Part 3
By Panu ([email protected])
Feedback: All kinds of feedback is taken about the fanfiction. If you liked it, if you didn't...If you wanna read more...Mail me and ask about anything.
It was already Saturday morning...Jack and Ethan had spent the whole week together alone at the manor, it had been a perfect opportunity for them both to talk bout their inner feelings and just spend a great time without anybody bothering them. They would've loved to spend even more time together alone, but Andie was coming back home later in the evening... Jack and Ethan were hoping they could go spend a holiday somewhere together but they were both kinda broke and it seemed that Creekside village would be the best place for both to stay at the moment.
They were both free from any responsibility and they didn't have to worry about people judging them as nearly everybody in town knew about them being gay. But the problem was that Jack was gonna graduate from Highschool in a year and he'd have to leave away to study. Ethan was already studying at a Boarding school and the future plans were looking pretty grim. They didn't wanna be apart for a second and the future was the only threat to it at the moment.
"I mean I'm not saying that I wanna live in a dorm, but I just...Well, wouldn't it be great if we could you know get into a same dorm room? I could come study where you are now?" Jack was trying his best to convince Ethan about the future plans...
"Well I'd love that but you know, we might not get into a same room and then things wouldn't be so well anymore would they? And do you really wanna come and study to Boston? It's not that great..." Ethan replied.
"Well I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but where you are, and you know it very well. If I don't get my dose of you daily I'm probably not gonna be able to concentrate on my studies." Jack smiled and padded Ethan's hand.
"We've really gotta take all of the possibilities on consideration and I don't want you to be stuck in a college you don't even wanna be at because of me...I would naturally love to have you by my side daily...And well I probably would miss you like every second if you went to study on some other town...Come to think of it actually...It'd be great if you came to Boston." Ethan smiled and squeezed Jack's hand.
Jack and Ethan talked about the possible solutions for the future for a long time and didn't even remember Andie was coming home until a familiar sound sounded from the front door...
"Anybody hooomeee???!!!" Andie shouted with her normal positive voice from the door..."I could use some help with my suitcases and I know there are two studly guys in the house so get over here from what ever you're doing and give me a hand!"
Jack and Ethan walked to the hallway from the kitchen and both smiled and greeted Andie.
"Ah you two are blushing, I should've known you two wouldn't stand a second away from each other!" Andie smiled and hugged Jack. "Hey bro, you taken care of this handsome fella?"
"He's taken a *Good* care of me Andie, thank you for your attention." Ethan said before Jack had the chance to open his mouth. "And I probably should.. you know, like leave you two to it so you can get up to date with everything that happened on your trip...But YOU..." Ethan pointed at Jack. "You're not gonna tell a single thing about Tuesday...Or about my training..."
Jack grinned widely as Andie gave both guys questioning looks. Ethan took Andie's suitcases and started taking them upstairs leaving the two siblings alone for some private time.
"If you're gonna leave a thing untold from me Jack you are in sooo much trouble!" Andie smiled and started telling bout her time at Jessica's.... Jack politely listened to all of Andie's adventures but in his own mind he was somewhere else. All that had happened in the past week had changed him notably. He was back to his old positive self and he had gotten back his strength. Andie had noted it right away when she saw Jack and couldn't help but smile at how her big brother had changed.
Jack's only worry now was that Ethan would leave him or there would be other difficulties in their relationship, he wouldn't want this to end and he was willing to sacrifice nearly everything so he could keep Ethan in his loving arms.
Jack wanted commitment but he was afraid to ask about it if he'd scare Ethan away or damage their now perfect relationship someway.
Jack listened to Andie babble about her week for a while and as she stopped he hugged her again and hurried to the guest room. As Jack got to guest room he found Ethan sitting on the middle of the room meditating. Jack wondered a while at the door before he did anything, he hadn't seen Ethan meditate ever before. Jack didn't even know Ethan meditated. So there was so much to more learn about Ethan.
"Ummm....Ethan...Ethan?" Jack whispered and tried quietly to approach Ethan. Jack didn't get too far as Ethan opened up his eyes and smiled at Jack.
"You know, you don't have to worry about me going crazy if you bother me when I'm meditating. I kinda have practiced meditating when I've been all alone so I could escape the lonely feeling. And now as you are here I don't need to worry about that." Ethan stood up and picked up his backbag from the chair.
"Uh, you missed me when I was gone for 5 minutes!?" Jack smiled and continued. "Are you going somewhere? I thought we'd spend the weekend here before you were going back to Boston? And I could talk about the possible place from Boston? If I got my dad to talk to the principal there I'd probably be able to get into a same room with you. I mean there's still the senior year but it'd be good if we made sure bout it in advance."
"No no no...I'm not going anywhere, I just thought I'd go shopping for something to read on the way back and perhaps I'd have a surprise for you..." Ethan grinned and headed downstairs.
Jack followed up close by and kept on inquiring about the surprise but Ethan wouldn't budge a bit. So the two guys told Andie bout where they were going and then headed outside.
Jack kept on questioning Ethan the whole way to town about what Ethan had planned for him. Ethan just smiled and always answered Jack would love it for sure.
The guys arrived to town quickly and there Ethan asked Jack to wait at the docks while he'd go shopping, Jack wouldn't have wanted to wait a second but Ethan practically ordered him to stay there.
Jack sat on a bench and watched Ethan hurry to the corner store. Jack watched admiringly at Ethan. Ethan had a perfect body, so handsome facial figures, the softest hair he knew and the most beautiful eyes Jack had ever seen. When Jack looked into Ethan's eyes he probably could get lost in them, he could remember the stern gaze from Ethan's eyes as they met the first time ever, it was love at first sight. Or was it...Jack had been thinking bout the fact that is he really in love with Ethan? This was the first time he'd gotten into a relationship with another guy and he couldn't deny that he was feeling perfect when he was with Ethan. But *Love*?
Jack sat on the bench wondering about the future...He wanted so badly to be with Ethan but there were so many obstacles on the way of their future bliss. Jack knew he'd be at home where Ethan was and he would actually like studying in Boston. All that he could see in the future was Ethan.
Suddenly he noticed Ethan walk out of the store carrying a plastic bag. Jack stood up from the bench and headed where Ethan was standing.
"So what did ya get?" Jack quickly asked.
"Ummm...well I bought myself a packet of cookies, some lemonade, Dreamwatch and some sweets...I don't wanna die on starvation on the way there, I also thought I'd make some sandwiches from your fridge if that's alright with you?" Ethan replied.
Jack looked at Ethan for a while and kept on waiting for more things..."That's all?"
Ethan chuckled and tapped Jack's shoulder..."No dear boy, I didn't forget you...but it's still a secret."
Jack just smiled and took Ethan's hand..."Follow me, I think we need to talk a bit more..."
Jack lead Ethan to a lone park bench and sat down.
"Ethan, I think you already know I don't wanna leave you from my sight for a second. And I-I...Well to be truthful, I'm afraid of letting you go because you might not come back to me. And I really REALLY wanna study in Boston with you. I don't care what my father thinks about it." Jack talked nonstop and stopped to take a quick breath before he continued. "And I know that Andie and the others will be going to other colleges and I'll probably miss them, but I won't miss them as much as I'll miss you if you go away. I know we can make it work if we just want...And I've also thought that if we don't get into a same dorm room at the college we can always get an own apartment where we can be fully together and in peace."
Ethan had tried to interrupt Jack for a couple of times before he got the chance to say anything. "Jack. Calm down, I'm not dying or anything, I'm still gonna be reachable and well perhaps I should tell you now about the surprise....Well I kinda called your father after we talked the last time about college..." Ethan kept a short pause and continued. "And well I told him about our plans, you know...We did get along pretty well the last time I saw him here. So I talked with him for a long time and he actually said that it'd be a good decision! But you know there's still the whole senior year. How are you gonna live through it without me?" Ethan grinned widely and watched at Jack's reaction.
"Wha-WHAT!?" Jack couldn't believe his ears. His father had been firstly denying his son after it was revealed that he is gay. It was though true that during the start of this year dad had come to the terms of Jack being gay. And it was true that when Ethan was staying at the McPhee manor the last time Ethan had gotten along very well with dad. But Jack never would've imagined his dad would be wanting him to be with Ethan. "You sure bout this? I mean...He thought it was a good idea!? And he understood it was you not some hot chick?"
Ethan looked at Jack and nodded..."Well you know you have the possibility to go and study in some better college like Cambridge but your father said you should be where you wanna be and not where he wants. I couldn't agree more with him more on this issue. Oh and bout that hot chick thing...I kinda think I sound more masculine dontcha think?"
"huh?" Jack was stunned big time. He had never thought this day would come and it felt too good to be true. "Are you absolutely sure he said it? I-I mean...He hadn't been drinking or anything?"
"Relax...I'm sure that he meant it, and you know what. He is coming home tomorrow so you'll have time to discuss about this with him then." Ethan replied. "And well if you anyways went to Cambride you'd be pretty close to me and we could meet practically every day."
"Well I don't want practically every day...I want every day....I don't wanna share you with others." Jack smiled and took a hold of Ethan's hand. "You've made me happy in more ways than I can express and being with you comes naturally for me. Heh... This is getting pretty cheesy isn't it? It's like the lyrics from that song...Umm what was it... oh yeah...
"Loving you is not just luck or illusion
It's in the make-up of our DNA
It's not by chance we make the perfect solution
Don't fight it baby, you know that it's just destiny's way
Baby lovin' you comes easily to me
S'what I'm living for
It's all in the chemistry
Baby, loving you is how it's meant to be
It's something that is oh so natural to me
Natural"
I always loved that song but now I feel like it's written for us." Jack grinned and squeezed Ethan's hand.
Ethan sat on the bench looking at Jack with a big question mark over his head. "What song was that? Never before heard in my life...Is it one of those cheesy pop bands that you know I don't really like?"
"Well okay I might have not sang the lyrics by melody but it's that track..umm I think it's called "Natural" and the band must've been S club 7. I never really cared for their music but that particular track hit me the second I heard it for the first time." Jack replied. "But okay enough about cheesy pop-lyrics, back to where we were before. I was just thinking that if you're gonna leave tomorrow and dad's coming home also tomorrow..."
"And?....Is there a point I'm missing here?" Ethan responded.
"Well I was just thinking that are you by any chance gonna be here still when dad gets home? Because like you said, he likes you and I bet you could talk some sense into him. He's probably gonna try and change my mind by any means."
"I am pretty sure he meant what he said on phone earlier and he's probably happy for you. I wouldn't worry about it. And I don't think I'm gonna be here when he gets back, unless he arrives early. But I was just wondering that you didn't wanna be apart of me at all. But you aren't at all talking bout how you're gonna be without me for a while when I leave tomorrow?"
"Well I probably can survive a couple of days without you. I'll just hug Pacey or Dawson a lot and it'll feel like it's you." Jack smiled widely and kneeled before Ethan. "Things are not gonna be easy in the future for sure, but I think we can survive if we just stand by eachother."
"Huh? You've become an optimist, eh? But let me tell you. It can be kinda hard to stand by eachother if you're here and I'm in Boston. And anyways when did the negative tone change so big time? I haven't heard you talk like that for a while. A while ago it was still all destruction and mayhem in the future?" Ethan winked at Jack. "And why are you kneeled before me? You want something?"
"Well I want you naturally but well doing you here in the park might upset some people so I think I won't give too many grannies heart attacks. But I was just wanting you to have this." Jack picked a small black box from his pocket and handed it over to Ethan.
"And tell me it's not a ring, I don't think we're ready for marriage and anyways we wouldn't be able to get married." Ethan grinned and opened the black box. Ethan took a small necklace from the box and admired it. The necklace was a heart surrounded by strange symbols. "Thank you Jack...I-it's beautiful, but what do the symbols stand for? I hope you're not still getting my married without me knowing about it?"
"No-no-no...Not marriage...or any kind of commitment, it's just a pendant that expresses love for another. And I just wanted to you remember that I'm real and not some fantasy figure. I sometimes think that you're too good to be true. Dunno do you feel the same way but I just wanted to give you that as a token of my love." Jack raised his collar and revealed that he had a same kind of pendant. "It's cheesy I know...But I think that I wanna wear this and be proud of it."
Ethan admired the pendant for a while before he replied. "Of course I'm gonna wear this. And cheesy or not, it's a gift from you and it'll remind me of you like it's supposed to. You know what I've been thinking lately a lot myself? I wonder about how we talk all the time about everything. I'm a bit afraid that we're gonna run out of topics if we keep up with this speed. I think it'd be also enjoyable just to lie down and not talk anything at all."
The rest of the day went by quickly as Ethan got his things ready for tomorrow and Jack tried his best to be of help to Ethan. Andie was also inquiring about the past week everytime she got a chance to ask something. Jack gave small hints to her and she kept on being hyper bout her brother's life.
The next morning came too early. Time had flown by and the departure of Ethan was already at hand. Jack kept on making sure Ethan wasn't forgetting anything and hugging him every other second. The departure was a total chaos, Jack didn't wanna let go of Ethan and Andie was just hustling around making things even more confusive. But finally Jack got Ethan on the station and they exchanged kisses, hugs and after a long ceremony they departed.
Jack's mood was a little bit down afterwards but he was actually waiting for a talk with his father later on. Andie tried cheering up Jack the best way she knew how and eventually got Jack feeling better.
So the evening came and Mr. McPhee arrived home. Jack was feeling all nervous from the moment his father had arrived home. Jack wanted so badly to talk with his father about his plans right away but he firstly gave him time to adjust and relax before he rushed on to his issues.
"So dad...Ethan called you bout our plans?" Jack started carefully, trying to make things as smooth as they could be.
"Yes he did, and you know what? Your friend, that Ethan Bryon was it? He sounded really sophisticated and polite. Made me feel all important as he kept on calling me Sir and talked to me like I was someone special." Mr. McPhee started. "But he made it very clear what you two have been planning. You know that I would like you to go study in Cambridge or some another respected college but I also know I can't make you study at some place where you don't feel at home. So...I think that Ethan convinced me that it's all up to you...I'll let you choose your college and I won't complain if you make your decision on the basis of your love life. Or well okay I will be complaining, not just too much."
"How come everybody's being so nice bout life at the moment?" Jack smiled and hugged his father. "I know you don't like me going to Boston..."
"No no...Boston isn't a bad place at all! But I think you deserve a better place..."
"I just think that Boston would be great in every way. They have a good study plan and it'd be pretty close from here. Plus I can mention Ethan...I just don't wanna get into another argument because of this." Jack responded.
"As I said before..I'm not gonna turn this into an argument and I will approve your decision any way you're gonna decide."
Jack and his father discussed about the matter for a long time and eventually they decided that Jack would go study in Boston with Ethan. Jack was really hyper all the time and wanted to call Ethan right away but Ethan had promised to call Jack when he arrived to Boston. Jack waited all evening for a call and everytime the phone rang he rushed to answer it but Ethan just didn't call. Jack was waiting for a phone call until it was nearly midnight and he thought that Ethan must've forgotten...
Jack didn't get any sleep that night, he was worrying that something had happened to Ethan, or he didn't wanna call or something horrible had happened. Next morning Jack made sure nobody hadn't called or no notes from Ethan had arrived. But there was nothing...
"Something's gone wrong...I just know it...Why hasn't he called? Where is he? There must've been some accident..Or..or he just wanted to get away from me...I bet he is back with Brad!" Jack was totally out of it. He kept on babbling to Andie nonstop about Ethan.
"Jack...JACK! Calm down...We don't know at all what has happened? I mean he could've run outta quarters so he can't call? Or perhaps there's been a storm that has cut down the phone lines?" Andie tried her best to calm Jack down but it seemed nothing could help him now.
Jack randomly toured around the house pondering about all the possible options. The day went by painfully slowly... Jack had called every possible place he knew where Ethan could be and he was becoming desperate. What if Ethan just wanted to get away because he had another somewhere else? Or he was in just for the sex...
Late in the evening Jack couldn't take it anymore and he needed to leave the house so he could get some fresh air and even try to calm down.
Jack wandered to the town if Ethan by any chance would've missed the train...Or if he'd gotten beaten up by some mugger. But alas no...There was no sight of Ethan anywhere. Things started to look grim and Jack felt like he was back to the feelings he had had in the beginning of the week when Brad had arrived to Capeside. Suddenly a thought occurred...Brad...It must be Brad. Ethan must've gone to Brad. It was the only place where Jack hadn't tried to reach Ethan from. But Jack didn't know anything about Brad. Only that he studied in Boston where Ethan also studied...But he didn't even know Brad's lastname. But well it was worth the shot.
Jack wandered to a phonebooth and started searching for Boston's boarding school's number. Jack quickly phoned the school and found out Brad's number. Jack hesitated for a second before he called the number.
"Halloo..." Brad's sleepy voice sounded from the other end.
"Ummm...Hey Brad...It's Jack."
"Jack Jack? Ah you're the guy who put me through all this misery? And you called me to congralatute me on my loss?"
"NO!? No....I well....Ethan's missing..."
"Huh? And you call me? For what reason? I think he kinda wanted to be with you the last time we were in contact."
"So he hasn't been in contact with you since then?"
"What if he has? Why should I tell you a thing. You practically ruined my life and made me lose everything."
"Huh? You're blaming me for the choice that Ethan made?! I kinda think he was the one who decided about this, and you know what? I can happily say he did the right decision."
"So you're starting to get cocky eh? You spend a night together and suddenly you two are an item? Hah well you lil' idiot are in need of serious lessons of lovelife. You two have sex and suddenly he is all to you? Well things don't work that way, and even if he chose you at that time it doesn't mean you are his ultimate choice."
"YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!!...And I mean NOTHING about our relationship. Ethan made his decision and as it seems that you don't have a clue about his where abouts this call is getting nowhere so I'd more gladly eat rusty nails than waste my time with you." Jack was full of rage and he just wanted to find Ethan quickly.
"Issues issues....I wouldn't be so sure about Ethan's decision pretty boy..."
Jack hung up feeling angrier than in ages and he knew that that phone call had just boosted up Brad's confidence and made himself feel even worse. Why? WHY..did he do this. Ethan probably was save somewhere just having difficulties reaching him. But still Jack had a backthought in his heading saying that Ethan was with somebody else.
Jack walked out of the phone booth and sat on a nearby bench. The streets were empty and it was getting dark, but Jack couldn't care about anything else now than Ethan. Jack sat all alone at the bench for a couple of hours just thinking about his crazy life. He knew that back at home there would be two people who would do anything to make him feel better and he was happy about it. He never had realized how badly he needed his sister and father. They both had kept him up during the summer. If they hadn't been there for him, his whole summer would've been pure torture all the way. But most of all he was happy his relationship with his father was getting back on the right track. Suddenly he realized that he needed the support his family gave him. Jack got up and headed back home feeling all positive and certain that things will turn out alright.
Jack arrived back home to find Andie standing nervously at the corridor.
"I'm afraid to ask...Wh-what is it?" Jack's confidence had disappeared in a nano-second.
"Jack....There's been an accident...// long pause // ...The train to Boston has collied with another train." Andie's expression was full of angst and Jack just knew what was coming.
"And Ethan....i-i-is dead? Please tell me it isn't so?"
Jack couldn't hold back the tears and Andie hugged him wanting him to feel better. "Jack...I'm so sorry! I-I..."
In one moment Jack's whole world fell apart. Again. Jack couldn't believe this world. What had he done to deserve this? Was god punishing him for being gay? Jack broke the embrace and ran upstairs to his room.
Jack sat on to his bed and curled up under the blanket repeating the word "no" over and over again. Life had no meaning anymore. Why? Why was it so hard. Why didn't anything good last?
Suddenly all the joy and happiness had turned into fear and pain.
Forever...?
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Jack awoke in his bed totally covered with sweat and he realized he had been dreaming. Jack looked around, searcing Ethan with his eyes but the room was empty. Jack wondered for a while that was everything that had happened only a dream. Jack kept on repeating to himself that it has to be real and this was just some bad dream sequence that ruined the happy ending. Jack wandered out his room and walked to Andie's room. But the room was empty. Jack pinched himself hoping to wake up from another bad dream but nothing happened. Jack ran quickly to the guestroom hoping to find some evidence that Ethan had been around.
The guest room was clean and there were no extra mattresses on the floor and the bed was all tidy and no boxers lying anywhere. Jack practically went through the whole room wanting to find SOMETHING, even a small hair that would prove that it wasn't a dream. Life just couldn't be this cruel against him, he experiences a week of happiness and it all happens to be only a dream that ended badly.
Jack ran downstairs and looked for a paper that would've told about the Capefest festival but all the headlines he saw were terrible stuff like "two women murdered...", "a sex-scandal in..." or such. Jack collapsed on the kitchen floor burying his face in his arms and crying in agony. "WHY ME!? What have I done... Please god let me be happy, for real. Life can't be all pain for me from this moment on. Can it?
Jack cried for a while all alone wanting comfort but nobody knew about his condition. Then a thought occurred "JEN! Jen saw Ethan and she can prove to Jack that it wasn't just a dream." Jack got up and wiped the tears away and tried to gather a bit of his strength that was left.Jack quickly ran to the Lindley manor and found Jen lying alone in her bed. "Jen, you can save me now...Please tell me you remember your chat with Ethan a while ago?" Jack's expession was desperate and it was obvious that he had been crying.
"Ethan's in town? Should I remember having a talk with him?" As Jen saw Jack's desperate expression turn into agony she didn't know what to do. "Jack you haven't taken any of Andie's pills have you? Or is it me going crazy? I remember seeing Ethan the last time last spring at the boarding school."
Jack painfully started to explain his dream to Jen and Jen tried her best to comfort her bestfriend but there was not much that she could do. "It's odd that you remember over a week from dream of yours, and it must've been very real if you can't even apart dream from reality."
"Yeah even you were there...And also in the dream you had been to New York...It's so strange"
"Hhhmmmm..."
"Hhhmmmm...what?"
"No-nothing...It was just a hmmm"
"No it wasn't Jen. I saw your expression...You're thinking about something that I don't know."
"Ah Jack...It's nothing, I was just thinking that for once it's you that's dreaming about me and not vise versa."
Jack smiled a bit and tapped Jen's hand.
"Oh and the fun part is that I can only remember a day here and day there. It's a bit strange but I guess that's what dreams are like. But it was TOO real. I remember every detail, every scent..." Jack sat down in despair and tried to get a hold of himself but all he could do was think about the dream. "Jen, tell me an I so pathetic that I'm creating myself a future when I can't actually accomplis anything?"
"Jack, Jack..You've accomplised more than many other people have! And you are as person the finest individual that I have ever had the honor to know. And you can't really control what you dream about."
Jack and Jen sat alone for a while just holding eachother and smiling.
"Jack?..."
"Yeah?"
"You really must miss Ethan don't you?"
"I don't really know...Maybe I am missing the relationship that we shared. I mean I love your company and all of my other friends' as well but I just..."
"Yeah I know Jack. I'm missing the very same thing. So I guess our bitter club is again up, eh?"
"We should make a pact that we won't be bitter and alone for much longer okay? I will find myself a lovelife in a way or another. I will get in contact with other gay guys and I will get over Ethan."
"That's the right attitude J! I just don't know am I up for another relationship quite yet. I think I'll wait for the mister right for to show up. Because the first mister right is unfortunately unavailable." Jen added a smile and tapped Jack's hand.
"Thank you."
"No, thank you."
Jack and Jen smiled at eachother for a while until they were interrupted by Grams who came in serving juice and fresh cookies for Jack and Jen. A perfect escape from reality, comfort food.
The End