Where would Ty have gone? The question cycled through Jack's head as he ran towards the Old Settler's Road behind the staff area. Overhead the clouds were gradually dissipating, showing star-pricked patches of black sky, but Jack hardly noticed.

He halted as he came to the fork, the Old Settler's Road leading off towards Overnight Island, Blasted Stump, and destinations beyond. The other road--the Ridge Trail--rose steeply to the top of the ridge paralleled by the Old Settler's Road at the bottom. The Ridge Trail led to the assistant director's cabin, the ropes couse, tennis courts, and eventually split into multiple riding trails leading all over the camp and back into the forest.

Where could Ty have gone? 'Think, McPhee!' Jack ordered himself, straining his eyes in the darkness. The wind stirred the undergrowth and soughed through the towering evergreens, offering no assistance.

But suddenly, Jack didn't need assistance. He knew where Ty had gone. He bounded up the Ridge Trail, flashlight beam bobbing over patches of green leaves and drying mud. When the path entered thicker woods, Jack kept the beam focused on the ground. Ferns brushed his jeans and fallen branches tried to trip him up, but he ran lightly, deftly, breath quick in his lungs.

Ty would go to the Chapel.

It wasn't really a chapel; just a natural amphitheatre some distance from the camp, a big bowl scooped out of the hill between the Ridge Trail and the Old Settler's Road. Its name derived from the tradition of using it for Sunday morning programs. Lined with fallen logs and sentinel evergreens, it was a lovely, peaceful place, on sunlit days filled with red-gold light reflected off the cedars. As the sky cleared tonight, it would glow silver, moonlight limning every trunk and bough, every leaf of salal and Oregon grape.

But Jack wasn't thinking about silver moonlight. He cleared a fallen log and sped on, now watching for the hidden turning. The cathedral trunks rose pacific around him, the undergrowth furtive with shadows.

He missed the turning at first, the old, hand-painted sign weathered by many summers. Doubling back, Jack ducked under a spray of huckleberry and scrambled up a slope, then slithered down to the rim of the bowl. His chest rose rapidly, and sweat stung his eyes. Gripping a vine maple, he paused to orient himself.

And saw Ty.

He had been right! Tenuous elation feathered in Jack's veins, but he kept himself tense. Should he call out? Try to get closer? Navigating the Chapel even in daylight was treacherous, so sharply pitched and littered with pine straw was it; at night it became a deadly obstacle course. Gingerly Jack edged around the perimeter, gradually dropping down when logs and bushes offered hand and footholds. He kept his eye on Ty, who seemed to be just standing at the bottom of the Chapel, in the open space used for programs. Moonlight whitened his hair, and his back was to Jack.

When Jack neared, he called, "Ty!"

Ty whirled, the lines of his body taut, face too sharply shadowed for expression.

But Jack didn't need expressions. His lips numbed as he glimpsed silver light glinting off the blade of a Swiss Army knife. "Shit! Ty!" Skidding down down further, Jack swore and dropped his flashlight. It bounced to the floor of the amphitheatre.

"Go to hell, McPhee!!" Screamed Ty. "This is all your fucking fault!!"

And he raised the blade to his exposed wrist.

"NO!!" Jack bellowed, finding his footing and launching himself at the other counselor.

"Fuck you!!" Ty bellowed back, then gasped as the blade split his skin.

Abruptly Jack barrelled into him, hurling him to the ground, pinning him as Ty howled and sobbed. Desperately Ty fought back, writhing like a pine marten, but Jack was heavier and stronger. Forcing Ty down, he finally managed to wrest the knife from his clutching fingers, and fling it away. "What the *FUCK* did you think you were doing??" Jack bawled into Ty's contorted face,

"What the *FUCK* do you care?" Ty shouted back, still struggling. What he lacked in weight and strength he made up for in sinuous twists and adrenaline. They wrestled a moment longer, Jack feeling the slick of blood on his hands as he pinioned Ty's wrist. "You're out of your fucking mind!!" He growled, straining to grab the other.

"Why don't you mind your own fucking business!?" Ty spat back, scuffling to free himself and nearly kneeing Jack in the crotch.

"You fucking bastard! Shit!" Jack redoubled his efforts, and eventually Ty just gave up. Exhausted, he lay flat with Jack sprawled on top of him, panting. Ty's face was streaked with dirt and tears, and a smudge of blood. After throwing him a sharp look and deciding he was through fighting, Jack tried to peer at his wrist in the pale moonlight. Jack thought the cut wasn't deep--just a scratch, not needing stitches. He'd gotten there just in time, though.

Or had he?

Would Ty have tried this had Jack not showed up? Would he have found the courage? Ty must have arrived at least a quarter hour before Jack, and been standing there, pondering...

Wiping blood on his pants leg, Jack slapped Ty lightly on the face. Ty's eyes were pinched shut. "Talk to me, Hicks!" Jack urged. "What in the name of *God* were you doing?!"

Ty's eyes flew open. "In the name of *God*? *GOD*?! What the fuck have I ever done *not* in the name of God?! *I* did everything right!! *Everything*!! So why the *fuck* won't you all just *leave* *me* *alone*??"

"I...don't think I understand," Jack admitted, brows creased.

Ty's eyes were filled with the same utter contempt Jack had seen in Travis' house. "You're so fucking stupid, McPhee. Don't you get it? You've won! I can't..." He put a hand to his mouth, holding the sobs in.

Jack still didn't understand. His heart twisted, but what on earth could he do? "Ty?" He asked tentatively. "I can't help if I don't know what--"

"Oh, shut up. Just shut up!" Ty gulped, wiping his face with his bloodstained hand. For several long moments he just stared at Jack, and even in the darkness Jack could read the wrenching pain that had lain behind all those masks. Then abruptly the eyes turned hard. "You want to 'understand,' McPhee? Well, why not? It's your own fucking fault. Since you've won, you might as well get the prize." And without warning he looped a hand around Jack's neck and pulled Jack's head down to his.

'Jesus Christ!' Thought Jack as their mouths met, roughly, painfully. Holding him tight, Ty savaged Jack's mouth, thrusting his tongue deep until Jack moaned and felt himself harden. 'Shit! Oh, shit!!' The kiss continued, harsh, intense, stripping Jack of every preconception and prejudice, laying open all his deepest cravings.

And he knew whom he'd held in his dreams.

That indelible scent, mingled now with blood and sweat, thrilled in Jack's nostrils, firing him further and he returned the kiss with equal savagery, thrusting his own tongue hard against Ty's, tasting blood, holding him down, possessing him...

'Oh, shit, no! NO!!' Abruptly Jack broke off, wrenching his neck free of Ty's hold. "Ty, we can't do this!" He panted.

"Why not?" Challenged Ty in mocking tones. "It's what you want, after all. Don't try to deny it." He smiled nastily. "I can feel how you want it, Jack. I can feel you pressing against me. Shall I...?" He slid a hand between them, searching, grasping--

Hastily Jack shoved himself away, collapsing against a spruce. He tried to collect his scattered senses.

Ty just watched him in the moonlight, not moving. He smiled again, licking his cut lip. "You're such a fucking hypocrite, McPhee."

Jack dropped his head in his hand. "This is wrong, Ty," he declared quietly.

Ty pushed himself upright "Oh, so now it's wrong, is it?" He echoed derisively. "So everything you told Mark tonight was utter crap?"

"Ty..." Jack shook his dark head. "You know what I mean. It's wrong for you, because you believe it's wrong. And I can't--"

"Ah, but that's where you're off," Ty cut in, cocking his head. "Because I *don't* believe it's wrong. Haven't believed it for months, now."

Jack stared. "But...but..." he stammered. "Then why did you--"

"Why the *fuck* do you think, asshole?!" Suddenly howled Ty, tense once more. "Why the fuck would I pretend to believe in something I've been taught for *years*? Something that was part of who I am? God!" Locking arms around his knees, he began swaying back and forth. His voice was a low, desperate mumble. "I wanted to believe it. Christ, I *wanted* to believe it. I thought if I acted as though I believed it--if I said I believed it, did everything to make people *think* I believed it, then I *would* believe it. Because if I didn't, who the hell was I? And what about everything else they told me, then? What if none of that was true, either?" He lifted his bleak face. "What if there *is* no God, Jack? And everything I've believed since I was three is just a cosmic joke? I *am* what I believe! And if there's nothing to believe in...there's nothing left, Jack. There's nothing of *me* left!" And he broke down.

"God, Ty..." It was Andie all over again, and once more Jack felt completely overwhelmed. How could he possibly deal with a crisis of faith, especially one of this magnitude? He wasn't exactly devout himself. He found himself pushing away from the tree, crouching before Ty, wrapping his arms around the sobbing boy and holding him tight. Ty unfolded himself, pressing closer, clinging, sobs muffled by Jack's coat. Easing him back, Jack slumped against the tree once more, brushing a gentle hand through Ty's hair and rocking him to and fro. "It's all right," he whispered. "It'll be all right, Ty."

"Don't leave me," wept Ty, curling closer. "You're all I have left!"

'Oh, God,' thought Jack hopelessly, memories of Andie tangled in his head. Trying to comfort Ty, he clasped the boy's coiled body tightly, kissing hair soft as frayed silk.

Well, at least it all made sense, now. All of Ty's paradoxes fell neatly into place. And now Jack understood what Stu had meant about 'safe sin.' God damn Stu. He must have guessed this from day one. Must have guessed what lay behind Ty's false fronts, but never a hint to Jack. Well, he'd said he didn't get involved.

Still soothing Ty, Jack leaned on the tree, staring up into the black feathering of needles against the moonlight. One thing was sure; Jack was certainly involved now. He thought back over the past weeks, months. Wondered why he hadn't guessed. How dense was he? No more dense than Jen, though. With a grimace, Jack thought about poor Jen, caught in Ty's storm unknowing. She was involved, too, though not how she'd expected to be. At least the truth might make her feel better. If Ty would tell her.

The fury of Ty's sobs had lessened, and Jack loosed a hand to dig in his pocket for a wad of tissues. He passed it to the other boy, who accepted it dully, blowing his nose and wiping the worst depredations from his face. Then Ty just sat, circled in Jack's arms, head against Jack's shoulder.

Holding Ty, Jack banished thoughts of Andie. This was another bird altogether, landed literally in his lap. If he was to be any help at all, he had to stay in the present. "Ty, when did you...start feeling like this?"

Ty sighed defeatedly. "A couple of years ago, maybe? It was just little things at first--thinking a guy was attractive, watching couples kissing and finding my eyes on the guy, not the girl..." He swallowed. "When it didn't stop, I figured it was just one of God's temptations--one of His tests. And I knew I could pass because I'd never put a foot wrong. Everyone in my church was so proud of me."

He shuddered, and Jack automatically clasped tighter. Ty curled warm and heavy in his arms, smelling of wet needles, sweat, and himself. Jack forced his mind back to Ty's story. "So...you tried to divert yourself with drinking and playing piano in dives, and pursuing girls with somewhat scarred reputations?"

"I told you," Ty replied quietly. "I was committing lesser sins so I wouldn't commit big ones. And so people would think I was normal--not just 'Bible Boy.'" He shook his head. "And so I could attract girls. Like Jen."

"Like Jen," echoed Jack thoughtfully.

"I'm...sorry about Jen," Ty confessed quietly. "I never meant to hurt her. I thought...with her background...her knowledge...surely *she* could set me on the right path. But when it came to actually *doing* something..." He quivered again. "I couldn't, Jack. I just couldn't. And I felt so guilty... Crap. I know I said things I shouldn't. I never meant to imply she was... loose. And the 'temptation' thing..." He trailed off.

"You were *hoping* she would tempt you," Jack finished, resting his chin on Ty's head.

"God, yes," Ty conceded. "And when that failed... I know I treated her badly, and I'm sorry for that. Really sorry. I never meant to hurt her, and I should never have tried to use her, but... I didn't know what else to do!" He finished plaintively.

Jack rubbed Ty's arm, and they sat quiet a moment. Then Jack said, tentatively, "Can I just ask...why did you take Jen to the Bible study party?"

Ty groaned. "Lord. A dozen reasons." He pondered briefly. "At first because I was nervous," he conceded. "And I knew nothing would happen between us if I took her to the meeting. And I wanted to remind myself why I was with her--remind me who I was, and also to show her who I was. Because she ought to know, and in case anything happened--or didn't happen--later, I knew she would believe a religious excuse..." He squirmed, and Jack gripped comfortingly. Ty continued. "I also wanted to show her to my church friends--show them I was out with a girl, and a beautiful girl, at that--showing off, I suppose. But also to show them I wasn't sneaking around, that I was being up front with them and her, that I wasn't...using her for what I...hoped..." He trailed off, but before Jack could speak, he added, "Then, of course, I had to take her to the club to keep her interested. One big screw up from beginning to end," he finished bitterly.

Jack laid his head on Ty's, contemplating the moon-shadowed tranquility of the Chapel. A minute or so later he asked, a trifle apprehensively, "So...when did you start...questioning your beliefs?"

"When your friends stood by you, after your poem," Ty replied tightly. "When I saw them support you, especially Pacey and Joey...and Jen." He blew out a breath. "And then even Mrs. Ryan--Grams--my best ally...even she stood by you, though she didn't approve. She chastised me, you know. About you."

Jack blinked. He hadn't known, but he felt suddenly warm inside. He did have friends he wouldn't trade for any gift, even for being normal. "So my friends made you start rethinking?"

"I was so jealous of you," Ty admitted, twisting his hand in Jack's gortex. "Here I was, doing everything in my power to keep from sin, to walk the straight path, and there you were...going your own way, and I could see you were going to make it. You would get what you wanted. And I just...couldn't stand it."

"So that's why you...pursued me."

"Oh, God, Jack. I'm so sorry. For everything I said, everything I did...I just thought if I could turn you around, then all my sacrifices would mean something. I'd be...vindicated. I'd have proven that...this...." He nestled deeper. "...Was a choice. And that I'd made the right one, and stood strong, and brought you into the light. That would be a real victory.

"And if I couldn't turn you, then I could at least make you as miserable as me. I was petty enough to rejoice in that, too. Why should you be happy when I wasn't? Why did you deserve happiness more than I, when I'd worked so hard to do everything right?"

"I...guess I can understand that," Jack allowed. "But why did you follow me here? You *did* follow me, didn't you?"

Ty brushed a needle from Jack's coat. "I happened to pass by when you were on the camp website. I do have relatives in Seattle, and when I found out you were actually coming here, it was fairly easy to arrange."

"But why? I'd have thought you'd be thrilled to be rid of me."

"Thrilled? God, you really are dense, McPhee." Pulling back a little, Ty peered at him in the mottled light. "Yes, I hated you. But I couldn't...just let you go. Couldn't let you get away, somewhere you might be happy. You were like a bad tooth, Jack. I knew I should leave you alone, but I couldn't help poking and prodding...God." He dipped his head again. "I needed you, Jack. I needed to break you, or everything I believed in--thought I believed in--" He broke off, chewing his lip.

Jack tried not to think of the months of harassment. "I... guess I understand."

"Do you?" Ty demanded softly. "Do you really understand? Because that's not the only reason I followed you here, you know. Christ. I wouldn't even admit it to myself, but there's no hiding now." His hand moved, sliding under the gortex and around Jack's ribs. "I hated you, but wanted you, too, McPhee," he admitted in a strained murmur. "Every time I saw you...utter torture. But I couldn't let it go! I had to keep some connection between us... And then this place," he sighed, glancing around the serene Chapel, gentle with moonlight.

"The Chapel?"

"Secret Creek," Ty corrected. "First Travis' proclamation, then that discussion about 'Will and Grace,' with everyone seeming to accept it as normal. Then Teresa--" He paused. In the silence, Jack discerned the far-off call of an owl, and the rustle of some small creature in the underbrush.

"Teresa?" Jack finally prompted.

Ty let out his breath. "I picked her because I figured out pretty quick that she'd been raised like me--went to Bible study and all, and still believed everything. I knew she wouldn't want to go...as far as Jen did, so she was safe, and I thought... Doesn't matter. When she dumped me because of her aunt..." He shook his rumpled head. "It nearly tore me apart. If *she* didn't believe it was wrong, how could I keep pretending...? But it was tonight that put the cap on it."

"I rather figured that."

"I suppose it was fairly obvious." Gingerly, as if expecting a protest, Ty stroked Jack's ribs. Jack waited for Ty to continue talking, which at length, he did. "I saw Jason running from the corral. I'd...had a feeling about those two. Maybe it's that 'gaydar' I keep hearing about."

"Maybe." Jack tried to focus on Ty's voice, rather than his fingers.

"Anyway, I went looking, and heard you talking to Mark. So I listened." Ty swallowed. "And I just felt so...so goddamned jealous! If someone had talked to me like that, when I was that age--comforted me, helped me--... But I had no one," he claimed bleakly, hand stilling. Jack stroked his soft hair. "I know I treated Mark like crap," Ty went on, "but...it just wasn't fair! Why should he have it easy, when I had suffered? And then at Travis'..."

Suddenly Ty pulled free, shivering a little in the cool night air. He clasped arms tightly around himself, staring at the shadowed ground. "That was the last straw. Knowing Travis accepted you--had hired you in spite of what you were--... And then learning about Keith...and his...lover..." Ty's head dropped to his hands, voice choked once more. Dazed defeat was giving way once more to stricken despair. "I just couldn't fight any longer, Jack! Everything was just ripped out from under me, and there's nothing left! Who the *hell* am I? What the *hell* is there left to believe in?"

"Ty--" Jack came to his knees, reaching out.

"Oh, God! You have to take me, Jack!" Ty moaned, clutching at him. "There's *nothing* else left! If you don't take me...oh, please!" And once more Ty's mouth was on Jack's, frantic, ravenous, tongue insistent and inflaming.

Jack tried to pull away, but Ty pushed him down, straddling him. As he kissed Jack deeply and desperately, his hands yanked up Jack's shirt and slid over his muscled chest. Jack's skin quivered in response.

When Ty moved his mouth to Jack's throat, running his tongue over the hollow at the base of it, nuzzling into the curve between shoulder and jaw, Jack tried once more to make him see reason. "This is...ahh...this is wrong...God! Ty...shit! Oh... Hell! Ohhh...." Then Ty stopped Jack's mouth again with another incendiary kiss, wet, deep, melting. Jack's whole body tingled, like a shower of sparks, and when Ty's hand worked under his waistband, he let out a low, deep groan. "Oh, God! God! Ty...ahh...No! No! Shit!"

With a superhuman effort, Jack wrestled himself free, seizing Ty's hands and holding the other boy off. Ty fought him, pleading. "Please, Jack! *Please!* God, *please!*" Tears gleamed on his cheeks. "I'm *nothing!*"

Grimly Jack struggled to his feet, yanking Ty with him. "That's a load of crap, Ty, and somewhere deep down, you know it. This is not you!"

"Yes it is!!" Wailed Ty, still resisting. "It has to be! Don't you want me, Jack?"

"Oh, fuck," Jack groaned wholeheartedly. "I want you, Ty. I've been dreaming about you for weeks. About kissing you, touching you...possessing you..." He pinched his eyes against the despairing yearning in Ty's. "But I don't want you this way. Not if you're only doing it because you think there's nothing else left for you. I can't do it. I can't do that to you."

"You can!" Urged Ty, scrabbling against Jack's iron grip. "Take me! God, *please* take me!"

"No. You're coming with me," Jack declared, jerking the other boy up the slope rather awkwardly. "And it'll be easier if you stop fighting me."

"Jack--"

"No! Not like this!"

"Oh, shit!" And with a suddenness that nearly sent them tumbling back down the hill, Ty stopped struggling. His hands hung limp in Jack's. Dropping the left, Jack used the right to tug Ty along. "You don't want me," Ty asserted in dull tones, allowing Jack to guide him over the maze of fallen logs. Jack thanked God for the moonlight; he'd never retrieved his flashlight.

"Ty, you'll thank me for this later," Jack promised, grinding his teeth and stumbling over an exposed root. "Crap! Do you have a flashlight?" Without speaking, Ty delved in a pocket and produced a mini mag. "Thanks," Jack said, taking it. The going was far easier with light, and Ty allowed himself to be led without protest, staring at the ground and moving mechanically. Jack looked back from time to time, biting his lip. God. *Was* he doing the right thing? But this was too much for him to handle--he wasn't up to it, and there was too much at stake. He flashed the light on Ty's cut wrist, and noted thankfully that the blood was clotting. Next time they might not be so lucky.

All along the Ridge Trail Jack led Ty, following the pinpoint of the mini mag, oblivious to the steadfast giants around them. All Jack's energy was focused on getting them back to camp, getting Ty to Travis, and praying that Keith had not gone home tonight.

Down past Bruce's cabin, dark and silent. Past the quiet staff tents, punctuated by occasional squeaks and snores. Past the sudden brightness of TR's porch light, Ty shrinking away as if it would dissolve him. Past the empty Rainforest Cafe, the banners in the rafters fluttering gently in a breath of air. Out the gates. Up the driveway, and...yes! The two extra cars were still parked next to Keith's 4x4, and... Jack paused, suddenly steering Ty to a halt.

Most of the house lights were out, save for one dim lamp in the living room, but the porch swing moved in the darkness. Jack could just make out a figure poised there, and another in the wicker chair opposite. As Jack led Ty across the much-abused lawn, the swing stopped, and the figure rose. The wicker creaked as the other figure rose as well. Jack stopped at the steps. "Stu?" He demanded incredulously.

Leaving the chair, Stu crossed the porch and clattered down the stairs. "Your kids are fine--dead to the world. Ty's too." He glanced back at the other figure on the porch. "All yours."

Stepping forward, Luke ran a hand over his pale hair. "I swear, Stu, someday you will be burned."

Stu shrugged. "Probably. Right now, though, 'Stinky Stu' needs his sleep." Then he glanced at Jack. "Though you know where my teepee is, if you need anything."

Jack gazed back steadily. The moon was bright in the clearing made by the lawn. "I might."

"Anytime, then." With a yawn, Stu headed off.

Jack turned back to Luke. They assessed each other, then the silent Ty, face still downcast. "Stu said you might need me," Luke said mildly.

"I do," Jack nodded. "Or rather, Ty does." He urged the other boy forward, and Ty's pain-deadened eyes tore at Jack's heart. "Ty, it'll be all right," Jack promised, squeezing the inert hand. "Luke can help you. I can't." No response.

Releasing Ty, then, Jack laid hands on his shoulders. "It will be all right. It *will.* You don't have to give everything up. I don't know much about God, but if so many people believe He wouldn't condemn any kind of love, then why can't you believe that too? Believe in Him and yourself?"

Luke descended the stairs. He extended a hand. "Come on, Ty. Let's go over to the office where we can talk without waking anyone up."

Ty turned to him, eyes dull once more, then glanced back at Jack. "This...is what you want from me?" His voice held no inflection.

Swallowing, Jack nodded. "Please, Ty. Please talk to him."

Without replying, Ty dropped his head and preceded Luke towards the office. Luke flashed Jack a brief, consoling smile, then both were gone.

Jack suddenly found his legs wouldn't support him any longer. Collapsing onto the porch steps, he buried his face in his hands, and gave in to the burning in his eyes. And he didn't know if it was for Ty, or Andie, or himself.

It was a very long time before he was able to force himself upright to return to his tent. Ty and Luke were nowhere to be seen.