Finally, some straight talk for women from guys...

 

Learn to work the toilet seat.  You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it

down.

 

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really, it is.

 

Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work.

Strong hints do not work.

Obvious hints do not work.

We are guys, so just say it!

 

No... we do not know what day it is.

We never will.

Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

Remind us frequently beforehand.

 

Most guys own three pairs of shoes... tops.

What makes you think that we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of

thirty, would look good with your dress?

 

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.

 

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

 

Check your oil.  Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,

don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

 

If something we said can be interpreted two ways,

and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,

we meant the other one.

 

Let us ogle.

We are going to look anyway.

It's genetic.

 

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

 

You can either ask us to do something

OR

tell us how you want it done...

not both.

If you already know best how to do it...

just do it yourself.

 

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say

during  commercials.

 

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

 

Men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for  example, is a fruit... not a color.

Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

 

Don't forget...

 If it itches...

 IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.

 We do that.

 

 If you ask a question you don't want an answer to...

 expect an answer you do not want to hear.

 

 Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are

 prepared to  discuss such topics as:

 navel lint, the shotgun formation and fishing.

 

 Sunday Sports.

 It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

 Let it be.

 

 Shopping is not a sport, and no...

 we are never going to think of it that way.

 

 We are not mind-readers and we never will be.

 Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how

 little we care about you.

 

 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"...

 we will act like nothing's wrong.

 We know you are lying,

 but it's jut not worth the hassle.