As I put down my pen for the last ever GCSE exam (well I hope) I think “that’s the end of 5 years and 
ultimately 11 years” – ROCK ON.   At this point I am now busting for a piss and I think im finally 
going to be dismiss so I can go they ask us to fill in a questionnaire, “what are you taking the piss” 
(because I certainly aint).  Well that all finishes and I think about the first sip of good `ole Carlsberg 
Export im going to get down my throat when I get home.  

 

When I arrive home that larger tastes extra…well tasty.  There’s a knock on the front door – Marsh, Pat and 
I know someone else but I cannot remember for the life of me – they come in, get some larger down their neck, 
at this point Marsh pulls out a porno DVD from his bag – geezer.  We watch the DVD for about 3 hours whilst 
consuming vast amounts of larger, during this more people arrive – far too many to mention, so I wont – 
Freddie Rothwell cooks us all a delightful dinner, yum!  The crew turn up – Luke Baldwin, Joe Summers, 
Ben Helen, Muzza, Dave and im sure many more but again at this point I cannot remember who the fuck they are.  
We all wander down to Brightlingsea beach and consume more larger, and guess what – it starts raining just for 
extra fun, umm.  The rain don’t bother us though because were hardcore, totally.  Me, Jake, Dave and the legend 
that is James Green wander to the chippie (yes for those who where there, I did miss out something that happened, 
I don’t think its worth mentioning because it was just me being a pure wanker, and Dave mate, sorry). We sit in a 
shelter down the Hard consuming some badly cooked chips; I get a phone call from Ben “Jammers where the fuck are 
you?” “Were all getting the bus!”  So me and the other lads sprint for the bus stop and get there with absolute 
perfect timing.  On the bus we cause all sorts of malarkey, which I won’t go into; lets just say there should be 
toilets on busses ;-)

 

We get of at the doctors surgery in Wivenhoe, I go to The Spar to get some Vodka in, they serve me, cool.  
Me, Luke, Jake and Ben go to a somewhat hidden point from most of the veney. Me, Luke and Jake get the vodka 
down our throats, we finish the bottle of and I green out those chips I had eaten (must of be bad chips, cant 
of been the alcohol) but never mind that didn’t stop me from drinking more larger.  At this point the night and 
the timing of events becomes a bit hard to remember im afraid.  I can remember a lot of walking and running 
around, chain-smoking, drinking, bloody rain and I think I brought some more Vodka. From there on all that I 
can remember is talking to Dave and giving him some advice about life (some may call it bull shit), we then 
(Jack Vickers, German, Alan and some others) walked to Tesco for some reason, it took absolutely ages, but 
it was a laugh. After that I really don’t know.

 

I awoke on Joe Summers bedroom floor in the morning feeling a bit rough (must have been those chips) watched 
some television and then thought I was going to die, really. I got an unbearable pain in my chest and found it 
hard to breath, ask Joe or Ben.

 

Well that’s what I thought of that rather cool piss-up. And to those who didn’t come out or whatever my advice 
is just to fucking live life!!

 

Hope to see many of you again in the future.