He got a mischeivous look in his eyes and half-smiled at her.
Mamoru leaned in towards her lips but kissed her temple at the last
moment. Her lower lip jutted out in a pout. Not giving her a response,
he just stood and began to walk away. *Wham*
Cold, frozen water made contact with the back of his head and
he turned around to see the perpetrator.
"What?" she asked with her head looking around in jerky
motions. Her eyes became wide and innocent.
"It wasn't me. Must have been those kids I saw by that house."
He stared at her with narrowed eyes for a few seconds and decided to
let it go. 'She's a terrible liar.'
"Whatever. C'mon, let's head back to your place."
She nodded her head and joined him, falling back into their
steady walking speed once again. She brought her cold fingers to her
lips and breathed on them in an attempt at warming them up. He caught
this from the corner of his eye and he took one in his own. Usagi held
it in a firm grip until his heat warmed her.
Usagi's heart was breathing a little faster than usual when
they were standing this close. She didn't know how she felt about this
man next to her. He could be the sweetest man at times, and the most
arrogant at others. Than of course, there was the fact that their were
competitors. How was it going to affect her work if they got together?
Would she stop working to save the embarrasement of being second-rate
with the man you love? Love? No, she didn't love him. Love was
something she wrote about but didn't experiance. It was a thing of
fantasy and it was categorized that way. True love just wasn't
possible. Maybe deep feelings, but not love. Especially not with the
man next to her.
Her feelings were mixed as she slid her hand from his, letting
it fall to her side without resistance. It seemed even colder now. 'No.
I need to distance myself from him. I can't let this get serious. It's
bad enough that I've led him on. And Motoki, what am I going to do
about him? Maybe a vacation. Motoki's the one I love, the one I need
right now' she finalized.
Without her consent, tears had formed in her eyes. She wiped
them away before they spilled and she couldn't understand why they'd
started in the first place. She brushed it off as the cold air. At
least, that's what she told herself it was.
They walked once again in silence and she was thankful for
that. If they'd been talking she knew there was no way that she could
keep her feelings for him at bay. Just his voice was enough to send her
mind in a haze. That was the last thing she needed right now. She
needed to focus. 'See the objective, follow the objective,' she
thought. It had been one of her middle school P.E. teachers favorite
saying. It was kinda lame, but it worked in an odd kind of way.
Her front porch light was begin to flicker as it came into
view. 'I'll have to have that checked," she noted. Her bangs were
beginning to get little bits of frost attachted to them and she hurried
her speed. Mamoru had to jog to keep up. 'This is good. Space equals
good.' And with that she was running towards her door. Too bad for her,
she worked herself up too much and landed face first on her snowy lawn.
"Facewash. That is one reason I was glad I didin't get to play
in the snow," he joked and helped her up. She looked really cute with
her face all red from the cold. His fingers lifted of their own
volition to her face and brushed away the snow that hadn't been melted.
'Oh god, what is he *doing*?! This isn't good. I'm losing my
goal. I'm losing it.' His lips came to hers and she melted. 'It's
gone.' Her arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer. Her
senses were reeling and his breath still tasted of chocolate. His lips
were soft as they carressed hers. A light caught her eyes and she
jumped away. She couldn't meet his gaze and turned to get inside.
"Usagi," he stated. His tone so soothing she couldn't stop
herself from turning. Mamoru walked up to her and brushed away some of
her bangs. He kissed her lightly and smiled.
"I guess I'll have to talk to you tomorrow." She nodded and
felt a little disappointed.
"Bye."
"Bye." He turned around and walked toward the cycle. She
looked at him until he was gone, then continued to stare in the same
direction. Giving out a sigh, she walked through the door and closed
it. Her head rested against it and her eyes closed. One weary hand
rubbed at an imaginary headache. 'What am I doing?'
Finding no answer, she threw her coat on the floor and went to
her room. The usually warmth she found in her bed seemed to have left.
'I can't believe this,' she thought crossly and turned on her side. The
outfit she'd worn out had been thrown into a hamper and replaced by a
simple nightgown.
The material seemed to irritate her skin, but she ignored it.
Her mind was at a loss and her heart felt weird. Weird was the only
way to describe what she was feeling. It wasn't a pain, just a
sensation that wasn't her usual one.
Covering her head with a pillow, she layed on her belly and
waited to fall asleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Her eyes switched their gaze from her ceiling to her clock and
back. A tired sigh escaped from her lips and she closed her eyes for a
period of time.
'Five to nine. Three hours. I've been sitting here for three
hours thinking of a guy. I've turning into all those love-struck
teenagers I'd always pitied.'
The sound of the shower resonated from the hallway. She pulled
a pillow over her head and cursed Loi for his ability to stay out late
and still wake up early in the morning. Usagi herself had never really
been a morning person, preferring sleeping as late as possible. That
had changed of course. You couldn't make it in life like that.
Bare legs swung over the edge and dragged towards the closet.
Clad in her robe, she stretched her muscles and decided she'd only have
some cocoa. Her thoughts wandered elsewhere as she watched the cup
moving in circles in the microwave. The beeping knocked her out of the
reverie and she took it out. The steam was flowing from the top and
heating her cheeks.
The cooled cocoa tasted plain. It just didn't give her the
usual feeling of warmth. It was just as if she was swallowing saliva.
She frowned and her face became solemn. She had a speech to give at her
old college at noon. She'd toyed with the idea of inviting Mamoru but
she decided against it in the end. The only way to further the distance
was to stay as far away from him for as long as possible.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The worn steps to Wilker Community College were made of marble,
but you couldn't really tell after the thirty some years it had been
open. Scratches decorated every inch of the thirty-dollar-per-foot
material. The brick had seen better days as it had faded from the
bright red to a dull orange. Plaster had been dabbed on cracks and was
the only obvious sign of improvement.
Parking her car in a reserved spot, she locked it and headed
towards the main office, notes in hand. She looked more like a student
than a lecturer but she used it to her advantage. When you looked like
them, they wouldn't get intimidated. So, she decided on a pair of
khakis and a long sleeved, navy sweater. A silver headband adorned the
top of her pony-tailed hair as she walked down the front hallway.
Wilker hadn't changed much since she'd been there. Everything
had definatly been newer, but for simplicity's sake it all had the same
basics. She eyed a few of the students works that were shown in the
glass display case and gave herself a mental note to try and purchase
some for her home.
The halls were silent except for the distant talking of a
weekend course in operation. At the end, she found the plain metal desk
of Ms. Galle. Her hair was the same as always, curls giving it a few
inches of height. The same brown glasses slid down her nose and were
connected by a thin gold chain.
"Long time, no see, Ms. Galle," she greeted.
Ms. Galle looked up from the paperwork on her desk and smiled
at her favorite student.
"Hello, Usagi. Your early," she said with a glance at the watch
on her wrist.
"I know. I wanted to... collect my thoughts before I started."
"That's fine. Take this," she told her with an outstretched
hand. Usagi raised questioning eyes to her friend.
"That has your visitor I.D. and the key to the room. Just make
sure it's clean when you leave."
"You know me, Ms. Galle."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After taking a few minutes to open the door, Usagi stepped into
the large room where stadium seating filled the right half. It wasn't
as bad as she remembered it. Of course, when she had been in this room
she was usually bored out of her wits. 'I hope I don't do that.'
Even though she wasn't starting for another half-hour, she was
as nervous as the first time she'd lectured. Who was she to tell people
how to write anyway? She wasn't a household name like Stephan King or
John Grisham. She was just Usagi Tsukino from the small town of Wilker.
She was still adjusting to the fact that she was published and loved by
people all over the world.
She ran her fingers over the surfaces of each desk as she
descending towards the podium. College had been one of her favorite
experiances in life and the memories made her love life pains almost
bearable. The irony of the situation was almost laughable. 'How many
times would I mope about Eric Saut in this very room?' she pondered.
Reaching the ground floor, her heart beat against her chest in
n almost painful way. 'Why am I so nervous. It's just a lecture. You've
done it before, you'll do it again. You'll be fine.' The words calmed
her somewhat, but the fear was still there. Taking a deep breath, she
closed the distance between her and the microphone.
The notes were placed on the ridge and rested there, waiting to
be read. The microphone was only a few inches from her face and when
she tried to look at it, she went cross-eyed. Tearing her gaze away
from it, she gazed around the room and stopped at the high glass
windows. They were covered with a thin layer of grime and rust that
was dampening the amount of light entering the room. 'Well, I'm not
going to speak with windows like that.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Fifteen minutes later, Usagi beemed as she looked at the
windows with a bottle of borrowed Windex in her hands. They sparkled
like new, and she congradulated herself.
"Well, your a sight for sore eyes, Ms. Tsukino."
Usagi turned her head and her blue eyes clashed with a pair of
familiar green/gold ones covered by a pair of black framed glasses. His
chestnut hair was streaked with more gray than she remembered but she'd
changed too. She gave him a warm smile and walked over to give him a
hug. This would have been unusual for a normal teacher-student to do,
but he had been the one who'd encouraged her to enter writing as a
career. Therefor, he was very important to her.
"Hello, Mr. Meyer. It's been a long time," she said as she
pulled from the embrace.
"Indeed."
They stood there in a comfortable silence for a few moments
when they were interrupted by a group of students who were early for
her lecture.
"I guess you should get ready."
"Yes. I'm glad you could make it," she added as he took a seat.
He smiled and took his seat as she hid the Windex from view and
went to her spot in the front of the room.
Over the next few minutes the seats filled almost to the max,
and she noticed the small amount of open spaces left. She tried to look
busy by re-arranging the index cards, but when she heard the door open
again, she looked up to see who it was. Her eyes widened in horror, but
she shook it away as he proceeded to go up to her and give her a peck
on the lips.
"Hey Usagi. You thought I would miss you lecture?"
"Of course not Motoki. I know I can always count on you," she
answered with artificial sweetness.
"Oh, I forgot to mention that I waited for you for lunch at
your office." He leaned forward until they were nose to nose and his
hand covered the mike.
"Don't think I didn't see you and Mamoru. After this, your
coming with me. We have some talking to do." With that, he turned
swiftly and took a spot towards the back. It was right next to the only
door, preventing any escape. The venom in his voice had chilled her to
the bone and it took all the courage she could muster at that moment to
look away. She prayed to whoever was protecting her up there and asked
them to help her. Closing her eyes in a quick reflection, she began.
Not two minutes into the speech, did the door open and an ever-
dashing Chiba Mamoru walk in. He weaved between people and sat down in
a seat two rows behind a fuming Motoki. He flashed her a wide smile,
and winked. She didn't stop her words, but looked solely at him for the
remainder, sending him mental S.O.S.'s.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An hour had passed by the time Usagi finished up her lecture,
but it seemed more like a minute to her. Time was moving too fast and
the time when Motoki would steal her away was getting closer and
closer. Saying a polite thank you, she stepped off the podium. The
group clapped in a synchronized manner, the sound becoming loud and
enthusiastic.
A blush tinted her cheeks as a few whistles sounded threw the
thunder of the crowd. The noise soon subsided and people walked up to
her and said their own personal congrats. She answered back to
questions as well as she could but her gaze kept wandering over to
where Motoki stalked the doorway, his eyes cold and seering. She winced
and looked back at the red-head of whom she was talking to.
"I'm sorry everyone, but Ms. Tsukino has an appointment,"
Mamoru lied as he made his way through the crowd to her. Moans of
objection sounded but were fallen on deaf ears. He made it to her a
little rumpled from the people he'd brushed by.
Usagi pulled his head next to hers and whispered in his ear.
"Get me out of here. There's someone here who's gonna hurt me
if you don't."
Mamoru jerked away at that statement and the sound of fear that
had sounded clearly through it. Nodding his head, he brought her close
to him and walked towards the door. Only a few feet away, Motoki stood
blocking the door.
"Excuse me, but we need to go," Mamoru stated in a tone that
disguised his raging emotions.
"You need to go. She's not going anywhere, especially not with
you," Motoki countered.
"And how are you going to stop me blondie," he asked with an
arched brow.
That was it. Motoki went over the edge. First, the guy takes
away Usagi, then he has the nerve to insult him. Motoki barreled into
the guy with a strength he'd never known he'd possesed. Both were
knocked to the floor and continued to roll down the steps. Punches were
thrown, only a few missing their intended targets.
Usagi witnessed the scene in horror. She ran down the stairs
after them and tried to plead them from breaking it up. They didn't
listen and that annoyed her.
"STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!" she screamed at them. The crowd that had
formed cringed and covered their ears. She ingnored their actions and
walked up to the warring twosome. One kick to each of their abdomens
and they were three feet apart, holding their lower chest in a
protective embrace.
"How dare you two fight like that?! What are you, animals?! I
am not going to be won over by whoever has the best right-hook!! You've
both ruined my lecture and I never wanna see either of you again!!" she
finished in tears. Turning away from them, she ran up the stairs and
out the door.
The two men stood up as the crowd around them slowly
disipitated. They stood their for awhile until Mamoru decided to break
the silence.
"Who are you anyway?"
Motoki looked up from the floor and smiled.
"I'm Usagi's lover."
Mamoru stepped back as though he'd slapped him. The words stung
worse than any physical wound either Motoki or Usagi could have
inflicted upon him.
"Surprised, huh? Well, I was too when I saw you two in front of
her office. She's a good kisser isn't she," he sneered, twisting the
knife for all it was worth.
Mamoru scrubbed at his lips in an effort to remove the memory
of their kisses. It had all been a lie. She wasn't his. She'd toyed
with him and his emotions. Anger built up inside him and he turned to
face the blond man that had crushed his hopes.
"Your lieing. She wouldn't go out with me if you two were still
together. And, if you were, than why did she ask me to get her out of
there because you were going to hurt."
Motoki's forehead creased upward, surprised that she'd thought
he would hurt her. Quite the opposite in fact. He'd been planning on
making her choose between the two, he bribing her with a trip to the
Bahamas.
"She over-reacted."
"Sure," he answered, his eyes filled with disbelief.
"Excuse me gentleman."
Both men turned in the direction of an older women who was
looking at them from the top of the stairs.
"But if you want to make amends with Usagi, she's in the
library. You didn't hear it from me," she ended with a wink. The pair
looked at eachother and ran towards the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Usagi slowed down and began walking in at a calmer pace. She
knew she shouldn't have blown up at them like that. It was her fault.
She had been going with Motoki and still went with Mamoru. Guilt
consumed her and she was forced to lean against the wall. Her body slid
down to the floor, her eyes closed. She made no effort to wipe away the
dried tears.
"Usagi? What's wrong?"
Her eyes flew open and she looked up into the worried face of
Ms. Galle. Plastering on a smile, Usagi stood and wiped away the tears
after refusing to do so earlier.
"I'm fine. Just something with-"
"A man," she finished for her.
Usagi nodded her head and looked away as new tears sprung to
her eyes. Her motherly instincts kicking, Ms. Galle held her the
weeping blond.
"It's all my fault. I thought I loved him, and hated the other.
Then we went to dinner, and lunch on the boat. The date last night.. I
ruined everything!!" she cried into the secreatary's shoulder.
"It's okay, Usagi. I'm sure everything will be okay. Remember
what I told you the day Eric and you broke up?" she questioned and
pulled away to look her straight in the eyes.
"Mmhm. You said, 'If it was meant to be, it will be.'"
"That's right. Now I want you to relax. Why don't you go to the
library. I'll give you the key."
Handing it to Usagi, the woman turned and began to walk away.
"Oh, Ms.Galle!" she shouted to her. The secretery looked at her
and smiled.
"Thank you!!"
And with those last words, Usagi headed to the one place she
could think things out.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The double-doors opened with a loud creak, showing the need
for a squirt of oil. Closing it behind her, Usagi walked down the front
aisle. It had a musty smell to it since many of the books were very
old. Her fingers brushed along the bindings, her eyes looking at each
title before moving on. She reached the end and sighed in defeat. She
wasn't going to find any comfort in books.
It was pretty ironic to her, that she would be so succesful at
writing about romance but when it came to her own, she just *sucked*.
Sitting at a nearby table, she rested her head in her hands and stared
unseeing at the painting that rested above a cart of returned books.
She recognized it as one of her classmates works. SHe'd won at state
with that painting.
Usagi brushed away those unnecessary thoughts and concentrated
on the problem at hand. 'Who do I want?' she questioned herself. Motoki
had made her everything she was. Published her books, made her happy,
god, she owed him *so* much. Then there was Mamoru. He made her feel
so... she couldn't find anything to describe it. But, it definatly
wasn't love. She didn't believe in it, therefore, coudn't feel it. It
was just a physical attraction.
She ran her fingers through a few of the strands that had
escaped the ponytail. The creaking of the library door caused her to
stand up in a flash, her hair falling around her shoulders in wisps,
the scrunchie lieing on the floor. She heard their voices and dashed
behind the cart. Her eyes spotted the scrunchie, but the increase in
volume of their voices kept her back. She cursed herself and became
silent.
"You look over there, and I'll go this way." Usagi made out
Mamoru's voice, his tone concerned and demanding, just like him.
"What makes you think that you can boss me around," Motoki
huffed at him, approaching the taller man without hesitation. Mamoru
looked down at him and his face grew stern and foreboding.
"Listen, blondie." Motoki flinched at the name, but Mamoru
continued on.
"I don't feel like putting up with your arrogant crap right
now. Usagi's gone and we have to find her. Now, if you can put your ego
aside, let's go our ways." With that, Mamoru spun on heel and moved in
the direction he'd put upon himself.
She could hear a few mumbles from Motoki, but he too, turned,
and looked for her.
Usagi lay her head against the cart, rubbing her temple with
her hands. A headache was forming and the last thing she needed was for
it to get worse. 'Concentrate, concentrat-'
"AHHHHH!!"
Her words were cut off by the cart falling back and landing
with a crash to the floor. The bottom of it slammed into her back,
causing her to squint her eyes shut at the pain that surged through
the expanse of it.
"What was that?!" she heard them both exclaim at the same time.
Their running footsteps approached and she cursed herself once again
for being so negligent of accidents.
"Usagi! Usagi are you okay?" Mamoru asked as he stood over her.
His fingers brushed along her scrunched up face, smoothing out the
tense look. She opened one curious eye at him and she closed it again.
Her arms went imbetween the spaces of the shelves and she pushed
herself up. Both men's hand's went to help her but she brushed them
away and stood. Giving each of them a glance, she turned and began to
walk away. She was hoping they would stop her, but they didn't. They
just sat there, staring at her retreating back. The water in her eyes
poured and she let them, the only thing on her mind was to get home.
To go somewhere safe.
Breaking open the front doors of the building, she flew down
the steps and to her car, her hands shaking in such away that it was
almost impossible to get them in the hole. Right before she broke open
the window, the key slid in and unlocked the door. She hopped into it
and slammed the door shut. She pulled onto the road and drove. To where
she had no idea. She just drove.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An hour later, Usagi stopped in front of her cabin. Her eyes
searched the building for a few moments before she recognized it. It
had been quite awhile before she'd come here. Why she had even come
here was unknown to her. Deciding it was what she needed, she walked
up the wooden steps and searched her keychain for the right key. The
door opened and a fierce cold came upon her.
"Stupid winter. Making everything so fucking cold," she
continued on. Usagi was turning on various lights and fireplaces with
only a question wandering through her mind. Was she cursing the snow
and season or herself? Just thinking about that made her angrier. She
tried to make some cocoa, but only succeeded in scalding her hands.
The cold water of her kitchen sink ran over the injured area,
soothing the pain inflicted. She stared at it, hoping it would somehow
sooth her too.
"FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled, causing the birds in the
nearby trees to fly off in horror. Usagi cut off the scream. It hurt
her ears and she was surprised at just how loud it had been. 'That
must be what true anguish sounds like.' She slumped forward and rested
her head on the cool coutnertop next to the sink. And she cried. She
cried because nothing made sense to her. She didn't know who she loved.
Didn't know how to love.