| I can make out an outline of myself in the vast darkness, but that's because I'm so pale in spring - isn't everyone? I'm tired, but I can't sleep... I'm not sure of where I am and I must be familiar with my surroundings to adapt, like any other animal. The blood in my veins is boiling and I feel more alive than ever - this is a first for me. What did I do to achieve such euphoria? I don't remember. I don't know. The only sounds I hear are of my quickened breathing and the distant hum... of fluorscent light bulbs. All of a sudden, my world becomes mute as I watch a darkness creep over my body, engulfing me into the black of night. The world pauses as my innermost being is pierced with such force that makes my closed eyes water, clencehed fists thrash about, and pulse pound through my ears. My senses are paralyzed - the eyes cannot see for the darkness is infinite; the mouth cannot speak for it is being held shut; the nose cannot smell for everything is unfamiliar now; and the ears cannot hear for I can only focus on one thing: I can feel. There's twelve knives stabbing into me in spontaneous intervals not to be predicted. And everything is damp, as if I've been swimming in July. I don't know how to react or what to do. All I can think is 'When will it end?' But then, my world starts up again - the mouth gasps for deprived oxygen, the nose picks up scents of berries and cologne and garlic, the ears again pick up my pulse and breath... There's two people breathing. And I can't place the other person. I pray for my eyes to fail me so I never know my culprit, and that something would hinder me from realizing the person and the pain. Yet I still saw him, and something told me it was okay, it wasn't wrong. And sometimes, I believe it. - Jacqueline Audrey |
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