And before you start, I know this completely disregards any reality that DBZ may have been created in. I know the manga existed before the anime but it suits my purposes to have Toriyama-san and a Director discussing the story before it's actually created.
Timeframe: Between DB and DBZ, so imagine that Chichi is pregnant with Gohan
Attendant on Megaphone: "Alright, this is the last call for canditates for DBZ Bad Guy Auditions. All canditates collect your numbers and line up in order. If you miss your spot you're automatically disregarded. Let's go...! Could canditates further remember that killing any member of the cast or production crew will result in your immediate disqualification!"
[There was a bit of grumbling but eventually a line of canditates formed. They were a very mismatched bunch, some tall, come short, thin, fat, clothed and unclothed. But each of them was hoping to be awarded the position of Bad Guy in DBZ. And secretly they were all hoping for the position of Ultimate Bad Guy. The line formed before a warehouse type building - the Television Studio where it would be produced and of course, the Manga's Creator was there to see what type of Bad Guys he was going to have to portray.]
Inside the Building: Toriyama-san sat with a neat check list before him. He had a definite idea of the attributes to be displayed by those who would qualify as DBZ Bad Guys. The Director was sitting next to him with his own checklist. Sitting around them both was the rest of the DBZ cast. Goku was sitting with Chichi who was latched on to his arm. Kami-sama and Mr Popo were sitting as well, although Kami-sama kept casting black looks at Goku for having turned down the offer to be God. Muten Roshi had Oolong sitting on his shoulder and they were both drooling over the lastest 'Play Bunny.' Bulma and Yamcha were making out in a darkened corner and Lunch was attempting to do the same with a resisting Tenshinhan. Choazu, Kuririn, Turtle, Pu'ar and Guamo were having a heated card game.
Attendant #1: "Alright, let's get this over with. It's time to find out who you guys are going to be fighting. Bring out the Bad Guys!..."
[Everyone sort of looked at attention at the stage were the auditions would take place. Although that didn't last long, leaving only Toriyama-san and the Director paying much attention to the pending auditions.]
Attendant #2: "Number One! Call for the first Audition - Group Name Zentradi."
Zentradi #1: "Hello, we're the Zentradi."
[The Attendant marked them off on his checklist.]
Director: "What is this? You're just human!"
Zentradi #2: "No, no, no! We're not human! We're interstellar beings who just look human! Plus we can transform."
Toriyama (interested): "Transform?"
Zentradi #1: "Yes sir! We can transform. It's really quite simple. We enter the processing tanks and are reformed to our previous height of 30 feet."
Toriyama (somewhat crestfallen): "You can't do it by yourselves?"
Zentradi #2: "No. It's the processing tank or nothing. But in addition to ourselves, we've got a whole fleet of new technology and characters."
[Several pictures of weapons and mecha's appeared followed by pictures of various people.]
Director: "Enough! Big mecha has already been done by Red Ribon and the last thing we need is new characters. It's hard enough giving everyone enough air time without having to cut down on that! You're too human to be useful to us. NEXT!"
Attendant #2: "Number Two. Call for the second audition - Name Piccolo Junior."
Toriyama: "You again!"
Goku: "You've already been the Bad Guy!"
Piccolo (torn between glaring at Toriyama, Goku or Kami-sama): "..."
Toriyama: "You're not even supposed to exist!" [He turns to glare at Kami-sama.] "After Goku defeated him at the Tenkaichi Budokai, *you* were *supposed* to remerge with him, *NOT* try to kill him, baka! In his condition, you would have been dominant in the merging and that was supposed to be the end of Piccolo. But no you wouldn't merge and you..." [He turns to glare at Goku now.] "You had to go and give him a senzu! If Kami-sama was not going to merge, you couldn't have just let him die of natural causes?"
Piccolo, Goku and Kami-sama: "..."
Director [to Toriyama]: "Maa maa... Why don't we find out what he has to offer?" [To Piccolo] "Well Piccolo Junior, why should you again be a Bad Guy for DBZ? You've failed once already."
Piccolo (with trade marked sneer in place): "You don't really believe that fans will be satisfied if I just disappear? I happen to be a very popular character and being asexual, I appeal to both sexes."
Director (looking unimpressed or maybe that's slightly jealous): "And..?"
Piccolo: "I said I would be back. I'm feared by the known world and as you said I have a history with the cast. Plus I have a singleness of purpose which only Goku can match." [Piccolo's canines showed.]
Toriyama (eyes narrowing in speculation): "Hmmm... I think we can use you. You *are,* as you say, an established character. You don't fit *all* my criteria but you should be a good starting point." (Toriyama had an evil grin in place now.)
Piccolo (looking apprehensive): "Nani? What are you planning?"
Toriyama (innocently): "Nothing." [He leans over to talk to the Director.] "He can go in, but since he's had his shot a Bad Guy, why don't we have his attempts post poned by the arrival of the other Bad Guys. That way he'll be so busy defending the world he's going to conquer that he won't have the time *to* conquer it."
Director (nodding): "Yoshi, yoshi... But he still needs a reason. I mean, he could just let the new Bad Guy conquer the world before he decides to take over..."
Toriyama: "Hmm..." [He flicks through a couple of pages variously labelled "Script," "Girls 'R' Us," "Future Characters" and "How to Draw Manga."] "How about Goku's kid? I think we can work out something with that."
Director: "Good! Alright Piccolo, you're in! Welcome aboard."
Piccolo (grinning evilly and flicking his eyes between Goku and Kami-sama): "I'll get my revenge on both of you!"
Toriyama: "Yes, yes Piccolo. Now sit down. NEXT!"
[Piccolo moved to hover in the furtherest point from both Goku and Kami-sama, glaring at them both. He had no idea of the horror which was to be inflicted upon him or he might not have looked so smug at returning to the cast.]
Attendant #2: "Number Three! Call for the Third Audition - Group Name Bugrom."
[There were various skitters from around the place but no one actually materialised.]
Attendant #2(louder this time): "Number Three! Call for the Third Audition! If you miss your place you will be discounted!"
[There was a burst of music accompanied by theatrical smoke which poured into the room. A spot light was activated behind the smoke casting the procession which was approaching in shadow. It was lead by several fragile seeming insectoid creatures. Several more burly ones followed them in two groups of four, each group carrying a litter. When the smoke cleared the place was absolutely crawling, literally, with Bugrom of all shapes and sizes.]
Director (with speculative look, nodding to himself.): "Hmm... Got possibilities."
Goku (looking at the hundreds of insectoid forms and waving the smoke away): "So, what do you have to offer as Bad Guys?"
[He spoke up because the Director and Toriyama were both busy coughing the smoke out of their lungs.]
Jinnae {A/N Is that how it's spelt?}(With his trade marked insane laugh.): "We are the Bugrom. We shall conquer everything!"
[The Queen looked on with an approving and adoring expression.]
Toriyama: "Is there anything else? What about your previous fighting record? It looks good if you have a fearsome reputation."
Jinnae (a bit flushed and in a high squeak): "Makoto will not stand in our way any longer. The defeats of the past shall be avenged and I shall rule supreme!"
Director (looking resigned): "Who's your leader?"
Queen (languidly): "I am. Jinnae-sama is my trusted General."
Director: "Some one tell me their fighting power!"
[A mischellaneous Attendant wearing a scouter stepped forward. They pressed a button on the side and numbers began scrolling over the greenish colored glass that was covering ther eye. The Attendant looked around, getting readings on all the Bugrom present.]
Attendant #3: "Err... Sir, do you want their group reading or the highest individual reading?"
Director: "Highest individual. This is DBZ. There has to be one ultra powerful being with henchmen."
Attendant #3(with sweat drop): "..."
Director: "Speak up man!"
Attendant #3: "Highest individual reading is 0.1."
[The cast collapsed, feet twitching in the air. Piccolo even fell out of his meditation hover.]
Toriyama: "P...p...point o...one! What is this?! GET OUT OF HERE! YOU WOULDN'T EVEN QUALIFY FOR A DB BAD GUY! YOU'D BE GOKU'S LUNCH!!!" (His expression became calculating.) [Turning towards Goku.] "Oh Goku..? How'd you like to eat them?"
Goku (slight smirk): "Sure. I am a little hungry!"
[Jinnae looked at the horror decending upon him and quickly scrambled to his feet, leapt down from his litter and lead the retreat, without once looking back. The other Bugrom followed at a very smart pace.]
Director (with a small snarl): Call the next one.
[Attendant #2 completely crossed the Bugrom off his list before looking for the next canditate.]
Attendant #2: "Number Four. Call for the Forth Audition - Name Buu."
[A whole batch of attendants and henchmen walked in with Buu.]
Babidi: "That's Majin Buu. *I* control him!"
Attendant #2: "Yes Bibidi!"
Babidi: "*I'm BA*BIDI! *Bi*bidi was my father!"
Attendant #2 (with sweat drop): "Yes! Number Four. Call for the Forth Audition - Name Majin Buu, controlled by Babidi!"
Babidi: "Took you long enough to get it right."
Attendant #2 (marking them off on his checklist and muttering): "God dammit, never can keep them straight... Babidi, Bibidi, they're worst than Goku, Gohan and Goten!"
Attendant #1 (looking directly at an enraged Babidi): "A reminder to you Babidi, if you kill any cast or crew members now, your application to be a DBZ Bad Guy is automatically null and void."
[Babidi glared at both Attendant #1 and #2 but swallowed the words to order Buu to destroy them both.]
Director: "Okay, we've got a couple of questions for you."
Toriyama: "First of all, assuming you're selected, what are your goals as a DBZ Bad Guy?"
Babidi: "Initially it's to recurrect Buu but that's all to avenge my Fathers death."
[The Director nodded.]
Toriyama: "Anything else?"
Babidi: "After that, it would be good to control the universe."
Director: "Buu? What are your goals?"
Babidi: "His goals are my goals. He does not have independant thought!"
Toriyama (coughing in a 'if you don't shut up, I'll reject you manner): "We were asking Buu."
Buu: "Hmm, eat candy, get rid of Babidi, have a good fight, destroy universe. I think that covers it."
[The cast was looking slightly horrified. Toriyama nodded approvingly.]
Toriyama (to self): "I think I can work with that." [To Buu.] "Can you transform?"
Buu (nodding): I have several transformations and if I adsorb powerful fighters I can take on their attributes."
Toriyama: What about the rest of this group?
Babidi: "They're mine. They serve my purposes until I can resurrect Buu."
Tenshinhan: "They would liven things up a bit."
[Toriyama nods and turns to the Director.]
Toriyama: "Well?"
Director: "They'll do, if they can pass the final test. Attendant!"
Attendant #3: "Yes sir! Checking now sir!"
[The attendant passed their scouter over the group. It began bleeping frantically and numbers could be seen flashing all over the screen. It gave a final bleep before it exploded in a shower of sparks and broken glass, despite the fact that it contained no explosive parts and the best that should be expected was a complete overloading of the program and system shut down.]
[The cast and Toriyama looked impressed.]
Attendant #3: "Ouch!"
Director: "I'm not concerned about your pain! What was the reading?"
Attendant #3: "The scouter shorted out at something in excess of 200 million."
[Most of the cast shrank back with horrified and disbelieving expressions. Toriyama just nodded.]
Toriyama: "You realise with a power level like that, you'll have to wait until the end of the series?"
Buu: "That just makes the fight better!"
Goku: "Yosha! That means we're getting a power up! Woohoo!"
[Piccolo's expression changed into an evil grin.]
Piccolo (to self): "I'm safe, because without me the Dragon Balls won't exist and where would that leave a series called 'Dragon Ball Z.' So I'll be getting a power up as well and that means, I can do even more damage!"
[Toriyama heard Piccolo's comment and sniggered to himself.]
Director (to Toriyama): "They'll be okay. Do you agree?"
Toriyama: "He's not perfect but he's acceptable."
Babidi: "Not perfect! How in anyway am I not perfect?"
Piccolo: "Ahou."
Toriyama: "Buu is not perfect. He lacks a tail but I guess that head tentacle makes up for it."
Director: "Welcome aboard, you've been selected as a DBZ Bad Guy. Please mingle with the cast and get to know them."
Kuririn: "Chotto matte!" [Points at Buu.] "*He's* going to be a Bad Guy?"
Toriyama: "Yes, what's wrong?"
Bulma: "He's PINK! That is so feminine. Isn't a Bad Guy supposed to be buff and manly? It's going to be so bad for our reputations if we let him be a Bad Guy."
Yamcha: "And his goals! Eat candy? And he's so fat! We'll be the laughing stock of anime!"
Toriyama: "He's going to be a Bad Guy and that's final!" (To self) "Those two are too sure of themselves. I need to give them some difficulties."
Bulma, Yamcha, Kuririn: "But..."
Toriyama: "FINAL. Or I will write you all out."
Yamcha (muttering): "I practically am written out already..."
Director: "Next."
Attendant #2: "Number Five. Call for the Fifth Audition - Name Creator."
[An old man dressed in black hobbled in accompanied by the laughs of the cast.]
Pu'ar, Oolong: "Him! A Bad Guy. He wouldn't survive the first punch!"
Creator (with a knowing grin): "Oh, I assure you I would."
Toriyama (nodding to himself): "An enemy that isn't obvious has got possibilities."
Director: "Care to give us a demonstation?"
Creator: "Certainly."
[Their body glowed briefly and standing in the old mans place was a younger but still mature woman with waist length black hair, white skin and black eyes. She too was dressed in black.]
Oolong, Muten Roshi: "Hubba, hubba baby! You can be a Bad Girl in my books any day!"
Creator (voice now feminine but still cold): "Gorgeous, Sick! Attend me!"
[Two young men appeared. One had long purple hair and was wearing a white over cloak. The other had shorter shoulder length black hair and was dressed in black.]
Gorgeous, Sick: "Creator."
Creator: "Gorgeous, call forth your Undeader to give these people a demonstration of our power."
Gorgeous: "My beauty is only for you. Only beautiful people deserve to exist in this world and my beauty shall destroy all others. Undeader come forth."
[The purple haired man brought his hands forward and great circle of light appeared. It was etched with complex designs and from it a relatively small, spindly, bone colored mecha appeared. It shot out white tendrils which quickly enveloped the man before drawing him inside the mecha.]
[Toriyama was shaking his head sadly, while Piccolo was exchanging a worried glance with Kami-sama. From the way Sick and Gorgeous were acting something was wrong here.]
Toriyama (sadly): If you are going to fight with mecha, then that has already been covered by Red Ribon. And while it is an unusual design, you're going to have to come up with something else."
Creator (switching between male and female forms): "Red Ribon's mecha were just machines. These are more than that. They are living entities and they can use 'Form'."
Director: "Form?"
[Sick demonstrated by firing a small blast through a nearby wall.]
Goku, Kuririn, Yamcha, Tenshinhan: "Wow!"
Piccolo, Kami-sama: "..."
Toriyama (thoughtful): "The mecha problem could be worked around. What else can you do?"
Creator (surprised): "I am the Creator. I am the Leader of Jaina!"
Director: "What is Jaina?"
Creator: "Jaina is the organisation through which I will rule the world. Sick and Gorgeous are children of Jaina."
Piccolo, Kami-sama (both with a note of dread): "Children of Jaina?"
Sick, Gorgeous: "We are the Children of Jaina. We will serve the Creator,
God, until death."
Piccolo, Kami-sama (with two sets of eyes bulging): *"ABSOLUTELY NO WAY!"*
Cast: "Huh?"
Piccolo, Kami-sama: *"ABSOLUTELY NO WAY ARE THEY BECOMING BAD GUYS! It's written into BOTH our contracts!"*
Toriyama: "I hadn't considered that."
Goku (confused): "Considered what?"
[Both Piccolo and Kami-sama were almost rabid with righteousness.]
Toriyama: "The religion clause."
Piccolo, Kami-sama: "That's right Mister, so don't you forget it. There are to be no religious freaks in this manga."
Kami-sama: "I am God."
Piccolo: "I am the Devil."
Piccolo, Kami-sama: "We already forfil all religious roles in this manga for the planet Chikyuu. We are already yin and yan. There is no room for anything else. If you let them in, then its WAR!"
Director and cast: "..."
Toriyama: "I had no idea you felt so strongly."
Piccolo, Kami-sama: "We do!"
Director (to Toriyama): "I guess that means they're rejected."
Piccolo: "Darn right it does!"
Creator: "No way. If you want war, we'll give you war!"
[A bolt of form appeared in each hand. Sick and Gorgeous similarily formed energy bolts. The non combatants 'Eeped' and scurried away, while those used to combat got themselves into position.]
Creator (to Piccolo and Kami-sama): SHINEE!
[The energy bolts were released but both Piccolo and Kami-sama negligently flicked them away before firing return bolts.]
Piccolo, Kami-sama: "Take this!"
[The Creator was bathed in energy and emerged with smoking cloths.]
Creator: "..."
Director (who barely missed being singed): "You're rejected! NEXT!"
[The Creator, in male form hobbled away, helped by Gorgeous and Sick.]
Creator: "Grrr!"
Sick (to Gorgeous): "I guess we return to being used, brother."
Gorgeous (resigned): "I guess so. My beauty is so wasted."
Attendant #2: "Number Six. Call for the Sixth Audition - Name Freeza."
[Freeza, in his base form, accompanied by Dodoria, Zarbon and the Ginyu force walk in.]
Bulma (looking at Zarbon): Kakkoii...
Yamcha (with no expression): "..."
Oolong and Muten Roshi (disappointed): "No women?"
[Oolong and Muten Roshi return to reading 'Play Bunny'.]
[The Ginyu force have arranged themselves slightly to the side of Freeza and co and are running through various poses, working up the their climatic final pose!]
Ginyu Force (leaping into their final pose): "GINYU FORCE!"
Everyone else (with sweat drops): "..."
[The Ginyu Force break ranks for a group high five.]
Ginyu: "Well done. Good form but Baata! You need to hold your hand a little higher.]
Director (sighing): "Which one of you is Freeza?"
Freeza: "I am."
Toriyama: "Assuming you're chosen, what are your goals?"
Freeza: "There is no question that I, Freeza-sama, will be chosen. My
goals are to become immortal and then to conquer the universe." (sniffs
distainfully) "I have to conquer it, since I am already the most powerful
warrior in the universe."
Toriyama: "Right. And what can you offer the series?"
Freeza (looking surprised): "I am Freeza-sama. What else is there?"
[Dodoria looks a bit angry that someone would question his master. But Zarbon steps forward.]
Zarbon (To Freeza): "Freeza-sama, why don't you let me answer this question?"
Freeza (waving his hand): "Go right ahead."
Zarbon: "Freeza-sama has much to offer the series. He is the leader of the intergalactic planet trade and so will bring a new slant to your series."
Toriyama (nodding and marking off something on his checklist): "A new take would be appreciated. Next question, can you transform?"
[Freeza and Zarbon nod, while Ginyu snickers.]
Director (looking at Freeza): "Demonstration please."
[Freeza's eyes narrowed dangerously.]
Zarbon (startled, to Freeza): "Freeza-sama! We'll never get in the show unless you keep these people happy."
Freeza (somewhat molified): "You should be honored. I don't do this for just anyone."
Toriyama: "I'm not just anyone. For this series, I am the Ulimate GOD. Remember that!"
[Piccolo and Kami-sama nod their agreement although neither looks to happy admitting to that fact.]
Freeza: "..."
[Freeza tensed himself up, and then blew off his armor as prelude to his actual transformation. His henchmen backed up and the Director and Toriyama threw their arms up to cover themselves from the wind that he was generating. Light travelled along Freeza's lines before with a flash his transformation was over.]
Toriyama (looking over the new Freeza before him and coughing through the dust): "Very nice."
Director (just nods once at Freeza before he looks to Zarbon): "Well, you too. If you can transform too then show us."
Zarbon (looking horrified): "No! Not that. I hate my transformation."
Toriyama: "Show us."
Zarbon (looks at Freeza but he is just glaring back): "..."
Freeza: "If I have to, you do to Zarbon-san. Get going."
Zarbon (to himself): "I'm very disappointed in you Freeza!"
[Zarbon tenses himself up and then proceeds to make his transformation.]
Bulma (drool suddenly freezing): "Euw! I can't believe I thought he was handsome!"
[Bulma cuddles back into Yamcha, who looks pleased with the change of events. He smirks at Zarbon.]
Director: "Ginyu?"
Jeice: "No! You don't want to see his transformation!"
Toriyama (looking interested): "Why?"
Jeice (casting a look at Ginyu): "Will you take an explanation instead?"
Freeza: "You're going to have to, since it's over my dead body that I will let him demonstrate on me."
[Freeza's henchmen and the rest of the Ginyu force nod vigorously in agreement. Ginyu looks quite crestfallen. He'd been looking forward to showing off his transformation abilitiy.]
Director: "Alright, explain his ability."
Jeice: "Um, Cap'n Ginyu has the ability to 'transform' by switching bodies. He changes bodies with someone and that's also how he keeps getting stronger."
Toriyama and Director (nodding but not really understanding): "I don't think a demonstration is needed then."
Director: "Attendant! Power levels!"
Attendant #3 (who got a new scouter from somewhere): "Checking now sir!"
[The scouter bleeped frantically but this time didn't explode. The Director was waiting impatiently.]
Attendant #3: "The average readings are in excess of 20 000 and Freeza himself has a reading above 1 million."
Director (nods happily, to self): "Powerful people are so much easier to work with."
Freeza: "My power level is higher than that when I make my further transformations."
Toriyama (happily and approvingly): "That's wonderful!"
[Toriyama and the Director put their head together for a conference whie Freeza and Co look on anxiously. This is their future on the line here. They'd never live it down in intergalactic pubs if it got out that they had been rejected for parts in some back water worlds animes.]
[Behind Toriyama and the Director, the rest of the cast were holding a whispered conference.]
Bulma: "This could be bad."
Goku (nodding): "This looks bad."
Kuririn: "20 000 is way beyond us! We'll get slaughtered!"
Bulma: "Who cares about the power levels. Toriyama can just give us a power up but what about their fashion sense and their colors!"
[Goku, Tenshinhan, Piccolo and Kami-sama nod in agreement.]
Piccolo: "They just can't be accepted!"
[Their conference comes to an abrupt end as Toriyama speaks.]
Toriyama: "Welcome aboard. You're now officially DBZ Bad Guys. Exact plot details will be forwarded to you after further consultation with you about your abilities and desires."
Cast: "NO WAY!"
Toriyama (looking at them mildly): "Is there a problem?"
Bulma (pointing at Freeza, who is once again in his base condition): "H...he...he's effeminate!" (turning to Dodoria) "And he's fat and pink. You stuck on fat and pink?"
Toriyama (resigned): "Dodoria is fat and pink but he comes with the rest of them." (happily) "And the rest of them is perfect!"
Bulma: "Perfect?"
Toriyama: "I'll explain it once!" (looks down at his clip board and checklist) "He's got a silly name and as you pointed out he is effeminate. A definite plus on the point of the buff and manly Goku beating up something much more fragile."
Goku (realising the insult): "..."
Toriyama (ignoring Goku and continuing): "He's got a tail, he can transform and he is very powerful. To boot, he is involved in interstellar commerce which adds an entirely new feel to the show and he has some strange and unusual henchmen with interesting abilities and fixations. After all how many henchmen think the ability to pose is more important than the ability to fight or that being ugly, even if it will save you life is too distateful?"
Cast: "..."
Mr Popo (quietly): "They're in?"
Toriyama: "They're in and that's final!"
Director: "Next!"
Attendant #2: "Number Seven. Call for the Seventh Audition - Name Nakago!"
[Nakago in his full armor with helmet walks in.]
Director (sighing): "That's it?"
Nakago (glaring and removing his helmet to show his blond hair): "I do not need assistance."
Bulma (drooling): "Kakkoii..."
Yamcha (again with no expression): "..."
Toriyama: "What's your full name?"
Nakago: "Nakago."
Toriyama: "What's your position?"
Nakago: "Chief seishi of Seiryuu."
Director: "Hmm. The Four Gods would return to the myth and legend genre we started with. Attendant!"
Attendant #3: "Yes sir!"
[The scouter bleeped a bit and then a number flicked up.]
Attendant #3: "He's within the parameters sir!"
Toriyama: "No. He's rejected!"
Nakago (surprised but still not wasting words): "Why?"
Toriyama: "You're powerful enough but the Seiryuu attachment just won't do. If you were Suzaku or one of the others..."
Nakago (insulted): "Suzaku's Seishi are a bunch of weaklings. I wouldn't be caught dead with their power levels."
Miaka (from side): "Ha! So how'd we kill you?"
[Nakago's expression doesn't change as he fires a power bolt to the side.]
Miaka: "WAH! Tamahome! Suzaku! Protect me!"
Tamahome: "Not again?"
Suzaku: "..."
Toriyama (annoyed): "AS I WAS SAYING... This is DB. The Dragon in this is supposed to be a good guy and we don't want to get people confused. Il-shelong confused the hell out of me."
Piccolo and Kami-sama: "And we don't want to get into the Gods argument again."
Nakago (having listened in on the previous conversation, sighing): "..."
Director: "Sorry sir, why don't you go and visit Pioneer Studios. I'm sure they will have some work for you."
Nakago (leaving): "Back to being misunderstood."
[Attendant #2 crosses him off the list while the Director and Toriyama remain silent until Nakago has left.]
Director: "Next!"
Attendant #2: "Number Eight. Call for the Eighth Audition - Name Shabranigdo."
[Since in reality Shabranigdo is so large a chibi version stalked in. The word chibi is used here and although it does not mean 'cute' it does have some connotations of cuteness. The chibi Shabranigdo was in no way cute. It was accompanied by several others who all appeared to be human. There was a small child, a man with long red hair who was wearing a trench coat and had a sword, another man with short black hair who carried a staff and a woman, whose clothes, while they covered everything left nothing to the imagination.]
Oolong, Kuririn and Muten Roshi (drooling): "Oh ba'ay'ay'ay Beeee..."
Director: "Which one of you is Shabranigdo?"
[Shabranigdo steps forward, in his monster form, eyes glowing red.]
Shabranigdo: "I am."
Toriyama (nodding): "Be good for the unusual touch."
Director (agreeing): "He will." (turning back to the auditionees) "Could you please tell us about yourselves?"
Shabranigdo (a bit confused): "I am Shabranigdo. What else is there to say?" (whole body glowing red)
[Shabranigdo's companions are slightly more worldly than him.]
Xellos: "Ruby-eyed-sama is the Lord of the Monster Race."
Toriyama (objecting): "But you're human."
[The gathered auditionee's burst out laughing.]
Auditionee's: "Bwahahahahaha..."
Xellos (still amused): "These are our human forms. Our monster forms are very different and much more powerful."
Toriyama (happily): "Transformations! Sugoi!"
Devil Dragon Gaav (snapping): "Yes, we transform!"
Director: "Assuming you're chosen, what are your goals?"
Xellos (smiling): "Our goal? Our goal is to destroy the world. But we will let no one else but ourselves do it!"
Toriyama (nodding approvingly): "Good, good. Protection of aims is something which is so rare these days."
[Behind Toriyama Piccolo's eyes narrowed in speculation and he began riffling through the folds of his cloak looking for something.]
Piccolo: "They could be a little too similar..."
Director: "Shabranigdo, do you actually transform or is that ability restricted to your minions?"
[Shabranigdo's eyes narrowed dangerously. Xellos stepped forward before anything could happen.]
Xellos: "Ruby-eyed-sama is the Lord of the Monster Race. He has no need to transform but..."
Toriyama: "But?"
Xellos (with an apologetic look at Shabranigdo): "At the moment his form is divided. This form before you is one of seven parts but it is still more powerful than any one of the Dark Lords."
[His companions glowered at him.]
Shabranigdo: "My Dark Lords, you should accept the truth."
Toriyama (interested): "Could you please explain some more?"
Xellos: "Shabranigdo is the Lord over the Dark Lords. There are five beneath him and beneath them there are other monsters like myself."
[Piccolo has found what he was looking for and is intently flicking through a huge stack of papers, although he is still listening intently.]
Piccolo: "It just gets worse..."
Director: "Attendant!"
[Attendant #3 stepped forward, angling his scouter over the gathered group. The numbers began blipping energetically and with a startled cry the attendant reached up to push a couple of buttons on the scouter, adjusting its capabilities before it exploded.]
Attendant #3: "I can't afford to have another taken out of my pay!"
Director: "What's their power levels?"
Attendant #3: "They are all within the parameters you've set sir!"
[Toriyama and the Director nod at each other.]
Piccolo: "Wait just a minute now!"
Toriyama: "What is it this time?"
[Piccolo is sitting on top of a three foot tall stack of paper.]
Piccolo: "My contract clearly states that there can be no characters who bear undue similarity to myself or my former guises. And this one does."
Toriyama: "Your contract?"
[Piccolo points the the document his is sitting on.]
Piccolo: "My contract. Sub clause 5684 B also known as Appendix 14, Section 5.2.6.7 Sub clauses relating to new characters."
Toriyama and Cast: "..."
Director: "Somebody check that!"
[A youngish man in a well cut suit steps forth - Attendant #4 aka the Lawyer responsible for the contract.]
Lawyer: "Piccolo has correctly stated his contract. And his contract does in fact give him right of veto over characters who may be considered similar to himself."
[Shabranigdo and co just looked on. Ruby-eyed might be the Lord of Lords of the Monster Race but not even he was fool enough to take on a monster of all monsters, a Lawyer.]
Toriyama: "They're not perfect since they lack tails and those names, way to sensible. But they fulfil almost all the other requirements and how are they similar to you Piccolo?"
Piccolo: "How are they not? I am the Ruler of a Demon Race, Shabranigdo is. Shabranigdo has minions to do his bidding, well so can I. Shabranigdo is one part of many, well technically, I'm merely a part of the original Piccolo." (snidely) "Need I go on?"
Lawyer: "Any one of those points would bring you down in court."
Director: "..."
Toriyama: "Alright, alright." (looks over at auditionee's) "I'm sorry, but you have failed to fulfil all the requirements we are looking for in a DBZ Bad Guy. Better luck for future auditions."
[Attendant #2 crossed them off from his list.]
[As Shabranigdo and co left, Buu and the Ginyu Force deliberately stuck their tongues out.]
Ginyu Force (in a sing song manner): "You failed the audition, you failed the audition..."
Oolong and Muten Roshi: "No baby! Stay!"
Goku: "Wow Piccolo, is that all your contract?"
Piccolo (smugly): "Yes."
Goku: "It's so short!"
[The rest of the cast nod their agreement.]
Piccolo: "NANI?"
[Goku whistles and a Mac truck laboriously pulls in.]
Goku (pointing to the truck): "That's my contract!
Toriyama: "Goku! Get that truck out of here. You're contract only got so large because of all the death clauses we had to write in!" (looks towards Piccolo) "Don't worry Piccolo. The other contracts aren't nearly so big. The rest of them can carry theirs in mini vans."
Piccolo: "..."
Director: "Can we get on with this? NEXT!"
Attendant #2: "Number Nine. Call for the Ninth Audition - Name Shiranu."
[A naked bird woman walked in. Instead of hands and feet she had talons, and while her lower genitals were covered by feathers her breasts were full and completely uncovered. Her hair was short feathers and her 'wings' sprouted from either side of her head. Two fangs protruded slightly from her mouth but she was still a very shapely and entirely female form.]
Oolong, Muten Roshi (drooling): "..."
[A minute of silence passed before Muten Roshi collapsed, nose spurting vast quantities of blood all over his copy of 'Play Bunny' but this was one time when he didn't mind.]
Director (coughing slightly): "Could you please tell us something about yourself?"
Shiranu: "I am a devil..."
[At the words "I am a devil" Kami-sama and Piccolo shared a look. They both nodded with long suffering patience.]
Piccolo: "Stop right there!"
[Piccolo and Kami-sama turn towards Toriyama.]
Piccolo, Kami-sama: "Let's make this entirely clear. WE ARE THE GOD AND DEVIL IN THIS SHOW! YOU ARE THE OVERGOD! THERE IS NO ROOM FOR ANYONE ELSE! IS IT CLEAR THIS TIME?"
[Toriyama and the Director are thrown back by the wave of noise which hits them. They shakingly got to their feet as several attendants rush after their chairs.]
Toriyama (looking at Piccolo and Kami-sama): "IT'S CLEAR THIS TIME! BUT I HOLD THE ULTIMATE POWER. I'LL DECIDE IF THERE IS ROOM OR NOT!"
[Piccolo and Kami-sama are buffeted by the returned noise.]
Toriyama (sitting back down): "Unfortunately Miss, they do have a point and I am afraid you are unsuitable for this manga."
Oolong, Muten Roshi: "NO... LET HER STAY!"
[Toriyama turns to face them with eyes that are glowing a mad red.]
Toriyama (deathly quiet): "I said she was unsuitable."
[Oolong and Muten Roshi immediately back down. The rest of the cast similarly flinches back from Toriyama.]
Director (cutting in before any blood shed or summary deletion of characters): "Next!"
Attendant #2: "Number Ten. Call for the Tenth Audition - Name Son Goten."
[A young man with shoulder length hair walked in.]
Oolong and Muten Roshi: "No women? Humph! Not even worth considering!"
[Those two go back to the well worn and newly blood stained copy of 'Play Bunny.']
Goku: "Ara! Son Goten?"
Chichi (demandingly): "What are you doing with the same name as my husband?"
[The rest of the cast glare.]
Goten (looking directly at Chichi): "Okaa, maybe it's because you're my mother and he's my father."
[Goten reached up and rearranged his hair into familiar peaks which defied gravity and stuck out of the side of his head.]
Chichi: "..."
[Chichi fell back into her husbands arms.]
Director: "If what you say is true, then what are you doing here?"
Goten (rolling his eyes): "Isn't it obvious? I'm auditioning for a position as a DBZ Bad Guy."
Chichi (coming around and placing one hand on her stomach): "How could my poor child end up like this?"
Goten: "Oh don't worry Okaa. I'm your second son. Gohan is doing fine. He's a scholar."
Chichi (happily clasping her hands before her in a dreamy manner): "A scholar? So he's not corrupted by Goku's love for battle. I don't fail!"
Toriyama (interrupting before she can get too carried away {A/N It's way too late Toriyama-san. Way too late}): "You want to be a DBZ Bad Guy?"
Goten: "I think I deserve to be."
[Piccolo looks on interestedly. Goku just watches with a confused expression. Chichi is still continuing her one woman tirade about how wonderful it is that Gohan is a scholar. The rest of the cast have gone back to their previous activities.]
Toriyama (confused): "Deserve to be?"
Goten (looking a bit annoyed at having to repeat himself): "Yes, deserve to be."
[Goten reaches behind his back and pulls out a large bound black book. The title could be read as he flicked though the pages. 'DBZ Volumes 36 to 42.' As he shifted his fingers the sub title became clear. 'The complete Buu Saga.']
Goten (thrusting out the volume with one hand and pointing to the shown page with his other): "Right here! Volume 40, Issue 5, Page 13!"
[Those who are still interested peer forward to see a picture of Goku holding a chibi version of himself, before he left with the old witch.]
Toriyama (desperately trying to think of how to get that manga or at least more information): "And your point is?"
Goten (insulted): "Seven years he's gone. Seven years after Otou dies after fathering me on mother he's back under that one day rule. I haven't even met my father at that stage and what do I get, just as he's leaving? ONE measly hug! Just one! Oh and some instructions to train hard to learn fusion!"
Toriyama: "So what can you offer the series?"
Goten (smiling evilly): "Simple. Revenge. ONE measly hug is all I got when Gohan got extensive training and lots of personal time. I'm not blaming Niichan or Okaa, they were both there for me but Otou?"
[Piccolo is nodding his agreement with Goten and smiling evilly as well. He can use this. Goku is still confused and Chichi is still in dream land over the news about her first son. It's probably best that Goten forgot to mention all the fighting Gohan went through before he got to settle down. The Director is just looking on, completely lost.]
Toriyama: "Revenge?"
Goten (evil smile still in place): "Revenge. With the frustration I feel, I should be able to beat SSJ 3 easy!"
Toriyama (confused): "You want revenge on a man who's dead?"
Goten (startled): "Ara?" (his voice was very Goku like) "Didn't I mention that?"
[Goten flicks to the back of the volume he's carrying and turns it back, opened to near the end.]
Goten: "See! Otou's alive by the end of it. It's not like he stays dead, but I could fix that."
[Unfortunately for Goten, he's stepped a little to close to Toriyama.]
Toriyama (happily): "Hah! Gimme that!" (swiping the volume) "That's not supposed to be in general circulation! This is my own personal copy of the future."
[Goten, Goku like, just shrugs.]
Goten: "It's not like it's hard to get where I come from."
Director (deciding it's time to speak up): "Is revenge all you can offer the series?"
Goten (looking offended): "Of course not! I offer far more than revenge although that is my driving factor. I'm a Saiyajin, the son of Son Goku so I have the potential to match my father, and let's face it, an attack from my quarter is the last think ANY ONE would be expecting!"
[Piccolo nods approvingly. The boy's got potential.]
Toriyama: "And that's precisely the problem." (flicking through the pages that Goten originally showed them) "Son Goku has a good understanding family. They love him and despite all appearances he loves them. That's why he's dead isn't it?"
[Goten reluctantly nods.]
Toriyama: "Besides which, this series isn't about moral crusades! It's about seeing how stupid I can make a character and how much I can drag out fight scenes and still get away with it."
[The cast nod their agreement with Toriyama.]
Toriyama: "I'm sorry, but you're just not suitable."
Director: "How did you get here today?"
Goten: "Get here? I used a time machine of course!"
[Toriyama's eyes narrow in speculation. Time travel has got definite possibilities for the series.]
Chichi: "Bye bye Goten! I'll see you in the future. Tell your brother to study hard!"
[Goten is walking out.]
Goten: "Bye bye, Okaa!"
[Goten looks towards the shadows near the exit.]
Goten: "Come on Otou. It doesn't look like they want us."
Otou: "Not want us? How could they not want the great Kakarotto?"
Director: "Next!"
Attendant #2: "Number Eleven! Call for the Eleventh Audition - Name Angel!"
[Piccolo and Kami-sama share another hard look as the group walk in. The first thing that is obvious is that all of them, except for the leader, are not human. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The leader is a boy with silver white hair and red eyes. The non humaniod angels were are in chibi form.]
Kaoru: "Actually, that should be plural. Angels." (under his breath) "Angel makes us sound like that vampire!"
Toriyama (under his breath): "I have a bad feeling about this."
Director: "Please, describe yourselves."
Kaoru: "Certainly but would you please check our power level first. There is no point in our taking up your valuable time if we can't fulfill even your most basic requirement."
Toriyama (murmuring and marking off something on his check list): "So polite!"
Director (imitating Kaoru): "Certainly. ATTENDANT!"
[Attendant #3 looked up from behind Muten Roshi where he had been reading 'Play Bunny' on his lunch break.]
Attendant #3 (more than a bit surprised at being pulled out of his lunch break to power check someone at the beginning of their audition.): "Checking now!"
[The scouter bleeped and some numbers flowed over it before it displayed a single figure.]
Attendant #3: "They are within parameters sir!"
Director: "There you are. Please continue."
Kaoru: "Thank you!" (failing to his knees) "First of all, let me say, we will do ANYTHING to get away from GAINAX and Yoshiyuki Sadamoto! ANYTHING!"
Toriyama (coughing): "We'll keep that in mind. So what are your goals?"
Kaoru (getting back up): "Our goals are quite simple. We wish to rejoin with either Lilith or Adam, although it's Adam by choice and we will use any means necessary to do so."
Toriyama: "That doesn't sound so bad."
Kaoru (shaking his head): "It is the consequences of us achieving our goals which is why humanity, and by that, I mean your assembled heroes, might wish to stop us. Once one of us reaches either Lilith or Adam it will result in the de-evolution or evolution of humanity. Either way, life as you know it would come to an end, either to restart from the primordial soup or because it has no need of further existence."
Director: "I think that sounds good enough to be Bad Guys."
Toriyama: "You're right."
Piccolo and Kami-sama (resignedly): "Are we going to go through this argument again?"
Toriyama (sweetly): "What argument?"
Piccolo and Kami-sama: "The religious significance argument."
Kaoru: "But we're attached to the Christian and Jewish Religions. Those that believe in Adam. We have nothing to do with the Oriental Religions."
Piccolo: "That's not the point! Our contracts specify exclusion from 'ANY' other religious connotations."
[Toriyama, is consulting with Attendant #4, aka the Lawyer.]
Lawyer: "Toriyama, their contracts are quite explicit."
Toriyama (sadly): "I'm sorry, we just can't accept you." (under his breath) "This is the last time I let my actors specify clauses for their contracts!"
Kaoru: "No, please, we'll do ANYTHING!"
Toriyama: "I truly am very sorry."
[Kaoru and the others turn away in a downcast manner.]
Director: "Just before you leave though, you don't have to go back to GAINAX and Yoshiyuki Sadamoto."
Kaoru (brightening): "We don't?"
Director: "Why don't you go to VIZ? They should be able to butcher and censor you like everything else they do. After that, you'll barely be recognizable."
Kaoru: "You're RIGHT! Wow! Thank you! We'll do that!"
[Kaoru and the Angels bounce out happily!]
Piccolo and Kami-sama: "That had better be the last of them! Attendant! Check the list! Before we go through that argument again, get rid of all those who are remaining who may have religious significance!"
[Attendant #2 looked hesitantly at the Director and got a nod of permission. He looked down at his list at the remaining auditions.]
Attendant #2: "Kami-sama, Piccolo-sama, there's no one remaining who has obvious religious significance."
Piccolo and Kami-sama: "There had better not be!"
Director: "Enough of this! NEXT!"
Attendant #2: "Number Twelve. Call for the Twelfth Audition - Company Name Chronos."
[A bunch of well dressed middle aged gentlemen walked in. And I mean really well dressed.]
Director (sighing): "We're never going to find anyone!" (to Toriyama) "How many more have we gotta find you?"
Toriyama: "I've only got one definite! Piccolo's not going to be a Bad Guy for long so I need at least two more. These guys could be interesting."
Director (not convinced): "Please tell us something about yourselves."
Aptom: "We represent the Chronos Corporation."
Director: "Chronos Corporation?"
Guyro: "The Chronos Corporation is a world wide organisation. We have representatives in every government across the globe."
Aptom (sniggering): "Even if they don't know it."
Ankaphel (softly): "There is no need to give away all our secrets."
Aptom (sweating): "Gomennasai."
Toriyama: "A world wide organisation? It would certainly provide a
balance for Capsule Corp. What are your goals?"
Aptom: "Goals? Isn't it obvious? Our goals are the complete domination of the earth."
Director: "That's nice, but how are you going to achieve them."
Valkus: "Achieving our aims will not be a problem. Our agents have already been prepared. Enzyme," (to the one who has remained silent so far) "Why don't you give them a demonstration of our Corporation's abilities?"
[One of the people was a little bit bulkier than the others and this is the person who stepped forward. He glanced once at the Director and Toriyama before he drew a deep breath and tensed himself up. A moment passed before rips began appearing in his suit and he got even more bulky. Soon after, with a roar of complete transformation a new thing stood before them.]
Valkus: "Good, good."
Toriyama: "What is that?"
Guyro: "That is something Chronos Corporation has to offer your series."
[The cast looked on somewhat dumbfounded. The thing before them had been human an instant before.]
Cast and Director: "..."
[Before them stood an Enzyme II - white fur, thick flexible tail, claws, teeth, four protruding back tentacles, acid blood and about 12 foot tall.]
Toriyama: "Are you human?"
Aptom: "Of course we're human!"
Valkus: "What you are looking at though, is one of the most advanced forms of humanity."
Director: "I think an explanation is in order."
Guyro: "Briefly then. Our name is the Chronos Corporation. Our aim is world domination. And these and things like these are our soldiers."
Valkus: "They are ordinary humans who have simply had their genetic potential fully activated. All of our agents are like this. And since they are everywhere, on the appointed day, we will not have much trouble taking over the earth."
Toriyama (happily): "Good, good. I can work with this. A multi pointed attack." (frowning) "Could you please tell me some more about this transformation?"
Aptom: "What is there to tell?"
Valkus: "Simply put, we take a normal human subject, and process them. Once we are done they are our loyal soldiers called Zoanoids."
Director: "A normal human?"
Aptom: "Right off the street."
Valkus: "We discovered the method by examining prehistoric artifacts."
Toriyama: "A historical aspect? Good, good."
Valkus: "Our treatment renders the human strength at least ten times that of a normal being."
Goku: "Ten times! Sugoi! They'd offer a great fight!"
Toriyama (to the Director): "They would and the taking of ordinary people to be their soldiers does at a new terror to the series."
Cell: "NO WAY! They have more problems than they do good points. Do I have to point them out to you?"
Attendant #2 (running up to Cell): "No! You can't just come in while there is an audition taking place."
Cell (looking down at the attendant): "What an annoying pest!"
Attendant #1 (from a 'safe' distance): "I remind you - Injuring or killing any of the cast OR crew at this stage, will result in your immediate disqualification from the auditions!"
Cell: "How bothersome!"
Toriyama (patiently): "Why don't you point some of their problems out to us then?"
Attendant #2 (getting at least the procedures correct): "Number Thirteen! Call for the Thirteenth Audition - Name Cell!"
Cell (stepping forward): "I will."
[Now that they have been called, #16, #17, #18, #19 and #20 walk forward to accompany Cell. Although they are all careful to stand a small distance away from Cell. Don't ask me how, but Cell is in his perfect form.]
Kuririn (looking at #18): "Kawaii..."
Cell (pointing to the assembled Audition Twelve): "First of all, they supposedly represent a world wide organisation. That concepts already been taken twice! First of all by the Capsule Corp., and by Red Ribon."
Goku: "Red Ribon's been destroyed."
#20, aka Dr Gero: "Not entirely, Son Goku!"
Cell: "Which is one point in my favor. I come from one of the already mentioned world wide organisations. Now secondly they supposedly create those things" (pointing towards Enzyme) "From humans! But exactly how powerful are they?"
Director: "Attendant! Check that thing's power level."
Attendant #3: "Right away sir!"
[The scouter was passed over the Enzyme unit.]
Attendant #3: "It's not that much more powerful than Son Goku, sir!"
Cell (nodding wisely): "My point exactly!"
Valkus: "This is just a front line soldier. They are mass produced so you can't expect them to be too powerful. Besides, this unit was especially created to get rid of the Guyver. It's really a one off."
Cell: "Especially created to get rid of the Guyver? Ha! #16 and myself are especially created to get rid of Son Goku. Someone who is already in the series."
Toriyama: "Not just in the series. Goku is the series! Will people please get that correct?"
Cell: "Oh..? Son Goku is the series? I can fix that."
Director: "That would be your job as a Bad Guy, yes."
Cell: "That's not important right now. As I was saying they use humans to create those weakling things. Well I can use humans too. I simply devour them, body and energy and my power level is nothing so weak. It's all very clean really and I cut down enormously on the expenses of having to dispose of all those bodies!"
Director: "Attendant! Check his power level!"
Attendant #3: "At once sir!"
Director: "Of course 'at once!' You do everything I order 'at once!' If you want to continue working for me that is!"
[The Attendant sweet dropped but passed the scouter over Cell.]
Attendant #3: "Wow! He's above the parameters sir!"
Cell: "Of course I am. I have a perfect body and perfect power!"
Toriyama (pointing at Enzyme): "But he's got a tail! The names 'Enzyme' and 'Cell' rank equally to me, but him having a tail gives him an advantage!"
Cell: "A tail? Is that all?"
Toriyama: "A tail is an essential item for the Bad Guy!"
Cell (smiling in that superior manner): "Oh, I can beat a mere tail! As I said, this is my perfect form but to get to this form is the result of several transformations! Roughly speaking, this is my fourth or fifth form! And in all of them, except for my first form, I have a tail!"
Toriyama (disbelieving): "You don't have a tail in your current form!"
Cell: "I do so. I just keep it tucked away, since any number of people have tried to cut it off!"
[Cell allows his tail to extend and whips it around for a bit.]
Cell: "Shall I list the advantages of choosing me over them?" (gestures vaguely in the direction of Chronos'' representatives)
Director: "Please."
Cell: "One, I come from Red Ribon. An off shoot of that which wasn't destroyed so I have some motive."
Toriyama: "Previous history with the characters is always good."
Cell: "Two, I'm more powerful and I completely devour humans, not just transform them."
Director: "You're right. With the transformation, there is always the hope of bringing the person back."
Valkus: "Now just a ..."
Cell (over Valkus): "Thirdly, to get to my perfect form, I have to absorb both #17 and #18, who are very unwilling, so that adds some interest to the story line. Incidentally, they were human too, until Dr Gero got his hands on them."
Kuririn: "No way!"
Toriyama: "The tragedy aspect is always good."
Cell (superior smirk in place): "And finally, while I wasn't created by Dr Gero, the concept came from him and was developed by his computer, I am created from the cells of the finest fighters in the world! I am created from Son Goku, Piccolo, Tenshinhan, Kuririn and others and I have all of their abilities!"
Cast: "..."
Goku and Piccolo: "No way!"
Toriyama: "Wonderful! Twelfth Audition, thank you for your time, but you are dismissed. Cell, you're accepted! Welcome to Dragon Ball Z!"
Goku and Piccolo: "Since he is created from us, we'd better get to completely vaporise him!"
Toriyama: "Oh, don't worry!"
[The Chronos Corporation representatives leave quietly.]
Aptom: "I knew we should have brought Murakami or Makashima with us!"
Guyro: "Oh yeah right. Bring the good guys for an audition to be Bad Guys!"
Aptom: "Those two probably would have accepted the invitation. Makashima anyway. Remember he was one of us almost! Fukamachi's a different matter though."
Director (to Toriyama): "Could you save the celebrating for later? We've still got to find at least one more bad guy right?"
Toriyama: "Yes. NEXT!"
Attendant #2: "Number Fourteen. Call for the Fourteenth Audition - Name Crane Master."
[The ever familiar Crane Master walks in with his silly hat.]
Most of the cast: "..."
Tenshinhan: "What do you want?"
Toriyama: "You're not supposed to ever reappear! NE..."
Crane Master: "Now, now! You really ought to give every one fair time." (snidely) "Unless, that is, you want me to give you a bad reputation and tell everyone how I was kicked out before I got my chance to audition. Well?"
Director: "Alright, but you had better make it good."
Crane Master: "Eh?"
Cast (collapsing): "..."
Toriyama: "What exactly did you come here for?"
Piccolo: "You're old!"
Crane Master: "You're a fine one to talk! You're over 600 yourself!"
Piccolo: "But I kept my youth!"
Yamcha: "You're powerless!"
Crane Master: "And you're one of the weakest fighters there are!"
Yamcha: "I know. I'm just cannon fodder."
Goku: "You're one of Master Roshi's enemies."
Crane Master: "Past involvement in the series is a point in my favor, Son Goku."
[The rest of the cast nod their reluctant agreement.]
Goku: "..."
Tenshinhan and Choazu: "You're studentless."
Crane Master: "Only because you two deserted me."
Toriyama: "In short, you're too old, too powerless, were involved with the wrong character and have no students. You've got nothing to offer the series! NEXT!"
[As the Crane Master reluctantly leaves he can be heard muttering.]
Crane Master: "I'll get my revenge. A demon of a Tenkaichi Budokai Champion will rain havoc on your series. Satan will be my revenge!"
Attendant #2: "Number Fifteen! Call for the Fifteenth Audition - Name Alien."
[A spindly black drooling alien flowed in. I use the word flow, since walk fails to capture the deadly grace of the creature. A tallish woman with short hair accompanies it.]
Toriyama: "This looks interesting."
Freeza: "This could be bad."
Woman: "I'm just a spokes person for it. So please focus your attention on the alien."
Director: "Spokes person?"
[On cue the alien opens it's mantiples and extends its 'tongue.' Drool goes everywhere.]
Bulma: "Eew! Gross."
[Puar immediately hides behind Yamcha and Oolong ducks behind the nearest person as well.]
Puar and Oolong: "It's going to eat us!"
Woman: "With a jaw like that, do you think it can talk?"
Toriyama: "It does look impressive though."
Director: "Why don't you tell us something about it?"
Woman: "It is actually a them. There is almost always more than one of them. Even if you start off with one, you'll soon have others."
Toriyama (nodding): "Quickly multiples. A useful trait."
Woman: "This is a warrior type. They are ruled, insect like, by a queen, whose sole purpose is to produce eggs. In fact, their whole goal is to replicate their species, but to do that they need hosts."
Director: "So their goal on Earth would be?"
Woman: "To make everyone a host. They originally come from space and have been traveling from planet to planet."
Toriyama: "What about their fighting ability?"
Woman: "This is a fighting series isn't it? Well, as you can see, it's got some very sharp teeth and claws. You can not cut them since their blood is highly acidic and will melt anything it touches. It will melt the earth through to lava if enough is applied."
Goku: "Wow!" (he at least knows a formidable opponent when he sees one)
Woman: "Their most useful ability is that it's blind. It doesn't need eyes to see you and it has a 720 degree awareness or its surroundings. You simply cannot sneak up behind it."
[The fighters who are still paying attention look a little worried. They might be the heroes of the series but even they will strike from behind if they must.]
Freeza: "It's very impressive but there is a fatal flaw!"
Toriyama: "Freeza, you've already been accepted so what's the problem?!"
Freeza: "They're not an ANIME/MANGA character!"
Toriyama: "NANI?" (to woman) "Is this true?"
Woman (shrugs): "Yeah. So what?"
Toriyama (spluttering): "S...So what? It's everything! DBZ is manga/anime series! How can I put a real action character in there?"
Freeza: "And they look like my third transformation!"
Woman: "Correction - you look like they do!"
Freeza: "Does it matter?" (to Toriyama) "Toriyama-san, their particular form is already in your series, thanks to me, the great Freeza-sama! My third form looks fairly similar to them."
Toriyama (still spluttering from the concept of a non manga/anime character): "It does?"
[Freeza and his henchmen nod.]
Freeza and henchmen: "It does."
Toriyama (happily): "Then that solves the problem! I'll just have to
make sure that you go through all your transformations and that way we'll
be able to include something like them."
Freeza (angrily): "Me? Go through all my transformations! I hardly think I will need to."
Director (placidatingly): "Your transformations are there are as a reserve feature of you. It is yet to be seen whether you will need them all or not." (to Alien) "I'm sorry, but we cannot offer you the part at this point in time. Thank you for your audition."
Toriyama: "NEXT!"
Attendant #2: "Number Sixteen. Call for the Sixteenth Audition - Name Saiyajin's."
Freeza: "What? Saiyajins? They are my servants!"
[Vejiita, Radittsu and Nappa walked in, in that order. They all had scouters and the haunty expression that adorned their race. And from the perspectives of the cast they were dressed in the same armor as Freeza's group, although theirs was universally accessorised by a furry belt.]
Vejiita: "We'll audition for what we want Freeza-sama. After all, you told us to go away for a month."
Freeza: "Feh! You've got no hope!"
Toriyama: "Freeza! You have already been accepted and while your help with the previous audition is appreciated, could you please give the other auditions the politeness they deserve."
Bulma (over Vejiita and Radittsu): "Kakkoii..."
Yamcha (without much expression): "..."
[Freeza backed off a little. It's amazing the power that the series author had.]
Director: "Why don't you tell us about yourselves?"
Vejiita: "I am Vejiita, the Saiyajin no Ouji. We are the premier warrior race in the galaxy."
Freeza and Henchmen: "Bwahahahahahahah!"
Attendant #1 (in a harsh whisper): "Could you please remain silent?"
Radittsu: "Our home planet was destroyed by an asteroid..."
Dodoria (in a sing song voice): "That's what you think."
Radittsu (continuing): "So we will fight anyone, at anytime. Even if we are out numbered we do not back down."
Toriyama: "Adds a good tragic aspect. Are you the last of your kind?"
Nappa: "Yes."
Toriyama (nodding): "Very tragic." (he ticked off some items on his checklist)
Director: "Attendant! Check their power levels!"
Attendant #3: "Yes sir!"
[The attendant passed the scouter over the group.]
Attendant #3: "They are just within the limitations that you've set sir."
Vejiita (angry): "We'll be more than just! Every fight that a Saiyajin survives makes them stronger, and the closer they get to death but still survive, the stronger they can get."
Toriyama: "A very useful trait!" (to self) "And it would explain some of Goku's strength!" (to attendant) "What's their exact levels?"
Attendant #3: "Vejiita is the most powerful at 18 000, Nappa is the next at 8000 and Radittsu is the weakest at 1200."
Toriyama (disappointed): "That low?"
[Buu and the Ginyu force pulled mock astonished faces at the Saiyajins. They knew they were weak!]
Vejiita (frustrated): "You..."
[Vejiita's tail unwound from his waist because of his frustration.]
Toriyama and Goku: "Ara? You've got a tail!"
Vejiita: "Of course I've got a tail!"
Goku: "Just like I used to have!"
Toriyama (to self): "Just like Goku used to have..? I can use that! I could make it explain so much if he was an alien!" (To Vejiita) "Do you transform?"
Nappa: "All Saiyajin transform with the sight of a full moon! All saiyajin with a tail."
Toriyama (excitedly): "Wonderful!"
[The assembled cast look a bit surprised at the strength of response Toriyama is showing.]
Toriyama: "I've got two more questions for you."
Radittsu: "What are they?"
Toriyama: "What does your transformation look like?"
Vejiita: "It's an Oozaru transformation. It looks like a giant monkey."
Toriyama (happy stars in his eyes): "And what's your relationship with Freeza?"
Nappa: "We work for him. Ever since Vejiita-sei and even before, Saiyajin have worked for Freeza."
Toriyama: "Wonderful. You're in! I'll forward details of your coming battles to you soon." (to self) "They're perfect! Tails, transformations, everything, just like Goku. I can explain so much! And..." (an evil grin appears) "'You stuck on fat and pink?' They're not fat and pink." (looks at Bulma) "Oh, I can really work with this!"
Director: "NEXT!"
Attendant #2: "Uh, sir? They're the last ones."
Director: "Finally! Alright everyone, you're all dismissed for the moment. Would the new cast members please stay so that they can formalise their contracts."
[Toriyama gets up, still with the evil grin and plans forming in his head. The other established cast members leave quietly, unaware that Toriyama is going to change their lives forever or perhaps they might have stayed to argue with him as he went about he business of drawing his manga.]
Goku (on Kintoun): "Well bye bye minna. I'll see you when we get together to make the script! Come on Chichi, let's go!"
[Goku and Chichi fly off.]
Bulma: "Come on Yamcha! You promised you'd go shopping with me after the auditions." (looking at Yamcha with a wicked gleam in her eyes) "But after that..."
Yamcha: "Oh? After that..?"
[The two of them disappeared. Kuririn, Muten Roshi and Turtle piled into a capsule plane and left for the Kame House. Tenshinhan and Choazu flew off with Ranchi following on a flyer. Piccolo snorted once at the assembled Bad Guys and then himself flew off to continue training. He had to perfect that move before the next battle, the move he was developing to defeat Son Goku once and for all. Kami-sama and Mr Popo disappeared in a flash of light back to the sanctuary.]
Puar: "I guess that means we've been left alone."
Oolong: "Again..."
Puar: "At least with the new people's power levels we won't be fighting."
Oolong: "That's something at least!"
Puar: "Another day another dollar, right?"
Oolong: "Yeah, right."
Puar and Oolong: "WHY ARE WE ALWAYS LEFT BEHIND?"
Zentradi come from Macross/Robotech (what ever it's being called these
days)
Bugrom come from El Hazard
The Creator comes from Maze
Nakago comes from Fushigi Yuugi
Shabranigo comes from Slayers
Shiranu comes from Devil Man
Angels come from Neon Genesis Evangelion
Chronos comes from Bio Booster Armor Guyver
The alien comes from Alien
I know I spelt some names incorrectly but don't kill me over it. I hope people have enjoyed it.
On to the Sequel - The Plot Thickens