CAGATE!!! - lashawn she meant to say callate which means shut up but what she said means take a shit
something about spastic black men is funny - auddy
YEAH! like UNCLE BEN! *does dance* uncle ben! uncle ben! got some rice for youuuuuuuuuuu! - me
whats a pussy? - brittany brewer
this man yelled at me in the theatre yesterday for yelling at the movie - marquea
what were you yelling at the movie? - me
run motherfucker, run! - marquea
that can isnt wide enough - amanda
your moms not wide enough! - me
youre going to the summer school office - mrs.harrel
are you out of your damn mind! - hector
...thats not really funny - brittany brewer to max when he was laughing at one of his dumb jokes
oh my god! are there drugs in high school? - brittany brewer
ummm yeah - me
what? but isnt that against the rules?! - brittany brewer
whats that on your desk brittany? sex rules? - me it actually said sox rule
thats the end of the summer school quotes...
promises man...theyre just lies in the making... - bobby
...cheeto? - me
ask me if i like bisexual woman, the answer is ye! - caitlin's jamie reading the women for women section in the personals
fisherman looking for someone to call him daddy - bobby reading the male for male section in the personals
one day im going to kill you -buffy
just watch. when she's asleep, im going to pee on her! -buffy
i hate that girl -bethany
why? -me
once, she didn't give me her soup -bethany
no alfredo! come to my party because caitlin is big and good! - me translating what caitlin sherwood said in spanish to english...so really its her quote not mine
they're all outside around that chicken statue! - cindy (caitlin sherwood's mom)...i think she thought we started a chicken cult or something
i had to get a broom and clear my driveway. there were like all these dead caterpillars - katie kregloh
yeah. all the caterpillars come to die on your driveway. they're all like "death is coming. time to go to katie kregloh's driveway!" - me
*caterpillar falls from tree and lands on katie kregloh's lap*
AHHH - katie kregloh
see! that one was trying to catch a ride to your driveway! - me
you know what i just noticed? ive got two girls rubbing my back. maybe i should try to puke more often! - me
party is over! get out of my fucking house! rar rar rar! - pogo (cailin sherwood's dad)
hey man i like your hair! hey take me with you! ... hey not all black men are scary! - some random guy near 9:30 club
hehehe - me
yeah you like that one! - random guy again
dont mess around with that slut cuz she could have aids!!! - my mom
everyones getting on the metro now - sammy
everyones gets on YOUR MOM under the sheets! - me
thats the best one i ever did!
your mom is a free country! - sammy
hey whos that? hey SER-HE-OOOOOO! HOLY SHIT! I THOUGHT IT WAS AN ALIEN! - bernie when he saw my hair
man dont fuck with asshole jesus when he's trying to sleep! he's gonna shove a lightning bolt up your ass! - chris when i was sleeping
AHHHHH THIS IS BAD! IM IN BETWEEN TWO EXES! - rikki when she was sitting between me and franky in suck and blow
fuck off, man i dont say fuck that many fucking times. fucking bitches man. - me when i was asshole jesus
you look like a girl from behind. turn around. - caitlin sherwood when i bleached my hair. sammy tried to hump me and i turned around and said
SAMMY! ITS ME! SERGIO! IM A GUY! - me
sorry i thought you were some hot blonde chick - sammy
well you were right about the hot blonde part! - me
put this bag on your head - lori
awww i have to put a bag on my head - sammy
ITS CUZ YOURE THAT UGLY SAMMY! - me
for dramatic effect? - me
your moms a dramatic effect! - sean
is this play the same as all the other ones before? -danny dickson
have you been stonned every time?! -mrs.runyon
what do they make these mozarella stick things out of? -kendra
wait, does god not like fish since were allowed to eat it for lent? -za
actually i consider fish meat too. -me
not me! IM HUNGRY! -jocelyn while stuffing a fish sandwich in her mouth.
dont let that cow near my soda! -a.j. to za
the trees hate me! they always attack me! -cristina
laura, you look so funny when you do that...youre like a turtle! -cristina
sergio, this is all a dream! this is all a dream! -danny dickson while wearing an alien mask and waving his hands in front of me.
youre like that bald guy's head, always shining. your like the fat in my skin, very hypnotizing -jessie...this was one of the songs he wrote about ivis i think.
i never liked that quote "you laugh because im different i laugh because youre all the same" cuz really no one is original or unique. we get our ideas from other people and everthing youve done has been done by someone else. people need to stop trying to be different -me
yeah...actually youre right. like i get stuff from other places. you should like make your own quote...like "everyones the same so fuck off!" -kendra
i like that quote alot!!!!
i had to walk like a mile in peed pants! -jocelyn...me and sammy almost peed our own pants!
their sandwiches gave me the runs! -jocelyn
who says "wonga" anyways!? -me
asians! thats who! -ian
WHAT? ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THE BAG TOO?! -ian to jocelyn
WHAT?! YOU TOOK ME TO A GAS STATION?! WE WALKED ALL THE WAY HERE TO A GAS STATION?! IF YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND I SOOOOOOOO WOULD'VE DUMPED YOU!!!!!! -natalie ramirez to ian when she realized that On The Run was a quickie mart at a gas station
no yo guys! the homeless people shouldnt have to eat of the trash! -natalie ramirez
i dont like to use people for their brownies -mona making fun of what i said to a.j.
i used to chase rabbits. id be like you stand here and id run after the rabbits in the field. then itd pass my sister and id be like you stupid! catch it! -mo-mo hehe mona chases rabbits
ok i say a word and you say the first thing that comes to mind. toxic waste... -a.j.
...NSYNC! -me
dolphins... -a.j.
...MR.Z! -me
jello...jigglers...are...gooooooood...for...constipation...but...not...for...N'SYNC...! -me then lauren then me then lauren...you get the drift
WHAT?! sergio doesnt want cheetos?! he must be depressed!!! -laura patterson
whos been making these turds?! -mrs.brodalicious
i think it was harriet -me
harriet did you make these turds? -mrs.broda
nu-uh! it was errrk! -harriet
ERIK! STOP MAKING TURDS! -mrs.brodalicious
ME AND IVIS LAUGHED SO MUCH!
it was so quiet. you could hear the crickets going..."cricket cricket." -mona
what?! the crickets go "cricket cricket?" this isnt pokemon mona! -me
oh shit i used the last of my money on a happy meal. sergio can you give me $1.10? -ian
no -me
come on! ill sell you my poochie happy meal toy. -ian
hehehe! your so fucking poor! you have to sell me your dog to get home!!! -me
shut-up! -ian
ok ill buy your dog -me
no i like my dog. ill sell you my ball -ian
ok -me
HEHEHE!!! IAN HAD TO SELL ME HIS BALL TO GET HOME!
ian had to sell me his ball to get home. he used the last of his money on a happy meal. silly boy. -me
hey that can be used as a weapon! -emily
yeah i can hit people in the eye with it! -me
"shieldth thine eyes from my ball of DEATH!" -emily...OH GOD THAT WAS FUNNY!
ohhhhhhhhh rose petals and sour beans!!! -me
(while picking a wedgie)...shine in the dark places -kristin...she looked really funny!
jocelyn smells like fish sticks -ian
FINE! will you dance with my lips? -me to katie fossbeck
Dream2303: no one updates their pages anymore
SURGEdude: and some people are QUITTERS! cough cough...diana goss...cough cough
Dream2303: hehe
SURGEdude: i bet if you smoked cigarettes youd quit! YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!
Dream2303: i wouldnt smoke n e way
SURGEdude: WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN OUT THERE WHO NEED THEIR NICOTINE?
SURGEdude: HUH?
SURGEdude: WHAT ABOUT THAT DIANA????
Dream2303: ewwww
SURGEdude: DO YOU WANT THEM TO QUIT SMOKING TOOO???!!!!
SURGEdude: YOU HEARTLESS FIENDDDDDDD!
mr.osmun sucks dick. p.s.-he smells too - jocelyn wrote this on mr.osmun's chalkboard and i laughed alot
sergio, your hair looks like cheese. can i eat your hair? -mable
ok you guys lets get off the monktopus!!! -mrs.hamen
SERGIO! WAKE UP! -mr.fieldman
(i shoot up out of my desk) GUH?!?!?! -me
sergio you cannot sleep in my class! -mr.fieldman
i know! these desks are really uncomfortable -me
hi, im josh. nice to meet you. (holds out hand) -josh
hi, ive got cheetos. (holds out cheeto covered hand -me
SON OF A FLYING BIRD!!! -mona
MY FISHY-FISHY DONE!!!! -harriet...her and her fish are so damn ugly man...
VANESSA! OH MY GODDDD!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??!! - lauren when she realized her little sister was spinning the wheel in twister. you had to see the positions franky and that chick were in...
OH MY GODDD WHAT ARE WE WATCHING!!!??? that girl sheri or something. she was talking about the porno that was on at that party and she was tipsy
we should have sex in soup - me
no we shouldnt - rikki. i think i was the only one who found it hurmurous
that slowpoke looks like a frog-teddy bear - sammy
ITS NOT A FROG-TEDDY BEAR!!!! - vanessa
yeah it is - sammy
NO ITS NOTTTTTTT! ITS NOT A FROG-TEDDY BEAR, ITS A SLOWPOKE! - vanessa. its funny cuz she was sooo offended.
lets take a picture of rikki with her legs open! - mrs.richardson. hehehe i laughed alot
my brothers watchin a stupid fight so i can't watch. holyfield vs. my butt. he doesn't stand a chance - laura albuerme
rikki smells SERGIO. wait a minute. that didnt come out right at all!!!! - me
no....not in the slightest - rakikiiiiii
DAMN RADIO! DIEEEEE!!!! - russel
dont break the radio! - mrs.broda-licious
...but it started it! - russel
oh my god! these two girls i babysit, they have cats. theyre so scary. they just sit at the top of the stairs and look at me. they just stare at me, im telling you sergio, theyre plotting against me! - mona. its funny because she was being serious
...hes like ghandi with hair - fred
that means we can beat him up! - SCHULER
do you know where shakespeare is? - some lady telling us where to sit. todd was the only other person who knew why i was laughing
SATAN, I CHOOSE YOU!!!!! - lauren in her stand-up
...and she named the hampster fluffy! fluffy is MY hampster! i cant believe she said fluffy its people. fluffy does NOT eat people. fluffy bites people but he doesnt eat them! -vanessa...she was talking about how lauren talked about hampsters eating people in her stand-up act. oh my i was trying not to laugh but it just wasnt working!
mom...when fluffy bites people is she trying to eat them? -vanessa...she said this later
when i was in 7th grade, this kid who sat in front of me would turn around and be like "suck my bloody balls!" and id be like ewwwww - christina
was he british? - me
no - christina
TWAT PAPA JOHNS!!! - danny...he was yelling at the papa johns car that stopped to make a turn
if ashley says she wants to dress you up you say "yes" - albert
you mean fucking dress you down you dirty bitch - danny
this woman is suing her body builder ex-boyfriend after he realized she looked like a guinea pig - sammy... i laughed too much cuz the lady really did look like a guinea pig!
its like shit off a shovel! - danny
i have a friend and she likes petting boys heads and she says pickles make me happy - susan bahadori
ITS A DILDO! ITS A DILDO! whats a dildo? - mo-mo
your too young to have a girlfriend - mom
did you know that in the middle ages, people my age were already married and had kids, and people youre age were dead cuz they were OLD! - me
oh shiiiiiiiiit - mom...this was mostly funny because of the way she said oh shit
...and yesterday, my cat was on the bed and i started dancing around in my pajamas singing CATSA PAJAMAS! CATSA PAJAMAS! - me
i hate those talking buses. theyll be like stop requested and i think theyre yeling at me to stop requesting and im like I DIDNT EVEN REQUEST A STOP! - me
i love you james watch me do ballet! - razamagabz making fun of caitlin howarth
we will not tell my parents that i had my hands in your pockets - rikki
youll be like mom i had my hands in sergios pocket and there was something big and hard in it - me
...and it kept making this swooshy sound - rikki
...and it started leaking - me
i didnt know what to do so i put my mouth on it - rikki...oh yeah, i forgot to mention there was a soda in my pocket
keychains are so gay now. theyre all like "im not angry im just ugly!" - razamagabz ...i found this humurous cuz i imagined a little kid with a frowning face
i wonder which is his jack-off hand - SCHULER talking about the guy with one arm in that movie we saw in assembly
doesnt that stuff make you horny? - me
yeah sometimes - lori
i dont think i wanna do it then. i might f-ck someone on accident - me
...grilled hot dogs and p-ssy - brian...its best that i dont explain this quote
...no really you guys what if your belly button could talk? - little jamie
YOU WILL DIE A SUDDEN DEATH!!!! - lauren to someone
want some fritos? - me
sure - lauren
these spanish speaking telemarketers called my house, and they were like is there someone who speaks spanish in this house and i was like hmm i can try but i think youd not appreciate it so i like hung up, this was like 2 minutes ago - emily
HI SERGIO! GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A SANDWICH IN MY POCKET! - anissa
SAVE THE CALCULATORS!!! - me making fun of the teacher who brought a case full of calculators out when the fire alarm went off
onion rings give me gas - katarina
lauren is on crack! - jessica
I am not! She just doesn't know the difference between pixie sticks and crack - lauren
I know the difference but not when she refills her pixie sticks with crack! PIXIE CRACK GIRL! - jessica
ive got people dancing in my pores! - ivis
I HATE VIRGINIA!!!!! - mrs.sala when we couldnt find rebecca's school
i think the fairies have a shoe fetish - e(v)z
these bread things taste really bad -arielle
yeah -me
are you enjoying your meal? -waitress
lovely! DELICIOUS! -arielle
YEAH! -me
hehe me and arielle laughed too much...
CHECK OUT THE PENIS ON THAT ZEBRA!!! - my grandma said this but in spanish. oh my god that was funny!