Poetry
The Man I Used To Be 11-12-02 By Jackson Herod *Dedicated to anyone that's been screwed by someone they loved*I thought that love, was something I'd never find I was about ready to give up, and let happiness pass me by But then I met you, and you changed my world forever I'm in tears right now, thanking God we were brought together You make me want to reach for the stars, and pull one down for you When you're in my presence, there is nothing I can't do
Until you I was lost and lonely Until you I thought I was the only, person in this world, without someone to call my own Until you, I was brokenhearted Until you, I had started, to believe I'd die alone, thank God that wasn't true I never knew love, until I knew you
From the moment I met you, I knew you were the one When we're together, it feels like my life has just begun There's so many things that you've inspired me to do I would give up everything I own, just to spend the rest of my life with you You are my hero, you're my lover, you're my friend If this is a dream, please God don't let it end
Until you, I never discovered, a true friend or a true lover I was lost and cold, without someone to hold Until you I had no reason Until you, I had stopped believing, that love would come my way That I could live another day I had almost given up, until you
Happy Now?
By Jackson Herod
12-09-02
*This is a totally fictional poem. Life is better than it has
been in ages, it's just something I came up with and I figured
i'd put it down in words.*
Well, you did it, you got me, you won
I'm staring into the barrel of a gun
Saying my last goodbyes, tears in my eyes
And you continue to wonder why
You claim it's not your fault, you claim it's all in my head
Will you still be claiming when I'm dead
Probably so, that's your style, that's the way you operate
Although I wanted to love you, I'm filled with lots of hate
And still you insist, you did no wrong
Well I'm tired of listening to that same old song
So I offer you one last goodbye
Because tonight is my night I die
Are you happy now?
A shotgun blasts as I fall to the ground
Not knowing if peace will ever be found
I tried so hard to be so damn strong
But this pain in my heart was here for too damn long
Will you remember, the good times we shared
Or will you pretend that you never cared
Will you go on with your life, like I never was there
And when they ask you about me will you give them a stare
Like you don't know me, like I'm a forgotten fable
Why didn't you save me when you were able?
Are you happy now?
They place me into the casket as my friends say farewell
Not knowing if my next stop is heaven or hell
Seeing all these people makes me long for the past
When I was young, having fun, and life was a blast
But as I grew older, the world got colder
And a lot of good people got chips on their shoulders
People started lying, people started crying
A lot of my friends, and family started dying
I saw friends come, and friends go
I saw love come into my life and then run out the door
I saw families break apart, I saw people break down
It just seemed like it would be easier with me not around
So I took it upon myself to ease my own pain
Lying here in this casket, listening to the sound of the rain
Lower me into the earth, let me be in peace
Lord, I ask you to let all this pain cease
Are you happy now?
Answers
12-13-02
*Dedicated to anyone who lost someone they loved*
It's been a while but it hurts no less
The pain fills my heart, and pulsates my chest
Why did it have to happen, why did you have to go
What was the reasoning, I'd like to know
It was said that we started taking different roads
I wish you'd have brought that up a year ago
Things have changed since I saw you last
I'm trying hard to forget the past
I've got a job, I'll soon be on my own
I've got friends but I still feel all alone
I thought about a lot of things, to help me ease the pain
From drugs, to drinks, to blowing out my brains
At times it seems like there's nowhere left to turn
Inside my heart, a fire burns
Will I take the right path, or will I fail
Continue to live, or burn in hell
This are answers that I seek
To the questions, that plague me
You died so suddenly, I never told you goodbye
I'd sit in your house, think about you and cry
You were my hero, you were my friend
You believed in me, until the very end
Now I walk, these roads alone
I wish you could help me, find my way back home
Not a day goes by, that you don't cross my mind
Memories of you fill my head, all the time
You were the only one, who never gave up on me
To me to reach all my dreams, and to never sweat the small things
I feel I've let you down, but still I fight to survive
And search for answers, that might save my life
When I woke up this morning, I actually felt happy to be alive My alarm didn't go off, my phone didn't ring, and my car started on the first try The people at work acted like they were overjoyed that I showed up today Didn't get any bills in the mail, didn't have to bail a buddy out of jail, and hell, I guess it's better that way
Chorus I'm starting, the first day of a new life, saying goodbye, to all my blues If you don't like, the way I am, then I've got a message for you Life's too short, to be worrying, about things, that you can't control So anyone that don't like me can kiss my ass, let's let the good times roll
Nobody threatened to whip my hide, nobody claimed, their kid was mine Nobody talked about loves they lost, and for God's sakes it's about damn time Nobody bitched about the way I talk, nobody had a coronary over something I said Nobody started a fight, it's all about love tonight, so time's a wastin, let's hop into bed
Chorus Because I'm starting the first day of a new life, saying goodbye, to all my blues If you don't like Jackson Herod, then I've got a message for you Unless you hear me ask for your opinion, I don't really care what you've got to say It's probably all a bunch of mess, and to tell the truth, I could care less, so please be on your way
Spoken: Now, I thought a lot about what I wanted to write in this third verse, because I know a lot of people are just waiting for me to go off on someone, or to blame someone for my problems, or to talk about dying, crying, or lying. Well, for those of you waiting for that, this verse is especially for ya'll.
No one, called me on the phone today, to tell me something else, that I supposedly said Nobody died, nobody lied, and no wasted tears were shed No ex girlfriends e-mailed me, or called me, or wrote me, or came to see me, or faxed me, or sent carrier pigeons to my house No solicitors called me on the phone, to ask me to subscribe, to whatever kind of shit they're putting out No parents bitched that I didn't clean my room take out the trash, or mow the grass And anyone that has a problem with this song, can kiss my big old ass
Chorus Because I'm starting the first day, of a new life, saying goodbye, to all my blues I've buried the demons from the past, put a boot in their ass, and now I've got nothing to lose Life is too damn short to spend arguing about things that weren't that damn important in the first place It's all a bunch of mess, to tell the truth I could care less, about things that I can't change One more time, I'm starting, the first day of a new life, saying goodbye to all my blacks and blues I kicked all the heifer's to the curb, all the pain, became old news Today's a new day, so I'm livin it up, doin things I never thought I'd do To everybody that reads this, and gets a little pissed, I've got a message: Screw you!!!
*Dedicated to the women in my life that made a man out of me*
Into The Wind
01-05-03
By Jackson Herod
*Dedicated to all my friends and family who are in Heaven*
Into the wind they fly, never to be seen again
You never even let me say goodbye, my friend
Now you left me on my own and it's hard to bear
People are dying left and right, it seems like no one cares
You've got girls getting pregnant when they're ten or eleven
We've got psychos in the streets, and innocent people up in
heaven
Why does the Lord take the good and leave the bad
Why did you take my buddy Adam, or my good old granddad
Why don't you take the killers and the rapists, and send them
where they belong
And leave my people up here, so I won't have to keep writing
these sad songs
I'm tired of all this pain, stress and grief
Either take me home or let it cease
Let me fly, into the wind....
I may not have always been the best Christian man
You may not see me with a bible in my hand
But that doesn't mean that I don't believe
Because without the Lord, I know there would be no me
So many times, I could've died
But he kept me here, wish I knew why
Because he took so many others, better than I am
I just try to be, an honorable man
Sometimes I wish I could ask my grandfather a few questions
How should I live, and do you have any lessons
That you can teach me to make me a better man
A better son, and a better Christian
Because it seems like at times you were the only one who cared
Now I look for you and you're not there
You flew into the wind.....
I'm 23 years old, and I feel like i'm 50
Some times I sit and wonder if I died, who'd miss me
I know that's kind of selfish, but it crosses my mind
What will I be remembered for when it's my time
Will I have reached my dreams, and become a success
Or will I live from day to day, afraid of what's coming next
I sure hope not, because life's too short to live unhappy
And I'm not sure my friends or family, want to live without me
So I put those thoughts out of my mind, and go on
Hopefully it will be a while before I'm gone
Into The Wind....
Alone
By Jackson Herod
01-16-03
I tried to walk the straight path, but I took some wrong turns
It took me a few tries but I lived and learned
But during that time it seems a lot of things changed
Feelings for me, just weren't the same
The people I needed most, for support and love
Acted like they forgot who the fuck I was
They try to work themselves to death so they can forget my sins
Hoping that their son won't fuck up again
They've spent time and money keeping me alive
I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have just gone ahead and died
Because in their eyes I'm no longer their pride and joy
They hardly ever speak about their only boy
And when people ask what I'm doing, they say he's sleeping at
home
Damn it's fucked up when you're alone
I sit in my room, reflecting on the past
Think about ending it all with a shotgun blast
I see people I knew telling me to come home
If I knew I wouldn't go to hell, I'd already be gone
I know there's people that love me, people that care
But it's hard to stay happy when those people aren't there
So many women in my life consider me a friend
But when I want to take the next step, watch the friendship end
Is it because I'm fat, depressed, ugly, or weird
Would you think the same way if I wasn't here
Or am I too mean, too dumb, or too crazy
Too overprotective, or too damn lazy
Would they shed a tear if I was dead and gone
Man it's fucked up to be alone
I speak to you tonight from my soul
I'm turning into a vegatable at 23 years old
No motivation, no hope, no big plans
I'm putting my life in God's hands
But the devil's doing all he can to assist my death
And I don't know how much strength I've got left
So if you know me, and you care say a prayer for me
And if you know i'm feeling down, try to be there for me
Because the next time, could be the last time, I ever write a
poem
Man it's fucked up to be alone
You Are My
Everything
1-20-03
By Jackson Herod
*Dedicated to someone I care about very much*
I had given up on love when you came into my world
Thought I was doomed to walk the earth, without that special girl
But then I looked into your eyes and it was plain to see
That I was meant for you, and you were meant for me
So I sit here today, to write this special song
For someone who made me feel so right, when my life was going so
wrong
You are my everything, without you i'm incomplete
And I dream every night, that you will forever be with me
I've seen you for so long, too scared to say hello
Finally got the nerve to do it, why I waited I'll never know
You are so beautiful, you make me smile so much
With just a simple word, or your gentle touch
Sometimes it seems to me, that you seem a little down
But you never have to worry about that, when I come around
I try to lift you up, every chance that I get
You are my dream girl, the best woman i've ever met
You understand me, at times no one else even tries
I hope we never have to, say our last goodbye
You are my everything, without you i'm lost and scared
Just know if life ever gets you down, that I will be there
Every night before I sleep, I say a prayer for you
Let God control our paths, let our friendship always be true
And if it becomes more than that, let us be strong and proud
If the roads we cross get rocky, then let us talk it out
If we stray from each other, let us walk away as friends
And if that should ever happen, let that friendship never end
But lets pray we never stray, that we're forever close
That may not be the case, but we can always hope
You are my everything, you are my wish come true
And my life would be complete, if it is spent with you
You
By Jackson Herod
1-27-03
*Dedicated to a good friend who has given me lots of good
memories*
If I found out tomorrow that I wouldn't live to see another day
If I had to tell my friends goodbye, and then slowly drift away
If I discovered, that i'd never get to do everything I want to do
I'd die a happy man, because I spent a moment with you
If tomorrow, we were told, that we'd forever be apart
I would cry, and ask you why, but you'd remain in my heart
I may be depressed for a while, but in the end, I'd make it
through
Forever holding on, to my memories of you
It's so hard to say goodbye, when only yesterday you said hello
So many dreams, you want to reach, so many places, you want to go
And if in this life I find out, that my time on earth is through
When I close my eyes, my last image will be of you
As I close my eyes tonight, I thank the Lord, to be alive
I thank him for my family, for my friends, and for my life
And right before I say goodnight, there's one more thing for me
to do
I say thanks to God, for blessing me with you
Roll On
1-30-03
By Jackson Herod
*Dedicated to my friends*
She's getting
out on her own, for the first time in her life
Wondering if the decision that she made was right
A lot of her friends have decided to move on
Everyday she wonders where the past has gone
But she toughs it out, and chooses to dance the dance
Because she knows, that this could be her only chance
So with tears in her eyes, she walks out that door
And she won't be coming back no more
Roll on, when life starts getting you down
Roll on, when your friends don't come around
Roll on, it's time to start living your dreams
Roll on, it's not going to be as hard as it seems
All his life he's been trying to break out of his shell
His younger years were heaven but after that it was hell
He made a lot of mistakes, and almost lost his life
But God stuck by him through all the pain and strife
And with the help of his friends, the man turned it around
Looked up to the sky and fell down to the ground
He asked the Lord to give him strength, love, and a good heart
Someone to love, and a new start
And it seems like the Lord blessed him once again
Because that young man, is the happiest he's ever been
And he never forgets, who kept him alive
And if they ask him if he's a Christian, he tells them with pride
Because without God in his life, he'd be long gone
But now, the man is rolling on
Roll on, when life starts bringing you down
Roll on, when all the pain, has you down on the ground
Roll on, when you think it can't get any worse
God will make it all work
When he first saw her, it was love at first sight
She was looking so beautiful that cold dark night
Her smile and her hugs made him feel so loved
I don't think she ever realized just how special she was
But he tells her everyday, doesn't like her to forget
Because he's been in love, since the first day they met
He hopes he'll always keep her smiling, that they'll always be
together
He doesn't know how long it will last, but he prays it's forever
Because he's never felt this way about anyone before
His life has never been a constant ray of sun before
He's having to adjust but he's doing fine
They both believe, that they will stand the test of time
And in the end, what a story it would be if that was true
It isn't amazing what a little love can do?
Roll on, when life starts getting you down
Roll on, when single life, makes you cry and frown
Roll on, because you never know when you'll find the one
Roll on, the poem is done
All For You
1-30-03
By Jackson Herod
*Dedicated to my dream girl*
The first time I saw you, I saw a vision of perfection
I want to wrap my arms around you, give you complete protection
I wish I could spend every minute, every hour, every day with you
As long as you're with me, there is nothing, that I can't do
I can rope the moon, I can reach the stars
You've got the key to my heart
You are the girl of my dreams
And for you this song, I sing
You are my number one, you're my best friend
I wish these moments would never end
I hope you never have to question, whether my love is true
Know in your heart, that everything I do, is all for you
When your lips touch mine, I just melt, into tranquility
I still don't understand, how a girl like you, could fall for a
guy like me
I try my best, to be a good man, and try to make you smile
When we're together, sometimes, I feel just like a child
We laugh, we play, we have that puppy love
I know in my heart, that you were sent from heaven above
To rescue me, to be my girl
To be my whole wide world
You are my love, you are my queen
You are the most beautiful sight i've ever seen
You are the inspiration, for everything I do
And the love I have inside, is all for you
I've seen a lot of pretty faces, been to so many places
But nothing, even comes close to you
I've been in love once or twice, but it never felt this nice
I hope you're still with me when my life is through
You are my love, you are the one
You make my life, so much fun
These words I speak, are oh so true
Know in your heart, that they were written all for you
I'm Tired
By Jackson Herod
3-10-03
*Dedicated to the people that sympathize*
With tears in my eyes, I try to call for help
I try to yell out to God, but I have no voice left
I've been asking for answers, but I hear nothing but silence
I'm tired of living in a world full of hatred and violence
I'm tired of giving my heart to women, and getting fucked over
I'm tired of people I thought were friends, giving me the cold
shoulder
I'm tired of people telling me everything will be alright
I'm tired of not being able to sleep at night
I'm tired of constantly being in pain
I'm tired of being labeled as weird or insane
Damn it, can't you see, I'm tired!!!
I'm tired of people saying how much potential I had
I'm tired of being looked down on by my mom and dad
I'm tired of people saying I should be thankful for what I have
I'm tired of people who look at me and laugh
Sometimes I wish I could take a journey back in time
To a place where I was happy, and everything was fine
But it seems to me that that place exists no longer
And everyday this pain in my soul is getting stronger
I try to hang on but it's getting tough
Never thought being alive, could be so rough
So I debate whether to continue on or to force it all to cease
To live in hell or to live in eternal peace
These are the thoughts that fill my mind
Will they remain until the end of time?
Or will they disappear into the wind
Never to be seen, or thought of again
I don't know, but i'm tired....
I'm frustrated, sometimes hated, I can't wait, it's driving me to
the brink of insanity
I can't lie, I want to die at times, but I can't let the devil
get the best of me
I once was strong, but for so long, i've lived a life, full of
tears and pain
And so I sit, in my house, wondering, if I'll ever see happiness
again
Loneliness sucks, sometimes I think a good fuck, would do me good
Yeah I'm probably wrong, but it's my song, so sue me if I think
it would
Or maybe I hope and dream that I'll find real love
Someone who'll love me for what I am, instead of what I was
Someone who'll understand me, someone who be faithful
Someone who when I give them my heart, will be grateful
But it seems like that day will never come
So I sit here, uncomfortably numb
Can't you see...I'm tired!!!
Spoken: I'm tired of everything. Tired of life, tired of waiting
for love to come my way, tired of hoping for a change. I'm just
fucking tired. Ya know?
For You
By Jackson Herod
3-31-03
*Dedicated to a friend*
You took a chance, and met me, not knowing what to expect
From what you read, I probably seemed like an emotional wreck
And that was sad but true, I was oh so blue
Had almost given up, until I met you
But now it seems, that I can reach my dreams
Don't seem to care so much, about the smaller things
The fears that once plagued me, are things of the past
Now it seems like happiness, is within reach at last
But there's one piece of the puzzle left to find
And it will be incomplete, until your hand's in mine
Until you have my heart, until you touch my soul
Girl, I just want you to know
I'd give everything I have just to kiss your lips
Just to feel your touch, just to hold you near
I'd give it all up in the blink of an eye
As long as I never had to say goodbye
Every time you walk through that door, you touch me deep inside
Every time you have to leave, tears fall from these brown eyes
I wonder why we can't be together every single day
I wonder why fate decided you'd have to go away
But if it's only a test, I'm prepared to ace it
And if I have to confront a fear, I'm prepared to face it
I just don't want to lose what I have with you
I want to cry, I want to smile, I want to laugh with you
I want to grow old with you, want to make you blush
And tell you everyday, that you mean so much
I'm not sure she thinks she's beautiful but I think so
And if was up to me, I'd never let her go
I'd wrap her up in my arms, with all the strength I possess
Hold her so close, she could feel every breath
That I take, and every move I make in my life
Would give all I have on this earth to make her my wife
But for now I'll take it slow, never let her go
Support her the best I can, from now until we grow old
And if we grow apart in time
She'll always have a place in this heart of mine
But hopefully we'll stay strong, our friendship and love will
last long
And I won't have to write any more sad songs
That's what I've been hoping for
I'm ready for happiness, don't want to hurt anymore
So as I head to sleep, I say this prayer for you
May God bless you, in everything that you do
And if you choose to be, something more than a friend to me
May we forever live, a life of tranquility
And when I leave this earth, you'll know that my love was true
And if you ever have any doubts, pull out this song I wrote for
you
Hold it close to your heart, and hum its melody
I'll be there, all you have to do is call for me
Just call for me....
Old Habits
4-1-03
By Jackson Herod
*This was originally a Hank Williams Jr. Song. I changed up the
words a little bit to fit me, but give him credit for the
inspiration.*
Throughout my life, I've experienced pleasure and pain
At times I saw sunlight, but most of the time, I was stuck in the
rain
I gave all I had, to make other people feel good, and smile
But neglecting myself, caught up with me after, a while
So here I sit, crying, trying to get through another day
Old habits like mine are hard to break
Old habits, like mine, are hard to break
Losing someone you love, is so hard to take
I have grown so used to hurting, in so many ways
And old habits in my life, are hard to break
I used pills, and knives, to help me try to walk away from the
pain
I thought I found love, but what I found nearly drove me insane
Spent thousands of dollars, trying to cure, this hole in my soul
Just turned twenty four, but damn I feel a hundred years old
So with a tear on my cheek, I try to say goodbye, to yesterday
Cause old habits like mine, are hard to break
Old habits like mine, are hard to break
Losing someone you love, is so hard to take
I have grown so used, to hurting, in every possible way
Old habits like mine, are hard to break
I met a girl, I thought was everything I could ever want
I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, that girl was gone
All the cheating and lies, made me cry, till I could cry no more
I turned to the bottle, and walked right back into the devil's
door
I had a lot of one night stands, which I thought would cure all
of my pain
But every time, I opened up my heart, I found myself alone again
So I just decided, to let God control every step I take
Because old habits like mine, are so hard to break
Old habits like mine, are so hard to break
Losing someone you love, is so hard to take
I have grown so used to pain, in so many ways
Old habits like mine, are so hard to break
Freak
3-1-03
*Dedicated to all the people who chose to run from me instead of
give me a chance*
Look into these eyes, and tell me what you find
Can you see all the pain, hidden deep inside my mind
Do you see the waves of tears I shed almost everyday
I look up to the sky, and ask the Lord to take this pain away
My heart grows colder, as I grow older, and I begin to drown in
sadness
I just wish someone, could come along and stop this madness!!!
Tired of being labeled as a freak
Wish that I could live in peace
Tired of being fat, tired of being weird
Tired of living a life full of tears
So please Lord, if you're listening to me
Hear my cry, and help me out, because I don't to be remembered as
a freak
You thought it was funny, when you teased me about my weight
Instead of teaching me how to love, I was forced to learn to hate
Just because I was smart, or weird, or big, you never looked my
way
Too busy telling all your friends, if he says hi just run away
He's so ugly, he's so damn strange
Never took a second, to ask my name
Or why I acted, the way I do
And now you ask, why I can't stand you
Well take a guess, and maybe you'll see
All the pain you've caused this freak
Tired of being labeled as a freak
Trying to get the devil away from me
Tired of all the lies, all the tears
Tired of having to live in fear
So Lord, hear my cry, maybe you can make them see
That i'm not the man, they've labeled as a freak
You know I never understood what made you so damn hateful
But in retrospect when I think of you, I'm quite grateful
That I got the chance to see you get what was coming to you
I've seen you end up in jail, seen you have a kid or two
I've seen you fuck up all your dreams, by the time you're
nineteen
And I look back, and realize, hey, it really wasn't as bad as it
seemed
Because I could've been like you, man that's so damn true
But I was always, just a little bit smarter than you
And my best days are still ahead of me
While you're sitting there, smoking weed or holding your baby
Your path has been chosen, your dreams are no longer in reach
And I sit back and laugh, at who's really the freak
Her Song
4-03-03
By Jackson Herod
*Dedicated to a friend who wanted a song of her own*
When we first met, I can't say I liked you
Honestly, back in those days I can't say I tried to
I was too busy lusting over your friend
Damn, I really was naive back then
I thought she and I would be together till the day I died
I wish I had a dollar for every tear I cried
On the night she revealed she kissed his lips
And said so many other things that made me feel like shit
In my time of tragedy, you were there for me
You were one of the few people that actually cared for me
If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be long gone
So to you I dedicate this song
You and I have been through a lot together
Breakups, makeups, all kinds of stormy weather
We've seen people get arrested, been through some tough times
I'm damn proud to call you a friend of mine
I know times are tough in your life right now
But, don't give up, you'll remember how
To get back on your feet, and be a success
I believe that you can pass, any of life's tests
When times get the toughest, you must stay strong
And if you need any help, just remember this song
I hope you one day find the man you've looked for for so long
I hope you always keep your faith strong
I hope you never lose the love in your heart
I hope your world never gets torn apart
I hope you stay happy and stay sweet
I hope you never forget, exactly what you mean to me
I hope you never lose the gifts God has blessed you with
I hope you get to experience true happiness
I truly hope that all your dreams, and more, come true
And I hope that you enjoy the song I wrote for you
The Note
4-03-03
By Jackson Herod
When light turns to darkness, I begin to feel so alone
Wishing that I was back at home
Spending time with my family, my dogs and my friends
Not wishing for my life to end
It's times like these I break down
It's times like these when no friends are around
It's times like these I want to say goodbye
It's times like these I break down and cry
If I was to die, would you remember me?
Or would I be another forgotten part of history?
These are the questions constantly running through my head
They will remain until I sleep, or until I'm dead
I don't know how much longer I can hold on
Sick of living, sick of trying to roll on
Every time I seem to start seeing better days
Something happens and I'm back where I was yesterday
I truly wish at times that this all would end
And I would get to see my grandparents and my friends again
So when this is read, I hope you realize
Why I lived like I lived, and died like I died
And maybe then you would value your friends a little more
Maybe then saying you love someone wouldn't be such a chore
Maybe then calling someone just so see how they are
Wouldn't be considered so damn hard
If I can make you think, then my task is through
And then I can truly say goodbye to you
Days Like This
04-01-03
By Jackson Herod
*Dedicated to my family, friends, and to God*
I woke up this morning, felt good for a change
Didn't feel like crying, or like my life was pre-arranged
I felt almost like I was reborn, like all my problems were gone
away
Felt like I pulled out an eraser, and wiped out yesterday
It's days like this that make me stay alive
That make me dare to dream, that make me feel good inside
When the sun goes down and the moon appears
I won't be shedding tears
Days like this, make me remember
The times in my life, that I will cherish forever
Days like this make me realize
The good things in my life
As time rolls by, and days get longer
I see my faith in God getting stronger
I see demons in the past fly into the wind
I see people that once ignored me try to be my friend
I see my family actually admitting that they're proud of me
I hear them saying I can be whatever I want to be
They haven't given up, and neither have I
It's days like this that keep me alive
Days like this, make me believe
That the Lord, has got a purpose for me
Days like this, make me realize
That it was worth all the pain and strife
Before I leave this earth, there are a lot of things I'd like to
do
Buy my parents a house, I want to finish school
I want to marry my dream girl, wanna have some kids
Want to spoil them as much as my parents did
I want to write books, I want to sing songs
I want to make peace with God, want to right a lot of wrongs
I want people to remember me for being a good man
Taking care of my friends, family, and children
And most of all I want them to know how I survived
All the pain, all the tears, and all the death in my life
If I could make it through it all, they'll know they can
It's days like this that make me want to be a better man
Days like this, make me want to smile
Days like this, remind me of when I was a child
Days like this, make me continue to believe
There will be better days for you and me
One More Song
By Jackson Herod
11-17-95
I met her at a choir camp dance, she was standing all by herself
Her beauty caught my watchful eye, so I introduced myself
She asked me to dance, so I said sure
She was so young, so beautiful, so pure
That night seemed to go by so fast
Please, play just one more song
I could hold you all night long
Hold on, don't let go
I never want to let you go
We held onto each other until the last song played
Didn't wanna let go, didn't want to walk away
She kissed me on the cheek, said goodbye, and vanished into the
wind
The only sad thing about that wonderful night is that I never got
to see her again
Play me just one more song
I could've held her all night long
Didn't want to let her go
I fell for her, you know
I remember her so well, where has she gone
Where you are, you'll always be in my heart
Jiggin
12-8-95
By Jackson Herod
Friday night, party time is here
We've got the ladies, we've got the brew, our intentions are
crystal clear
We wanna get nasty with the ladies, got the new cd by The D.O.C.,
it's sounding crazy
Cool, is how we act, take a drink from the potion and bob your
head to this track
We're jiggin, all night long, C-Town producing another hit song
We're jiggin, until the end of time, and you know i've got to get
mine
Got a girl on my thing, and i'm bumpin to this C-Town swing
She's rubbing on my body, thinking to myself that she's about to
get on me
Grabbed the protection, slipped it on, like Marvin Gaye sang,
let's get it on
Tonight's a night to make memories, and you know we'll be....
Jiggin, on and on, C-Town producing another hit song
Jiggin, until I die, let me tell you why.....
I got the ladies, got the brew and I'm ready to jig
The girls all want to ride me cause my dick's so big
I get it on till the break of dawn, but I always come prepared
I always pack protection, that's ready to wear
Safe sex, is the only sex i'm diggin
Big Jack, back on this track, steadily jiggin
Jiggin, on and on, like Lionel said we'll do it all night long
Jiggin, till the end of time, you can bet i'm gonna get mine
Jiggin, jiggin, jiggin until I die
Big Jack's in the house in the year 9-5
I'll be jiggin until my last day
Peace and I'm out, much love from Big J
Refuse to Die
5-18-99
By Jackson Herod
From the pits of hell, I arise again
Once was a boy, now I'm a man
Burned a lot of bridges, lost a lot of loves
Watched a lot of my friends, fly to heaven above
21 years old, feel like an old man
Lived a life full of death, but I refuse to give in
To the devil, I hear the man is coming to get me
But I'm not afraid, death is the least of my worries
I tap the reaper on the shoulder as he walks by
And wipe a tear from my eye, I refuse to die
I hear your footsteps but you can't come in
Not letting you take me like you took my friends
Drove me insane, but i've always been strong
Still representing C-Town, still writing these songs
Still got love for the ladies, still down with Lost And Found
Even if my boy Josh don't ever come around
Never forgot who I was, or what I was put here to do
So I got a message for the devil: Fuck you!
I refuse to die
Mad as hell, since I saw ya'll last
Songs of suicide are a thing of the past
Now I'm back to stake my claim as the superstar
That I used to be, what happened to me?
Good question, the last few years have been hard
I've lost girls, my mind, and 2 or 3 cars
But now I'm picking up the pieces of my so-called life
Hope to have a family, a house, a wife
Or who knows, maybe I'll win the lottery
And tell so many people to fuck off for never giving a damn about
me
People think that i'm shy, dark and weird
Try to live my life, I doubt you'd still be here
On second thought, don't even try to fill these shoes
Because dying is something I refuse to do
Last verse, I guess I have to sum this all up
I'm sorry if I seem like I just don't give a fuck
Where were you, when I was in the hospital crying
Where were you, when all my friends were dying
Where were you, when I needed you most
Now I'm a shadow of my past, you can call me a ghost
If you think I haven't changed, get out of my way
Because I'll be preaching this sermon till my dying day
Telling the facts to these kids, disproving the lies
And most of all, refusing to die...
Death Ain't No
Big Deal
By Jackson Herod
5-09-03
If I was to die tomorrow, would anyone cry
Would anyone care enough, to ask God why
Would they come to my funeral, and listen to a pastor talk about
me
Or would I only live on in people's memories
As a man who had everything, but lost it all
A man who never came back, from that fatal fall
In times like these, the pain's too damn real
And then it becomes clear, that death ain't no big deal
You wanna kill me, you wanna take my life
Well go ahead, here let me hand you the knife
I'm sick of the nightmares, sick of the pain
Sick of having visions of blowing out my god damn brains
You think I lost it, well yeah that's true
You try being a fuck-up at everything you do
You think I'm bitter, you're absolutely right
I bet you'd be the same way, if you lived my life
It's been a few years, but the wounds never began to heal
And I've come to the conclusion, that death ain't no big deal
Years have passed, but it seems I'm the same
Still doing my best to walk away from the pain
But it seems like happiness is in a diffrent state
And the only roads I can find, are paved with hate
And the only rivers I can cross, are filled with tears
I don't know if I can take this another year
You think may think this is a joke, but it's never been more real
And if I die, remember, death ain't no big deal
In closing, I'd just like to say goodbye
And wipe a tear, from my brown eyes
Tell my family and friends, that I love them always
And that I'll see them again, one day
And as I drift into death, it all fades to black
My body goes limp, I realize there's no turning back
And all of a sudden, a light appears
Then someone comes, and wipes away my tears
And then I'm reunited with my old friends
Only then does a smile grace my face again
It's only a dream, but it sure seems real
Why is death such a big deal?
Memories of
Tragedy
4-24-03
By Jackson Herod
Four o clock in the morning, of course i'm still awake
Seems like I get weaker, with every breath I take
Tears flow from my eyes as I think about you
God damn, it's been hard, trying to live without you
If I knew you were leaving, I would've gone with you
They tell me to move on, but I can never forget you
At night when I close my eyes, you're the last image I see
And I'll love you until they bury me
It's been seven damn years since you passed away
I never will forget that horrible day
Grammy called, I could hear momma screamin
When I heard the news, I prayed that I was dreamin
Why oh why did you have to go
God please tell me, I have to know
Part of me died when you took my grandad
He was the best friend that I ever had
As much as I try, I can't move on
I never thought that the pain, would last this long
And yet almost a decade later, the tears fall like rain
I guess some things will never change
I've gotten a lot older, the world's gotten colder
Psychologists write about my problems in their folders
My main problem is I don't know why
The Lord takes the good folk, but keeps the rapists alive
He took my buddies Adam and Steve, and wrecked their whole
families
People say it was their time, but that's bullshit to me
But I guess I'm not the one in charge of all that
I'd gladly give my life, if I could bring them back
People say you don't know what you've got till it's gone away
Sometimes all I feel I have left is yesterday...
Butterfly
4-15-03
By Jackson Herod
*To my friend Frances, who enjoys my poems. Hopefully you'll
enjoy this one. Sorry it's so short, i'll write a long one when I
get to know you better.*
So young, but so wise
Wishing she was a butterfly
Flying away, to her private place
Where there is no war, no crime, no hate
Where she was constantly happy, never shedding a tear
Where there was no one to yell at her, and nothing to fear
She looks up at heaven, and asks God why
She was not born to be a butterfly
Stop the Pain
7-04-03
By Jackson Herod
We live in a world full of hatred
Full of drug dealers, killers, and rapists
Every night on the news, another mother cries
Trying to figure out, why their baby had to die
This world's gone insane, I just can't explain
Why someone, would want to hijack a plane
And crash it into a building, commit a mass killing
Whatever happened to peace and love
It seems like we've forgotten just what the hell that was
And it's sad, because our world is going up in flames
Please Lord could you stop the pain.....
You know I just don't understand it
Why'd you take all my friends, damn it
I'm so sick of hearing that it was just their time
I think i'll smack the next person, who feeds me that line
Tell that to the families of Brandy, Adam and Steve
Who all died before they turned eighteen
They never got to grow up, they never got to have kids
They never got to live their dreams, like so many others did
Everytime I hear something about a car wreck
I pray that another one of my friends isn't next
Because I don't know if I can take another punch to the heart
Losing all our friends is tearing this world apart
And it hurts, these tears keep falling like rain
Lord please, can you stop the pain.....
You know at times, it seems like I'll give in
To a life of pain, struggle and sin
Been so close to the edge, that I could see the other side
Took a bottle of pills, because I was sick of this life
I was hoping they'd do me in, but here I remain
Twenty four years old, drowning in the rain
My life has become a sad story to tell
My childhood was heaven, but my adult life has been hell
Everyday it's a struggle, to try to conquer the demons
At night sometime, I wake up, sweating and screaming
Thinking that the reaper's come to get me
Wondering if anyone would miss me
Sick of living, ready to die
And I honestly don't know why
I prayed it would never get like this again
Hopefully the Lord can stop the pain...
Poem:
The Road Home
The Road Home
By Jackson Herod
2-4-05
*Dedicated to anyone who's stick in the quicksand of life.*
My life has been filled with many roads
Some long, some short, but none have led me back home
I've fallen so many times along the way, that I can barely walk
now
So many people want me to be happy, but I must say, I forgot how
Since I was twelve years old I've been stuck in this quicksand
I've tried to escape but I can't seem to find a helping hand
Asked God for help, but I guess my cries weren't loud enough
I've always tried to be a man who was proud and tough
But sometimes at night, I lie in bed
And wonder why I'm here, and so many good people are dead
I've been through my own trials, i've seen so many deaths
It's almost scary to fathom what will happen next
I try so hard to think positive about tommorrow
But i'm always getting closer, to drowning in sorrow
I don't want to be remembered as a person who failed
A guy who ended up in a mental hospital or a padded cell
I want to be happy, I want to be a success
I want to dig myself out of this colossal mess
And so I continue on this road, searching for home
I'm not going to stop until the sadness is gone
Poem:
A Song For You
A Song For You
By Jackson Herod
2-4-05
*Dedicated to everyone that ever found that special someone.*
If I imagined a perfect woman, it would be you
I can't help but smile, every time I see you
The way you make me laugh, the way you kiss
I've never felt anything like this
Please don't wake me if this isn't reality
This feels like something, out of a dream
Or something off of a movie screen
I don't know what i'd ever do
If I had to live without loving you
I never believed in love at first sight
Until I met you on that cold Friday night
Sipping hot chocolate and talking about our lives
Not even noticing the time passing by
What did I do, to deserve someone like you
This feels like something, out of a dream
Or something off of a movie screen
And I don't know what i'd do
If I had to live without loving you
The more time we spent together, the more it just felt right
I wish I never had to tell you goodbye
You truly are my angel, you are my closest friend
I hope and pray, each and every day, that this feeling never ends
This feels like something out of a dream
Or something off of a movie screen
And I don't know what i'd do
If I had to live, without loving you
Rap:
My name is Big Jack
My name is Big Jack
5-21-04
By Jackson Herod
*Dedicated to every lady who isn't a size 2 or doesn't wear an
A-Cup, as well as all my homies, and a certain rapper from around
this area that inspired the second verse.*
Oh my goodness...look who's back
It's the fat chick thrilla also known as Big Jack
I don't claim to be a playa, but I crush a lot
And all the females that I meet, well they blush a lot
From Palestine to Pasadena, Carthage to Karnack
All of the honeys want a piece of Big Jack
And who am I to deny them a piece of the rock
I'm six foot one with an eight inch...nevermind
I'm not here to brag, just here to inform
That if you get up in my face, you're gonna get stormed
Because I'm a fun loving guy, till you cross my path
And then I'll have to drop a big splash on that ass
And when it happens, don't say I didn't tell ya so
My name is Big Jack, don't forget it, ho
I heard a certain white rapper talkin bout the south side
Representin the big town of Crockett with pride
Since "Somethin Bout The Southside" the dude thinks
he's the shit
Even though this dude hasn't had a rap that's a hit
He must think he's the only white Texas boy in the game
Well I've got news for you, Big Jack will put you to shame
I represent East Texas, not just one town
And if he wants to battle me, Jack will mow him down
I don't care about the Playstation 2 that you have in your car
I don't care, that all those Crockett girls, think you're a star
I don't sip on codeine, or smoke any grass
But I'll be more than happy, to dropkick your ass
If you've got beef, bro, step into the box
And i'll make your grill explode like a bag of pop rocks
They call me Big Jack, that's a name you shouldn't forget
Now take your skinny ass, back to your hometown of Crockett
A lot of people say that Big Jack has bad taste
Because none of my ladies have ever had a two inch waist
I never could stand girls that were thin and conceited
If I take you out to dinner, girl, I expect you to eat it
I like girls my size, girls with class
Girls that have got my back in case someone tries to beat my ass
I like making girls feel good, making them feel pretty
Because most of them got picked on all their lives, and that's
shitty
I'm a big guy, so I can sympathize
And i'm a sucker for some nice lips, or pretty eyes
So ladies, if you see me riding by, don't hesitate to say hello
Because I'm not your ordinary fellow
I'm Big Jack, the large lady lover
So until next time, peace out my brothers!
Poem:
My Last Breath
My Last Breath
By Jackson Herod
5-24-04
Dedicated to Syrienna, who wanted a poem about death.
I held the bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, like a loaded gun
Was tired of all the pain, was constantly on the run
From my family, my conscience, my friends, and the truth
So scared, I didn't know what else I could do
So I downed the bottle, and waited to die
I laid there trembling, with tears in my eyes
And slowly, memories began to fill my mind
I saw my grandparents, and everyone else that died
I knew in my heart, that's where I wanted to be
But as I called out to them, they walked out of my reach
And all of a sudden, I felt a pain in my chest
And I thought I had taken my last breath
Poem:
Nothing To Lose
Nothing To Lose
11-12-03
By Jackson Herod
A lot of people, have tried to shake me, or break me
Hate me or rape me, debate or escape me
I've lost a lot of heroes and friends in this life
I don't know how I survived all this struggle and strife
But somehow I'm here, eyes full of tears
Wondering how the fuck I'll make it through another year
As my eyes close, I wonder when my time will come
I wonder if people will forget me when my time on earth is done
Or if I'll be remembered for the life I led
Will I go in peace, or have a violent death
Seems like I've got a permanent case of the blues
When you ain't got nothing, you ain't got nothing to lose
It seems like every woman I've loved was the cheating kind
And the hardest thing for me to do is leave the past behind
I wish I could go a year without tears or struggle
I wish my parents knew how fucking much I love them
And how it hurts me so bad, to see them cry
Sometimes I want to ask myself, why oh why
Are you so fucking stupid, do you realize what you've done
It's times like those that i'd like to take a gun
And say blam! and just be done with all of it
And not have to put my parents through no more shit
Nothing to live for, nothing to prove
When you ain't got nothing, you've got nothing to lose
I live alone, in a one bedroom apartment
I don't socialize with anyone, and I don't start shit
I sit in my room and play video games or watch movies
Or talk online to my friends, it's real groovy
But when it comes to being happy, I don't know shit about it
I've kinda gotten used to having to live without it
Sometimes I spend days without going outside
Sometimes I wonder if anyone would know if I died
Would I be all putrid, and stuck to the ground
Before anyone noticed I was not around
I don't know, I don't even wanna think about that, dude
All I know, is that when you ain't got shit, you ain't got shit
to lose
Black Tape
10-23-03
By Jackson Herod
You know it seems like everytime I turn around someone's talking
shit
It's getting to a point where I'm getting a gut full of it
I'd like to take some black tape, and wrap it around their
mouth's
Then ask them "Now, what the fuck do you have to talk
about?"
And if they tried sign language, i'd tape their hands up quick
To make sure they annoyed me no more, those fucking pricks
Because I'm sick of it, man, my heart is full of hate
But for now, i'll continue to chill, me and my black tape
Me and my black tape we've been through it all
When my cord on my camera got torn, I gave it a call
And in a flash, it wrapped itself around that cord
And my camera never had a problem no more
Me and my black tape go hand in hand
I'll probably be holding it, when I reach the promiseland
But until the time, that I reach that great escape
I'll be chillin like a motherfucker with my black tape
One
More Angel-A Tribute to my Aunt Jill
One More Angel
By Jackson Herod
8-15-03
*Dedicated to my Aunt Jill, gone but never forgotten*
I'm not sure i'll ever understand exactly what happened
Three weeks before we were all talking and laughing
Then I got the call that something went wrong
I never gave up, because I knew you were so strong
Seeing you in that hospital bed, my eyes filled with tears
I don't think I ever hurt that much in all my years
I would've done anything to take away your pain
I'd give all I have to hear you laugh again
Sometimes I wish this was all a dream
But I guess God needed one more angel on his team
I bet your up there, with Grandad and Nan, having fun
Making new friends and reuniting with old ones
We're going to take care of your sons the best we can
It's hard to believe they've evolved, from boys to men
It seems like it was only yesterday they were little kids
Making everyone smile, just like you did
I know it'll be hard to go on, but they'll pull through
I'll make sure of that, and make sure they never forget you
If you could've seen how many people came to see you, you would
have been touched
When I die, I hope as many people love me that much
I don't know what else to say, but we love you and we miss you
And I know God has one more angel now, and that angel is you
Poem
29: Die Another Day
Die Another Day
By Jackson Herod
7-29-03
It's another one of those nights, I'm so tired but I can't sleep
The pain in my heart and my mind has begun to overwhelm me
Thoughts of her, thoughts of death, thoughts of tomorrow
Thoughts of drowning in a pool of constant sorrow
Pill bottles on my nightstand call my name at times
I'll do anything I have to do ease the pain, at times
I reach for the bottle, but slowly turn away
It's then that I decide, that I'll die another day.....
Poem
26: Real Man
Real Man
By Jackson Herod
11-28-96
I hear your man's not treating you like he should
I'm feenin for you girl, I wish you would
Realize, that these eyes, shine only for you
I love you for who you are, not for what you can do
I'm not the type of guy who likes to wine you, and dine you
Kiss you, lick you, and before the night's over, try to stick you
No baby, that's not me, I like to take it slow
Maybe see a movie, go to dinner, but drinking or drugs are a
no-no
I want you to be alert, not to be long gone
I'll treat you like a lady, I won't screw you and move on
I'll show you love and respect, yeah that's my plan
Drop that player, baby, and hook up with a real man
So he's beating you, mistreating you, well ain't that a shame
You have nowhere to run and you're going insane
Well baby I'm the guy you need to sit down and talk with
By the time we're done you'll be independent like Will Smith
Makin your own decisions, having that brother wishing
That he wouldn't have hit you, now he's starting to miss you
Too late to turn back, baby you've got to move on
Now it's time to hit the club, and get our groove on
Girl, I've got a real good plan
Forget you ever knew that player, and hook up with a real man
Poem
27: Remember
Remember
5-14-98
By Jackson Herod
Remember Lost and Found, we were in the house
Those times were what friendship was all about
Remember B.B.D. and M.C. R.I.P.
And all those raps like J-Day, and Carthage City G's
Remember $horty B and my boy Devine
Man, those high school years were a damn good time
So I decided to write a song about the old days
Relax your mind and drift away....
Oh, mercy mercy me. Oh, things aren't what they used to be no,
no. (But I wish they could be)
Remember Kilo G and playing Mercs around Delray
That was the shit back in the day (as Jackson would say)
Remember Tux 22 (Donna Sherman...you...bitch!)
Times were good back when we were teenage kids
Remember Fast Tracks, playing Wrestlefest till we dropped
I wish we wouldn't have ever stopped
Oh mercy mercy me. Oh things ain't what they used to be, no no.
(But I wish they could be.)
Remember telephone girlfriends we never saw
Remember the one hit I had in baseball (A triple)
Remember when we played Truth or Dare at Matt Smith's house
Remember when Josh and David got mad, and both shot off their
mouths
Somehow we patched it up eventually
Aw man, things just ain't what they used to be
Oh mercy mercy me. Oh things aint what they used to be, no no.
(But I wish they could be.)
Poem
27: Sick of It
Sick of It
By Jackson Herod
5-30-03
Go ahead and run, that's what you're used to
Everyone someone tries to love you that's what you do
I'm sick of your mind games, sick of being led on
And then later finding out it was a lie all along
Never gave me a chance, I guess I wasn't worth it
Never told me goodbye, I guess I don't deserve it
Am I upset? You bet, but I refuse to cry
I sit in this chair and I wonder why
Since December, I've been jerked around, like a dog on a leash
Well today, all that will cease
Because I'm sick of it
When you came back, I thought things had changed
Took me about a week to see it was still the same
Promises were made, and then broken so fast
Seemed like a repeat, of our not so distant past
If you didn't want to give me a chance, all you had to do was say
so
Instead of making me feel like shit, and then saying, you had to
go
We never get a chance, to finish a talk
Because when someone says something you don't like you walk
But it's ok, because I'm done talking too
I'm done thinking, i'm done trying, I'm done knowing you
Because I've spent too much of my life, being treated like shit
And i've gotten quite sick of it