~Adam's Song, by Blink 182~
~I never thought, I'd die alone.
I laughed the loudest who'd of known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all.~
My Ideal way to die had always been to go while "doing it". I can't believe I just used such an immature phrase to describe sex. I didn't expect to fucking die in a hospital, hooked up to thirty machines, with nurses all around me holding my hand and telling me "It's gonna be alright sweety, you're gonna make it." They didn't even know who I was, just my name, and just my medical record.
Once they've all left for the night I get up and take all the tubes and needles out. Yeah, I was faking it the whole time. Wait, I can't fake something like this! I'm just resting here until I figure out what I want to do, right? I look at the last machine as I take off its receptor or whatever it's called. It's not even plugged in! Damn it, they know I'm faking... I just... Don't want to go back.
~I took my time, I hurried up.
The choice was mine I didn't think enough.
I'm too depressed to go on,
You'll be sorry when I'm gone.~
Okay, so now I'm looking out the dark window at the hospital parking lot below. They knew I was alright, that I could get up and lead a normal life again anytime I wanted to, but they also knew I didn't have the will. Yeah? Well that'll change. Maybe I won't "be alright", huh? Maybe I'll never get up and go back there again. I can still hear the doctors talking outside my door, they think I'm asleep.
"All of his internal and external injuries are completely healed, but his mind just won't put itself back together. We're thinking of resorting to medication and possibly private hospitalization."
"Oh? Do you think it's that bad?"
"Our tests and studies have shown he's been exposed to sexual abuse since a very early age. We're guessing it was his father, but we can't do anything since we don't have any background information. His mother is dead, and there's no sign of his father anywhere. The locals say he just left one day and never came back."
I hang my head and stare angrily at my nude reflection in the darkened glass. My fingers curl around the makeshift weapon that just happened to "fall" from the mirror in the bathroom when I put my fist through it. I can't stand to look at myself anymore, and turn away. I hold the shard up to my neck and pierce the first bit of flesh. The edge slides in so easily it reminds me of sex. Damn, everything reminds me of sex. They'll be fucking sorry when they can't find their whore to sate their bodies with.
~I never conquered, rarely came,
16 just held such better days,
Days when I still felt alive,
We couldn't wait to get outside.~
The doctor opens the door just in time to see it happen, and unfortunately just in time to stop the blood flow from being fatal. They strap my fighting body down to the gurney and sedate me. My, my, what a familiar situation.
As it all fades I realize something. Probably the only coherent thought as I sink in, either from blood loss or sedative, is that I have an erection. How fucking embarrassing...
I can still remember the last I went back to my house. It was only last year, and I didn't receive the warmest welcome. The first night, I was out getting groceries, hoping to stay at least a week while the summer Deling streets were too hot to walk even at night.
As I was passing a few old buildings, I could hear people coming up behind me. Men, from the sound of their heavy, quick strides; three of them. Double-checking, I found with pleasure that I had forgotten to put up my butterfly knife hidden in my boot. I knew that they'd heard what I did for money, and they wanted some. Tough shit, no one in this town deserved it, and it was my week off. Hey, even someone in my profession has to take a break every once and awhile.
I found a dry bench and put my things down on it, pulling off my jacket to drape over the pile. Putting a wide smile across my face, I turned towards them with my arms out in surrender and a challenge. They thought they had me, hah! I winked and ducked into a darkened alley knowing those fools would follow.
When they turned the corner, they saw me lounging against a trashcan with the clasp of my pants undone and my shirt open. Lecherous smiles graced their faces simultaneously. Now what were their wives and children going to think?
~The world was wise, too late to try.
The tour was over we'd survived.
I couldn't wait till I got home,
To pass the time in my room alone.~
The first to take me was the biggest of all, probably the leader, drunk of his ass as he pushed into me, bent over and facing a wall. He grunted his gross approval and plunged in harder and deeper than I'd thought he could upon first glance. This was beyond tolerable, and I couldn't wait for my chance to fuck them with something else. Just a little more... I had to have them all aroused and distracted.
There. The man was about to finish, but I was finishing him first. My wrist flicked into my right combat boot and pulled out my pride. Thankful for being double-jointed in my shoulders, I swiped up behind me, aiming for his throat. Metal caught skin, and my back was bathed in blood. Oh no, here's the funniest part: He came blood. There was absolutely no semen as I pushed him away from me, cock dripping crimson sugar.
His friends stared in horror for a moment before they rushed me. I caught one in the solar plexus, and the other in his temple. They were or would be dead in five minutes. That was too long to wait for what I had planned, oh yes, far too long.
My fingers swept down to the first's dick as I gathered just a little of his blood and licked it slowly off. It tasted like sex, and nothing else, for someone who lives for sex like me. I made another pass, this time with my knife, and removed the offensive organ. I soon castrated the others, leaving a cute little message for whoever found them across their foreheads. "Don't fuck with me."
I took those three items home and strung them on fishing line. I'm sure I still have them somewhere. I tried to remember how often I had spent time alone in my room, just appreciating my personal space. I have no personal space.
~I never thought I'd die alone,
Another of six months I'll be unknown.
Give all my things to all my friends,
You'll never step foot in my room again.~
The world becomes painfully tangible again as I wake up from hours of surgery. Why the Hell am I still alive? I notice that I'm still strapped down to the bed, even though I'm alone now. I'm that trustworthy, am I? Oh, thanks!
My thoughts drift off to where they always go: sex. I've never conquered another person in sex, EVER. It's always been just a hair away from rape, and I think I like that. I hardly ever get to cum during it, either, but for some reason I still enjoy the act and crave more.
Is that the only reason I was alive till now? Well, now that I think about it, it's not so bad. I made my room a sanctuary for sex, a place where it would always be welcomed. I like my room a lot, discarding the fact that I've been raped there too many times to count. What'll happen to my house when I die? No, no, what'll happen to my room when I'm dead?
~You'll close it off, board it up.
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice, in the hall?
Please tell mom this is not her fault.~
Then there was Jill. How would she feel about me dying? I'd think happy. I was the one who drove her out of the house at such a young age. If only she'd have stayed a little longer with mother...
I really miss arguing with her. She'd take care of me when mom couldn't, and let me hide in her room when I was afraid, and keep dad away from everyone on important days. She probably just got sick of me. I hate to think that she'll have to find out about mom all by herself. We have to meet next year at the house, and I hate to think of what I'll tell her.
~I never conquered, rarely came,
16 just held such better days,
Days when I still felt alive,
We couldn't wait to get outside.~
That damned doctor just came in again. As he's checking my wounds, I'm able to observe him up close, and I'll admit he is pretty damn cute. The drugs are starting to wear off more now, and I'm almost completely coherent. Oh dear, he's reaching for the needle now.
"Wait." I plead, giving him my best puppy dog eyes.
He looks over at me and raises an eyebrow. "Yes?"
It's now that I notice they haven't put me back in that stupid hospital gown and my ankle restraints are loose enough for me to get them undone quietly. "When can I go home?"
The doctor folds his arms over his chest and gives me a skeptical glare. "Not for awhile after that last stunt."
"What about after this stunt?" I smile as I lash my legs out and catch them around his waist. He's not expecting me to be so strong, and it's easy for me to pull him down over me. I lock my feet together behind his back, and slowly grind against his hip until I can feel his erection and hear him groan. Sometimes you just know.
"You're in here as a rape victim and suicide attempt, I hardly think this will look good for either of us, Mr. Skal." I could practically hear his control breaking, strand by strand, as he started to rub back against me.
With one of my fingers, I tapped the call device just above the button for the nurse. "Which is exactly why I can get away with it. You're stuck. I can tell you want this, it's obvious, so do it. I'm a bit desperate for the same at the moment. Take the invitation."
His eyes widened in realization. I had him trapped. He moved one hand from where they had both been gripping the bar on the side of the bed and reached down to throw the blanket separating us to the side, then unzip his pants. "If you insist..." It was barely a breath before he forced past the muscles and inside of me. I never gave him a chance to cum, pressing the call button as soon as he was distracted.
~The world was watching, hate to try.
The tour was over we'd survived.
I couldn't wait till I got home,
To pass the time in my room alone.~
Three nurses came charging through the door and I immediately let my legs fall to the sides, forcing the tears I was holding back to pour forth, and started whimpering Centrian. I gave the doctor over and in me a wink before going into a shaking fit, feigning shock.
They rushed over and surveyed the situation, falling easily for my set up, and tried to pull their superior off. Shit, then something happened that I completely didn't expect. He fought back. The first nurse was backhanded to the floor, while the next punched, and the last went running for help. The doctor, or soon to be ex-doctor, raised his fist and knocked me one in the right eye. Fine, just helped prove my side. I gasped sharply and started sobbing. My father used to beat me regularly before he'd rape me, and he was much stronger than this man was.
It was a stupid trick to try to pull off in the first place, I should have known better. At this point, the poor man was so driven to have release he was taking me hard and fast. He grabbed my braid and pulled my face up to his, licking it and cursing it at the same time. I could feel him coming violently inside of me, and accidentally followed, spilling it all over his shirt.
Security stood in the doorway firmly, not quite sure as to what they should be doing. Two nurses lay on the floor cradling their faces, and the current doctor on call was just coming down from the high of having raped (hint, hint, wink, wink) his patient. The only sound in the room was heavy breathing as he finally slid off me. I curled up into as small a ball as I could and renewed my act of "Help me, I've been violated!", but inside I was laughing my sore ass off. That had been some damn good sex.
~I never conquered, rarely came,
Tomorrow holds such better days,
Days when I can still feel alive,
When I can't wait to get outside.~
The hospital released me after a week of observation, charging me nothing for my treatment, as long as I promised to not sue them. Hah, losers, sometimes it's just too easy. But now the question came up, what was I going to do now? I couldn't go back to Trabia Garden, if not just for what had happened, then for what might happen again. I had to go somewhere though, and I had no clue just where that was. I could try committing suicide again, this time going somewhere I know I couldn't be caught.
~The world is watching, the time goes by,
The tour was over I've survived.
I can't wait till I get home,
To pass the time in my room alone.~
"Get your fucking hands off me! You have no right to take me back to that place! I won't go, just leave me here! Please..." There was only so much struggle Jack could put up as they tried to drag him out of his house. "My room! I want to stay in my..." He barely felt it as a tranquilizer was injected into his neck. The faceless Garden faculty carried him, bound hand and foot, out to their car.
The ride to the airship was completely silent save for the sound of Jack. He was crying in his sleep, and they couldn't get his muscles to relax enough to uncurl him. One SeeD member was with them, in case he resorted to weapon or magic use, and he was the first to speak when they were boarded and waiting to lift off.
"So why couldn't we just let him stay there?"
One of the older men gave him a stern glare from under the bill of his hat. "It's none of your business, just do what you were hired to."
"I know, I was just curious, that's all." The young SeeD looked down at Jack pitifully, he wasn't even clothed. He'd been sleeping when they had come in, making it easier to restrain him. But now he felt a twinge of guilt seeing so many bruises on that naked form, not all of them inflicted by his team. Those long legs swept up into a thin but strong body, made for survival, but not wanting it. And his hair was such a strange color too; purple, almost white, and reaching all the way to his calves when loose.
The man's look softened a little. "He signed a contract with our Garden when he first arrived since he had no money. He's to stay at Garden until we see him no longer as useful. Right now he's just a student, but someday, he'll be a SeeD, like you."
"And after that?"
"There is no 'after'."