(July 2005)
noone can see beneath this exterior
a coat of armour worn to close out
discard all the emptiness
that fills me to the bone
how long can i go on pretending
faking a smile to take the wear of someone else's tear
taking the hits till no longer able to feel
cold smile frozen into oblivion
i fumble through alone in this place
not expecting nor wanting anyone to accompany me
this darkness not meant to be shared
noone else will i ever scar
even if it means succombing to my own selfish lonliness
to not forsake the innocent
that can never truly understand the misunderstood
and trudge on blindly numbly into the future
bitter but no way out no sane way
to live in this world so forsake "reality"
and see how much simpler the ways of the insane are
calm raging storm of nothing you were never meant to comprehend
never looking back forgotten
you all bleed into some sick blur of what was never meant to be
and i stay the same but not just unnoticing of those things that don't matter....
after all what could possibly matter?
School
this atmosphere stifles
my creativity-
that left handed side of the brain
that does not rely on ration and reason
but intuition
but here everything is regimented
"everything in the world is black or white"
they tell me
i don't belive them
that's why it is difficult to deal
with the masses of people
that they have convinced of their convictions
to buy their lies
to believe their disguise
makes me jsut want to crawl in a hole
and be alone wiht my soul
