sighed,-There was no way to know he couldn’t stand it.-
Brief silence. Mac sighed as her lashes dampened again.
-Perhaps you’re thinking that I’m a fool, feeling this way for a man
that couldn’t get over his jealousy and called off our wedding and
never looked back… But despite all that, I loved him, he loved me.
We had a history together. I can’t pretend to wipe out those two
years together. He’s part of my life as I was of his, like it or not.-
-Nobody is asking you to do that.-Mariangie objected,-That would be a
stupid thing to do. Feeling this way is proof of how you cared for
him, even when he just walked away. It means that you treasure that
time spent with him, and how sorry you are because this awful thing
had happened.-
-Yeah, it’s true.-Mac sniffled,-We had our ups and downs like any couple
in the world, but we were happy… At least I’d like to think that.-
-It was, and you better believe it.-Harm intervened,-You should know
that when a man’s ego is hurt, it makes him to act almost irrational.-
-You speak from experience?-
-Maybe…-he shrugged.
-You bet.-Mariangie smiled,-If I haven’t hang him by now, I never will.-
Harm pinched tenderly his fiancée’s nose. –Till death do us part or
until patience grows thin, whatever comes first.-
-Do you think it was the reason he only sent me a postcard by
Christmas?-Mac asked Harm.
-I’m sure that he realized that he committed a big mistake by calling
off the wedding based on something that didn’t exist, but he was afraid
of your reaction if he came back. So he tested the waters by sending
that postcard.-
-God…and I never answered him back…-she buried her face in her hands.
-Come on, Mac…-Mariangie hugged her,-Don’t fall in the ‘what if’ trap.
How would you know that? You can’t read minds. Don’t torture yourself.
It’s no use.-
Harm sat on the arm of the chair. -You know, Mic wasn’t exactly my
fraternity brother, we had clashes in the past, but I respected him as
a professional.-now Harm felt bad about having called him ‘Bugme’ and
having fought with him in Australia,-He loved his job as a lawyer. He
always went straight to the point, no matter what it was: an
investigation, a case, expressing his feelings.-
-He wasn’t the saint of my devotion either, but he was overall nice.
When I met him, I thought he was a little fresh in his demeanor.-
-Yes… He struck me very much like that when we met at the airport
when I picked him up.-Mac smiled and her eyes wandered away for a
moment,-He always made known what he felt about me. Do you know that,
during the hearing of Adm. Hollenbeck and the incident with Comdr. Pike,
he apologized to me because he felt that he was harassing me when we met?-
-For real?-
-Yeah. I told him that, if I believed he was harassing me, he would
not be standing before me, at least not alive. Oh, God…-
Tears rolled down again. Harm went to the kitchen for paper towels for
both ladies.
-He was trying to focus his life again, doing what he liked the most.
He was reinstated on the RAN and returned to sea duty. He didn’t
deserve to die like that.-
-This is very unfortunate. Dios mio, que triste (Oh God, how sad it
is).-she closed her yes and shook her head.
-Here you have. I just have one question. Why did the Family Affairs
Office informed you of Brumby’s death? Isn’t its duty to inform family
members when something like this happens?-
Mac turned her dampened eyes to her friend. –Because I was listed on
his personal sheet as the person to contact in case of an emergency.
Comdr. Fourquet urged him to make the change many times before, but he
refused. He kept my regular and e-mail addresses in his daily planner,
as well as my personal info; you know, birthday, Zodiac sign, office and
home numbers. He never got rid of them.-
Harm and Mariangie exchanged a sympathetic glance. They both mouthed
a ‘wow…’
-Didn’t he have any close relatives?-
-As far as I know, no. Only a couple of maternal great-aunts and uncles,
but he didn’t have familiar contact with them. You can say that I was
the only thing he had in the world, and that yes, maybe he still cared
about me.-
-Will the RAN hold a memorial service?-
-I don’t know.-Mac ran one hand through her hair,-Even if there’s one,
I can’t travel until the doctor tells me so.-she pressed her back onto
the back of the chair and looked upwards,-When he left the States, he
didn’t let me say goodbye. He said the words and left through the gate.
He didn’t give me the chance…-
Another pause. Harm placed one hand over Mac’s head, and extended the
other one to his fiancée. Mariangie took it, and reclined her head on
his chest.
**********
At 2335 EST, when Harm and Mariangie left, they made sure that Mac was
a bit more calmed. While Mac washed her face, Mariangie prepared coffee
and Harm cleared the living room from used paper towels and tissues.
Mac returned with a clean sheet and pillowcase. She chose the Chocolate
Vortex Sundae and prepared herself to follow her friends’ advice of
getting comfortable on the sofa and listening to some relaxing music.
It was a good thing to have called them. She still felt sad, but now
her chest was more alleviated.
Mac returned to the living room after showering and changing into a
short-sleeved lavender pink pajama set, with long drawstring pants. She
looked for the remote control of her digital radio/CD player set and
cuddled up on the sofa with the chocolate sundae. The next round of
pills were at 0030 EST, so till then, she’ll listen to that oldies
station that played ‘80’s soft rock until midnight.
-Mmmm… This sundae sure looks yummy.-she dipped the long plastic spoon
on the 16-oz. cup,-Oh, it’s fudgy syrup. And it has brownie bits! Now
this is what I call a ‘comfort food’.-
She clicked the radio on and pressed the Auto Memory button until she
reached the oldies station.
-Welcome back to WHDO 103.5, Where the Eighties Rules. And now, as part
of our Soul Searching Night Special, here’s Night Ranger. From the
1985 album ‘7 Wishes’, here’s ‘Goodbye’.-
The title startled Mac a bit. –What?- She raised her eyes from the
cup, just in time to listen to the melodic notes of an acoustic guitar
at the introduction.
As the sun hides his head
or another night’s rest
and the wind sings
his same old song…
Her mind began to wander back on the notes and the voice of Kelly Keagy.
How she could forget the embarrassing way they met at the airport…
She mistook a tall, handsome military officer for the Australian RAN
JAG officer she was ordered to pick up. Then she was rude at the
medium-height, dark-haired, husky young man in sweater and slacks who
approached her. She wanted to dig a trench and disappear, and he just
laughed it off. Little did they–or anyone-know what would happen to
them in the following years…
And you on the edge
never close, never far…
She didn’t intend to canonize him. That was another trap to avoid at
this moment. He was a human being, with flaws and virtues. Perhaps
too many flaws. Not many people at office liked Mic at first. He
could be a little too forward; sometimes his honesty was brutal, even
tactless. For a time he envisioned Harm as his competence and tried
to level to him, even imagining that he was a rival for her affection.
Contrary to what was rumored at the office back then, she wasn’t
pleased or flattered with the pseudo-boxing match between Harm and Mic
in Australia. She considered it immature and childish, not suited for
two professional adults.
Mic’s clashing with Harm subsided after he realized that there was no
romantic link between she and Harm; just a close friendship for the
last five years. They gradually became cordial to each other. But
then the jealousy resurfaced after Harm’s accident and his amnesia,
when he believed that he was the one marrying Mac. It sidelined any
reasoning. Mic could be pretty hardheaded. But that was the last straw.
Always there when I needed a friend…
But he was a great team player at the JAG Headquarters and he valued and respected his job. His high sense of ethics showed up when he preferred
to quit to a high profile job as a civilian attorney when he knew it was
in detriment of Bud and Harriet. He worked his ass off to get that job,
but loyalty to his friends was much more important to him. Then he
opened his own office. He wasn’t scared of working. He also stood by
her side on many important milestones of her life, like the time she
became the first woman to give a lecture at Annapolis. Even when he
returned to Australia, they kept on contact and tried a long distance relationship. That was a phone bill she’s never regretted. She even
tried her hand at phone sex! (And she liked it, too.)
True; she wanted to tear him apart when he came down on her quite
strongly on her Article 32 hearing. How he could try to woo her one
minute and ripping her to shreds the next one? It took her a while to understand that just did it as part of his job. He wanted to be
‘holier than thou’, a newcomer’s mistake. That’s why she gave him a
chance, much to the chagrin of Harm. He didn’t like the way he treated
his best friend. Yet now that they both had acted as judges to each
other, she could understand Mic’s approach to her case. He didn’t
sandbag her. He could separate the personal from the professional.
Well, most of the times.
Yet it's hard living life
on this memory-go-round…
Sometimes, Mac thought she had a knack for attracting conflictive men.
Chris Ragle, John Farrow, Dalton Lowne, Coster the guy who stalked
her… Even Harm contributed to her train of thought with innocent
remarks such as ‘the men you pick!’ She complained once that it
seemed that every men that got involved with her ended up dead.
It took her a fall from the wagon and the death of her father to
understand that it was not her fault. All right, Chris, Dalton and
Coster were dirty rotten pieces of crap, but they managed to hide
their traits under charming masks, like many men around. But still
there were many good men in the world: the Admiral, her Uncle Matt,
Harm, Bud, Tiner, Gunny, even Webb… John Farrow was also a good man…
and he was still alive, like the aforementioned. And Mic didn’t die
‘because of her’; he was already sick plus he had an unfortunate
accident. So she had to shed that victim complex once and for all.
Always up, always down
spinning 'round and 'round and 'round…
Despites their ups and downs as a couple, Mac always thought she
could count on him. She thought he would be by her side whenever
things went awry. That’s why his jealousy fit after what Harm said
at the hospital when he regained consciousness startled her. He
didn’t care that it due to the information and memories mingled
inside his head. He was oblivious to the fact that Harm’s girlfriend
was the real victim, and that such attitude hurt Mac a lot. She
suffered to see his friends hurting and to see Mic making a fuss over
something which had no reason to be. She expected some support and a
bit of comprehension, not such blind jealousy that refused to come
to terms.
And all this could be
just a dream so it seems
I was never much good at goodbye…
Mic left the States two weeks and a half after Harm was released from
the hospital. He slipped away quietly in the night-at least, he
pretended so. He wanted to save her the pain of saying goodbye. Even
when he called Harm to say goodbye to him and Mac was there, now he
couldn’t be any madder. Perhaps he understood the pain in her eyes
when she wanted to reach him at the Qantas airport gate. She just
wanted comforting from her friends, the ones that didn’t let her down.
He looked back when she called him. Maybe, for a moment, he thought
of reaching her too. His eyes screamed some kind of anguish that she
couldn’t decipher at first. He wasn’t the one that got jilted. But,
like in the movies, his flight was called through the speakers and he
went away. And an air ticket to Australia is anything but cheap.
No, Mic didn’t give her a chance to say goodbye. And Mac said once
that she wasn’t very good at goodbyes.
There once was a time
never far from my mind
on the beach, on the 4th of July…
Not exactly the Fourth of July, but a day in February at Manly Beach,
Australia. She wanted desperately for a warm weather as she coughed
her life out in a miserable cold that soured her mood. A murder/false impersonating/desertion case gave her the ticket for that. Sun, sand,
warm breeze…and a topless beach.
I remember the sand…
…and Bud and Harm faces when they spotted her topless. Priceless,
like the commercial says. They kept that little secret from the
Admiral, though. Thank goodness.
How you held out your hand…
Mic was very gentle in guiding her during her topless experience. And
she had to admit that it was quite liberating.
And we touched for what seemed a lifetime…
Mic didn’t act in any inappropriate way while she was topless. But
later on, he proved to be a gentle lover. He always made her feel
secure in his arms, desired and pleased and satisfied too. She loved
every moment spent with him. He kicked Dalton and Chris’ sixes, and
compared favorably to John. What was best, he was always sincere. He
didn’t lie to her. Not even during those last two weeks.
But it's hard
leaving all this behind me now…
She just couldn’t believe that he was gone. The man who resigned his
RAN commission and crossed half the planet just to be with her. The man
who was willing to wait until she was ready for a serious relationship
with him. The man who was willing to fight for her against any
adversary, real or imagined, no matter how retrograde and childish it
seemed to her.
Perhaps they broke the mold after he was born. No man does such deeds
anymore. Unless it’s part of a reality show with a million green ones
as grand prize.
Like a schoolboy so lost
never found until now…
Jingo rested his snout on her knees. Mac smiled tenderly at him,
placed the half-melted sundae on the coffee table and looked herself
into those big brown eyes.
Yes, Mic was also the man who got her this beautiful dog. He saved it
from sleeping at the shelter just for her. They say pets resemble
their owners. Mac could see herself on that old mutt. Like Jingo,
she was saved from death and given a second chance to live. Mic didn’t
get that chance.
And all this could be
just a dream so it seems…
The pain in her ribs indicated that she was wide awake. Her dampened
face and lashes were proof that she was actually crying. No, it didn’t
seem to be a dream. It wasn’t a dream. Mic was gone. Forever.
I was never much good at goodbye
Why she didn’t feel a thing? She heard before of eerie feelings and
sensations, even apparitions, when someone who had been close to
somebody is about to die. Mic played an important role in her life.
But she also felt things when working with Sturgis on the Akins case,
and the late Commander was not related to her in any way. Maybe those
psychic stories were bull. Maybe she wasn’t ‘gifted’ at all. Maybe
she was too concentrated in surviving her Paraguay ordeal to have room
in her mind for anything else.
Yet it's hard
living life on this memory-go-round…
She could endure not marrying Mic at all. She could face the reality
of becoming a jilted bride and try to keep her chin up (and work
proved to be the best medicine). She could accept the fact that Mic
was not going to return to the States, at least not for the moment.
But having to accept that he was not part of the living world
anymore…that was a little hard. And dying the way he died…it wasn’t
fair. He was just making a new start in his life, much like she
was doing. He was still young, he didn’t back off from a challenge,
he loved his job and loved life. She suddenly pictured him lying in
a cold and dark corridor, gasping for breath, his face swollen and
red, his body covered in a cold sweat, dragging himself for help. Her
heart ached and tears overflowed her eyes. It wasn’t fair.
Always up, always down
turning 'round and 'round and 'round
But she had to go on. He hated people who drowned in self-pity. And
for sure that the last thing Michael Anthony ‘Mic’ Brumby wanted was
Sarah Michelle ‘Mac’ Mackenzie pitying him.
And all this could be
just a dream so it seems
I was never much good at goodbye…
Still…
-‘Now that I can’t go anywhere, not to the office, much less to
Australia, I wish I could say goodbye to him…’-
And all this could be
just a dream so it seems
I was never much good at goodbye…
Then, Mac felt a warm sensation, like some arms around her shoulders.
She didn’t move. Yet she wasn’t scared. She remained in the same
position and closed her eyes. Jingo stood at attention.
Goodbye…
Mac felt as if a head reclined and rested over hers. She sniffed the
air around her. Her breathing now was soft and encompassed. Slowly,
she raised her hands and placed them, crossed, under each shoulder, as
if corresponding to the warm embrace.
Goodbye.
A single tear rolled down her face. A sad smile curved her lips.
-‘Goodbye, Mic. I’ll be all right; don’t worry about me. Go ahead
and have a rest. You deserve it better than me. Goodbye.’-
By the end of the song’s coda, Mac opened her eyes and looked outside
the window that faced her. Jingo imitated his mistress. A crescent
moon reigned in the sky. As the embrace gradually vanished, Mac gazed
at the moon and waved the fingers of her right hand.
-Goodbye, mate.-
The End