And before you start, I know this completely disregards any reality that DBZ may have been created in.
This is the sequel to "Casting Call." While it's not essential to have read that, it might help explain the weirdness.
One final note. This is all Mike Steele's fault. You just had to go and suggest a sequel which put the ideas in my head, didn't you?
Timeframe: Between DB and DBZ, so imagine that Chichi is pregnant with Gohan, still.
Toriyama: "Cell, what exactly is your problem?"
Cell (with contempt): "That brat?"
Cast: "What brat?"
Cell (sighing and rolling his eyes): "Son Goku's first born brat!"
Goku: "Gohan defeats you?"
Cell (snarling): "Yes!"
Goku (with a happy smile): "Sugoi!" {Great!}
Cell: "It is not!"
Chichi (realising some of the implications of Cell's assertions): "My... My Baby's fighting?"
Toriyama: "So what exactly is the problem?"
Cell: "That brat defeats me? I who have a perfect form and perfect power! If anyone was going to beat me, you could have at least made it someone who was worth it. You could have made it Son Goku!"
Toriyama: "If you read the rest of the script you know I couldn't have."
Cell: "NO! I don't accept that that BRAT kills me!"
Toriyama (quietly): "Would you prefer Super Human Kuririn?"
Cell and Cast, not including Kuririn: "Eh?"
Toriyama: "Well, it's one of the alternatives. I mean, he's in love with #18 and the shock and anger of what you do to her could be enough to do it."
Cell (in daze): "Super Human Kuririn?"
Toriyama: "That's the alternative."
Cell (with sick grin, aloud): "That Brat it is then." (Under his breath and with a cunning expression) "I time traveled once. I'll just have to do it again."
Goku (hearing Cell): "Won't that create a paradox? I mean, if you are killed in the past, won't the future deviate from the one you know and so you no longer exist to come back in time? Or even if you do go back in time, you are coming from an alternate universe where you weren't killed, consequently you shouldn't end up in our universe unless you also have a machine to cross through dimensions."
[Goku was supporting his arguments and theory with complex drawings and equations, drawn in chalk on a black board which had appeared from no where.]
Cell and everyone else: "Eh..?"
Goku: "Oh never mind."
Toriyama (weakly): "Yes..." (Turning to Buu) "What was your problem, Buu?"
Buu: "I don't get to destroy the galaxy?"
Toriyama (forcefully): "No! You don't get to destroy the galaxy. Or the universe."
Buu: "Why not?"
Toriyama: "It's a purely commercial decision. I'll put it this way. If you destroy the universe, I won't have an audience and so won't be able to sell either the manga, or the anime, or any vaguely related merchandise and you wouldn't have anything to eat. Do you understand?"
Buu: "When you put it like that..."
Toriyama: "Good. Now was there anything else?"
Buu: "Just one more thing."
[Toriyama winced slightly and looked resigned.]
Toriyama: "What is it?"
Buu: "I don't even get killed by a Super Saiyajin?" (sniffing) "Everyone else does!"
Vejiita: "Super... Saiyajin?"
Toriyama (to Buu, ignoring Vejiita): "It's more symbolic that way." (in a dreamy manner) "The thoughts, hopes, power and feelings of the universe all feed into Goku contribute to your final defeat."
[Buu just rolls his eyes.]
Vejiita: "Super... Saiyajin?"
Toriyama: "What is it, Vejiita?"
Vejiita (pointing at Goku): "He's the Legendary Super Saiyajin?"
Toriyama: "Yeah, so what?"
Vejiita: "I am the Saiyajin no Ouji. I am better than a third class..."
[Behind Vejiita, Ginyu and his squad had been accompanied by Buu and were play acting along with the Princes tirade.]
Toriyama (trying to ignore Vejiita's shadows): "Cut to the chase Vejiita. What is it?"
Vejiita: "He's the Super Saiyajin?"
Toriyama: "A Super Saiyajin, actually. Vejiita, you go Super Saiyajin too, or didn't you get up to that part?"
Vejiita (shocked): "I go..."
Toriyama (to self): "No one read their scripts! But I can fix Vejiita!" (He looks over to Bulma.) "And I owe her as well! I think I'll just have to make her son Vejiita's rather than Goku's. That will explain his strength, especially when he pops up to save Goku and kill Freeza and his father. It also keeps the wholesome family traditions. I'm not sure how Chichi would react to having a rival, or how Gohan would feel. Well, Bulma you're lucky, your social status just got upgraded from Mistress to Wife." (Laughs evilly to himself.) "That ought to fix them both."
[After receiving several weird looks from the cast members Toriyama calms down and looks around. He spots Zarbon, Dodoria, Ginyu, Recoome, Baata, Juice, Guldo, #16, #17, #18, Dr Gero, a couple of mini Cells, Babidi, Bibidi, Kaioshin, Daikaio and several others approaching him.]
Toriyama (looking at the approaching crowd, with an insane giggle): "Stop right there!"
[Everyone looks at him confused.]
Toriyama (still with hysterical/insane note in his voice): "Attendant!"
[A young, well dressed young man enters Toriyama's office. He has previously been known as Attendant #4 aka The Lawyer. An evil grin fixes itself permanently on Toriyama's features and he pulls out a huge stack of paper and places it on his desk.]
Toriyama: "This time, I've got the power! Mwahahaha!"
Cast: "Huh?"
Attendant #4 aka the Lawyer (looking towards approaching cast members): "Before you complain, you really should consult your contracts."
[Most of the approaching cast, paused to pull out large paper documents. For the most part, they weren't quite as extensive as the others which the established cast had, but they weren't short documents. The shortest filled one large binder to the brim and belonged to one of Bibidi's henchmen. He wasn't even in the manga. He was just an associate of someone who was mentioned in the manga. Although Bibidi did manage to get a panel in the anime.]
Lawyer: "Sub section 57 Plot Control. Specifically clauses 57.8.6.8.3
and 57.10.4.2.7.3.2 give Toriyama-san the right of control over the plot
details. You all signed the contracts giving him the right to write the
plot as he saw fit. Today's session was simply a gesture of good will."
Toriyama: "You heard the man! I'll make the changes I've said I would.
But for the rest of it, the script stands as planned! I'll discuss some
details with those who are yet to be born but for the rest of you - You
signed suckers!"
Lawyer: "Indeed."
Cast (flicking through their contracts for the indicated sections): "Nooo..!"
Toriyama: "Yesss..!"
Goku: "Is that all you wanted?"
Toriyama: "Yeap! That's all there is to it! I expect to see everyone at recording." (He paused.) "Having read your script!"
Cast minus a few: "You can't do this to us!"
Toriyama: "I can and have! Now please, vacate my office so that I can write up the final version."
[Most of the cast filed out with sad looks. A couple were contented though. Bulma and Yamcha were barely decent as they exited, intending on heading back to the privacy of the Capsule Corp. buildings. Pu'ar and Oolong stuck close to Roshi, Kuririn and Turtle as they made their way to their flyer to leave for the Kame House. Those two had no intention of being left behind again. Goku gently picked up the pregnant Chichi and called Kintoun so that they could continue home. They hadn't had many complaints with the script. Tenshinhan picked up Ranchi and with Choazu following, flew over the horizon, back to the mountains they had made their home.]
Vejiita (jerking his head at Nappa and Radditsu): "Let's go. We've got three planets to clear."
[The Saiyajins took off in their ships.]
[Freeza and co filed into his flat ship.]
Freeza: "As long as I'm alive, I've got my chance for revenge!"
[Cell and the others trailed out.]
Cell: "The computer invented me. I'm sure it will have no problem with a dimension machine! I'll destroy the world yet!"
#17: "You gotta marry him?"
#18: "I'll still be wearing the pants!"
[Buu, Babidi and Bibidi left quietly.]
Buu: "I guess profit is better than destruction. With profit I can always buy candy bars!"
[The rest of the cast just seemed to vanish into thin air.]
[Toriyama looked around his office. His empty office.]
Toriyama: "Err, Piccolo?"
[Piccolo was still in the corner, hovering. His face was happy as he contemplated the page that his script remained open at. The page showing his blast going through Goku.]
[Toriyama went over and gently closed the script and began to push the hovering Piccolo towards the door.]
Toriyama: "The meetings over Piccolo. You can go back to training now! Besides, if you don't train, that picture won't come true."
[Piccolo roused himself slightly.]
Piccolo: "You're right."
[He began walking towards the door, his script now slung safely under one arm.]
Toriyama: "I'll see you at recording Piccolo. Please have read the whole script by then!"
Piccolo: "Okay."
[Piccolo began to flick though the script as he exited.]
[Toriyama closed the door, or rather what had been left of the door behind him.]
Piccolo: "WHAT!?!"
[Toriyama winced at the noise. He could guess what page Piccolo had found.]
Piccolo: "I die for Son's BRAT?"
[The sound of pages being rustled could be heard.]
Piccolo: "I don't conquer the world?"
Toriyama: "You had your chance to complain!"
Piccolo: "NOooo!!!!..."
[A rhythmic banging could be heard coming from outside the office.]