Part 4: Take The Pain Away
By thinkpink
Pacey's POV
I get in my car and drive. I wish I could drive forever. I wish life was easier. DAMN! I need to stop thinking and wishing. These dreams get me nowhere. My mind drifts to Jack, I feel so happy. Then reality hits, he doesn't love me, hell, we are hardly close friends. Hmm...close and Jack in one sentence.
This pain, please make it go away. I can't breathe anymore. My tears suffocate me. I can't see the road through my tears. I go to pullover and realize I was never moving, It doesn't matter anymore. One thing can make this pain go away, it'll give me another day. I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out a half full needle. I tie the rubberband around my arm. I slowly insert it. My first reaction it to wither in pain, but I love this pain. I am pain, pain is all I am worth.
I feel it shoot through my veins. I grip the steering wheel. Beads of sweat fall from my skin. I need him. Please hold me, this is not me. The real me wouldn't do this. I need him.
�Cause I�m broken
I know I need you now
�Cause deep inside I'm broken
You see the way I live
I know I know your heart is broken
When I turn away
I need to be broken
Take the pain away
Caught up in my emotions, I stumble out of the car and head for Jen's. I need him, I need his smile to save me. I fall to the ground outside of Jen's house. I wanna run, I need to turn and run away. I press my hands against the wall and bring myself to a standing position. I rip the door open and stumble into the room. They turn to me. I can't bring myself to look at them, disgusted with myself and overtaken by drugs, I slip onto the floor. I feel wetness underneath my hands. I have fallen into my own vomit. Never realizing I had (vomited) in the first place, I continue (vomiting).
I hear gasps. Someone runs through the house while I feel arms rap around me. I look up and see him. Concern in his eyes, he calls out to me. He tells me its okay. Jen leans over and grasps my hand. Tears continue to fall from my eyes. I'm suprised that they are not disgusted by my addiction. I try to speak, but Jack interrupts me. "It's okay Pacey, we knew you weren't ready to go back out there." I look at them puzzled. Jen sees this and answers. "Don't worry Pacey, you will move on and someday you will be able to be happy on dates again. We know it was hard for you after the whole Joey thing."