IN A LEIPZIG ELEVATOR: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

IN A BELGRADE HOTEL ELEVATOR: To move the cabin, push button for  wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should  number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

IN A PARIS HOTEL ELEVATOR: Please leave your values at the front
desk.pleasure is thejob of the chambermaid.

IN A JAPANESE HOTEL: You are invited to take advantage of  the chambermaid.

IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX
MONASTERY:You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian  and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

IN AN AUSTRIAN HOTEL CATERING TO SKIERS: Not to perambulate  the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

ON THE MENU OF A POLISH HOTEL: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red  beetsoup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck  let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

IN A HONGKONG SUPERMARKET: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANER'S: Drop your trousers here for best results.

OUTSIDE A PARIS DRESS SHOP: Dresses for street walking.

OUTSIDE A HONGKONG DRESS SHOP: Ladies have fits upstairs.

IN A RHODES TAILOR SHOP: Order your summers suit. Because is big
rush,we will execute customers in strict rotation.

FROM THE "SOVIET WEEKLY": There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts
by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed
overthe past two years.

IN AN EAST AFRICAN NEWSPAPER: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

IN A VIENNA HOTEL: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the
hotel porter.

A SIGN POSTED IN GERMANY'S BLACK FOREST: It is strictly forbidden on
our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless the are
married with each other for this purpose.

IN A ZURICH HOTEL: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby by used for this purpose.

IN AN ADVERTISEMENT BY A HONGKONG DENTIST: Teeth extracted by the
latest Methodists.

A TRANSLATED SENTENCE FROM A RUSSIAN CHESS BOOK: A lot of water had
been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

IN A ROME LAUNDRY: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend  the afternoon having a good time.

IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY: Take one of our horse-driven
city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

ADVERTISEMENT FOR DONKEY RIDES IN THAILAND: Would you like to ride
on your own ass?

ON THE FAUCET IN A FINNISH WASHROOM: To stop the drip, turn cock  to right.

IN THE WINDOW OF A SWEDISH FURRIER: Fur coats made for ladies from  their own skin.

ON THE BOX OF A CLOCKWORK TOY MADE IN HONGKONG: Guaranteed to
work throughout its useful life.

DETOUR SIGN IN KYUSHI, JAPAN: Stop. Drive sideways.

IN A SWISS MOUNTAIN INN: Special Today - no ice cream.

IN A BANGKOK TEMPLE: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a  foreigner dressed as a man.

IN A TOKYO BAR: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

IN A COPENHAGEN AIRLINE TICKET OFFICE: We take your bags and send  them in all directions.

ON THE DOOR OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ROOM: If this is your first visit to
the USSR, you are welcome to it.

IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE: Ladies are requested not to have  children in the bar.

AT A BUDAPEST ZOO: Please do not feed the animals. If you have  any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR: Specialist in women and other diseases.

IN AN ACAPULCO HOTEL: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

IN A TOKYO SHOP: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find  they are best in the long run.

FROM A JAPANESE INFORMATION BOOKLET ABOUT USING A HOTEL AIR
CONDITIONER:Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm air  in your room, please control yourself.

FROM A BROCHURE OF A CAR RENTAL FIRM IN TOKYO: When passenger of
footheave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at  first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

TWO SIGNS FROM A MAJORCAN SHOP ENTRANCE:- - - - English well talking-
- - - Here speeching American.