See Part One for full disclaimer and author’s notes.
CODE OF HONOR
Part Two
Daniel stood pacing outside the doors to the infirmary, and not for the first time glanced down the hallway toward the bank of elevators at its end, wondering why Jack wasn’t there. Finally his agitation with his friend got the better of him and he said as much aloud.
“Where the hell is he? He should be here, not down in his office doing meaningless paperwork.”
Teal’c inclined his head and raised a brow. “If you are referring to O’Neill, Daniel Jackson, I do not believe he feels as though his duties to the SGC are meaningless.”
“Yeah, well, either way he should be here.”
“I do not believe Colonel Carter would agree, Daniel Jackson. They both take their duties very seriously. She would not react kindly to O’Neill allowing his to be pushed aside if all he would be doing instead is sitting on an uncomfortable chair outside the infirmary.”
“I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on this one Teal’c. I’ve never understood that ‘duty and honor above all’ mindset. I doubt I ever will.”
“I believe you are right, Daniel Jackson. And I hope you never do understand it in the way O’Neill and Colonel Carter do.”
Daniel snorted softly, but held his tongue, turning to lean against the doorframe leading into the infirmary, training his gaze through the narrow window to glimpse just the barest edges of Sam’s bed and the hive of activity that surrounded it. The image of Sam lying unconscious at the base of the Stargate as he and Teal’c had fled through the wormhole was something for which he didn’t think he would ever be able to fully atone. Sam was one of his closest friends, more like a sister. Leaving her behind fractured something in him that he was just beginning to grasp. He knew Sam wouldn’t blame him for what he had done; she had ordered it, after all. But forgiving himself would be much harder.
The sound of the elevator doors opening and booted feet rounding the corner reached his ears and Daniel pulled his eyes away from the infirmary to see Jack walking toward them, looking more exhausted than Daniel had seen him in quite some time. Daniel’s anger still simmered in his gut, but he wisely decided to let it go, for now. This was hardly the time for harsh words.
Jack rounded the corner and felt Daniel’s eyes on him. Knowing the younger man as well as he did, Jack could guess what was on the archaeologist’s mind, and right now he didn’t have the strength to argue with him. Hoping to avoid a confrontation, Jack instead addressed himself to Teal’c.
“Any word yet?”
“Not yet, O’Neill.”
Jack nodded before dropping wearily into a chair, running his hands through his short hair and across his face. Mildly surprised that rather than berate him for his absence, Daniel instead silently turned his attention back toward the infirmary. The tension in the younger man’s shoulders bespoke his anger, but Jack was pathetically grateful he was keeping it to himself for now.
They had only been waiting for a few minutes when Daniel stepped back from the doors. “Doctor Brightman’s coming.”
Jack rose to his feet, nervous anxiety knifing through his gut as he tensed, expecting the worst, praying for the best.
Doctor Brightman pulled the sterile gloves from her hands as she pushed through the doors to face the three men in the outer hallway. “General, Daniel, Teal’c,” She greeted, before gesturing toward the chairs. “Let’s sit down for a minute and talk.”
Daniel and Teal’c took seats to Jack’s right and left, an unspoken gesture of support that was not lost on the General.
“So, what’s the prognosis, Doc?”
Brightman wasted no time getting right to the point. “Colonel Carter suffered a very serious burn to her right calf from the initial staff blast. She has a bump on the side of her head that is likely from her fall doesn’t appear to be severe and hopefully won’t pose any long term problems. What has me worried is the infection. The leg wound went untreated a good deal longer than we would like and the infection is one that may or may not respond to normal antibiotic therapy. We simply don’t know what kinds of bacteria she may have been exposed to on the planet. Right now our hope is that she will respond to the medication, but the fact that she is still unconscious is a concern.”
“So what do we do next?” Jack asked, unease coloring his voice.
“Start her on broad spectrum antibiotics until the lab can give us a better idea what we’re dealing with. Sir, this infection isn’t the only thing to be concerned about.”
Panic lanced through his chest and Jack’s eyes widened perceptibly. “What else’s wrong, Doc?”
“Colonel Carter’s body shows signs of repeated physical abuse. We only did a cursory exam for now, but she has multiple bruises and contusions on her face and torso that may indicate internal trauma. We won’t know for sure until we can get her into CT and have a look at her belly and get a better idea about the severity of her head injury. But all of that taken together with the fever from the infection that may explain her lack of consciousness.”
The color drained from Jack’s face as one of his worst fears was realized. Abused was such a politically correct term for tortured. Sam had been tortured, physically and likely mentally as well. He himself knew all too well the horrors Ba’al could inflict on those he had captured. But Sam was a woman, and the torture she suffered may have gone beyond even what he had endured. As much as it sickened him to even think about it, he had to ask; had to know.
“Doc, was there any other signs of um…any other….ah…” Jack trailed off, unable to frame the words aloud.
Doctor Brightman was perceptive enough to know what he meant. “As you know, Sir, as we added more women to the expeditionary teams, we prepared protocols to deal with these types of situations. I have not yet had time to perform a thorough examination on Colonel Carter. But per those protocols, I will do so just as soon as her condition allows.”
Jack nodded weakly, nausea clawing at the back of his throat. “Okay. Okay.”
“I will report any findings just as soon as I am able, Sir. We’ll be moving the Colonel down to CT in a few minutes. Those tests will likely take an hour or so and then we’ll bring her back up to the ICU. By the time you finish your debriefing we should be ready to let you all in to see her. In the mean time, the physician’s assistants are ready to complete your post mission physicals.”
As Doctor Brightman pushed herself to her feet, Jack rose from his chair as well. “Thanks, Doc.”
“Yes, Sir.” Doctor Brightman turned to face the three men standing before her. “I’m not going to pull any punches here, gentlemen. We’ve got a long road ahead of us and there are likely going to be setbacks along the way. This infection is no small matter. It could clear up in a few days, or it could just as easily be fatal.”
“Carter’ll be fine,” Jack said, immediately, his tone brooking no argument. “Don’t worry about that, Doc.”
“I hope you’re right, Sir,” Doctor Brightman replied, tucking her hands into her jacket pockets and turning to re-enter the infirmary.
Jack cast his eyes down at his boots, shoving his hands deep into his pockets, sighing deeply.
“Jack, what did she mean, protocols for women on expeditionary teams?” Daniel asked tentatively, but he had a horrible sensation he knew what it entailed.
“Daniel, I think you know what she meant,” Jack replied quietly.
Daniel paled slightly, bile rising into his throat. “You don’t actually think Ba’al…”
“I don’t know, Daniel. That’s what the protocols are for. We have to know for sure. If she was…well, we have to know.”
Swallowing hard, Daniel nodded gravely. “You’re right, we do.”
“I’ll see you both at the debrief. 1700.”
As Jack turned and headed into the infirmary, Teal’c came to stand at Daniel’s side. “I am unclear about these protocols for female team members, Daniel Jackson.”
“Jack is afraid Sam may have been…sexually assaulted,” Daniel replied, his voice rough with emotion.
“I see. And you fear for her mental well being, if that was the case?”
“Yes and no. Actually I’m more worried about what he’ll do if the answer is yes.”
“Indeed.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The debriefing was a subdued affair. Colonel Reynolds delivered his report with his usual thoroughness and efficiency, briefing the General on his version of events from the point where they exited the Stargate until they returned to the SGC.
“So, what about this weapon, Daniel? You said before the
“I’m really not sure. It could be they were referring to the lunar cycle on P7X-035, or they could have been referring to the lunar cycle in some other planet in a completely different solar system. If it was -035, then according to the boys down in the lab who analyzed the malp telemetry, they figure we have about four and a half to five Earth weeks to get back there and disable the weapon before they use it.”
“And did you actually hear them say they were going to test it on Earth?”
Daniel thought for a moment, concentrating on his memories of the overheard conversation. “Actually, no, I didn’t. They never mentioned Earth specifically. But can we take that chance, Jack?”
The General sat back in his chair. “No, we can’t. We have to assume they intend to use it
either on Earth or against one of our allies.
The Tok’ra or the Free
Reynolds unconsciously sat up straighter in his chair, “I’m going to need Doctor Jackson and Teal’c to draw up the layout of the temple and the surrounding terrain, as best they can recall. Once we have an idea what it’s like inside, we can better plan an attack. But Sir, for the best chances of success, we’ll need to know what Colonel Carter may have seen or heard while she was inside. She escaped from there, Sir. She may have intel vital to the success of any strike mission.”
“Yes, well…right now we don’t know when the Colonel might be able to debrief us. Assume for now she is unavailable and proceed accordingly.”
“Yes, Sir. I’ll have a preliminary report for you by tomorrow afternoon.”
“Daniel, Teal’c, draw up what you remember about -035 ASAP. Details count here. I want to be sure we cover all our bases on this one. We can’t afford to screw this up,” Jack said, rising to his feet. “Dismissed.”
Jack turned and headed for his office, closing the door behind him. He knew Daniel was still upset with him, could feel the tension during the briefing, but he didn’t have time to dwell on that now. Sitting down to take a few minutes to clear the last of the requisitions and urgent memos from his desk, Jack dumped them all into his out bin for Walter to deal with and then headed down to the infirmary.
He hadn’t heard from Doctor Brightman as of yet, and hoped that in this case, no news was good news. Arriving on level 21, Jack fought the dread that built up in his belly with each passing step. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t known something like this could happen; that either of them could be injured in the line of duty. But the possibility of capture and torture was something he hadn’t let himself imagine; the consequences were now staring him square in the face and he had been the first to look away.
Pushing through the doors to the infirmary, Jack walked
toward the far corner of the spacious room.
As one of his last acts as commanding officer of the SGC, General
Hammond had approved a restructuring of the infirmary facilities, including a
new intensive care unit equipped to treat not only SGC personnel but also any
injured Tok’ra or
The intensive care unit held two beds in a roughly semi-circular room. The far corner of the infirmary formed the rear of the room. The outer walls were constructed of glass to allow the nurses constant view of their patients. The unit had been set up with all the equipment that could be found in the best hospitals in the world, enabling the staff to deal with virtually any eventuality.
A small nurse’s station had been set up just outside the doors of the unit and it was there that Jack found Doctor Brightman briefing the nurses on staff. Daniel and Teal’c sat in the visitor’s chairs just to one side of the station. Whether they were waiting for him to arrive, or waiting for the Doc to give them to green light to go in and see Sam, Jack wasn’t sure.
“Keep me apprised of any changes in the Colonel’s condition. I want to know immediately if her temperature spikes or there are any changes in her heart rate or respiration.”
“Yes, ma’am,” they replied, turning to attend to their duties.
Doctor Brightman noticed Jack standing a short distance away, staring through the glass walls of the ICU at Sam’s pale figure lying impossibly still between the crisp, white sheets. Jack watched as the lights on the monitors winked on and off in an incomprehensible language. All he knew is that so long as those lights continued to blink, Sam was alive and there was still hope.
“General O’Neill, I was just on my way to make my report.”
“Doc,” Jack acknowledged. “How’s she doin’?”
Catching a glimpse of Daniel and Teal’c rising to their feet to join the conversation, Doctor Brightman nodded toward her office. “Why don’t we talk in there, Sir.”
“Doc, please, just tell me what you know,” Jack said determinedly, his frustration suddenly rising up. “I don’t want to sit down, I don’t want to be more comfortable. I just want to be brought up to speed on Carter’s condition.”
“Yes, Sir. The lab results aren’t back yet, but her CT scans show no evidence of any severe internal injuries or head trauma. She does have a mild concussion and several bruised ribs, but neither should pose any long term problems. The infection continues to be our main concern. Her body temperature has risen to 103 degrees and so far we’ve been unable to bring it down. I believe it’s the infection that’s putting a strain on the rest of her system, preventing her from regaining consciousness.”
“How long do you think it’ll be before she wakes up?” Daniel asked worriedly.
“There’s no way to be sure. She could wake up in an hour, or a day, or a week.”
“Or never,” Jack supplied, his voice a bare whisper.
“Or never,” Brightman confirmed.
“And what about…the rest?” Jack asked, his voice low as though he were afraid of the answer.
“I performed a complete examination on Colonel Carter, Sir. I found no evidence of any abuse not already reported.”
The relief that poured through him threatened to take his legs out from under him and for a moment Jack was lightheaded with it. Dropping his chin to his chest he blew out a breath and sank down into the nearest chair.
“Jack, you okay?”
“Yeah, Daniel. Fine. Go ahead Doc.”
“Well, for now we monitor her condition. Provide whatever support she might need over the next few days. The key right now is to get a handle on this infection and get her fever down.”
Jack nodded his understanding. “Can we see her now?”
“Of course, Sir. But please, only two of you in her room at a time. We need to have room for the nurses to work.”
“Okay, we can do that.”
“Why don’t you and Teal’c go in first, huh? I can wait.” Daniel offered, his gaze flitting nervously away from Jack’s.
Jack drew in a deep breath, steeling himself and then pushed himself to his feet and turned toward the ICU doors. Reaching out an unsteady hand, Jack rested his palm momentarily on the cool metal of the door handle before he grasped it and pushed down, disengaging the latch and pushing the door open.
He thought he had prepared himself to see Sam up close, but that first sight of her lying ghostly pale, unmoving, her body tethered to IV lines and monitors staggered him and Jack nearly retreated out of the room. Teal’c lay a reassuring hand on his shoulder; pulling a deep breath into his lungs and blowing it back out, Jack drew on the strength of the man at his side and crossed the short distance from the doorway to Sam’s bedside.
Looking down at her bruised, drawn face Jack’s chest tightened painfully and he gripped the side rails tightly, attempting to center himself. With a shaking hand, Jack smoothed the hair back from Sam’s sweat dampened forehead, allowing his hand to rest briefly on her cheek before reaching down to grasp her hand in his.
“Oh Sam. What’d they do to you?” Jack whispered brokenly, his throat closing, choking him.
Jack could sense Teal’c standing at his elbow, his silent
presence oddly calming. The
“Samantha is an incredibly strong person, O’Neill. She will recover from this.”
“Damn straight.”
“Shall I leave, allow Daniel Jackson some time with you?”
“Sure, T.”
Teal’c inclined his head and turned to leave, but Jack’s voice pulled him back just before he reached the door.
“T?”
“Yes, O’Neill?”
Jack lifted his head, his eyes locking with the
Teal’c inclined his head again, then left silently, leaving the door slightly ajar. Daniel appeared in the doorway, making his way to Sam’s bedside opposite Jack. He reached out and took up her other hand, grasping it lightly within his own.
“Hey Sam. How ya doin’ huh?” Daniel said softly. “Why don’cha open your eyes for us, okay? We’re all here waiting for you.” Seeing Sam looking so vulnerable weakened his resolve to stay strong and Daniel felt the beginnings of tears burning in the corners of his eyes.
“I never should have left her there.”
It was whispered so quietly that Jack wasn’t sure what Daniel had said. “What?”
“I never should have left her, Jack. I left her behind. This is my fault.”
“Daniel, this is not your fault. You did what Sam expected you to do, follow her orders and bring critical intel back to us. I know she doesn’t blame you for anything that happened after that. Neither do I.”
“Yeah, well, I blame me, Jack. I blame me.”
“And if you had stayed, what? What?” When Daniel simply stared at him, Jack continued. “I’ll tell you what, you’d be lying in that bed right beside her, that’s what. Or worse, you could be dead. And if you had disobeyed orders and stayed behind, Teal’c would’ve too. Then where would Earth be? Unaware of the weapon Ba’al had waiting for us. We’d be sittin’ here, big, fat, dumb, and happy, totally oblivious to what was about to happen.”
Deep down, Daniel knew Jack was right. But knowing it and feeling it were two different things. He would never feel right about what he had done on -035. Never.
“How can you say that, Jack? Seeing her like this, how can you honestly say that?” Daniel whispered accusingly.
“What do you want from me, Daniel? What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing Jack. I don’t want you to say anything.”
“She did what she had to do. What her country and her planet demanded of her. I don’t blame her for that. And neither should you.”
Daniel’s head snapped up, a shocked look painted on his face, but he couldn’t deny what he was feeling. If Sam hadn’t been so adamant about doing her duty, she wouldn’t be here now and he wouldn’t be facing the loss of yet another person he loved. He simply didn’t think he could face it again.
“I will never understand this Jack. I will never understand the willing sacrifice of even one life.”
“You may not understand it, Daniel. But you will have to live with it. Just like I will.”
Daniel shook his head. “I don’t want to argue with you, Jack. Not here. I’m going to go out and wait with Teal’c.” Bending down, he placed a feather light kiss on Sam’s forehead. “I’ll be back to see ya later, Sam.”
Gently laying her hand back down on the bed, Daniel turned and quietly exited the room, leaving Jack alone with his guilt and grief.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack wasn’t sure how long he had stood at Sam’s bedside but it seemed as though he had been standing there, listening to the soft beeping of the monitors, for hours. Eventually he gave in to his throbbing knees and pulled up a nearby chair, lowering the side rail of the bed so that he could still reach out and hold Sam’s hand. How many times had he sat here like this? Watching over an injured friend or team mate? How many more times would he have to watch over Sam like this?
Jolinar, the computer borne entity, the time she had been missing along with the crew of the Prometheus, her near death after the self-destruction of the alpha site and her encounter with one of Anubis’ drone. Any one of those encounters could have killed her, should have killed her. And yet, she had survived. And now, here they were again, and Jack could only pray that her strength of will would see her through again; that she would survive against the odds one more time.
Turning his thoughts away from such dark memories, Jack forced himself to remember happier times, for both of them. Immediately springing to mind was a time, before her reassignment to Area 51, when he realized that even though she may have been engaged to another man, he hadn’t lost the core of their friendship that had so characterized their relationship for the past seven years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It
had only been a few weeks since he had taken over command of the SGC and things
hadn’t been entirely smooth for the new General. Jack had been dealing with one seeming crisis
after another, starting with the visit from Ba’al and now culminating in a day
of non-stop meetings with nearly every scientist on base. The meetings had been stacking up for the
last week or so and he had hoped to put them off long enough that he wouldn’t
have to deal with them, but to no avail.
So now, much to his chagrin, the meetings had all landed on one day.
But
the day was nearly over, and all that remained was for him to clear his desk
and he could finally go home, put his feet up and settle in with some mindless
television and a couple of cold beers.
At this point, after spending the last two hours listening to Dr. Lee
prattle on about some gizmo SG-2 brought back from P2X…whatever, Jack thought
that a beer and some TV sounded just about like heaven.
As
he entered his office, he rounded his desk without really acknowledging the
pile of memos and reports piled on top of it to drop down heavily into his
chair. It wasn’t until he moved to pull
himself up closer to his workspace that he noticed a small plate sitting squarely
in the middle of it. Glancing quickly
around his office in search of whomever may have left it, he turned his
attention then back to the plate itself, noting not only the plate with a large
piece of double chocolate cake but also a small note peeking out from
underneath.
Confused,
but more importantly curious, Jack slid the plate aside slightly to pull out
the note and opened it. The handwriting
was all too familiar and he felt a smile involuntarily spring to life on his
face, banishing his fatigue without effort.
General,
Thought
you could use this after your briefing with Dr. Lee. Try not to work too late. Generals get to go home eventually too. See you tomorrow at our morning briefing.
C-
Jack’s
smile widened as he read and then re-read the note. The fact that Carter had taken the time not
only to notice his inordinately busy scientist schedule that day but also to
grab one of his favorites from the commissary and leave it for him warmed him
through and he felt a surge of affection that he thought he had finally put
behind him. He spent a moment simply
enjoying the feeling before he pulled the saran wrap off the cake and dug in
with the fork left off to the side.
In
what seemed like no time at all, both the cake and the last of the most urgent
business left on his desk had been finished and he was heading for the surface
and home. As he made his way through the
nearly empty streets of
Jack
kicked off his shoes at
the door as he entered his quiet house.
Flopping down on the couch he toyed with the remote briefly before
dropping it back onto the coffee table and reaching over to pick up the
phone. He paused, considering the wisdom
of what he was about to do, but decided to throw caution to the wind and began
to dial. It was just a phone call, after
all. Right? And it would only be polite of him to call
and say thank you. Certainly
safer than just showing up unannounced on her doorstep. Besides, she was still engaged to Pete. It wasn’t as though anything would come from
a simple phone call.
At
the time, he hadn’t considered the possibility that Sam would break off her
engagement to Shanahan or that they could ever find a way around the
regulations that had kept them apart for so long. He had simply wanted to rekindle a friendship
that had seemed to grow distant over the preceding months. Later, that fateful decision hardly seemed as
difficult as it had that night. And he
could scarcely bring himself to regret it now, knowing the happiness taking
that road had ultimately brought him.
And he believed, had brought Sam too.
“Colonel?” Sam whispered, her voice barely carrying over the sounds of the machines surrounding her.
Jack sat up straighter in his chair, Sam’s voice pulling him
from the past and back to the present.
Her eyes were open slightly and Jack could see the fever still burning
brightly within their blue depths.
“Colonel? Sam whispered again, her voice cracking with emotion.
Closing his eyes momentarily in relief, Jack stole a quick glance around the infirmary looking for someone who could go and notify the Doc she was awake. Jack couldn’t see anyone nearby and was unwilling to leave to go in search of a nurse or Doc Brightman. Sam twisted her head agitatedly and Jack reached out to take her hand in both of his own, speaking in low, soothing tones. “I’m here, Sam. You’re going to be okay. I’m right here.”
“Sorry s-sir…never meant…you all…shouldn’t be here…j-just wanted to save…Dad,” Sam choked out brokenly and at first Jack couldn’t fathom what she was talking about. Dad? What the...?
Sam’s hand tightened convulsively on his, startling him with her strength and intensity. “Dad…please, sir. Don’t let them take Dad…won’t survive it…Blood…Sokar…too much.” And suddenly Jack realized why Sam was so upset. The mission to hell, literally and figuratively. Apophis had taken them in turn and tortured them with the Blood of Sokar, meant to soften their mental resolve by creating some very vivid hallucinations. Jack’s heart sank with the realization that the fever now raging in her body had forced Sam to relive that particularly terrifying time.
Jack tightened his own grip on Sam’s hand as he leaned closer to smooth the sweat dampened hair from her forehead. “I won’t Sam. I won’t let them take him. I promise.”
“If I don’t….don’t make it back…please…look after…my Dad, sir…please,” Sam pleaded, tears that she would never have let fall had she been in her right mind coursing silently down her cheeks.
“I will, Sam. I will. Have I ever lied to you?” Jack replied, his own emotions crowding around him like unwanted guests. Had she truly felt as though she wouldn’t make it out of Netu alive?
Sam’s face creased into a slight smile and she shook her head. “N-never, sir.”
“Okay then,” Jack said as he moved his touch from her forehead to take her clammy hand in both of his. “Rest now. Everything’s going to be fine.”
The assurances seemed to filter down through the fevered haze and Sam relaxed perceptibly, her eyes slowly drifting closed as she nodded. “Yessir.”
Jack watched as the tension slowly ebbed from her face and limbs as sleep claimed her. He sighed deeply, sitting back into his chair but not releasing his hold on Sam’s now limp hand. He just wasn’t sure if he was cut out for this. His emotions were things he rarely dwelled on, but lately his new relationship with Sam had drawn some of those feelings out and into the open. And now here he was, wondering if he could handle someone needing him this much. Not that he didn’t want to be there for Sam; nothing could be further from the truth.
Self appraisal wasn’t something O’Neill did often, but for once he was willing to be honest enough with himself to acknowledge his need to do it. The roaring fear that had threatened to overwhelm him in the first few hours after Daniel and Teal’c had returned without Sam was finally beginning to diminish, allowing him to examine what had happened with a more detached eye. The terror he had experienced when it had finally become clear what had happened and that Sam was either already dead or likely in Ba’al’s hands had quite frankly shocked the hell out of him. He had known that the shift in his relationship with Sam would bring unforeseen consequences, but he hadn’t imagined the feelings he had kept repressed for years would grow to be so strong so very fast. It honestly scared him, and more than just a little bit.
Come on O’Neill, old boy. It’s not that Sam needs you, it’s that you need her. And not just a little bit. You can no more live without her anymore than you could go without breathing, and you know it. Jack chided himself, alarmed at the truth of it. In the past it had been others who needed him, Sara certainly included. But he had never seemed to need anyone as much as they needed him. Now, for the first time in his life, he was on the other side of the fence and he truly didn’t know how to deal with it. He had come too far this time, laid his heart open further than at any other point in his life. He knew that there would be no turning back from this without destroying himself in the process. He only wondered if Sam knew that too.
Their fledgling relationship was so new to the both of them,
that any declarations of undying love seemed terribly premature. Yet, here he was, contemplating just that;
his undying and depthless love for Samantha Carter. Holy Crap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The nurse on duty had arrived shortly after Sam had slipped back into sleep and had immediately kicked Jack out of the room as she summoned Doctor Brightman. The Doc arrived and both had gone over the readouts from Sam’s monitors, checking and re-checking her condition. In the end, Doctor Brightman had expressed some cautious optimism and then had ordered Jack to get some food and at least four hours sleep before returning. The General had put up a valiant fight, claiming that he needed neither, but when the Doctor threatened him with sedatives and a feeding tube, he finally acquiesced, leaving the infirmary to go in search of the rest of SG-1.
Jack wandered past Teal’c’s quarters and then down to Daniel’s lab, and when both locations had turned up nothing, he had reluctantly given in to his rumbling stomach and headed for the commissary. Pushing through the doors, the relative emptiness of the room confused him. Pulling up his shirt sleeve to squint at his watch, Jack surprised to discover it was nearly 0100. Glancing around the room, he spotted Daniel and Teal’c, sitting at a table against the far wall, heads bent in conversation.
Deciding he needed coffee first and foremost before facing Daniel again, Jack snagged a mugful then made his way over to sit with his former team mates. The conversation at the table dropped off as he approached, Daniel and Teal’c looking up at him expectantly, each appearing as weary as he felt.
“Teal’c, Daniel,” Jack greeted, pulling out a chair and dropping tiredly into it.
“O’Neill, how is Colonel Carter?”
“Woke up for a couple of minutes just a bit ago, actually.”
Daniel’s face brightened perceptibly. “That’s great Jack. How did she seem?”
“I’m not really sure. She didn’t really know where she was. Called me ‘Colonel’ and thought we were all on Netu. Kept asking me to look after her Dad since she didn’t think she was going to be able to herself.”
“What did the Doctor have to say?”
“Doc seemed happy Sam had been awake, even for a few moments, but at the same time the fact that she’s not in her right mind has her worried. She’s not alone, either. All the times I’ve seen Carter hurt or sick, I’ve never seen her like that. Not knowing where she was or what was happening. Even with that concussion from the Prometheus last year she knew she was in the SGC.”
Daniel nodded sympathetically. “Are you headed back up there now?”
“Ah, no, actually. Doc threatened me with all sorts of medical torture if I didn’t get something to eat and at least a four hours of sleep.”
“And that cup of coffee qualifies as food?”
“Have you ever had a cup of this coffee after it’s been sitting here for a few hours? If I have to chew it, I call it food.”
Daniel shook his head, then pushed his chair back from the table. “Let me go find something for you that won’t eat a hole in your stomach.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure,” the archaeologist replied, setting off in the direction of the kitchen.
Jack spent the next half an hour in the commissary, downing the ham and cheese sandwich and chocolate cake Daniel had managed to scrounge before heading off to his quarters for his requisite sleep. He figured if he disappeared from the infirmary for at least another couple of hours, he could stay in the Doc’s good graces.
Pushing open the door to his on base bedroom, Jack sat on the edge of his bed, pulling off his boots and swinging his legs up on the bed. Reaching over, he set his alarm to wake him in three hours and then dropped off into a fitful sleep. His dreams were plagued with images of Sam, struggling against the gravity well on Ba’al’s ship, a torture device he had come to know so well. Then the dreams shifted and he could see Ba’al, advancing on Sam with a bottle of acid in one hand, a wicked looking dagger in the other.
Her eyes locked on his as she pleaded with him to free her, to save her from the torture that was coming. But Jack was unable to move, kept totally immobile by some unseen force that held him rooted to the spot. Unable to move to help, but also unable to look away, Jack was forced to watch as Ba’al slowly raised the dagger, pointing it at the center of Sam’s chest. The System Lord then turned, his gaze boring into Jack’s own as he released the dagger, plunging it deep within Sam’s breast.
Jack tumbled violently out of the dream, Sam’s screams still ringing in his ears, the bed sheets tangled around his legs, holding him in place. A cold trickle of sweat ran between Jack’s shoulder blades as he sat up, struggling to get his heart rate and breathing under control. He always hated waking up from dreams like that. Dreams that seemed so real they could almost be remnants of memory.
The last thing he wanted to do was attempt to go back to sleep, and so untangled his legs from the sheets and bent to pull on his boots. He had actually been asleep for nearly the three hours he had set aside for himself and at the very least he could kill the final hour of his exile by going up to his office and clearing out his inbox and email before returning to the medical wing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Jack entered the infirmary, the feeling of unease he had been fighting since waking from his dream grew to form an undeniable rock sitting in the pit of his stomach. He would never describe the SGC’s medical facilities as an energetic or boisterous place, but this morning the atmosphere was more subdued than usual. The hushed tones of the nurses as they tended to their duties fell to silence as he passed, further feeding his anxiety.
Never one to avoid confrontation or difficult situations, Jack headed straight for the ICU, unsurprised to find Daniel already at the nurse’s station, deep in conversation with Dr. Brightman.
Looking through the glass walls of Sam’s room, the ominous bulk of a ventilator placed nearby drew his attention. Jack would never again see that particular machine without wincing involuntarily in reaction, calling to mind the last time he had seen Sam connected to it, her life measured in minutes rather than years. He had struggled, then, with the decision whether or not to honor her last wishes as was dictated in her living will and disconnect her from life support or continue to hope against all hope, leaving her connected to the machines that at the time were keeping her body alive indefinitely. He could only pray that he wouldn’t be called on to make that decision again.
Jack slowed his steps as he neared the unit, drawing the attention of the Doctor and archaeologist.
“Jack.”
“General O’Neill.”
“Daniel. Doc. How’s she doin’?” Jack replied, attempting to interject as much hopefulness into his voice as possible.
The expressions on their faces were alone enough to answer his question. Not good.
“General…” Dr. Brightman began, but hesitated, searching for the right words. Honesty was always preferable in her line of work, but that honesty had to be tempered with an awareness not to strip away what flame of hope might still burn. “Colonel Carter’s condition has not improved, despite her brief period of wakefulness a few hours ago. Her fever is still hovering between 102 and 104 degrees. I was just telling Dr. Jackson we are preparing to bring in some cooling blankets to help get her temperature down. Perhaps if we can get her fever to break, even for a short time, the antibiotics might be able to take care of whatever is at the root of this infection.”
Jack’s expression was both concerned and incredulous simultaneously. “Ya know Doc, usually I leave the medicine to you good folks in here, but doesn’t this seem a bit…I dunno…primitive to you? All this high tech stuff in here and the best you have is to put Carter on ice?”
The Doctor’s brow furrowed as she seriously considered the General’s question.
“Sir, we have nearly exhausted what our technology and medications can do for Colonel Carter. If we allow this fever to continue for much longer we could be risking serious brain damage, or worse.”
“Worse?” Daniel breathed, blanching in reaction.
“I’m concerned about the impact this infection is having on her lungs. It appears from her last chest x-ray that her lungs are beginning to fill with fluid, which is why I’ve ordered the ventilator placed in her room. If it’s needed, it’ll happen fast. Every moment will count.”
Jack’s heart froze within his chest. Up until that very moment, the thought had never crossed his mind that Sam wouldn’t completely recover now that they were back safely within the SGC, despite the warnings the Doctor had given them about the severity of Sam’s condition. Carefully schooling his expression, he allowed his gaze to fall upon the still form lying in the ICU. No way in hell am I going to let that happen. No way. The Doc wants to put her in a deep freezer, fine, if it’ll save her life.
Dragging his eyes back up, Jack drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay Doc. We’ll do it your way. When will you get started?”
“Right now, sir. We really can’t delay any longer.”
Jack nodded slightly and then moved past Daniel to enter Sam’s room. He pulled up a nearby chair and dropped unceremoniously into it, dragging a tired hand across his face and scrubbing it up through his short hair. He was aware of, but did not acknowledge Daniel as the younger man moved to stand next to him.
“Jack, why don’t you go get some breakfast, huh? I’ll stay here with Sam.”
Jack shook his head slowly. “I appreciate it Daniel, but I couldn’t eat anyway. I’ll just stay here for a while.”
Daniel nodded, not expecting any other response. He hesitated momentarily then allowed his hand to drop to rest lightly on Jack’s shoulder. “If you need anything…”
The comforting touch startled Jack, especially after the harsh words the two men had exchanged just the day before. He allowed a small smile to touch his lips, “I know. Thanks.”
Daniel nodded then headed off toward the doors of the
infirmary intending to pay a visit to Teal’c before retiring to his quarters
for some well deserved rest. He would
need the
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It only took a few minutes for the ICU team to prepare the specially designed cooling blankets and place them over Sam’s feverish body. Jack watched silently as the medical staff went about their assigned tasks. As they finished and moved off into other parts of the infirmary Jack found himself finally alone, the silence broken only by the soft beeps of the monitors nearby.
Jack reached under the chill blanket to grasp Sam’s hand in his own. The heat radiating from her body was in sharp contrast to the cool of the blanket and Jack was abruptly aware of the fragility of the life he held in his hand. The short, joyous time they had been allowed together suddenly seemed horribly inadequate compared with what he could imagine as his life without Sam.
Reaching up with his free hand, Jack gently ran the backs of his knuckles across Sam’s cheek. She turned her head slightly at the contact, her brow furrowing in response.
“Shh. It’s okay, Sam. You’re going to be okay,” Jack soothed, the sound of his voice carrying over the machines nearby. The exhaustion of the last several days, coupled with the fear that gripped his heart, weighed him down and Jack felt uncustomarily emotional.
“C’mon Dorothy, you promised you’d always come back to me. Don’t you dare give up, you hear me? Don’t die on me now. Not now. Please.”
Bowing his head, Jack roughly forced down the feelings that threatened to overwhelm his suddenly fragile emotional barriers. He squirmed slightly in his chair, looking for a more comfortable position, settling in for the long wait ahead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was nearly 7 am when Jack finally relinquished his vigil at Sam’s bedside to Daniel and stumbled off for some well deserved coffee and a hot shower. The day promised to be long and exhausting, but not nearly as much as the night had been. After showering, changing into a fresh set of BDU’s and downing the requisite two cups of coffee, Jack felt nearly lifelike enough to at least face his office.
Plopping himself down in his chair and opening his laptop, Jack mechanically began reviewing his inbox, which seemed to miraculously spawn new items that needed his attention in just the few short hours since he had last been there. He wasn’t sure just how long he had been at it when a soft knock at the door drew his attention. Seeing Daniel leaning against the doorframe, his face pale and drawn, sent his heart racing.
“Carter…?”
Daniel’s eyes widened, not realizing what effect his unexpected presence might have on his friend. “The same, she’s the same. I just thought I’d come up and see how you were doing.”
Allowing his eyes to drift closed for a moment, Jack pried them open again. “I’m fine. Fine. Really.”
“Yeah, sure you are.”
“Well, if you already knew, why ask me the damned question, Daniel?” Jack retorted hotly, his temper rising to the surface as a barrier against the grief that was never far from breaking free.
Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, Daniel entered Jack’s office, closing the door behind him. Sighing, he turned to face the furious face in front of him. “I’m sorry. About last night, what I said. You didn’t need that from me right then. You needed my support and instead you got accusations. But you aren’t the only one who’s scared for her, you know.”
Jack’s mouth dropped open, a caustic reply on the tip of his tongue; but the retort fell away with the knowledge that Daniel was right. There were plenty of other people who cared about Sam and who were hurting right along with him. Pushing himself back from his desk, Jack let his head drop back to rest on the back of his chair in a posture of such utter exhaustion that Daniel was surprised he hadn’t dropped from it yet.
“I don’t think I can do this.”
“What can’t you do?”
Jack paused, measuring his reply. “I can’t sit here and wait. It’s eating me up.”
Daniel nodded in sympathy. “I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do. I ordered her out there. Me. No one else. It’s my responsibility. And my fault. And I don’t think I can live with the consequences.”
“Would it really be any better, for either of you, if it was someone else ordering her out there? Honestly?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes you do. Deep down you do,” Daniel replied gently.
“Yeah, I suppose. But goddamn it. I just want to….”
“Keep her safe. Whole. Alive.”
“Yeah. All of that stuff, and more.”
“Then why are you here? When she needs you right now?”
“Because she’s not the only one who needs me. There are men and women out there right now who put their lives in my hands. I have a responsibility to them too, don’t I?”
“Yes, you do. But none of them are Sam.”
“No, they’re not,” Jack replied wearily, suddenly feeling much older than he did when he walked into his office that morning. “But she would expect me to care about what happens to them just as much as I care about what happens to her. We both accepted that when we started down this road.”
Daniel nodded in agreement. “Yeah, she would. But I don’t have to like it. From either of you.”
“I know you don’t Daniel. If you did, you wouldn’t be the man we both respect.”
Not knowing how to respond to such a statement, Daniel merely stood, opened the door before pausing in the doorway. “So, you’ll be back up to the infirmary soon?”
“As soon as I can.”
“Okay,” The archaeologist replied softly before returning there himself. If he thought seeing them apart had been painful, seeing them together like this was even more so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Despite his assurances to Daniel, it was well into the afternoon before Jack was able to clear his schedule and return to Sam’s bedside. He was somewhat surprised to find Teal’c sitting in the chair he had occupied the night before, rather than Daniel.
“Teal’c.”
“O’Neill. Colonel Carter has yet to awaken. Perhaps she was waiting for you to arrive.”
“Listen, I’ve already gotten an earful from Danny-boy. I don’t need another one from you.”
Teal’c inclined his head, but said nothing.
Jack grabbed a chair from across the room, placing it next to Teal’c’s, he sat down slowly, exhaustion in every line of his body.
“Where is Danny anyway? I expected to find him here.”
“I…persuaded Daniel Jackson to return to his quarters for a period of sleep. He appeared to be nearly as tired as you, O’Neill.”
“Yeah, well. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
“At your current pace, that will likely be sooner rather than later. And I have no wish to explain to Colonel Carter why I allowed you to become ill during her temporary absence.”
Jack smiled slightly at the image. “She’d kick your ass, T.”
“Indeed.”
His smile broadened before fading again. “Compromise then? I’ll rack out right next door here, if you come get me in a couple of hours.”
“It is a deal.”
“Two hours, big guy. Or I’ll be the one kicking your ass.”
“I believe that you would try, O’Neill.”
“That was a joke. I know. I’m getting better at spotting them,” Jack murmured as he pulled off his boots and climbed into an empty bed, dragging the sheet and rough blanket over his shoulders. Teal’c was certain he was asleep almost as soon as his head struck the thin pillow.
It was closer to four hours before Teal’c reached over to
shake Jack awake, but the extra rest seemed to have done him considerable good
and the big
“How’s she doin’?”
“Still the same, O’Neill.”
Jack nodded as he returned to the chair he had abandoned and bent over to lace up his boots. “You eat yet, T.?”
“I have not. Do you require sustenance, O’Neill?”
“Yeah, actually, I think I might be a bit hungry. How about you snag us both a couple of trays from the commissary?” Sleeping and eating had been rather low on his priority list, but now that he had indulged in one, the other seemed necessary as well.
“I shall return momentarily.”
“T.?”
“Yes, O’Neill.”
“Thanks.”
Teal’c knew the acknowledgement was for more than just food. “As you say on Earth, that is what friends are for.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack maintained his vigil at Sam’s bedside for another two hours before reluctantly returning to his office. He knew Daniel and Teal’c had taken time out during the day to complete their reports about what they had seen in and around Ba’al’s facilities on -035 and he expected to have the Colonel’s report on his desk by now, waiting for his review. As much as he wanted to agree with Daniel, give in to his longing to stay with Sam the base and the Goa’uld be damned, he simply couldn’t. All his adult life he had lived by a code of honor that required diligence to duty above all else. He had sacrificed his first marriage to it, he knew well the sacrifices that had been made. But this time he was with someone who fully understood his code; someone who lived by a code that ran just as deep as his own.
Entering his office, Jack was surprised to find his inbox empty and his laptop packed inside its carrying case, his desk suspiciously free of memos and requisition forms. Turning around to go in search of Walter, Jack nearly crashed headlong into the intrepid Sergeant.
“General!” Harriman exclaimed, taking a step back involuntarily.
“Sergeant, what’s going on around here? Why is my desk….like that?” Jack motioned over his shoulder at the unusually clean workspace.
“Ah, well, actually that was Doctor Jackson’s, Sir.”
“Daniel? What’s he got to do with my desk?”
“Well Sir, I believe Doctor Jackson felt that if you insisted on keeping up with your work, the least we could do is make it portable for you, so you could take it with you. Wherever you might be. On the base. Anywhere on the base.”
Understanding dawned on him and Jack nearly smiled. Never one to admit defeat, ol’ Danny-boy had found a way to ensure they both got their way.
“I get it, Sergeant. So, you finished up here?”
“Yes, Sir. I was just bringing you the report Colonel Reynolds dropped off. I was about to pack all of this up and bring it down to you.”
“I’ll take it. Everything else in there already?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Okay. Anyone needs me, I’ll be down in the infirmary.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Jack scooped up the briefcase and reports and was about to head down the stairs when Walter’s voice stopped him.
“Ah….Sir?”
“Yeah, Walter?”
“How is she, Sir? We really haven’t heard much up here and everyone’s been asking.”
Jack dropped his eyes briefly before responding. “She’s still the same.”
Harriman nodded sadly. “We’re all pulling for her, Sir.”
“I know you are. I know. And we both appreciate it.”
The unquestioning support he had received from the rank and file at the SGC had always made him a bit uncomfortable; but now, when he was feeling particularly low, the sentiments seemed to buoy him and he drew on that feeling.
Down in the infirmary, Jack got a short update from the nurses. He had been somewhat disappointed to learn that Sam’s fever had come down, but not enough to declare her out of danger. Still lying beneath the cooling blankets, they reported that she had been resting comfortably in his absence.
Commandeering a small table, Jack set himself up next to the nurse’s station where he could both work and see Sam simultaneously. Pulling out Reynolds’ report first, he set about reading through the layout of the temple and the surrounding forest and also Reynolds own assessment of the feasibility of taking out the weapon before Ba’al could turn it on them. The Marine’s report was frank, brutal in its honesty, right down to the casualty estimates, which according to this were anywhere from five to fifteen percent of the strike force.
Jack grimaced at the thought of sending good men and women on a mission, knowing some of them wouldn’t be returning. But it had to be done, and all of them knew it. Considering the nearly 100 percent probability of hostile action, Jack had already decided this mission would be totally volunteer. He wasn’t going to order anyone to take part, and if he knew is troops as well as he suspected, he wouldn’t have any shortage of willing and able team members.
Jack jotted down some notes on a pad of paper that he would later type into an email for Colonel Reynolds, outlining the suggestions he had for a final strike plan. Some may have considered his diligent planning unusual in the formerly ‘fly by the seat of his pants’ officer, but since he had taken over as commanding officer of the SGC, prudence was the order of the day. No unnecessary risks. Period. And this mission was going to be risky enough without adding shoddy planning into the mix.
Just as he was finishing up his notes, Jack noticed Doctor Brightman leave her office and walk in his direction. Closing the report and his notes, Jack rose from his chair.
“Doc? What’s the good word?”
“The lab just called with the results of Colonel Carter’s blood tests. The organism that’s causing this infection is very similar to the bacteria that causes pneumococcal meningitis. But based on what we’re seeing here, it affects the pulmonary system rather than the brain stem.”
“In English, Doc. What does that mean for Carter?”
“Now that we know what we’re dealing with, we can use antibiotics specifically designed to work on the pneumococcal bacteria. They should be more effective than the broad spectrum antibiotics we’ve had her on.”
“Okay, so when do you start that?”
“Right now, Sir. I’ve sent a request to the pharmacy to send up the appropriate meds.”
“Okay. Okay. So this is a good thing.”
“Yes, Sir. Knowing what we’re dealing with is always a good thing. Now we just have to hope the new medications work.”
“It’ll work, Doc. It has to,” Jack said, allowing his gaze to stray into Sam’s room. “I’m gonna go on in, sit with her for a while. If anyone comes looking for me, unless the base’s about to be overrun, tell them to come back later.”
“Will do, Sir.”
Jack returned to the seat he had vacated a few hours earlier, reaching out to take Sam’s hand in his own again. He could hear her breaths, rattling deep in her chest, the sound reminding him of crackling parchment paper. It terrified him.
It was times like these when he sincerely questioned his decision to come out of retirement when General Hammond had summoned him. These times when the future seemed impossibly bleak, and success so very far away. Times when he saw his friends, people he cared about, injured and in pain; and it wore on him like nothing else ever had.
“C’mon, Sam. Wake up for me, okay? We need you out here. We’ve got to go back and take out that temple and we could sure use your help with that. Besides, I need you to help me with Daniel. He’s really pissed at me this time and I don’t know how to fix it. You always know how to handle him. What to say to make it better,” Jack paused, squeezing Sam’s hand between his. “Ya know, truth is, I need you. I didn’t realize just how much until now. I need you, Sam. Please, come back to me.”
Hoping against hope for some sign of wakefulness, Jack was disappointed when he saw none. Resigning himself to another long night, he sat back in his chair making himself as comfortable as possible. Daniel had appeared about an hour later, bringing with him a tray from the commissary that Jack actually ate some of while the archaeologist sat with Sam. Jack convinced him to get some sleep somewhere around midnight, and reluctantly the younger man agreed, promising to return first thing in the morning.
As the night progressed, the nurses came and went, injecting medications into Sam’s IV, adjusting settings on the monitors. Sometime around 0100 the night nurse bustled in, saying something about oxygen levels that Jack didn’t understand but thought it sounded ominous. She uncoiled a thin, clear tube from a holder on the wall and draped it over Sam’s shoulder, looping it over each of her ears and placing one clear plastic tube in each nostril.
“Just a precaution,” she had said, but to Jack it seemed as though things were getting worse, rather than better.
Over the next couple of hours, Jack clung to the wet sound of Sam’s breathing, knowing if he could hear that, she was still with him; still alive.
The nurses continued to come and go barely within his awareness as Jack simply sat and listened to Sam breathe. He had been concentrating so completely on that horrible sound that when it stopped, at first Jack didn’t understand what was missing. When it dawned on him that he could no longer hear the sodden sound of air being pulled in and out of Sam’s lungs, he froze, closing his eyes tightly in horror. He sat there for several moments, praying for a return of the sound that had sustained him through the night, unwilling to open his eyes to confirm what his ears were telling him. Sam had stopped breathing. Sam was dead.
“Jack?”
The reed thin voice startled him so completely that his eyes popped open involuntarily. Jack was stunned to see Sam’s eyes, barely open, gazing at him.
“Sam?” Jack breathed, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him. He’d heard her breathing stop. Hadn’t he?
Her brow furrowed in confusion. “Wha’ happen? Where’m I?”
Jack’s face creased into a broad answering smile and he pulled one of his hands free from hers to caress her cheek. “You’re at the SGC, Sam. You’re going to be fine. Everything’s gonna be just fine.”
“SGC?”
“Yeah. What’s the last thing you remember?”
Sam’s eyes drifted shut, her forehead wrinkling in
concentration. “
“Yeah. They’re fine, I promise. They made it back just fine. Been pretty worried about you.”
Sam squeezed her eyes closed in relief. “Thank God.”
“You did good, Sam. You got them out and you survived to get yourself out. Right now that’s all that matters.”
Sam nodded weakly, forcing her eyes open again to study Jack’s face. “Look tired.”
“Nah, nothing a hot shower and a cup of coffee won’t cure.”
Sam could see the exhaustion lurking behind Jack’s casual smile, but didn’t have the strength right now to argue the point with him. She could feel the tendrils of sleep pulling at her and knew slumber wasn’t far off. Sam felt Jack lean in closer, the spicy smell of him that had always been uniquely Jack O’Neill tickling at her nose; felt the rough texture of his beard as he pressed a feather light kiss on her forehead before he leaned his cheek against hers.
“I love you, Sam,” He whispered, his breath caressing her ear; felt the dampness of his tears as they tracked down his cheek.
“Love you, too,” She managed to reply, a slight smile gracing her lips.
Jack pulled back from her slightly. “Rest now, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Sam nodded, finally allowing her eyes to slide closed. Squeezing Jack’s hand, she let go and slipped back into the welcoming arms of sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The nurse on duty arrived shortly after Sam had gone back to sleep and when Jack reported she had been awake very briefly, had immediately summoned Doctor Brightman. As they examined Sam, she drifted awake again, grousing softly about the noise and joking about asking for her money back for the room. The light quip brought smiles of relief from all present.
Doc Brightman finished her exam and then gestured to Jack and indicated they would talk outside.
“So, Doc. What do you think?”
“Her temperature is down to 100.6 and the fact that she is lucid and knows where she is are all excellent indications. She’s still weak, but the antibiotics are definitely working. Her oxygen levels are a bit low, but her lungs have improved significantly. Honestly, Sir, I never expected the drugs to work so quickly. I’m at a bit of a loss to explain it.”
“Yes, well, you know what they say about gift horses, Doc. And I’m not about to look this one in the mouth.”
Doctor Brightman smiled, “No, Sir. You’re right. I’ll want to keep her in the ICU for the next several hours, but if she continues to improve at this rate, we can move her into the ward later this afternoon.”
Jack nodded, the long night and emotional morning beginning to catch up with him as he stifled a yawn.
“Why don’t you go get some sleep, Sir?”
“I will, Doc, just as soon as I pass along the news to a few folks first.”
Jack stole a glance at his watch, and noting the time, set off for the commissary. At nearly 0700, it was more than likely that he would catch Teal’c or Daniel or both sitting down to breakfast.
Pushing open the double doors, Jack spotted them both, sitting at their usual table toward the back of the room. Daniel noticed his arrival first, his face creased with worry and lack of sleep. Jack made for their table and wasted no time filling them both in.
“She’s awake.”
Daniel’s eyes slid closed and his shoulders slumped in obvious relief. “Oh thank God. Thank God,” He murmured softly. “When?”
“ ‘Bout an hour ago.”
“And her state of mind, O’Niell?”
“She’s fine. Remembers most of what happened, at least up to the point where she escaped, but not much after that. First thing she wanted to know was whether the two of you made it back okay.”
“That’s our Sam,” Daniel replied, his face creasing into a smile.
“Yeah. Through and through.”
“Did you get any sleep last night?” Daniel asked, noting the fatigued bruises that shadowed the older man’s eyes.
“Not sure. Might’ve dozed here and there. Didn’t really want to… well, anyway. Don’t think so.”
Daniel nodded, understanding fully. “Yeah, neither did we. You hungry?”
Jack shook his head, “Not really. Right now I’m too tired to be hungry. I’m gonna go rearrange my schedule for this morning then catch a couple of hours in my rack.”
“That sounds like an excellent idea, O’Neill. Perhaps I could go and sit with Colonel Carter for a while.”
“I’m sure she’d like that. She’s sleeping now. Doc said to expect her to do a lot of that for the next couple of days.”
“Then I shall endeavor to be there when she awakens again.”
“Thanks T. Thank you both. I know I haven’t been the easiest guy to be around the last few days…”
Daniel interrupted him, “You have nothing to apologize for, Jack. We’re your friends. We’ll be your friends no matter what. Even when we argue.”
“Yeah, well. Thanks all the same. I’ll see you both later,” Jack said, shoving his hands deep in his pockets and heading for his office. For the first time since Daniel and Teal’c had stumbled through the wormhole without Sam, he honestly felt as though everything was going to be okay. Now all they had to do was stop Ba’al and his weapon and compared to what he had just been through, that seemed like a piece of cake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Feeling as though she was swimming through layers of cotton wool, Sam slowly fought her way through the cloying fatigue to crack open her eyes. Down in the infirmary, so many hundreds of feet below the surface, she couldn’t be sure if it was day or night or even how long she’d been sleeping. The lingering fuzziness suggested she either had a head injury or had been given some sort of pain killer, which had always had the effect of making her slightly loopy.
A soft groan escaped her as she attempted to shift to a slightly more comfortable position.
“Colonel Carter?” The soft baritone voice reached her ears and Sam was intensely relieved to hear it.
“Teal’c.”
“Yes. Are you in pain, Colonel Carter?”
“Just… a bit sore.”
“Shall I send for Doctor Brightman?”
“Nah. She’ll just want to gimme drugs…” Sam rolled her head slightly to get a better look at her teammate. His normally impassive eyes were shadowed, and Sam thought for a moment he looked all of his 130 plus years.
“You doin’ okay?” Sam asked quietly, surprised at the haunted look that crossed Teal’c’s face. “Teal’c?”
“I am well, Colonel Carter.”
“You sure?”
“Indeed.”
“ ‘Kay. Where’re the guys?”
“I believe O’Neill was going to attempt sleep before tending to his duties. He wanted me to tell you he would be here as soon as he was able. Daniel Jackson should return momentarily, he was procuring lunch for us.”
The words were no more out of his mouth, than Daniel opened the door to Sam’s room slightly, poking a disheveled head through the opening.
“Teal’c, I got meat loaf and…” Daniel began, whispering under his breath before catching Sam’s eye and stopping cold.
“Hey, Daniel.”
For a moment, Daniel simply stood half in, half out of the
doorway looking at her. Two days ago,
after seeing her struck down by a
“Hey, Sam,” Daniel said quietly, easing himself the rest of the way into the room to stand at her bedside. Reaching down, he lifted Sam’s hand to cradle it gently between his own. “How ya feelin’?”
“Tired. Sore. Otherwise, I’m fine.”
“Sam, you’d say that if your arm was broken and you’d just walked ten miles in the rain uphill to get to the ‘gate and back home.” Daniel said, his old, familiar joke bringing a smile to Sam’s face.
“Yeah. What about you? You okay?”
“Yeah, Sam. I’m fine. Fine,” Daniel replied, but just as with Teal’c, Sam could sense an undercurrent of sadness in her friend.
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. We’re all fine. Just a bit worried about you, is all.”
Sam rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry about me. Got my guys… pull my six outta trouble,” She said lightly, but the sincerity in her voice ran deep and they all knew it.
“Yeah, well… Jack kinda helped with that one this time.”
“Jack…? I don’t remember… he was…?”
“Yeah, led the mission himself. Way I heard it, Reynolds pretty much told him there was no one better to lead the team than Jack, and so there he was. Out in the field like he hadn’t spent a day behind that desk.”
Sam smiled, “Sorry I missed it. Tell me ‘bout it later?”
“Will do, will do. You need anything?”
Sam shook her head slightly. “Jus’ so tired,” She slurred, her eyes already beginning to droop.
Daniel reached up, laying his hand gently on Sam’s hair. “Go on back to sleep.”
“ ‘Kay,” Came the drowsy response as Sam allowed her eyes to drift closed.
Daniel leaned down, placing a brotherly kiss on Sam’s forehead, lingering for a moment before speaking softly. “Thank you, Sam.”
Sam’s eyes opened a tiny fraction, “For wha’?”
“Surviving.” Daniel whispered, his voice cracking faintly.
Sam’s mouth creased into a small smile. “Got lots ‘o good reasons to,” she replied as sleep claimed her once again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack awakened from his nap feeling better than he had in several days, the pall of Sam’s capture finally falling away, removing the boulder he had been carrying on his shoulders. Now he had to deal with the military decisions resulting from the discovery of Ba’al’s fortress. Colonel Reynolds had drawn up a solid battle plan for attacking the structure and destroying the weapon inside, but Jack was still uneasy with the casualty projections and was looking for any way to improve his team’s odds.
Sitting at his laptop, the battle plan displayed on the
screen, Jack went over the numbers and scenarios time and again, but no matter
how he worked it up, the result was still the same; five to fifteen percent
casualties, mainly from the first wave through the ‘gate who would undoubtedly
meet the fiercest resistance from the Jaffa they expected to be covering
it. Ba’al and his
After two hours of staring at a computer screen he decided
he needed a break. Jack closed the
laptop and stood, rolling and stretching is aching back and shoulders. There had to be a way around those odds, but
he reasoned that maybe he was just too tired to see it right now. Besides, another set of eyes might lend some
inspiration and Jack had at his disposal one of the best tacticians he had ever
known, Teal’c. And he knew just where he
would find the big
Entering the infirmary, Jack immediately turned toward the ICU, but as he drew closer noticed the lights were off in the small ward and the bed empty. His heart began racing in his chest as he took in the sight of Sam’s empty bed, fear causing sweat to break out on his brow.
“Hey Jack, we’re over here.”
O’Neill spun around hurriedly toward the voice that had called out to him. His terror must have shown somewhat on his face and Daniel stood from the chair he had been sitting in to walk toward the General.
“Hey, you okay?”
Jack ran his eyes over Daniel’s shoulder, taking in Sam sitting propped up in a regular hospital bed, devoid of all the wires and tubes with the exception of one IV. Looking tired, but certainly better than she had that morning, Jack breathed a sigh of relief.
Pasting what he hoped was a convincing smile on his face, Jack replied, “Yeah, yeah. Fine. Just lookin’ for our patient there.”
“Doctor Brightman moved her out here just a little while ago. She’s still pretty wiped out, but already making noise about wanting to go home.”
Jack stepped around Daniel and made his way to Sam’s bedside. “Hey, how ya feelin’?”
“Ridiculously tired. You’d think after all that sleep the last couple of days I wouldn’t still be, but…”
“Been there, done that. I’m sure the Doc’ll have you up and outta here just as soon as she can.”
“Yeah, Sam. Take advantage of it while you can. You never know how long it might be before you get another chance just to laze around in bed for days on end,” Daniel teased.
Sam smiled at the sentiment. “Well, you know me. Can’t hardly sit still most of the time, but right now I’m not sure I could stand up if I wanted to.”
Jack pulled up a chair and lowered himself into it, never taking his eyes of Sam’s face. Even with her illness and exhaustion lining her features, he didn’t think she had ever looked more beautiful. Jack didn’t realize how long they had been sitting there in silence until Daniel cleared his throat.
“Ah, so I’m gonna go… catch up on…. stuff. I’ll see you both later.”
Sam and Jack watched him go, then turned to each other. “Subtle,” they said in unison before breaking out into smiles.
“So, really. How’re you feeling?”
Sam bit her lip. “Honestly? Like the wrong end of a train wreck.”
Jack nodded. “I figured.”
“What about you?”
Jack looked up, surprise written across his face. “Who, me? I’m fine, really.”
“Uh huh.”
“What?”
“When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?”
“Ah…. well, must’ve been….” Jack paused, realizing it must have been before Sam left on her last mission. Before his life had been turned upside down.
“That’s what I thought. Why don’t you go home tonight? Get some sleep in a real bed.”
“Can’t,” Jack replied simply.
“Why not?” Sam asked softly. “You know you hate sleeping on base.”
“I know.”
“So…”
“It’s just…” Jack began before breaking off, unsure that he really wanted to have this conversation here and now.
“Jack, hey…”
O’Neill felt as though his emotions must have been written in permanent marker on his forehead, as easily as Sam seemed to read him. Over the course of the preceeding days, he had been on an emotional roller coaster and now that it had pulled into the station and stopped he had no desire to get in line and ride it again. And talking about anything deeper than sleep right now would definitely pull all of those emotions back out of their hiding places; he had been doing more than enough of that lately.
Sensing his unease, and knowing Jack O’Neill as well as she did, Sam answered for him. “It’s okay, I think I can guess. I’m fine, really. You don’t need to babysit. Go home, Jack. Get some descent sleep. At least one of us should.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll think about it. I’ve got this plan of Reynolds’ to go over and a bunch of other stuff to work on. Might be better if I just stay here anyway…”
“What plan?”
“The one where we go back and blow Ba’al’s little temple straight to hell and hopefully take that weapon with it.”
“Oh. That plan.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re worried.”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“The strategy is solid, it’s the casualty projections that I don’t like. Actually, I was hoping to run into Teal’c down here, get him to take a look. Maybe he can help me improve those numbers.” Jack stole a glance at Sam’s face and could practically see the wheels beginning to spin in her head.
“Don’t get any ideas, there, Colonel. You’re outta this one until the Doc says otherwise.”
“But if you just get me my…”
“Damn it, Sam, I mean it!” Jack retorted, more sharply than he had intended, and immediately regretted it. He sighed, dropping his eyes to stare at his hands. “Sorry. That was a bit over the top, wasn’t it?”
“S’okay. Really.”
“No, no it’s not. And I will need your help on this one, just not yet, okay? Not yet. I mean, Christ… just last night…”
“I know. I’m sorry,” Sam said softly, reaching out to grasp Jack’s hand. “Sorry I put you through all of that.”
“Just glad it’s over.”
“Yeah. Join the club.”
Jack looked up in time to see a shadow of distress flit across Sam’s face. Squeezing her hand to get her attention, Jack mustered his courage. “I’m here. If you need….whatever. You know that, right?”
“I know.”
“Okay, just so we’ve got that straight.”
Feeling her strength beginning to wane, Sam slid further down into the bed, leaning her head back into the pillows. Her seemingly incesant need for sleep was beginning to wear on her, but she grudgingly accepted there was little she could do about it.
“Tired?” Jack asked.
“Yeah. Most of the time. Stay until I fall asleep?”
“Sure.”
Jack knew he had dodged Sam’s concern and acknowledged that he wouldn’t be able to forever. But he also knew that what she had been through was nothing to take lightly. Sam was likely to bury herself in her lab just as soon as she was out of the infirmary and Jack knew if she was going to get past the horror of what had been done to her and move on she was going to have to face what had happened; and he was going to need to be there for her. No matter how much that may terrify him.
For now he was content to simply sit and hold her hand while she slept.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack wandered the halls of the SGC. He had reluctantly left Sam’s side a few
minutes ago and was now in search of Teal’c.
When he hadn’t turned up in the infirmary and was also absent from the
commissary, Jack headed for the
Knocking lightly on the cold metal door, Jack waited for an invitation.
“Come.”
Twisting the handle and pushing open the door, Jack paused for a moment, allowing his eyes to adjust to the low candle light inside the room. It had always amazed him how Teal’c could manage to light so many candles inside his tiny quarters and avoid burning himself in the process.
“Hey, Teal’c. You busy?”
“I am not, O’Neill. My meditation has been difficult….and unsatisfying.”
“Yeah? Well, maybe you’re tryin’ too hard, or something.”
“Perhaps. How is Colonel Carter?”
“She’s sleeping…again. This one really took it out of her. She seems so, I dunno. Weak. And that’s not something you can usually say about Sam.”
“Indeed. Colonel Carter is a formitable warrior. But even the strongest at times may reach the limits of their endurance.”
“Yeah. And unfortunately, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to give enough time to get that back. We need her intel from inside that damned place, but I don’t want to push her into reliving all of….that,” Jack said, waving his arm absently over his head.
“Samantha has been through an ordeal that might break a lesser person. Do not underestimate her ability to overcome this. But she will not be able to do it alone.”
“Yeah. I know that too. I’m not sure I’m cut out for all of that.”
“Emotion is something a warrior strives to control. However, I believe in this case, it will be emotion that brings you both through these times and will make you stronger for it. But you must be willing to face it, just as Samantha must.”
Jack nodded, dropping his eyes to study his boots.
“Fear not, O’Neill. You also will not be alone. Your friends will be there with you.”
“Thanks, T. Really.”
“Was there another purpose for your visit, O’Neill? Or did you come to simply….shoot the breeze?”
“ ‘Shoot the breeze’? Exactly where do you get this stuff, huh?” Jack asked, a grin splitting his face.
“Television. There is a wealth of Earth culture to be
learned from watching ‘Gilligan’s
Jack was incredulous.
“What? ‘Gilligan’s
“I would be happy to assist you.”
“Great! Let’s go up to my office and see what we can come up with.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three hours later, they had finalized the assault plan. Jack still wasn’t one hundred percent happy with the final result, but once Teal’c had reviewed outline and had pronounced it sound, he didn’t have any choice but to go with it.
“Okay, if this is the best we can do….”
“I do not see any other alternatives, O’Neill. In order to mount an effective strike on the temple we must send three SG Teams and a UCAV through the ‘gate. The UCAV will be able to launch its missiles before it is shot down, but it should give us time to get the teams through and into position.
“We can increase their chances of surviving the attack by utilizing our improved armor, but it will not eliminate the threat entirely. It is a risk, going into battle, but we must take it.” Teal’c concluded.
“I know, I know. But I don’t have to like it. Alright, we’ll ask for volunteers, assemble the teams and start training in a couple of days. I want to be sure we’ve prepared for every possible scenario out there and I want to be ready to roll on this in fourteen days, max. That way if we screw this up, we’ve still got time to try again.”
“You have a good team here, O’Neill. They will not fail.”
“I hope you’re right, Teal’c. If this thing is half as powerful as they made it sound, we won’t stand a chance against it if they try to use it on us.” Jack sat back in his chair, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Well, let me send a message out to all the team leaders and get this thing going.”
“I would like to be your first volunteer, O’Neill.”
“Kinda figured you would. They’re going to need you on this one.”
Teal’c inclined his head in response.
“Do you intend on returning to the infirmary tonight, O’Neill?”
“Yeah, just as soon as I finish up here. At least until Sam and the Doc kick me out.”
“Has Colonel Carter indicated she did not desire your presence?”
“No, more like wants me to get some sleep in a real bed and not my rack or one of the infirmary chairs.”
“I see. Do you believe you would sleep any better in your home?”
“Not really, no. It’s just….too far away, ya know?”
“I do.” Teal’c rose from his chair. “I shall see you in the infirmary then, O’Neill.”
“Yeah, tell Sam I’ll be down there shortly. Just let me get this out and close up shop here.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam jerked awake sometime in the early hours of the morning, the remnants of the nightmare clinging to her awareness. As with many of the night terrors she sometimes suffered from, the dream was vivid, leaving her with her heart pounding in her ears and her breaths coming in short pants. This time what she could remember was running, seemingly in slow motion, through the endless corridors of the temple on -035. Chased by faceless figures shouting at her to stop.
Easing herself back down onto the pillows, Sam squeezed her eyes closed, willing the nightmare to fade. Telling herself it was only a dream. A soft voice from the bed to her right drew her attention.
“Hey.”
“Jack?”
“Yeah.”
“Thought you were going to go home and get some sleep.”
Sam could just make him out in the bed next to her as he casually shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, well, I did try. Gave up ‘bout an hour ago. Came back here.” Jack pushed the blanket off his legs and sat up.
“Ya know, people are going to talk if you keep sleeping in your uniform, General.”
Jack smiled, looking down at his wrinkled shirt and trousers. “Yeah, well.” Jack’s expression faded as he gazed at Sam. “Wanna talk about it?”
“What?”
Jack cocked his head slightly, an indication that she wasn’t fooling him for a moment. A few minutes earlier, awakened by Sam’s restless thrashing in the bed next to him, Jack had watched helplessly as she struggled with her dreams. He had been about to get up and wake her when her eyes had come open.
“Not tonight, okay?” Sam pleaded quietly. The dream was still too close, too real. She wasn’t ready yet to deal with it.
“Okay.” Jack slid down off the bed, pulled up the chair between them and sat down.
Sam rolled slowly onto her side to face him. “I just…can’t. Not yet…”
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me. Believe me. I know….” Jack trailed off.
Sam extended a hand and Jack automatically reached out to take it. “Stay with me tonight?” She whispered, the terror of the dream still haunting her. She hated how needy she sounded, but couldn’t help herself.
“No place else I’d wanna be,” Jack replied easily. “Go on back to sleep Sam.”
Nodding, Sam allowed her eyes to slide closed, her breathing evening out as she slowly relaxed. Jack remained sitting in the cold, hard chair, holding Sam’s hand, guardian against the dreams and protector against an uncertain future.
To Be
Continued…..