Shifting, a small smile crosses my features as I go to grab his hand. My mind is working on it's own, recalling a lesson taught in the employee training program they made a pre-requisite for where I work.
'How To Calm a Potentially Dangerous Operator,' was what it was called. I couldn't see the point of it, to be honest. I mean, what're they gonna do? Poke you in the eye with a cord?
The moment our skin made contact, he flinched and I pulled away, suddenly fearful as images of him wielding a telephone enter my mind.
"Sorry," he finally mutters at last. His face relaxes and bends down to stare at the top half of his now broken fork.
"I'm just not used to talking about it.." My eyebrow raised as his words caught my interest. Well, not so much the words, but the tone of voice he'd said it in. He sounds so..depressed and sad. So...lost.
My gaze softened and I took and held his hand.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'll understand." His lightened blue eyes look up at me and yet again, I'm struck with the slight pain in his eyes. Man, if he doesn't tell me I'll die from the angst of all of this!
"It's okay, you have a right to know. It's obviously affecting you." He gestured to my left hand and noticing the ring, I nodded.
He siged before continuing.
"First, can I ask you a question?" My eyes widened for a moment before I nodded.
"Go ahead."
"Okay.." He seemed to be mentally prepping himself...I leaned forward but snapped back as he opened his eyes to me again.
"Have you ever been in love? Really been in love with someone?"
That was unexpected, to say the least. What was he getting at here? He couldn't possibly love me. I mean, we've seen eachother a total of about four times. Shaking my head, my mouth opens to reply.
"I was once.." There's a reminiscent undertone to my voice, and it softens as my eyes lower.
"He was an amazing guy..Jake, that was his name. We were best friends in high school. I'd known I was gay by then of course, so I wasn't exactly 'mind-boggled' when I realized I was becoming attracted to him. I didn't tell anyone of course. Not anyone to tell truth be told. I had a lot of aquantiences, but no one that I could tell something this personal." He nods and I take anothe breath before I continue.
"Well, I just continue to think about him from our sophmore year in high school to our junior year of college when I finally get the guts to tell him. I'd of course, prepared for the worst. Imagine my surprise when he kissed me and said he felt the same way..." I sighed, remember the small moment in time with a wry smile.
"Anyway, we stayed together for about a year and a half when we began to argue. He was such a great guy, total hopeless romantic, that's for damn sure. But in the end, I guess I wasn't the damsel in distress he'd been looking for." My body tensed as I spat out her name.
"Georgia. She was. I was emotionally shattered and after kicking him out, I cursed him to hell 24/7 for a week. But, I became coherant once again and met up with him for coffee, where we both agreed it was a companiable love, not a romantic one. And In the end, we're both for the better. He's got a child now, and I'm...well, I'm here." The silence fell over the room once again, until his voice cut through it.
"Wow. That's really what happened?" My eyebrow raised.
"No. Actually he was castrated and in his shame commited suicide." The look on his face was so classic I laughed. After his confusion fell away, he joined in.
"I'm *kidding*!! Of course that's really what happened." As the ringing of his laughter subsided, we just stared at eachother, a companionable silence that I hoped wouldn't be broken soon.
It was...odd. This whole situtation was so...unreal. The friendliness that had leaked into this room signified two best friends reliving old memories. But that wasn't what this was. I frowned and looked away. This was an explanation between man and...another man.
His eyes voice concern at my cringe.
"Are you okay?" God, even his VOICE is concerned! I put on a fake smile and turn to him. Can't let him get too attatched. Two months was all this was for. Only two months..
"I'm fine. But if my memory serves me as well as it did a few minutes ago, you still had something you needed to tell me."
...DAMN THIS STUPID SILENCE!!!!!
"Uh, Trunks?" He blinks and nods one more time.
"Sorry bout that. I'm trying to think of where to begin."
"How about the beginning?" The edges of his lips curve up and I'm glad that at least some of the depressed tone was lifted.
"Well, it started in highschool. You see, I didn't have the luck that you seem to have had back then. I had no real friends. Just a bunch of aquantinces that I'd met through parties and class. I was the typical high school asshole. Lots of people were attracted to me, and they tried their best to make it obvious but I was still oblivious.
"Then, one day after this summer party I'd thrown at my mother's cabin up north, this guy came up to me. Adam, was his name. I'd talked to him a few times. Kinda short and scrawny, but with a good head on his shoulders. I'd seen him at all of my parties, but he'd never drink anything. He'd just sit somewhere in the corner of the room, watching everything happen as though he didn't deserve the fun..
He could always make me look at him more than once though, something that didn't happen with anyone else I'd ever met."
He sighed.
"Anyway, he asked if he could talk to me. I had been alone in my room at the time, whoever the girl was had already left. We walked down to this dock and when we sat on the dock I just turned to him and said, 'Okay, what did you want?'
"The fear that had suddenly entered his eyes surprised me, but not as much as what he did next. He..." A small blush set across his cheeks and my mouth dropped.
"What happened?! Did he stick his hand in your pants or something?!" His eyes double in size as he sputters out "NO!"
"Sorry, but I just didn't take you as the kind of guy who'd blush over something small, like a kiss, I'm assuming?" He nodded.
"Well, the old me wouldn't. The one before.." 'Yes...' I prod with my mind.
"I gotta stop getting ahead of myself. Well, yes, he did kiss me and I of course thought I was this big stud man so I pushed him and started cursing at him. I hated to do it, he'd always been a nice guy to talk to and everything, but I hated him for making me enjoy what I thought I was never supposed to enjoy." My head moves up and down in aggreement. I could understand what he meant.
"Then, he just yells 'I love you' at the top of his lungs and I just stopped." He gestured with his hands to demonstrate.
"I just froze. Then he began to talk about all these things, how he didn't care if I'd hate him now, or if I beat him up, or if I felt the sameway. He just said that he thought I should know. At the time of course, I was still a stupid frightened teen and I said the first thing that came to my mind."
Uh-oh. He fucked it up didn't he?
"I told him 'to keep his gay-ass away from me before I ripped him a new butthole."
I couldn't help it. A burst of laughter shot from my mouth.
"I'm sorry..." My body doubled over to support the violence of the laugh.
"I'm sorry, but that was pretty lame."
"Hey! I was like seventeen years old, alright! What big high school stud has ever had good comebacks?!"
Hm....he had a point.
"Okay, continue."
"Then, he pretty much turned away and ran off and I fell into the lake in a drunken stupor. I didn't drown or anything, which is pretty obvious. But I did wake up.
"I got up out of the lake and walked to the house and after I'd gotten everyone to leave, I just laid on the bed to stare at the ceiling. I couldn't believe what I'd done. Sure, I hadn't been the closest to that guy, but that feeling I'd gotten when he'd kissed me was worth going after. So, I drove over to his house and when I got there..There was an ambulance in front of it."
"Oh my god.." A million different reasons for there to be an ambulance in front of that house flash before my eyes and none of them are very good.
"And when I came to the front door, the meds were just wheeling out the stretcher. I talked to his mom later and she said she'd come home from work to see him laying on the kitchen floor with a knife in his hands.. and blood pouring from his wrists."
Dear god...That's so horrible! My hand seeks out his once again and he looks to me, tears threatening to pour from his eyes.
"And I knew it right then. He'd done it because of me. Because I was too stupid to think outside my own little world and my fear of accepting myself.." I get out of my chair and kneel in front of him as a tear runs out the side of his eye. I try to summon up a comforting smile and hug him as though I could squeeze away every inch of sadness permeating his mind.
"I changed a lot after that happened," he whispers.
"I could imagine."
"Ever since that day, I vowed that anytime I thought there was a possible forever with someone, I wouldn't botch it up. I'd do everthing I could to make it work. So, that's what I've been doing for the past nine years. Searching. And now, it's finally paid off."
My body stiffens as I pull back and time seems to stop.
"What....did you say?" His eyes bore into mine with earnesty and his hands cup my face.
"I said it's finally paid off. Goten, your the first person I've ever looked at twice. The only one that ever kept my attention for more than a moment and if that isn't a sign, I don't know what is."
I'd try to reply, but I know it's useless. There's no way in hell I'd be able to come up with a good response to that. No Way IN HELL!
"I'm sorry if that comes as a shock.."
Well that's the biggest fucking understatemnent of the year.
"And I'll....I'll understand if you want to leave, but just, stay the night and think it over. Your stuffs here anyway. Tommorow morning, you can tell me what you think and just say the word, and you'll be home sweet home before you can blink."
His leps meet mine, just a whisper of a kiss before he stands and walks out the door. I, of course, had been putting most of my weight on him and fell forward to the floor.
"Of course, that'll be just as easy as pie.." I mutter.
**************
"Grr...." I roll over on my bad and frown. Why is it that this bed is the most comfortable one I've had the privelage to sleep on and yet I can't fall asleep? Oh, yeah, I forgot.
I'M DECIDING THE FATE OF THE WORLD!!!
That's an exageration.
I'M DECIDING THE FATE OF MY RELATIONSHIP WORLD!!!
That's better.
My feet slide off the bed and into the small pair of slippers. Fumbling my way through the large room to the door. There wasn't much light in the hallway, but it was enough for me to navigate myself to the main stair well to the second floor where the snack kitchen was.
I must've forgotten to mention this. I recieved a complimentary map after I went back to my room so I wouldn't get lost. Quite thoughtful if you ask me. It turns out we have four kitchens. One on each floor. The fourth floor kitchens are the ones for the chefs, the third floor for small meals, the second floor for do it yourself, and the first floor the guest kitchen.
The refridgerator light blinds me for a second so I turn away, closing my eyes. When they open again, they find even more light and I whip around to see Bra sitting on the countertop, her hair messy from sleep and her pjs rumpled. An apple flies into the air every few seconds as she surveys me.
"Couldn't sleep either huh?" I shake my head.
"You could say that. I didn't know you were here though. I thought you were going home to break up with-"
"I did. Things didn't go as smoothly as I expected." She sighed and brushed back a strand of hair. The light catches her skin, bring forth a bruise along her cheek.
"Oh, wow. High class girl, eh?" I figured I'd play the ignorant fellow. It was probably best she didn't know I'd bet the girl anyway.
"Yes, very. I just couldn't take the neediness and everything, you know? And she kept saying she loved me..I just couldn't say I felt the same."
"I'm sorry." She grinned at me and tossed the apple. I caught it and she got on her feet.
"Don't be. I'll be okay. If it can happen for my brother, it can happen for me, right? I'm sure I'll meet someone soon. The sun'll come out tommorow." She winked at me for a moment before walking out, a sway in her hips.
Blinking, my body leaned against the countertop and I bit into the apple.
What had that been about?
**************
A light breath tickles my face and I reach up towards it, coming in contact with fur. That didn't seem to correspond with the dream I was having...
My right eye opened, soon followed with the other one as I see James face two inches from mine.
"AH!!" I sit up quickly, sending the form of my cat off the bed and onto the floor.
"Oops, sorry James." He flicks his tail at me and retreats to his own bed. My hand rubs away sleep as I look to the clock. 9:02 AM. Perfect timing. He should be up by now.
My pajamas are tossed to the floor and within minutes, I'm dressed in one of my new outfits, a casual one of course. Making sure James didn't leave any surprises in the bags on the floor, I brush a hand through my hair and head to the morning room.
The table is much smaller than the other one, though is hand carved with scenes from foreign wars and covered with a sheet of glass. It already seats the dressed and eating forms of the Briefs children, both adorned in suits and reading the newspaper.
I cough into my hand and they both look up. Bra just give a smile and returns to her reading. Trunks, however, maintains eye contact as he puts down the paper to gesture to the seat beside him.
"Good morning Goten. Would you like some pancakes? We've got other things too, if that's not what you'd like."
"No, pancakes are fine." It's weird. He seems to be closed off now, like he's wearing a front or something. I wonder why..Is it because Bra was there?
"Trunks," I begin as I take a bite of pancake.
"Yes?"
"There's something I need to tell you." He pauses in his chewing and looks in my eyes.
"About what?"
"About...about us." I see Bra's paper fall to the ground as Bra picks up more food and eyes us curiously.
"What about us?"
"I thought about what you said last night," I began, my gaze dropping to the food before me."
"Oh.." His tone is weak, but becomes normal again quickly.
"And what have you decided?"
Okay Goten, you can say this. Just try not to look in there eyes, stuff food in your mouth and say it as fast as you can. Easy, quicky...painless.
Unless you choke.
Or trip.
Or- Forget it..
"Trunks, I..."