Scene:  The girl's apartment. Everyone is there exept Phoebe and Rachel.
        They are preparing for the suprise party.
 

Monica:  OK, balloons, cake, champagne, presents. Now all we need is
         Rachel.
 

Chandler:  Well it is HER party.
 

Ross:  (looking through the spyhole) OK, she's coming! Everyone in
       positions! (The door opens)
 

All:  Surprise!
 

Phoebe:  Hi! I thought this party was for Rachel.
 

Scene:  The girl's apartment, continued from earlier (I'm sick of
        writing "continued from earlier", from now on I'm going to
        write "CFE")
 

Ross:  I'm sorry, I thought it was her! That's her coat!
 

Phoebe:  Not anymore it isn't. She gave it to me.
 

Monica:  That's not fair! She wouldn't give it to me when I asked
         her!
 

Phoebe: That's 'cause you didn't go to her party.
 

Monica:  Neither did you!
 

Phoebe:  But I COULDN'T. You were just doing something with Chandler.
 

Monica:  And how do you know that?
 

Phoebe:  Rachel told me. And she said you were being really bitchy
         about it too.
 

Ross:  (again looking through the spyhole) She's coming, she's
       coming! (Rachel enters)
 

All:  Surprise!
 

Rachel:  (after catching her breath) Wow! I've never had a surprise
         party before! Who's idea was this?
 

Phoebe:  Mine!
 

Rachel:  Oh, thank you! And everyone's here! This is so great! (she
         hugs everyone)
 

Joey:  (whispering to Chandler) Does this mean we can eat now?
 

Scene:  The girl's apartment, CFE. The gang have eaten dinner and are
        about to start on the cake.
 

Phoebe:  Make a wish before you blow out the candles!
 

Ross:  And before you cut the cake!
 

Joey:  How come she gets two wishes?
 

Monica:  Because it's her birthday silly!
 

Joey:  That's not fair! I only ever got a wish when I blew out the
       candles!

Rachel:  OK, here goes. (she blows out all the candles in one go.
         Everyone claps)
 

Chandler:  Yes! You've prevented a fire!
 

Rachel:  (cutting the cake) How much should I take?
 

Monica:  However much you want! It's your cake!
 

Joey:  Hey! I want some too! (everyone looks at him. He gives them
       his "what?" look)
 

Rachel:  (having cut herself a slice) Mon, this is delicious! This is
         like, the best party ever!
 

Joey:  Wait till you see the presents we got you.
 

Monica:  Of course, presents! Open them now!
 

All:  Yeah! Go on! etc.
 

Rachel:  OK.
 

         [They move to the couch]
 

Phoebe:  Mine first, mine first! (she hands Rachel a small present)
 

Rachel:  (having opened it) A compilation of all your songs! Oh thank
         you Pheebs!
 

Joey:  Here's mine. (he hands her a present)
 

Rachel:  Oh, "Weekend at Bernie's"on video! Thank you!
 

Monica:  This is from me and Chandler. (she hands Rachel a small bag)
 

Rachel:  Oh that is so nice! Look! (she holds up a necklace with
         "Rachel" on.
 

Ross:  This is mine. (he hands her a wrapped up box)
 

Rachel:  Oh, this is my favourite perfume! I didn't think you could
         get it any more!
 

Ross:  Yeah, well, I have my ways.
 

Monica:  And this is from all of us. (she hands Rachel an envelope)
 

Rachel:  What's this? (reading from the brochure which was in the
         envelope) Two funfilled weeks in the mountains of Canada.
 

Ross:  We thought we'd all go there in october.
 

Rachel:  Oh wow! Thank you so much!
 

Phoebe:  So, what shall we do now?
 

Joey:  We could play strip poker.
 

Monica:  Don't start that again!
 

Joey:  Why not? I still have to get you guys back for last time!
 

Monica:  No!
 

Chandler:  You know, I think it's a good idea.
 

Monica:  What?
 

Chandler:  We could make him strip naked again.
 

Phoebe:  Yeah, come on, it would be fun!
 

Rachel:  Wait a minute, wait a minute, this is my party and I
         say...great idea!
 

         [Cut to a little later. Everyone exept Joey (who is fully
          dressed) is sitting in there underwear]
 
 

Monica:  Can we stop now?
 

Joey:  No! We don't stop until everyone's naked!
 

Monica:  I quit.
 

All:  Yeah! Me too! etc.
 

Joey:  Oh come on! Rachel was just about to take off her bra!
 

Rachel:  Let's play something else! Pheebs, do that turning round
         with your eyes shut thing to pick who gets to choose.
 

Phoebe:  OK! Everyone stand in a circle. (everyone does as she says
         and she starts spinning round) Annnd itttt's.....Monica!
 

Monica:  Um, spin the bottle?
 

         [cut to them sitting on the floor with a bottle in the
         middle, as in "The One With The Fake Party"]
 

Rachel:  OK, Monica gets to spin first because she was the one who
         picked the game.
 

         [Monica spins the bottle. It points to Ross.]
 

Monica & Ross:  Eeeeeew!
 

Monica:  I'm not kissing my brother!
 

Ross:  No way!
 

Rachel:  OK we'll skip this one. Ross, spin!
 

         [Ross spins the bottle. It points to Rachel. They kiss.]
 

Joey:  How long has it been since you last did that ?
 

       [Ross & Rachel look at each other uncomfortably]
 

Ross:  Um,-
 

Rachel:  (loudly, cutting him off) My turn! (She spins the bottle, it
         points to Joey)
 

Joey:  Wa-hey! Time to show you all how it's done. (He kisses Rachel)
       OK, who's next? (He looks at each of the girls eagerly and
       spins the bottle, which points to Phoebe)
 

Phoebe:  (quietly, to herself) Yes! (Joey & Phoebe kiss. Phoebe spins
         the bottle; it points to Chandler)
 

         [Chandler and Phoebe kiss. Chandler spins the bottle. It
         points to Monica.]
 

Monica:  Oooh, this is much better than having to kiss Ross!
 

         [Chandler & Monica kiss. And kiss. And KISS.]
 

Ross:  Um, Mon? Chandler? Don't you think someone else should get a
       turn now?
 

       [They ignore him. Everyone else gets up and leaves]
 

Scene:  Late at night, the girl's apartment. Rachel comes out of her
        room.
 

Rachel:  OK, could you stop that now? I'm trying to sleep!
 

         [Cut to Chandler & Monica, still sitting on the floor, still
          kissing]