but I'm not what anyone thinks
because you are all stupid and
I'm the only one you know
who saw it all.
were you molested at age
four by a nine-year-old
boy while your mom was
"babysitting"?
did you have to listen to
the rendevous with the
various men while you
tried to sleep -
and think someone was trying
to kill her?
have you ever had someone look
you in the eyes and accuse you
of practicing everything you despise?
maybe it's happened to you
and maybe it hasn't, but
now you know my hell
and people tell me "it's ok"
and that it's all a phase.
well let them walk,
over the bitches and
through the pricks -
over the edge I go;
let them walk in my
worn, dirty shoes
let them live in
fifteen different places
let them all know of my
confinements and torments
and let them all know I'm
going to die because of
all the lies
all the pain and
all the hell I've endured.
like a girl drinking for the first time
I have no tolerance of the world
and like a mom whose children
can't stop crying, I lack
patience for anything.
I can't stand it anymore -
who will save me now
the pills are gone,
the bottles empty,
and he's ditched me for
something far worse.
what else to take comfort in
than a two-dollar knife -
because my eyes can
drip no longer, my
wrists can do it instead.
I've been abused,
I've been defiled,
I've been used, and now my
worst enemy is going
to win the three-year war
by staining my blue bedsheet purple.
ladies and gentlemen,
she has left the building.
- Jacqueline C. Audrey
