_______________________________________
When buying prepared food by the pound always have a definite strategy. You can profit from my experience by following a few simple rules about the ubiquitous salad bar.
Rule #1: Skip the complex carbohydrates. Nothing pisses me off more than seeing salad bar amateurs heaping potatoes or rice on their plates. These are called "staples" because they are heavy and cheap. There is no need for you to pay $7.99 a pound for potatoes or rice.
Rule #2: While you are at it, skip the cheap veggies also. The exception to this rule is mushrooms. At most salad bars, mushrooms are one of the most expensive items by weight. So, enjoy.
Rule #3: Pick out the good stuff. For example, don't just get whole spoonfuls of shrimp salad. You are likely to get as much celery as you are shrimp and this would be in violation of Rule #2. Instead use those tongs and pick out the shrimp. Do not get distracted by a person waiting to go next. He's not the one paying for your meal.
Rule #4: If you are getting food to go, you may want to consider loading up on the bacon bits. Bacon bits and its artificial derivatives (like Bac-O-Bits) are not cheap. Personally, I think delis use bacon bits as a loss leader.
Now, at a buffet, the strategy gets a bit more involved. A lot of the salad bar rules apply here. However, there is another level of complexity because this is a place where you have a sunk cost and must now recover those costs.
Rule #1: Make sure you are hungry. This rule seems simple enough, but it's amazing how often it is broken. No one should ever spontaneously go to a buffet. No, buffet outings must be planned, preferably days in advance. At the very least, make sure you have not eaten anything for at least 6 hours, but no more than 8 hours. You don't want to be so hungry that your stomach shrinks.
Rule #2: Start with the expensive stuff. Before putting any food on your plate, scan the entire buffet area. While you are running to get some chicken breast, there might be some lobster tails around the corner. After walking around the entire buffet area, go for the most expensive item in the place. My general rule of thumb is: First seafood, then beef, and then if I'm still hungry some poultry. Although I'm not usually a proponent of the Atkins diet, I am at the buffet.
Rule #3: Never drink water. If you need something to wash down with your food, drink soup. Over the years, I have added a corollary to my no water rule.
Rule #3a: If you need some liquids, consider fruit. Most fruits are at least 90% water, so eating fruit should help wash down your solids. (The more expensive the fruit the better.)
Rule #4: Avoid creamed anything. Cream not only makes you full, it also makes you fat.
Rule #5: Eat quickly. Your stomach takes about 30 minutes before it sends a message to your brain saying it's full. Within those 30 minutes, it is your job to stuff your face as fast as you can. Don't waste time by talking to your fellow diners. You can always talk when your stomach is full. After the initial 30 minutes, slow down, talk to your friends (apologize for your rude silence while eating) and let your stomach digest some before going for another round.
Of course, the overriding factor to all the rules is to eat what you like. I just happen to like whatever costs the most. Some people see me as a cheapskate. I just see myself as someone who aspires to maximize value. And please, feel free to share this with your loved ones.
- Jae Chung
