Part 2: Hope Springs Eternal
By JezT ([email protected])
"I still don't see why I have to be Mr. Gayman of Gaydonia all of a sudden." Jack moaned as Jen pulled him into the coffee shop where the local section of the LGB society of America met. Jack was fine with his sexuality, he had accepted it and was not about to become some activist just because of who he chose to fantasise over.
"Come on, it'll be fun. A chance to meet new and interesting people." Jen said, with a lilt that was accompanied by her usual pout. Jack sighed, her next weapon would be the puppy dog eyes and that would not be a pretty sight.
"And you're sure this is not just a way for you to meet more gay men to add to you little 'save Jack's love life' project."
"Jack in order for you to have a project named after you, you would need something that resembled a love-life." Jen said, the smile taking away the edge of her barb. Jack found himself thankful that he had never told her about his Christmas experience with his former crush and said crush's new boyfriend. Brad and Ethan had opened Jack up to the world of gay sex in a way that all of the cheap porn that Jen rented did not show, but while he was more confident from having taken Gay sex 101 it hurt to see the love between them when he was not experiencing that himself.
"Oh my god. If it isn't Mr. Gay Football Stud of America come to join our little group." Came a voice behind them. Jack paled, he hated the references to Dawson's documentary, hated anything drawing attention to the fact that he was gay.
"My name is Jack." He said harshly. "And there is more to me than just a gay footballer."
"Sure, there's the little fag hag cheerleader at your side." The other boy said hurtfully. "I'm Tobey, the head of this group. Maybe we ought to take our seats." He said, as he felt the hand of his friend on his shoulder.
That was the high point of the meeting for Jack, he felt far too self concious to be in a room of strangers who as far as he knew only shared one common interest and that was their sexualities. To Jack that was as bad a reason for meeting as a hatred of blacks or a misunderstanding of Jews. Segregation was not the answer, he believed that truthfully and he was sure that he was not going back to any group that would let a person like Tobey be a member.
Over the next weeks Jack argued continuously with Jen over the gay campaigner. He was less interested in Tobey than he had been in Ethan and there was something about the boy that grated him more than Dawson did. The final straw had been after his first reading class when Tobey had invited him for coffee afterwards. The pseudo-date had belied any further attempts for them to be any more than just acquaintances. That had been a few weeks before and now Jack found his Saturday evenings at the school increasingly filled with stolen looks and even the odd kind word and his nights plagued
with dreams of falling into those sensuous eyes and tasting those sweet lips.
Tonight was the night that Jack was planning on changing that, he wanted to tell Tobey that they ought to be friends, maybe he would take the advice Jen had given the other boy and try to be his friend first. Then if they felt comfortable together then they could go out as more than that. Jack watched as Will left with his mother, always the last to come and get her son after work. They were alone, Tobey was clearing away the books he and his group had been working from and Jack smiled as he walked over to help, one of the books had caught his eye and he wondered if he ought to write a poem about
the little gay engine that could.
"Tobey..." Jack began nervously, he drew the other boy's attention and then smiled warmly. "How did it go tonight? Has Clara finished the Velveteen Bunny yet?" Tobey was surprised that Jack was making the approach, usually any contact was initiated by him.
"She really likes it Jack. Trust you to come up with the perfect book for her, given her scars and all." Tobey said with a smile and a small blush as he realised that he was complimenting Jack still. He had tried to get over it but Jack was still this larger than life person to him, still gorgeous and still out of his reach.
"Well, it was you who brought me here in the first place." Jack said. "I don't know if I ever thanked you for that." Tobey was stunned that Jack hadreturned the compliment he had expected a derisive remark, but that was not what the real Jack was like.
"So..." Tobey said, giving Jack a place to close the conversation, he was not expecting what came next.
"So, you want to go for coffee?"
"Sure." Tobey said, trying to stop the urge he felt to run around the room whooping with joy. Jack saw the smile that spread across his friend's face and the sparkle that came to his eye and knew that this was the right thing. The first step towards their friendship and perhaps on to more too.
"...I can't believe you ordered pink wafers...no one eats those anymore, not to mention the entire teasing potential..." Jack said with a smile as Tobey sucked the biscuit until it softened. "What's next fruit tea?"
Tobey smiled, this was good - frustrating but good. Jack was a great guy to be with, sexy, funny, smart and a great body. If they could only be friends then that would have to be enough for him, after all that was all that was onoffer and after he had made such a fool of himself over chasing Jack this was more than he could have coped. He had sublimated attractions before withstraight guys, Tobey hoped that Jack's sexuality would be no different.
"Earth to Tobey. I didn't mean it." Jack said, placing a gentle hand on Tobey's shoulder. The touch burned into Tobey's soul, he felt as if his shoulder was literally warmed from the touch. Pulling himself from his thoughts when he felt Jack's eyes burning into him, Tobey smiled wanly.
"Just trying to come up with an appropriate response, but I realised that in doing so I was coming down to your level, jockboy." Tobey said with a smile that took the edge off his words. Jack laughed, it was good to tease his new friend and he was glad that they could be like this together, there had been a while when the pair had little more than a nodding acquaintance, maybe there was a future for them after all.
Post reading hour coffee became the winter tradition after that, a drink and a chat about their weeks and their lives. Both kept references to taboo subjects to a minimum, few gay remarks, few discussions of boyfriends and no comment on Tobey's pursuit of Jack, but the talk was amiable and it was a good way to spend an otherwise dull Saturday night. Jack discovered that he and Tobey both liked Snowballs, and that Tobey had an obsession with Pink food. Jack spoke of his love of art and poetry and both laughed at what queens they were. Jack mentioned Andie's departure for Europe and Tobey spoke of the loss of his friend to another state. They were on outing number 6, by Tobey's reckoning, sat at their regular table and smiling about the usual things when it happened.
A couple of guys walked in, both large in stature and acting as if they were good buddies, maybe drinking or football buddies and they were laughing jovially as they entered. Jack spotted them first and had tensed, causing Tobey to look in their direction.
"Jack?" Tobey asked, placing what he hoped was a comforting hand at Jack's lower back. He wanted to convey his support but while this was a gay friendly environment it was his friend he did not want to get the wrong idea. Jack shrugged off the hand but made no move to explain. "Do you want to get out of here?" Tobey asked, sensing the waves of fear coming from Jack, he got no response and decided that he would wait.
The pair that had come in had ordered coffee and then the dark one turned to look for a place to sit, he saw them and nodded slightly to Jack before tapping his partner on the shoulder and indicating the table where Jack and Tobey sat. Tobey wondered if these were the two that had reportedly beaten up a gay man across the road at the public library, but was more worried that Jack recognised them. He had little time to react as they made their way over.
Jack had frozen when he saw the couple, his mind moving back to the night of passion that they had shared, what was no doubt the best Christmas present that he had ever received. A gift not only of sex but of shared love. Now, just as he was making the first tentative steps into finding something similar in his own life the pair were back. Tobey's hand in the small of his back had pulled him away from those thoughts of a time past and back to the present and the fact that it had taken them weeks to get as far as
friendship. A friendship that still had solid boundaries about what touching was appropriate. Jack heard his new friend ask if he wanted to leave, he even contemplated taking Tobey outside into the chilly February air and taking him away. It was not going to help the fact that Ethan had seen him and was looking over, or that the pair were on their way to his and Tobey's table. This was something that had to be faced and this was as good a timeas any.
"Hi." Jack said hospitably as the two came over. "Care to join us?" He asked as Brad grabbed a fourth chair, indicating that Ethan take the one opposite Tobey and therefore next to Jack.
"Thanks." Ethan said a little uncertainly, Brad was more bold leaning over to kiss Jack gently on the lips before pulling away. As if this was a test to gauge Tobey's reaction.
For his part Tobey was sat in stunned silence, the two were not scoring high on his gaydar, but then the kiss designated at least one of them as gay or bisexual. Even a peck such as the one the bolder stranger had shared with Jack spoke of more than football buddies. His silence was obviously a sign to this one as he stuck out a hand and took Tobey's.
"Hi, I'm Brad this is Ethan." Brad told him, Jack smiled encouragingly but Tobey's face remained blank.
"This is Tobey. Tobey, my friends, Brad and his boyfriend Ethan." Jack said, as if it needed to be clarified that neither belonged to him. //I wish they did though...at least before I met Tobey// Jack thought.
"Sorry, this must be hard. The ex and the new boyfriend." Brad said to Jack with a smile. "We can go if we're interrupting."
"No, I mean you're not interrupting but that is Jack and I aren't boyfriends or anything." Tobey said, staring down at his hands as he did so, //could they tell his hands were shaking?// Jack was quiet too, wondering what he ought to say to them, firstly to Tobey about who these guys were and secondly to Ethan about why he had left so abruptly that night.
"Sorry, It's just I see Jack with a cute guy and...well 2 and 2 is usually 4" Tobey said with a smile, Tobey looked up saw the grin and blushed profusely.
Ethan poked his boyfriend in the ribs playfully, as if punishing him for flirting and this made the pair smile all the more. It was only Jack that felt lost in all of it. Tobey saw the pained look on Jack's face and felt sorry that he was making friends with the people that Jack seemed to have history with, maybe there were issues that were best discussed when he was out of the way.
"Look, I have to get home. It was nice meeting you guys, Jack I'll see you next week?" He said, the statement as more of a question. Jack looked up from the spot on the table that had so interested him a moment before and stood up to hug Tobey, something that was new to them.
"Are you okay to get home?" He asked, knowing that usually he gave his friend a lift.
"Sure, I'll get the bus. You stay and talk to your friends." Tobey said, waving gently as he left, after the strawberry blonde was gone Jack slumped into his chair and let out a sigh before realising that he was not alone.
"So...Wanna tell us what that was?" Brad asked. Jack looked up, unshed tears in his eyes.
"Ethan..." He began. For the first time that night Ethan spoke more than one word.
"Jack, It's okay. Brad explained Christmas, I know that you weren't ready to face it then, weren't ready to face me." Ethan said. "We're friends." He said, as if that absolved Jack of the sins he thought he had committed. "Now, tell us all about Tobey."
Tobey stood at the bus stop, confused and concerned. He was not sure that he ought to have left Jack to it, but there seemed to be animosity between him and his "friends" and it needed to be sorted before it was allowed to fester.There was a cute guy sat at the bus stop when he arrived, checking his watch casually Tobey saw that he had ten minutes before the next bus, maybe he could talk to someone tonight.
"Nice night, isn't it?" Tobey asked. The other guy turned to him and Tobey appraised him cautiously, looking for any signs that the guy was interested. The other man stared back at him and then indicated to another that Tobey had not seen. The last thought to pass through Tobey's mind before he passed out was at least they had not gotten Jack.
"It's platonic, we're just friends." Jack said defensively. "Nothing else."
"I know guys and those looks are not the type of thing that happens between friends." Brad said, thinking back jealously to the first time he had seen Ethan and Jack together and how the pair had shared the same looks.
"Tobey is interested in me, but I put him right." Jack said, Ethan smiled.
"I think he meant the looks that you were giving Tobey." Ethan said, instinctively knowing the trick that Brad was playing.
"So, he looks at you wantonly, you look at him lasciviously and yet you're just friends?" Brad asked. "That's just wrong!" He said harshly, his tone only betrayed by his smile.
When he set it out that clearly Jack too saw too how for someone as open as Brad or Ethan it could seem simple. This was Jack though, the boy who a few months ago had agonised over one kiss. //What about your carnal knowledge from Christmas?// His inner voice teased.
"It's not that easy." Jack said. "Tobey's so..."
"Gay?" Ethan asked, his tone almost angry, Jack shouldn't put his prejudices on others or else he was as bad as the homophobic morons that beat up gay men.
"...out." Jack finished. Ethan and Brad looked at each other and laughed loudly, causing Jack to frown. Brad calmed down first and then spoke, hisvoice still tinted with the humour of it.
"Jack, Tobey is handsome, funny, a really nice guy and completely smitten with you. And all you can say is that he is too out?!? Hun, if he weren't out we couldn't even be having this conversation as he would have been too scared to approach you." Brad commented, the last part delivered in a highpitched voice, to camp it up. Again it appeared that Jack was running out of arguments.
"What do I do?" Jack asked impeachingly, pleading with them to help.
"Go see him tommorrow and tell him that maybe there could be more. The worsthe can do is say no." Ethan said.
"...or go back to his awfully cute and wise ex-boyfriend." Brad added, both of them looked at him sternly, this was not a topic that either wanted to joke about. "God, I was kidding. Lighten up, no one died."
Jack drove slowly passed Tobey's house for the third time that day, after dropping his friend off after their numerous trips to the coffee house he knew where it was intimately but was not sure now if he had the courage to go to the door. Remembering Ethan and what had happened the time that he had hesitated before Jack pulled the Saab into the curb and parked it, taking a final deep breath before he got out and readied himself to face Tobey.
The doorbell rang and Tobey panicked, it was too late for his parents to have decided against their trip to his aunt's and no one else really called. It was a sad reflection on his life that while he had a lot of people that he could spend time with, none of them were ever close enough for him to invite over.
"Tobey, I know you're there." Jack bellowed as he banged on the door, when the doorbell had no effect.
"Go away Jack, I'm busy." Tobey said feebly, not wanting his only real friend to see him so weak and broken. He looked down at the crutches that supported his weight and the large bruises that covered his arms and knew that he would never be in with a chance if Jack saw him as the wimp that he was.
"Open the door Tobey. I want to talk to you." Jack said, not wanting to leavenow that he had gotten the nerve to do this, too much time had passed for them and now he had made up his mind he did not want them to waste another minute.
Tobey sighed from his side of the door, there was obviously no way that Jack was leaving any time soon and the racket that they were making yelling through the door was only going to bring more attention in the long run. With a deep sigh Tobey relented, he was sure that if Jack asked him to roll over and get fucked he would do it, if only to shut the boy up. In fact he would do anything that Jack asked. Tobey gulped his fear and opened the door to a wide eyed Jack.
"Oh god." Jack whispered, his voice barely coherent, he was in deep shock that after Tobey had left something had obviously happened. "Tobey, What happened?" Jack asked, the angry urgency from before now replaced with concern.
"I got mugged. They only got a few dollars and my bus card. Not much else except a few scrapes and my bruised pride." Tobey said, hoping that he could down play this as much as possible.
"Can I come in?" Jack said, seeing that the other guy clearly did not want to talk about it right now. "I wanted to talk to you." Jack said. Tobey did not like the way this sounded, was Jack about to tell him that they could not be friends anymore. The look of dread that crossed Tobey's face did not go unnoticed by Jack and he reached out a hand and gently traced his index finger down Tobey's face causing the frown to change to wonder.
"I...I guess..." Tobey stuttered, his face warming from Jack's touch, he allowed the other boy entry to the house and then followed, closing the door and leaning against it a moment before taking Jack's hint and going into the lounge. This was going to be interesting.
Jack stood at the mantle and looked at the line of pictures there, all of a boy going through the stages of childhood; on a bike, up a tree, in a smart boy scout uniform. A dozen or more pictures of Tobey standing side by side in his proud parents living room, and then the last one, a boy in a black gown with a yellow silk scarf with a purple stripe.
"You were valedictorian?" Jack asked as he turned to see Tobey hobble in and belatedly wondered if he should have offered help. Tobey blushed and nodded, then looked away, not wanting to speak to Jack about himself and suddenly desperate to get rid of him completely lest he lost his self control.
"What is it that you wanted to tell me Jack?" Tobey asked, his tone a little more harsh than he had intended.
Jack turned and walked straight to Tobey, it was obvious that he had upset the other boy in some way or that the attack he had suffered was affecting him more than he was letting on. Jack reached out and stroked Tobey's face with the back of his hand before taking hid friend's chin in his hand and looking deeply in his eyes. Jack tried to convey in his gaze all of the emotion that he was feeling and slowly moved in for a kiss allowing Tobey enough time to pull away if he wanted to. Tobey did not move away, despite
the confusion in his mind as to what was happening, he was sure that this was all a dream induced by the heavy painkillers he was taking and that Jack would wake him at any moment.
Soft lips met and caressed each other as if they were old friends, Tobey let out a gentle gasp and Jack moved his tongue forward in question. In answer it was Tobey who deepened the kiss, allowing their tongues to meld, blending into each other's mouths and duelling in a passionate battle both fighting for the prize of showing their feelings to the other combatant. Tobey felt Jack's strong arm go around his waist as the other gripped the back of his head and could not pull away before Jack had squeezed him and caused the pain to flow through his bruised ribs. At Tobey's yelp Jack pulled away and the boy on crutches nearly toppled over, only to be caught and pulled to the sofa by Jack.
"I'm so sorry." Jack said as he gently stroked the spikes of ginger that stood on Tobey's head, only a little mussed from Jack's searching fingers during their kiss. Tobey felt the tears brimming, he had been emotional since the attack and having the gentle apology almost whispered from Jack was more than he could take. "You weren't mugged were you?" Jack asked. Tobey shook his head and this time lost the war with the tears in his eyes, as they fell Jack pulled him close, this time being careful of the bruised ribs andallowed Tobey to let it out. After a while when the pair were comfortable
Tobey began to tell his story in an emotionless monotone.
"I was at the bus stop, wanting to come home and just crash. There was this other guy at the stop and I said something in small talk, he smiled and so I checked him out a little. Turns out that he didn't like my evaluation, he and a friend decided that violence was a way to air their grievances." Tobey waited for the words he expected; abuse or rejection but the only answer he got was a gentle kiss to his forehead.
"Did you tell the police?" Jack asked, using a hand to still Tobey when he attempted escape. "You don't want it to happen to someone else do you?"
"When did you become a gay activist. I thought that you hated all of the political crap you face as a gay man?" Tobey asked, not wanting to think that it could have been Jack last night, or next time.
"I'm not, I'm a Tobey activist." Jack said stroking his hand down to brush Tobey's where it lay on the seat next to him. "But I want to protect him as much as I can and hope he feels the same." Jack said. Tobey frowned, which made his black eye hurt a little.
"What are you saying Jack?" He asked, turning to look at the boy. It was high time he found out what the extra touchy-feely and the kiss was about. He was not about to accept this, especially if it was pity.
"I think that this is more than platonic for me Tobey."
"I don't need your pity Jack."
"I don't pity you Tobey. I think that I love you."
For Tobey the words were the balm that he needed to get over the attack, at least the beginning of the cure that would help him get over his ordeal. Atthe end of the day it did not matter so much that certain undesirable elements of society thought that he was unnatural, those people that mattered, his parents and now Jack loved him and accepted him as the person that he was. When it came down to it the people that mattered could see beyond the one label that was only truly a small part of who he was.
"Tobey?" Jack asked almost alarmed. He had not meant to make such a huge commitment, it would probably scare his friend away completely now that he had used the "L" word. Tobey stared up at Jack and looked a little bewildered. "It's custom when someone says something like that for you to say something in return. Even if it is that you don't think that we can be friends anymore."
"Jack." Tobey said, looking serious and making eye contact with Jack. "I don't think that we can be friends anymore." Tobey said, Jack began to pull away but Tobey continued, pulling Jack back down as he spoke. "We can't be friends, because I want a whole lot more than that. Maybe boyfriends?"
"That I can do." Jack said, moving in for a kiss. With a tender embrace the pair sealed their union and Jack felt himself thinking that he was glad that Ethan and Brad had pushed him to make a move.
Epilogue.
The four sat around the table drinking coffee and laughing, Jack sat between Tobey and Brad and Ethan between Brad and Tobey. The two sets of lovers were happy together, Brad and Ethan the comfortable older couple and Tobey and Jack still in the exciting stage of newness that each relationship has.
"So, did you guys ever sort out the problems you had that night?" Tobey asked, Jack squeezed the hand that he held knowing that it was difficult for his lover to talk about that night when he had been attacked. Tobey still shied from the odd touch and was a hard lover to handle. Ethan, Brad and Jack all looked at each other startled and none spoke.
"What, if I didn't know better I'd say that there was some hostility, or that Jack came between the two of you." The choice of words was not a good one for Tobey to use and he witnessed Ethan shower the table with his mouthful of coffee.
"Maybe you ought to ask Jack." Said a slightly calmer Brad, glad that he had finished his tea before and therefore could not spray his friends with his own warm beverage. Tobey waited for Ethan to take another sip before he said, "Better yet get him to show you."
This time Ethan merely swallowed deeply. Jack, who had remained stoically quiet throughout thought that this was hilarious smiled to Brad and then leaned over and whispered gently into his lover's ear. The two stayed close for a while as Jack told Tobey something that Brad and Ethan could not hear.After he stopped, Tobey looked up, stared at their companions and then burst out laughing.
"So, Show and Tell huh?" Tobey said, with a raised eyebrow. The others looked at him, they had not expected him to call their bluffs. "Now that I would pay to see."
The four laughed heartily, as they looked up they realised that there was a waitress waiting for them to finish and leave. Jack was glad that he had finally gotten what he wanted, he was an experienced gay man with a boyfriend and a good set of friends who all accepted him for who he was. If there was anything better in life he had not yet found it, his life had been hard going for a few years but now he could say that he was truly happy and that for once, all of his dreams were coming true.
The End