Please Hear What I'm Not Saying
Don't be fooled by me
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature to me,
But don't be fooled, For God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That confidence is my name
And coolness is my game
That water's calm
And that I'm in command,
That I need no one
But don't believe me.
My face may seem smooth
But my face is my mask,
Ever-varying and ever-concealing
Beneath lies no complacence
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness
But I hide this.
I don't want anyone to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind
A nonchalant sophisticated facade
To help me pretend and shield me
From the glance that knows
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
My only hope and I know it
That is, if it's followed by acceptance
If it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
From my own self-built prison walls
From the barriers I so painstakingly erect
It's the only thing that will assure me
Of what I can't assure myself,
That I'm really worth something.
I don't like to hide,
I don't like to play superficial phony games,
I want to stop playing them,
I want to be genuine and spontaneous
And me.
But you've got to help me
You've got to hold out your hand
Even when that's the last thing I seem to want
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
The bland stare of breathing dead
Only you can call me into aliveness
With your power to touch me into feeling
You can breathe life into me
I want you to know that.
Who I am, you may wonder
I am someone you know
Very, very well.
Written by Jade Courville 07/23/97
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